Hello again! I made a new story! Yay! Sorry...anyway, this takes place a little while before A Tale of Two Idiots, so I guess it's kinda a prequel.
It popped into my head, so I just had to write it down. It's what Xemnas does every single day of his little nobody life...and besides, he's so much fun to torture!
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or anything else you're going to read here.
A Day in the Life of Organization XIII
Chapter 1
Xemnas
Beep…beep…beep.
It was around nine in the morning, but Xemnas still felt tired. After all, last night had been Poker Night! Xemnas, Xigbar, Xaldin, Lexaeus, Saix and Luxord had all gotten drunk and played about six rounds of Poker, after everyone else went to sleep. They all had dropped dead around four in the morning, due to there consecutive amount of partying and singing "99 Bottles of Rum on the Wall".
Beep…beep…beep.
"Shut the damn alarm clock up!" Xigbar yelled from his sleeping area, which was on top of Luxord's closet.
Lexaeus got up from the floor, and smashed the poor, defenseless piece of machinery to bits.
"…3 bottles of -hic- rum on the wall, 3 bottles of -hic- rum, take one down, -hic- pass it around, 2 bottles of rum -hic- on the wall…" Saix mumbled, still sitting at the poker table, drinking rum.
"That was one heck of a night, eh?" Luxord said, getting out from under the bed.
"Let's do it again tonight!" Xaldin said, getting off of the dresser.
"Maybe some other time, Xaldin. I think I heard that Axel and Roxas were planning to sneak some rum away…" Xemnas said, getting off of the bar tabletop.
"See ya'll at breakfast then," Lexaeus said, going to the kitchen.
"Come now, Saix. You can go back to the fairy world another time," Xigbar said, trying to drag Saix out of the room.
"Okay! Bye-bye Apple Pie! You too Caramel!" Saix said as he waved to the poker table, where the "fairies" were.
"He really needs some help," Luxord whispered to Xemnas as they made there way to the dining room.
In the dining room, there was a long table where they ate. What else would they do there anyway? He he…
At one side of the table, Xemnas; at the very end; Luxord, Xigbar, Lexaeus, Vexen, Xaldin, and Saix (who was still in Fairy World) sat. On the other side, somewhere in the middle, Demyx, Zexion, Larxene, Marluxia, Axel and Roxas sat.
"Pass the butter you sadist," Axel said to Larxene, who threw it in his face.
"Call me a sadist one more time and I'll throw my knifes at you!" Larxene yelled.
An evil grin appeared on Axel's butter coated face. "Whatever you say, sadist."
"That's IT!"
"Both of you, cut it out!" Xemnas yelled, looking up from his blueberry pancakes.
"Yes sir," they both sat down, glaring death glares at each other.
"You know, I think we should play poker again tonight. It'll clear your mind," Luxord said, stuffing his face with muffins.
"No, I'm busy. I have to send more Dusks out so they could do evil things," Xemnas said. It was only ten o'clock, but he already had a headache.
"Whatever," Xigbar said, sticking his face in the bacon.
One hour later, Xemnas went to his car (which was a black truck), hopeing to make a quick getaway to the supermarket without getting caught by the other members. He got into the drivers seat and started the car. Fifteen minutes later he got a nasty surprise.
"Wazz up, Superior?"
Xemnas quickly turned around, nearly getting a heart attack. But he couldn't, cause he didn't have a heart. Poor Xemnas, he couldn't go to the ER now.
"Demyx! How'd you get here?" Xemnas asked the crazed musician.
Demyx crawled up to the passenger seat. "Well, lets see. First a Heartless took my heart, then I turned into a Nobody, then I found my way to The Castl-"
"Not like that, you idiot! I meant, how did you get in my car!"
Demyx laughed to himself. "That's a long story…"
"Tell me now or I'll toss you into oblivion!" Xemnas was getting really mad. His day was going to turn into a living hell, he just knew it.
