Chapter 01: Painful memories
Georgiana Darcy sighed wearily. Since coming back from Kent, her beloved brother Fitzwilliam was not the same. He has always been somewhat introspective, but now he was downright incommunicative. He locked himself in his library for hours only to go out for urgent business. He retreated behind a facade that nothing could penetrate. His vacant gazes and total silence for sometimes days at a time were testimony in themselves of his despondence. After two weeks of this, Georgiana had had enough and resolved to confront the bear with which she lived presently.
"Fitzwilliam." She said when she saw preparing to lock himself once more.
"Georgiana, excuse me; I have business to attend to." And the library door began to close.
"FITZWILLIAM ANDREW GEORGE DARCY!" cried Georgiana in a rare fit of anger "If you close that door on me, I will never talk to you again."
Darcy astonished at the cry at his usually calm and unassuming sister opened the door wider and let Georgiana walk in. He then seated himself in one the chairs and put his head in his hands. Georgiana came towards him and thus began: "Brother, please tell me what bothers have not been the same since you came back from Rosings. What happened there? Please tell me what it is. I can't bear to see you like this. Please, Fitzwilliam!"
"Georgiana, you had better make yourself comfortable. What I have to tell will take time."
Georgiana seated herself beside her brother and waited expectantly.
Part A: A young lady from Hertfordshire.
"To understand my mood, I need to come back some months sooner. As you know, Bingley has rented an estate in Hertfordshire called Netherfield. He was very pleased with it and I considered it good enough for his first attempts as a landowner. A few days after our arrival, we went to an assembly in the little town nearby, Meryton.
There we became acquainted with the Bennets of Longbourn and their five daughters. Bingley immediately became attracted to the eldest of the Bennet sisters, Miss Jane. He was soon quite a favourite among the local people. As for me, you know very well how I fare in a crowd and I refused as many introductions as I could, thinking them below me and not worth my consideration. I was soon very little liked and left alone. After dancing with Miss Jane Bennet, Bingley came to see me and tried to talk to me into dancing. I refused. He pointed the second eldest Bennet sister Miss Elizabeth..." he sighed on her name and Georgiana had a very strong feeling that her brother's mood has to do with this particular woman.
"Miss Elizabeth was without partner and I refused to dance with her saying..." he stopped once more unwilling to repeat to his sister his cruel and thoughtless remark.
"What did you say, Fitzwilliam?" prompted gently Georgiana.
"I said she was tolerable but not handsome to tempt me. And that I was no humour to give consequence to young ladies who were slighted by other men." His pained expression changed to shame mingled with self anger.
Georgiana gasped: "Fitzwilliam, I do not believe you said that. I've never known you to be rude to anyone!"
Darcy shook his hand sadly: "I'm afraid it is true. And the worst of it is that, I believe, Eli...Miss Elizabeth heard me. After Bingley left, she walked right before me with a mocking expression on her face and she began to laugh, glancing at me with one of her friends. Never before has anyone reacted like that to me. I became interested in her."
"What is Miss Elizabeth like, William? She must be an extraordinary woman `to find that remark funny."
"Yes she is a wonderful woman. Although she is considered less beautiful than her eldest sister, she is fairly glowing with love of life. She has dark, curly hair and her dark eyes are the finest I have ever seen. They sparkle with humour and intelligence. You can see all her emotions in them. She has very easy, lively, unaffected manners but with very decided opinions. She did not hesitate to debate or even disagree with me like no one has ever done before. She has however a warm and tender heart particularly for her sister Jane and her father. I daresay you would like her if you were to meet her.
"But now I must come back to my story. One day Miss Bennet was invited to tea by Bingley's sisters. She became ill with a cold because she has ridden on the rain. The next morning, I came across Miss Elizabeth who has walked the three miles separating her father's estate, Longbourn from Netherfield. The ground was dirty and muddy,and she was certainly not fit to be seen but she was only concerned by the health of her sister. She was invited to stay until Miss Bennet recovered.
During that time, I began to realise that my attraction to her has reached heights I never felt before. But I decided to hide this attraction to her because I did not imagine a future with her. Although her father is a gentleman, his estate is entailed away to Mr Collins, their cousin. To add to all of this, her mother and younger sisters are quite shallow and silly.
