Winter
by star of david
Draco/Harry
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this story; they were created by the genius, JKRowling. I do own the plot.
SUMMARY: Harry Potter spends his Christmas holidays unlike most people – cooped up in his bedroom, hating the snow. But, like most people, Harry thinks about the one thing he wants most. A song fic to Dashboard Confessional's Age Six Racer.
"I hate the winter in Lexington."
I looked out the window and could barely see anything. Snow was definitely falling, that was as much as I could tell. But it was a different kind of snow. It was nothing like the snow I enjoyed back in London, in Hogwarts…the snow I'd enjoyed with you.
I couldn't remember how the Dursleys managed to invite me here. I vowed that I'd never see them again for as long a I live as soon as I'd turned seventeen and was away from them. But there I was, sitting on the windowsill of their new home in Kentucky.
I didn't like America very much. "Why in the world am I here again?" I asked myself.
Because they're family, a voice in my head answered. Much like how they kept you for the first sixteen years of your life because you're family.
I wasn't locked up in this room like I used to be in Privet Drive. On the contrary, I was quite the free man. Since the war ended, the Dursleys had been quite nice and friendly. They had remembered my past two birthdays and were nice enough to send their presents, which weren't all that bad, through delivery owl.
It was my second Christmas with them. For the past two years, I've spent Christmas Eve in the wizarding community, with the Weasleys, and Christmas Day in the Muggle community, under the Dursleys' invitation. Spending the holidays with the wizards I knew and loved were absolute bliss, and spending it with the Muggles weren't half bad either. But it was incomplete. It was nothing without you. Everything was nothing without you.
A soft knock came on the door.
"Yeah, come in," I called over my shoulder, not moving from my position.
"Happy Christmas, Harry," came Aunt Petunia's voice. "We're having breakfast now. Would you care to join us?"
Two years of kindness did not easily erase the seventeen years of cruelty. I was not used to this Aunt Petunia.
"Yeah, sure," I replied, not looking at her. "I'll be downstairs in five…ten minutes."
"Alright," Aunt Petunia replied, her voice soft and caring. I heard her walking out of the room until she finally closed the door behind her.
I heaved a sigh as I tried my best to keep the hot tears from falling. If I had a Mirror of Erised, it would show the world that all I wanted was to be with you.
I fell into you; now, you're gracefully falling away.
Did you think I was some kind of insensitive git? I'm not like you. I could tell from that moment that you avoided my gaze that something was wrong. You never avoided my looks before. We'd always find a way to look at each other across a crowded room, your gray eyes meeting my green ones, both pairs filled with love. Those eyes would convey the messages we couldn't say out loud: I miss you. I need to be with you. You look hot. Stop flirting, you git, I'm getting jealous. I love you.
You began cutting our kisses short. "I have to go," you'd say, "I'm late." "For what?" I'd ask, but you'd never respond. You'd be instantly out the door.
Your arms didn't carry the same warmth they used to. Lying in them was colder than submerging myself in the freezing Lake. The winter brought back that feeling.
What had happened with you – with us – you never told me. I never knew. You didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face, you coward.
So I had to end it, to stop hurting myself, to stop hurting you. And you acted nonchalantly, confirming that that was what you had wanted all along.
I fell into you, Draco Malfoy, and now you've gracefully fallen away.
"I hate the winter in Lexington," I said, getting up from the windowsill. I checked my reflection in the mirror. Good, I didn't look like I'd been crying. I opened the door and made my way downstairs for Christmas breakfast, thoughts of Draco Lucius Malfoy running through my head.