Demyx gulped. "It was Axel and Roxas! I swear! I didn't do anything!"
"Oh, I'm sure you were an innocent little angel, right?" Xemnas said sarcastically, continuing to drive to the supermarket.
"I knew you were going to believe me! You see, they jumped me when I was making my way to the bathroom. Then they stuck a dirty sock in my mouth, and man did it stink! It smelled like cow shi-"
"Get on with the story," Xemnas said, desperately wanting to throw Demyx in a alligator infested river.
"Well, they tied me up and threw me into your car. They wanted to throw me in Larxene's car, hoping that she'd kill me, but her car wasn't there, thank god, so they put me in your car instead!"
"Oh joy, I'm so happy she didn't get the chance to kill you," Xemnas said, sarcasm dripping off of every word.
"You love me! You really love me!" Demyx yelled, hugging the Superior to death.
"Can't…breath…stop…hugging…ME!" Xemnas yelled, making Demyx sit back in his seat.
Silence. It was actually quite. But it only lasted for five minutes.
"What now?" Xemnas turned to find Demyx moving around in his seat.
"You know how I said that I was going to the bathroom, but Axel and Roxas jumped me, so I couldn't?"
"Yeah…" Xemnas didn't like where this was going.
"Well, I have to go really bad!" Demyx said, looking uncomfortable. "Do you, by any chance, have an empty beer bottle?"
Xemnas looked shocked. "And what are you going to do with that?"
Demyx looked up, smiling a very evil smile. "I saw this movie once, some guy pissed in a beer bottle, and a cop pulled them over. The cop took the beer bottle, drank it, and pissed himself."
"That's the last time you're watching any late night movies," Xemnas said, ready to throw up. "We're almost there, can't you wait?"
"No, I really can't."
"Just shut up and think of something else."
"I'll try…"
They finally managed to get to the parking lot without Xemnas going crazy (he was very close to going crazy though).
Xemnas got out of his car, but noticed that Demyx wasn't following him. He turned around and saw Demyx staring at the passenger seat, eyes wide.
"Demyx, what-" Xemnas stared in horror at the seat.
"Opps…" Demyx said, still staring at the seat.
"Opps? OPPS! You took a crap on my new leather passenger seat, and 'opps' is the only thing you can say! Why I ought to…" Xemnas yelled, ready to beat the living snot out of the idiot musician.
"Xemnas, remember what the doctor said! Remember you have very high blood pressure and that you shouldn't yell like that!" Demyx said, slowing backing away.
"'Remember what the doctor said' my ass," Xemnas said, grabbing some rope.
"No…NO!"
Around one, Xemnas got back, smiling to himself in a really creepy way. He walked past Marluxia, who was watering some roses near the entrance of the castle.
"La, la, la la la! Oh, hello Superior! What are you so happy about?" The flower loving man asked as Xemnas walked past, looking like a mad man.
As Xemnas walked into the castle, Marluxia heard singing coming from the inside of Xemnas's trunk on his truck.
"I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me, happy: good, anger: bad, that's my philosophy,
I can't do this man, I'm not happy, I'm really special cause there's only one of me,
Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy other people are jealous of me,"
Marluxia pulled out his scythe and slowly walked up to the back of the truck as the person continued singing.
"I'm special, I'm happy, I'm gonna heap. Welcome to my happy world, now get your shit and leave,
I'm happy, I'm good, I'm…I'm oughta here, screw you."
"Why you…" Marluxia said as he started beating up the trunk.
"No! No, stop! It's me, Demyx! Somebody help! Xemnas tied me up and put me in here! HELP!"
Xemnas sat back in his armchair, shipping his cup of extra strong coffee. Having tooken care of Demyx, he had nothing else to do but sit around, doing nothing. Ha, so much peace and relaxation.
But it only lasts for so long.
"EVIL BUNNIES WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD! STARTING WITH ORGANIZATION Xlll! MUWHAHAHAHAHA!"
