Babysitting Blunders
Disclaimer: I don't own either the Misfits or Charmed. This one-shot popped into my head around the same time I was writing Departures.
Summary: Paige gives Ted, Sands, Cover Girl and Shipwreck a hand in babysitting the Triplets, Spyder, and the Babies. UH-OH.
---
"Paige, I don't think that we'll be able to visit the cabin by the lake." Ted replied, "I kinda got sidled with babysitting duty while Roadblock and the Blind Master are taking the others out on a camping trip."
"Aww," Paige replied, "Why?"
"Well, two reasons. One I kinda got implicated in the Sergeant Snuffles Rocket Motor scandal and I helped Dial Tone, Dusty, and Cross Country move Hawk's car to the other side of the base and put a Klingon Bird of Prey in his parking space." Ted replied.
"Ted, last time you guys played that prank you wound up peeling potatoes for a week but you still were able to make it to our date." Paige replied.
"Well, there's something else, I'm stuck on babysitting duty as punishment for said pranks." Ted replied.
"Babysitting who, the babies?" Paige asked.
"Trinity, the Babies, not to mention looking out for Shipwreck, Sands, and the Blind Master, and the Pirates." Ted replied.
"Ouch." Paige said, "Hold on, I could come up for the weekend..."
"Paige, that's not a good idea. Especially with Sands, Shipwreck, Trinity and the Blind Master hanging about." Ted replied.
"Ted, I'm a social worker, a whitelighter, and a witch, I'm no stranger to chaos." Paige replied.
"It'll hardly be fun." Ted replied.
"I'll see you later this afternoon." Paige replied.
"Paige, I still say it isn't that good of an idea..." Ted replied.
"Ted, I'm not letting this weekend slip." Paige replied, hanging up the phone.
"Ted called to cancel?" Phoebe said, as she sipped on her morning coffee.
"He tried. He says he can't get away from the Misfits." Paige replied, "I'm going to Utah this afternoon."
Phoebe spit out her coffee, "WHAT!?"
"I'm going to Utah to spend the weekend with Ted." Paige replied, "Why are you looking at me like I just sprouted a second head?"
"You're actually, voluntarily, spending time at Misfit Manor?" Phoebe asked.
"What's going on here?" Piper asked, carrying Chris in her arms, with Wyatt toddling at her heels.
"Paige is going to Misfit Manor to spend the weekend with Ted." Phoebe replied.
"WHAT!? Paige, that's crazy!" Piper began, "You're actually going to spend a weekend in an area where even the Source of All Evil would dread to go. A place where Sanity doesn't exist for miles?"
"Hey, I'm going there to be with Ted." Paige replied, "Ow, Ted's stressed."
"How do you know what he's feeling?" Piper asked.
"I sort of formed a bond with him, the same one that I have with charges." Paige continued, "So we can sense each others emotions."
"So you formed an emphatic bond with Ted when he was here last week, before Shipwreck trashed the house?" Piper asked.
"Yes." Paige replied.
"Paige, doesn't that fall under personal gain?" Piper asked.
"More importantly, couldn't starting an emphatic bond have ramifications. I mean what if you two want me time?" Phoebe added.
"It's not like I've got a 24/7 view inside his head or he has a 24/7 view inside my head, it's so we can feel each other's emotions or presences when we want to." Paige replied, "I've been reading up on it."
"Still, casting spells you've read up on, and not knowing the ramifications..." Phoebe began.
"Ramifications aside, Paige, are you sure you want to spend a weekend at the Pit of all places?" Piper asked.
"Yes." Paige replied, as she went upstairs to pack.
---
"So Ted, bummed out about missing sneaking away to San Francisco this weekend?" Sands began.
"Yeah." Ted replied, "What was your first clue?"
"Well you're not as rearin' to go as you usually are on Fridays, about to race down the highway or teleport to the Halliwells." Sands replied.
"Well." Ted replied, picking up a folding pad, "I'm off to go try a few climbs on that big boulder that Lance dislodged on his last sleep terraforming incident. I've been wanting to climb it for a week..."
Ted walked outside, about twenty minutes later Paige orbed into the kitchen. "Where's Ted?"
"He stepped outside for a while." Sands replied.
"Wow, this is a whole new you." Paige commented, "You've actually gone five minutes without saying some insult."
"Let's just say I'm not in a particularly witty mood." Sands replied, "It's an electrifying change..."
"Hmm..." Paige replied as she walked outside.
"OWWW!!" Sands shouted when Paige was out of earshot, "Stupid, stupid electrical leech...YOWW!!!"
---
"So tell me again, how does this thing work?" Cover Girl asked the Blind Master.