After the two eldest Bennet sisters returned to Longbourn, I was relieved to see them go and thought Miss Elizabeth no longer had power over me. A few days passed and Bingley and I rode to Longbourn to enquire after Miss Bennet's health. We saw all the sisters in Meryton with Mr Collins and a new officer... It was George Wickham."
Georgiana paled and gasped: "Oh no."
Darcy put his arm around Georgiana: "I'm sorry dearest."
Georgiana composed herself and said: "Pray continue."
"As usual, Mr Wickham endeared himself to the whole town with stories of my mistreatment of him, and one of those he led astray was Miss Elizabeth. As I learned afterwards, I have made a very poor first impression on her and so in her softness, she believed everything he told her. Please do not blame her for that mistake" he continued as a quick and fleeting flash of anger came into his sister's eyes "I did not give her one reason to doubt his version of the facts.
"I did not see her until the ball that Bingley gave at Netherfield. She was beautiful that night. She wore a simple and yet elegant, golden gown that compliment her figure excellently. In her hair, she had placed little white flowers." For a moment he said nothing more, reliving the moment. Georgiana smiled slightly and poked him in the ribs.
"I asked her to dance and she accepted. This was not a pleasant experience for me because throughout the entirety of the dance she quizzed about Wickham. During our dance, one of the neighbours, Sir William Lucas alerted me to the general expectation of the impending engagement between Miss Bennet and Bingley. Throughout the dinner, Mrs Bennet was very loud about her approbation to the match, while Miss Mary entertained the company with bad singing and Miss Lydia, the youngest, behaved very improperly by chasing after the officers. And the pompous Mr Collins introduced himself without a previous introduction. We left the morning after the ball and returned to London. There, with the help of his sisters, we persuaded Bingley that Miss Bennet did not care for him. I have observed Miss Jane and perceived no love in her. She was serene and sweet but nothing in her attitude spoke of peculiar regard. Bingley was very distressed and has not fully recovered."
"But Fitzwilliam, maybe Miss Bennet was only discreet." "Yes, I know it now. But at the time, I fully believed that I have saved from a loveless marriage and quite unequal to his situation in life."
Part B: Reproofs.
"A few months later, I went to Kent with Cousin Thomas. I was very surprised to hear that Miss Elizabeth was there visiting her friend Mrs. Collins (the former Charlotte Lucas) who had married our aunt's clergyman. I often joined Miss Elizabeth in her walks, of which she took many due to her love of the outdoors. I thought I detected an interest for me in her. One day she did not come to Rosings because of a headache, I went to the parsonage and there I..."
"You proposed to her, didn't you?" Georgiana asked.
"Yes..."
"And..." she prompted.
"I was refused."
"I thought as much. What did you say to cause that?"
"All you could not say to a woman, least of all the woman you love. I dwelled on the inferiority of her situation, the impropriety of her relations. I was more eloquent on pride than love for her. I fully intend she would accept my offer."
"But she didn't."
"She said she couldn't possibly accept me after insulting her like that. She had moreover other reasons to refuse me. One is that she could never accept the man who has caused her sister's heartbreak, and the other was that I was the cause of all Wickham's misfortunes. Incensed, I said if I have flattered her since the beginning, she would have assented."
"What was her response?"
"I will never forget it. She replied that the mode of my declaration only spared her the concern she might have felt in refusing me if I behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner."
"But Fitzwilliam, you are the finest gentleman I know."
"No Georgie. I was not a gentleman with Miss Elizabeth, or her family, or her neighbours. She concluded by saying by saying I was arrogant, conceitful, with a selfish disdain of the feelings of others and the last man she could ever marry." The pain in his eyes was clear and tears threatened to appear in them.
"Oh Fitzwilliam!" said Georgiana hugging him tightly. "How much you must have suffered. Did you not defend yourself?"
"The next day I gave her a letter detailing my reasons for separating Bingley and Miss Bennet and my dealings with Wickham."
"Even Ramsgate?" asked Georgiana, her voice shaking.
"Yes. Do not worry. I trust Miss Elizabeth implicitly for her secrecy."
"I do believe that of her too after what you have told me."
"Well this is the reason for my mood lately. I am sorry to have distressed you but it is not easy to see how bad I am."
"William, do not talk so. You are a wonderful man, loving and caring. Would you allow me to tell you what I think?"
"Of course dearest. Go ahead."