"GO ROT IN THE UNDERWORLD, YOU DUMB BUNNIES!"
Xemnas walked into the hall, only to see Larxene surrounded by cute little white, gray, brown, and/or black bunnies. Did I mention that they were armed?
Larxene looked up and saw Xemnas. "Superior, help! Rabid bunnies have infiltrated the castle! And they're gonna eat me!"
"B-but they're so cute!" Xemnas said, picking up a black one (little did he know, he picked up their leader!) "Aren't you cute!"
"Eat me," the bunny said, staring at Xemnas with red eyes.
Just then, they all heard someone walking toward them. It turned out to be Axel and Roxas.
"But Axel! I had a dream last night…and it was about evil bunnies wanting to take over the Organization!" Roxas said, yanking Axel's sleeve.
"Yeah, sure. And Xemnas is gonna think the leader bunny is cute, right?" Axel said sarcastically as they came across Xemnas and Larxene, surrounded by bunnies.
"I spoke too soon," Axel said as Roxas started to fight the bunnies. "I told you! I told you all! But no, I'm just crazy for thinking the Organization is being taken over by RABID BUNNIES!" Roxas yelled, hitting the bunnies as fast as he could.
"Ugh, I'll get backup!" Axel yelled, running out of the room.
As Xemnas got out his lightsaber things, the rabid bunny bit his hand.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Xemnas said, dropping his weapons.
The bunny pointed it's fluffy paws at Xemnas and broke down laughing.
"You evil little creeps! Die! I command you to DIE!" he yelled, hitting them as the rest of the members appeared to help.
"Man, did anyone give Xemnas his crazy pills this morning?" Roxas asked as they all stared at their cracked Superior.
"I warned him about his blood pressure, but he stuck me in his trunk," Demyx said, an ice block being held on the side of his head.
"Should we save him?" Vexen asked.
They all looked at each other as Xemnas got mugged by the bunnies, who were calling in extra help. "Nah…"
Two hours and six exterminators later, they managed to get rid of all the bunnies, who had escaped from a nearby laboratory.
"Just you wait, we will have our REVENGE!" the leader bunny yelled, sticking his head out of his own personal cage.
"Bad bunny, no carrots for you!" Saix yelled, still completely drunk. The rabid bunny yelled out one final no as the scientists took them all away.
"My mom was right," Axel said, shaking his head.
"What?" Roxas said.
"Anything that's rabid is evil. Especially Larxene."
Larxene glared at Axel, foaming at the mouth. "Run away!" Axel yelled, running into the castle with Larxene close behind.
"Better go and give Larxene her medicine," Roxas said, pulling out a tranquilizer gun and running after the two nobodies.
"Rabid Bunnies! What else is going to happen today?" Xemnas asked himself as he walked through the hallway, making sure everyone was behaving themselves. But then he heard noise coming from Axel's room.
"Come on Roxas! Let's go into town, this place is as boring as the underworld," Xemnas heard Axel say.
"Man, you are so lucky! I'm the only one in the Organization that doesn't have a car!"
"Well, your lucky that I'm here. Grab this robe and jump out the window before someone finds out what we're doing."
Xemnas sighed in relief. At least those two won't make any more trouble around here, he thought as he continued down the hall.
He finished patrolling the halls, and all had been normal. Saix was drinking illegal wine, Zexion was listening to some music (he wouldn't say which), and Luxord was playing strippoker with Xigbar and Xaldin. Yeah, everything was normal…as normal as it ever got around here.
The doorbell rang, so Xemnas made his way to the front of the castle. As he got closer, he heard voices.
"Okay, are you sure you live here?" someone asked.
"No, we lived next door with those ladies," another person said, and that person sounded like Axel.
"Yeah, we just went to the store to get some stuff," Roxas said humorously.
"So alcohol is 'some stuff' right?"