"I noticed Trinity had invented a wonderful device. It has a built in microchip that detects any even vaguely insulting remarks and gives the user a little shock." Blind Master replied.
"OK." Cover Girl replied, "That's ingenious, but why did you do it?"
Blind Master replied, "Sands does have a habit of insulting Paige or any of the Halliwell sisters whenever he's within forty feet of one."
"Really, are you sure Ted didn't pay you? Bribe you? Was he expecting Paige to show up?" Cover Girl asked.
"No on all counts." Blind Master said.
"So what do you stand to gain from making sure Sands doesn't drive Paige crazy this weekend?" Cover Girl asked.
"Well, he did sneak out to the bar when Shipwreck accidentally gave Claudius and Barney some of B.A.'s Chilli last week. He basically left me holding the diaper bag along with Shipwreck." Blind Master said, "Revenge is a meal best served cold."
---
"Ted!" Paige said.
"WHOA!" Ted replied, losing his grip on the side of the boulder and falling about six feet onto the thick pad.
"Are you OK?" Paige asked.
"Yeah, you just startled me, that's all." Ted replied, dusting himself off, "And besides I wasn't that high up. I was just hanging around the rock. Bouldering just involves low level climbing without a rope. That means safety's a fall away. "
"OK, your pathological obsession with climbing aside..." Paige replied as Ted took her in both arms and kissed her.
"Not that I'm unhappy to see you, but what are you doing here?" Ted asked Paige.
"I came to be with you." Paige replied.
"This isn't exactly the sanest place in the world." Ted replied.
"And that's different from being a Charmed One how?" Paige replied, "I see weird, off the wall, crazy things all the time. The Misfits are no different."
"Well there aren't too many of us here today. Roadblock decided to take the Pirates and most of the other Misfits with the exception of Trinity, Spyder and the Babies to an island in the Pacific for a camping trip." Ted replied.
The two walked back towards Misfit Manor. "Where have you been?" Shipwreck asked.
"Elsewhere." Ted replied.
"Paige when did you get here?" Shipwreck asked.
"About five minutes ago." Paige replied.
"What's going on?" Ted asked.
"The Triplets are nowhere to be seen." Shipwreck said.
"That's scary. They've been quiet and nothing has exploded, caught fire, or chaos hasn't reigned supreme." Ted replied.
"Why do I get the feeling the other shoe is about drop?" Ted replied.
"Or that we're about to do a double take?" Paige replied.
Blind Master was currently carrying Claudius in his arms, and Cover Girl had Baby Beaky as they walked into the room.
"Have you seen the Triplets, or Sands anywhere?" Ted asked.
"Sands is watching the TV, and we haven't seen Trinity for almost an hour." Blind Master said.
"Hi there, did you miss us?" Trinity said as they walked into the room.
Paige could feel Ted was definitely on edge about something. "Are you alright?" Paige whispered.
"This is almost creepy. Nothing's exploded or caught fire, nor any silliness hasn't resulted." Ted replied, "I was half afraid they snuck off somewhere and caused mayhem and chaos."
"Come to think of it, Trinity not being up to something is very disconcerting." Paige replied.
"MMM!! MMMM! MMM!! MM!!!" the sound filtered from above the staircase.
"What's that sound?" Ted asked.
The sound of electricity flowing could be heard from upstairs. CSSSISSSSS ZAAAPP!!!!
"In other news, Bayville Police are investigating a missing person's case. Duncan Matthews has been reported as missing..." The TV began.
"MMMPH!!!!" ZZAPP!!!!!!
"MMMMPPPHHHH!!!!"
"Girls," Shipwreck asked, "What have you done now?"
WHAM! WHUMP!!!
"Uhmm, tee hee..." Trinity replied.
"You do realize that kidnapping is a federal offense." Paige replied.
"And even if it is Duncan, girls, you can't just torture the daylights out of him just because he's a nasty, rotten, vile bigot." Shipwreck said.
"Oh yeah?" Daria said, hands on her hips, "You and Jack Sparrow beat up on his gang in San Francisco before Ted and Paige got all kissy faced."
Ted blushed red.
"MMMMPPPHHH!!!!! OUCCHH!!!!" Duncan screamed as the sound of fire could be heard.
"That was a one time thing." Shipwreck said, "You can't just go drag people here and torture them."
The sound of Buster Poindexter's Feeling Hot Hot Hot echoed from upstairs and the sound of more fire being sprayed could be heard.
"Dad, you're not the best example either." Quinn replied, "You and the Pirates made Duncan walk the plank into the tank full of piranhas in San Francisco."
