I don't know where this idea came from, but it suddenly was there. Please let me know what you think of it!
„Captain Reagan's here, Commissioner."
A frown appeared on the commissioner's forehead, causing the young trainee secretary to add, "he looks good. I mean, of course he always does" she smiled, "but I know by now when he's worried. And he's not. Today."
Involuntarily, the commissioner smiled. "Show him in." Turning around to the shelf where the scotch had been hidden since the days of her great-grandfather, she said, "Your daughter's about to outsmart you, uncle Jamie."
"I know she does." Jamie sighed as he walked over to kiss Nicki on the cheek. Years ago it had frustrated him that she and her cousins grew taller than he was, but that misery had quickly disappeared when Jack towered over Danny as well. "But not in the point that she thinks I don't know about her and Poole's godson. Poole, for heaven's sake."
Nicki shook her head as she poured him a glass and sniffed longingly. Five more months. She was no heavy drinker, never had been, but since she wasn't allowed to drink she missed it.
Missed the evenings at her grandfather's house when they had discussed about how to survive the academy, how to run the city, which dress to choose for her wedding… how to cope with killing somebody, later on. How to protect the happy life of innocent people when grief tore you apart.
Jamie read his niece's thoughts as he always had. "He had a wonderful life, Nicki. And ninety is not a bad age. For all it's worth, we did what we could and he was ready. I know that doesn't help with missing him but you've got to remember it."
"I know." Absentmindedly, Nicki's hands moved over her small belly where another Henry was growing inside. A Henry whom the other Henry, her great-grandfather, PC before Frank Reagan, PC before Matthew McKennis who had left his post to her five years ago. The first female Police Commissioner in New York, the third in the United States.
Henry Reagan had lived to see Nicki's promotion, and also Erin's to Attorney General eight years ago.
He had seen Jamie marrying Anthony Renzulli's niece Catherine who happened to work with Linda, and having three children with her. He had seen Linda and Danny becoming grandparents from Jack and his high-school love Brooke, and Sean's coming out when he first brought Jason to family dinner. He had seen his son finding happiness again with Elisabeth Margulies, a former witness to the murder of a police officer.
She knew. He had had a beautiful life, and a peaceful death – he simply fell asleep one night in his favorite chair in the living room, long after Frank had gone to bed. He went quiet and alone, but not lonely.
"I just wish I could still talk to him" she murmured, rubbing her face. Jamie still was the only person – apart from her husband, that was, but David was at the other end of the continent right now – she allowed to see behind the façade. To see behind the strong woman that ran the NYPD and find the little girl she sometimes felt she still was.
"There's another thing" she admitted, "and actually I'm not really sure if I can tell you."
"Of course you can!" Jamie seemed honestly distraught, and Nicki couldn't help but smile. He would never stop protecting her, nor his family, nor anybody else. "Not because I don't trust you" she quickly said and winked, "only because maybe the someone I'm talking about wants to tell you in person. It wasn't easy for him… I heard." Smiling as innocently as she could Nicki waited for the penny to drop. When Jamie's eyes went wide with shock, she nodded solemnly.
"Danny?"
"Came this morning to quit." Nicki sighed. "You know I'm happy for Linda and all, and he hasn't ever regained his full form after that knee wound, but…" She bit her lips.
Jamie smiled. "But you grew up with five Reagans in the force and now there's only two left?"
"Exactly." She reached out for Jamie's hand and squeezed it. "Not to mean I don't appreciate your service, captain. And I do feel safe and… well and…" she shook her head, searching for better words.
Jamie laughed. "Very convincing, boss. Please tell me you won't give a press conference today."
Finally, Nicki laughed with him. "Nope, as far as I know I'm spared of that. Actually I have no idea what to do, with David still in San Francisco… I could talk to Sara about Poole if you want me to. But I'm not going to talk her out of it, I'm warning you." Jamie's eldest child was her goddaughter, serving her three days of job practicing ordered by the school in Nicki's office. She was doing good, but…
"A penny for your thoughts, commissioner." Jamie was still holding her hand.
Nicki grinned. "Don't hate me. But I just thought… Sara's not cut out for the job. I know, I know" she added when he started laughing, "Danny used to say that about the two of us as well, but…"
"Not about you, just me." Jamie shrugged. "But I think you're right. She's a Reagan so it's in her blood but there are other things calling for her." He smiled at the thought of his daughter. "Whatever it is I hope she'll find it."
"Well, she's still got time. Think about how long it took you to realize it."
"Thanks for that, boss." Laughing, Jamie stood up. "Anyway, Nicki, you're not gonna talk to Sara. Not tonight. We've got a retiring party to plan. Cat takes all the kids, so Linda, Jack, Sean, Brooke and Jason are free. I suggest beer and ribs, Molly's at eight. And I know I can't order you around but your attendance is mandatory." He kissed his niece's hand and turned to the door.
"You knew it!" Nicki didn't know whether she should be angry or not.
Jamie bowed. "Admitted. We've been talking about it for quite a while. And I don't know how much time he's spent talking to Joe and grandpa. He knows what he's doing. Hell, he should know, at least, he's fifty-seven! And, as to less Reagans at the force" he paused, smiling as he thought back.
Things had changed a lot, and not all changes had been good. But that was life, wasn't it?
And all in all, Captain Jamie Reagan knew, he was a very lucky man.
"I know it's hard. I can't imagine the pressure you're under, Nicki, but I know that you can do this. You are strong, and clever, and you are never, never alone. You'll always have us, and that's the Reagans as well as all cops out there. We're all human, that's what makes us good."
"Or bad" Nicki couldn't help but answer, too much daughter to her mother.
Jamie nodded. "Or bad. But then there's always someone good around to get us back to the right path. Always" he repeated, pointing upwards.
Smiling, Nicki looked up, trying to see through walls and clouds up to where her uncle, her great-grandfather and her grandmother were, and many others she was missing, and many more others she had no idea about.
"I've known you for more than thirty-three years now. I know you can do this, I know you can do anything you want."
"Thank you, uncle Jamie."
"Always, Nick." He smiled.
"So, Molly's at eight?"
"Yes, commissioner."
Nicki took a deep breath. When Danny had told her about his resignation it had felt like another world's end. But what if it wasn't? What if it just was… another chapter?
Great god, she really was looking forward for when her baby was born. Missing coffee drove her crazy. And philosophic, which they had declared to be David's job. The thought of her husband made Nicki smile again. If life and time hadn't kept changing she would never have met him, and so far he had been the best chapter of her life.
Yet.
"Alright, captain. I'll be there."