Xemnas opened the door to find a cop standing with Axel and Roxas handcuffed next to him.
"Are these two yours?" the cop asked, pointing at the two morons.
Xemnas looked at them, then shock his head.
"What? Superior! Don't you recognize us?" Roxas asked, pouting.
"It's us! You know, the two idiots that prank everyone!" Axel said.
"I've never seen these two before in my life," Xemnas said, slamming the door shut and walking away, hearing the cop attempting to take them down to the big house.
An hour before dinner, Xemnas decided to watch the news in his black armchair. He looked through the channels. A robbery here, a mugging there, it was complete chaos in Dark City. All of a sudden…
"We interrupt this program to bring you a special new bulletin. There is a high-speed pursuit in the west side of Dark City. A flame colored sports car is raging through the street at 100 miles-per-hour. There is a red-headed man driving like a drunk madman, and a hyper blonde kid next to him. If you see them, please call the cops. Thank you. Also, please me sure to donate some donuts to us. We really need some."
Xemnas slapped himself on the forehead. He should have known that they were gonna do that.
In a blink of an eye, a large red car flew into the living through the window, stopping right next to where Xemnas was sitting. The smoke cleared, and Axel and Roxas stepped out of the car to find Xemnas sitting in his armchair, on the brink of insanity.
"Heheheh, hey Superior," Axel said.
"What you doing?" Roxas asked, laughing to himself.
Xemnas's head slowly turned toward them, and if looks could kill, both Axel and Roxas would be dead.
"Look, we're sorry, it's just that-" Axel was cut of as Xemnas got up and made his way toward them, about to do something that would scar them for life.
Dinnertime. Finally. The Organization sat where they sat that morning, eating quietly. Xemnas's eyes were twitching, so nobody wanted to bother him in fear that he'll explode. Axel and Roxas were sitting arcoss from one another, eyes wide with horror.
"I don't want to know, do I?" Luxord asked Xemnas, who was eating a chickens leg.
"Trust me, you don't," he repiled, giving Axel and Roxas the evil eye.
Axel began shaking, and picked up a bowl of mashed potatoes. Then he threw it at Xemnas.
But, he had very bad aim, and hit Xigbar instead.
"Why you little…" Xigbar said, taking an apple and throwing it back.
And so, the food fight began! There was chicken, pork, ham, beef, salad, ribs, and everything else you can imagine all over the floor, table, and walls. There was pudding in Larxene's hair, salad dressing all over Marluxia, and basically, they all had food all over themselves.
"Boy, that was fun, wasn't it?" Roxas said, laughing with Axel.
"Did you see the Superior? Man, he was ticked!"
"Ticked? TICKED! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THAT YET! OH, YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT NOW!" Xemnas shouted. He was right, this day had turned into a living hell all right. And now he was getting revenge.
"Run for your lives!" Axel yelled, running down a random hallway while Roxas went another way, trying to get away from Xemnas's wrath.
The Superior walked down the hall, making his was to Luxord's room. He entered without knocking. Looking around, he saw Luxord, Saix. Xigbar, Xaldin, and Lexaeus getting ready to play poker.
"M-mind if I j-join y-you?" Xemnas asked, shaking and twitching all over.
"Yay! Look Apple Pie, Caramel, Xemnas is back!" Saix said to his "fairies".
"99 bottles of rum on the wall, 99 bottles of rum, take one down, pass it around…" Xaldin started as Lexaeus sang along.
"Told you," Luxord said while Xemnas sat down.
"Shut up and start," he said.
And so, another night of playing poker and getting drunk. The others must have enjoyed listening to them singing all night. Ha!
The song Demyx was singing is called (I think) The Happy Song. I foundit on YouTube. If you want to see it, go to YouTube and type in "Demyx Sings The Happy Song".
BTW, does anyone know what movie I got the 'pissing in a beer bottle' from? I know, but do you? R&R!