"I was innocent. The Pirates stole my teleportation watch." Shipwreck replied.
"Feeling HOT! HOT! HOT!" The song continued.
"OW! HOT HOT HOT!!!!" Duncan shouted.
"Oh yeah, what about the time that you guys put him in a KKK outfit and duct taped him to a bench outside that Black Panthers meeting." Brittany said.
"That's different. We didn't put him in the piranha tank long enough for them to eat him completely alive. And we teleported him away before the Black Panthers beat him up." Shipwreck said.
Paige orbed upstairs to Trinity's room. "OH NO!!!" Ted shouted and ran upstairs, "PAIGE! HANG ON!!!"
Ted promptly tackled the door to Trinity's room with a mechanical breaching kit before charging in and promptly being electrocuted by the door jamb. He imagined any number of insane inventions charring, burning, or injuring Paige as he continued attacking the door.
Finally he got the door open only to see several Richard Simmons Robots yelling, "Sweat to the '80s!"
"Paige!?" Ted shouted.
"I'm OK." Paige said, "You don't have to kick the door down."
"You might've warned me before I got electrocuted breaking down the door." Ted replied.
"WILL YOU TWO QUIT HAVING YOUR LOVER'S SPAT AND SAVE ME!!!" Duncan shouted from the table he was strapped to.
Paige and Ted headed for Duncan and unstrapped him. Duncan looked like a plucked chicken about to be tossed into the stewpot. Just then claws descended from the ceiling and tore the clothes off of Duncan and Ted.
"Oh..." Paige remarked.
"Nice boxers." Duncan sneered at Ted's boxers with tiny Canadian flags all over them.
"Wow, I didn't know they made tighty whitey's that size." Ted remarked, "Where did you buy them, Hanes' plus size line?"
"Ahem." Paige continued. Both men tried to find sheets, a towel or anything to cover exposed shorts.
"Ted, it's not like you're wearing anything I haven't seen before." Paige remarked. Duncan laughed.
"And you, Mr. FOH, are really much ado about nothing..." Paige continued, before orbing Duncan back to Bayville.
Remind me to get back at that Matthews chick when I get the chance...Duncan thought before Paige orbed him.
"Woo woo woo woo woo..." Klondike said, making suspiciously laugh-like sounds as he walked into the room.
"Hi Klondike." Paige said, crouching down and giving the Siberian Husky a good pat and scratch behind the ears and getting a very slobbery Husky kiss in reply, "Ick, sorry Klondike I've already got a boyfriend."
"Woo woo woo woo woo woo." Klondike wooed.
A few moments later Ted got dressed. "So what's next on the agenda?" Paige asked.
"Dinner." Ted replied.
"BAGGA! WHEE!!" Came the shout and food went flying, nailing Ted right in the face.
"Mashed potatoes." Ted replied, "How nice."
Jack Jack laughed gleefully. "He learned that from a pro." Shipwreck said. Cover Girl elbowed him in the side, "OW!"
Claudius, Barney, and Jack Jack were being fed, or trying to be fed. There was more food splattered everywhere than eaten.
"Now I know why they have such big bowls..." Paige remarked as Claudius sat there with a big blob of oatmeal in his hair.
"So what can we do to keep the kids entertained?" Shipwreck asked.
"How about a movie." Paige replied.
"That will work." Shipwreck replied.
"But what movie?" Ted asked.
"How about Debbie Does Dallas?" Shipwreck replied.
"Shipwreck!? There are kids in the house." Cover Girl exclaimed.
"But Debbie Does Dallas is educational." Shipwreck replied.
"Something nice, maybe a Disney film." Paige replied.
"Disney! Disney!" Claudius and Barney shouted.
----
Sometime later the group was sitting in the living room watching Beauty and the Beast. Paige was curled up on the love seat next to Ted. She rested her head on his shoulder, Ted's arm around her waist. She snuggled up closer, her lips inches from his. Just to hold on to Paige, to feel her body through the thin material of her clothing was something he always treasured. He turned towards her and tenderly kissed Paige on the lips.
"Hey you two, quit canoodling!" Brittany began.
"Yeah, you yell at us for kissing boys and you two are practically making out over there." Quinn began.
"We weren't making out!" Ted protested, "We were just cuddling."
"But we innocent little girls won't know the difference..." Daria replied.
"Yeah, you're setting a bad example Ted..." Quinn continued.
"We're not allowed to smooch anyone." Spyder said with a huff.
"Yeah what kind of an example are you setting for the girls?" Shipwreck asked.
"Shipwreck, since when were you a ever a good example." Ted replied.
"Shh, this is the good part anyway." Paige said, leaning her head on Ted's shoulder as the song 'Beauty and the Beast' began to play. Ted had his arms around Paige as the scene where Belle and the Beast began to dance together, smiling at her as he held her close to him.
Shipwreck and Cover Girl had Barney between them as they sat on the larger couch. The girls were sitting on another couch in the living room with Sands listening to the TV.
"Sheesh. We're reduced to watching sentimental Disney flicks? Lord all mighty." Sands groaned, "Couldn't we have just watch Debbie does Dallas, this is such a stupid...YEERRAAAGGGHHH!!!!!!"
"I hate the Blind Master..." Sands grumbled. ZZZZAAPPP!!!!
Claudius yawned sleepily, and Barney followed suit. The two boys were beginning to fall asleep. Shipwreck smiled at both his boys as they leaned against each other, head to head, asleep.
"Ain't it cute?" Shipwreck said, smiling at his two sons.
Despite herself Cover Girl smiled at the babies. "It is." Cover Girl smiled. Shipwreck was definitely a good father despite his somewhat thick skulled and dimwitted ways.
Cover Girl watched as Paige and Ted snuggled up to each other, smiling. Paige is a lucky woman to have Ted dote on her like that. I want what they have, but I never seem to find Mr. Right. Cover Girl thought.
"Hey you two, get a room." Shipwreck remarked as Ted fished for a kiss from Paige.
Cover Girl glared at Shipwreck. "What? There are little kids in the room." Shipwreck replied.
"You are impossible sometimes, do you know that, Hector." Cover Girl replied.
Presently the movie ended.
---
Ted watched from his bed as Paige walked towards the bed, clad only in one of his shirts. She climbed into bed beside him and Ted tenderly kissed her lips.
"See, who said that me being around Misfit Manor was a bad thing?" Paige said, smiling.
Ted smiled back at her, "I know."
Ted kissed her again, as he put a hand on her abdomen, slowly sliding it upward as he kissed her deeply. "You are impossible when you want cuddle time, you know that?" Paige replied.
"Well you can't expect me to be chaste with you in the same room." Ted replied.
Paige smiled at Ted, warmly yet teasingly as she slid closer to him, hooking one leg behind Ted's back. "I love you." Paige said, as she fingered a particularly ugly looking battle scar at the junction between Ted's neck and shoulder.
"What happened?" Paige asked and instantly wondered if she killed the mood. There were still things in Ted's past that she knew were traumatic.
Ted saw the look of pained regret on Paige's face and gently cupped her chin, "It's OK. For some reason when I'm with you it doesn't hurt nearly as much to talk about the past. I got that scar at Beit Lehem when we were assigned to break a riot." Ted replied, "A rioter threw a Molotov cocktail at us and I caught a chunk of glass by my neck."
Ted noticed the chain around Paige's neck, a small silver one. "It's the half of your dogtag(1)." Paige explained, "I used to keep it in my pocket, but I lose things too easily like that, so I had a necklace made."
"Paige," Ted replied, "I don't know what to say or how to say it, but I've never felt this close to a woman in my life. I thank God every day that you came into my life, regardless of what I've done."
Paige could feel the emotion through the emphatic link she and Ted shared, it was almost overwhelming, the depths of his feelings for her.
She kissed him deeply, closing her eyes as he drew her as close as he could...BOOM!
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF JEHOVAH WAS THAT!?" Ted bellowed angrily. There was an enormous hole where part of his wall used to be.
Standing on the other side of the hole were Trinity and Spyder with what looked suspiciously like an explosive device.
"What were you doing besides spying on us?" Ted shouted.
"Uhm, do you want the truth or a lie?" Trinity asked.
"The truth, ladies." Ted replied.
"Nice boxers." Spyder said, "The Canadian flags are a nice touch."
"Listen, you can't just listen in on people." Paige began, "It's not right..."
"And what were you experimenting with anyway?" Ted asked.
"Uhm, I think Klondike dug up some of that old, runny dynamite that Shipwreck buried in the back yard." Spyder began, "And brought it up here. And Quinn and I were arguing about Multiple and I kinda shot a web that lit the dynamite..."
"And you very well could have..." Paige began.
Claudius and Barney wailed from the next room, "Woken up the babies." Paige finished.
The sound of pounding from Spyder's closet could be heard and from it emerged Multiple, wrapped up in duct tape. "MMMMM!!!"
"Oh no...Yet another kidnapping..." Ted groaned just as the phone rang downstairs.
"Something tells me this is going to be a long weekend..." Paige groaned.
----
END
1.Ted gave half of his Israeli Border Guard dog tag to Paige in Chapter Seven of Meet the Incredibles.