"This just in, India has had the latest epidemic of the zombie virus. The People's Republic of China is in a state of civil emergency after Guangzhou province has fallen to the zombie outbreak. North Korea is one of the only unaffected nations, Brazil has become overrun with the zombie outbreak, and the government has collapsed. FEMA camps are being set in North America to protect the citizens of the United States and Canada. Thousands of Mexican refugees are fleeing the country as President Trump has declared a state of emergency, and has ordered the National Guard to shoot any Mexicans crossing the border," Anderson Cooper on CNN reports, "now onto an address by the President of The United States, Donald Trump."
"My fellow Americans, it is with great sorrow that I announce that Austin, Texas is one of the first American cities to have fallen to the zombie outbreak, the CDC is telling us that most of the world is in a state of disorder. So far, NATO has kept Paris safe from the zombie outbreak, Japan and South Korea have closed all trade with the outside world protecting them from this menace. Europe for the most part is stable, Russian and American soldiers have been helping evacuate cities in Eastern Europe and the Balkans, I am sad to say that most of Sub-Saharan Africa is in a state of chaos, as millions of African refugees have been evacuated by The United Nations. These African refugees are being resettled in Canada, Siberia, Australia, and Alaska in order to protect them from this huge disaster. The United States however maintains the policy that letting in these migrants is a National Security risk and unfortunately will only allow them to stay in Alaska. The good news is that the War on Terror is over, after terrorists around the world have dropped their arms in order to protect their families and loved ones, mission accomplished. In addition to this, the drug war has ended as Mexican Drug Cartels have agreed to stop fighting one another, and the world has united against this common threat," he breathes sadly.
"But we must remain vigilant, this is not the end of the world as long as people stand together, we Americans have faced worse threats Fascism, Communism, and even terrorism. Now we face a natural disaster, the likes of which we have never seen, our border wall with Mexico is keeping thousands of potential criminals and zombies out of the country, despite pathetic attempts, pathetic attempts, believe me, by Senators on the Left like Bernie Sanders to stop what they call, in their own words, gross human rights violations, but I tell you folks, this country cannot afford to fall to this zombie outbreak. If we let even one illegal immigrant in, it's over folks, it's over. Not only will they take our jobs but they will also bring crime, drugs, and potential diseases that we can no longer afford to tolerate. That is why I have ordered the National Guard to shoot any Mexican trying to cross into this great country. In China, their government is in chaos, and why, you might ask, because they opened their borders and Indians poured through the border and took over and let me tell you folks it wasn't a pretty sight, the zombies poured in and took province after province killing many innocent people, now if Hillary Clinton got elected, things would be a lot worse, believe me," Trump proclaimed.
"In addition, FEMA Camps are being opened all across the United States and Canada, in order to protect our citizens, that is why so many lives have been saved, now I know I sound like a crazy globalist but believe me, I have purged our government of every single globalist including the Clintons, Bushes, and others who would have otherwise brought down this great country. Global government is a thing of the past and we in our administration put America first. I am sad to say that my dear friend, Alex Jones was killed earlier today by zombie hordes that broke through the barricades at InfoWars killing everyone inside. The UN is assisting us in clearing out zombie outbreaks worldwide, and we are safer than ever before. That being said, let me be the first to dispel any rumors regarding the FEMA Camps, they are not, I repeat, not concentration camps, these are safe zones protected by the American and Canadian governments in order to defend the citizens of this great continent. To prove this, these evacuations are completely voluntary and for now only a couple thousand people have agreed to go. In these camps, there is running water, electricity, and enough food to last 100 years. We have also opened up nuclear bunkers for the American people to use in the face of this unrelenting horde, We will make America safe again. We will make America proud again. We will make America strong again. We will make America great again! God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America," Trump dropped the mike and walked off the podium.
"Mr. President, Mr. President, how will you deal with the threat of this deadly disease?"
"Are the American people safe?"
"How many more cities, will fall?"
"What made you kill innocent Mexicans?"
"Mr. President, Mr. President?"
The President ignored the media and walked back to the Oval Office flanked by security.
"I'm sorry but the President has important work to do, now if you'll excuse us we must get to work right away," the Press Secretary informed the press.
"This nation will rise again, no more zombies. Death to the undead!" shouted the crowd.
"Now on to the CDC, where Director Molbert has told us the best way to deal with the growing crisis," Anderson Cooper reports.
"Good evening, my name is Director Molbert and I am here to tell you that here at the CDC, we are working on a cure for the zombie contagion. First and foremost, we have determined that this plague is a viral infection that is spread through eating tainted meat, drinking dirty water, and the most common form, biting other people. Now, this might sound bad, I know, but there isn't anything to worry about. For now, the virus is largely contained to the outside world, so we the American people are safe for the moment. The US military is mobilizing to liberate downtown Austin, we are bringing M1 Abrams Tanks, Apache helicopters, and F22 Raptors, note that this country shall not fall, I swear on my life. Now, the US Marines are evacuating countless civilians, SEAL Teams have been deployed, and in the last resort, Battleships armed with Cruise Missiles are prepared to destroy the city. The most important thing to do in a time like this is to remain calm, we as a country can not resort to paranoia, and we need to stick together during this time. The most important thing you and your family can do is to prepare a zombie preparation kit, including non perishable foods, bottled water, a first aid kit, lethal and nonlethal weapons. It is important that you find a designated shelter for you and your families. The best thing is to not congregate in one area, but to spread out into small groups. Noise attracts these things so be smart, do not under any circumstances travel alone or at night, because these are dangerous things to do. Also, if you encounter a zombie, run. It is not worth killing yourself trying to kill a zombie. Unless you are qualified to use a firearm, or are a member of the police or military, it is extremely stupid, as your actions could in turn affect the rest of the community. Don't try to reason with a zombie, because they are not the same person you once knew, loved, or cared about. These are reanimated corpses who will not recognize you and will attempt to infect you. These things only eat, kill, and walk, that's it, they have no cognitive function outside of that and are easily fooled. The only effective method in dealing with a zombie is to destroy the brain, any other attempt will be a useless gesture. Furthermore the CDC and FEMA are working together to set up shelters across the nation. These centers are located in Atlanta, Miami, Dallas, Pheonix, Sacramento, Chicago and New York City," the transmission ended.
"That's all the news for tonight, see you next time on CN..."(static)
"The hell was that?" Carl asked Lori.
"I don't know son, but we have to get out of the city, let's head to Atlanta, where it'll be safe," Lori said to her son.
"But what about dad?" Carl asked, "he's still in the hospital."
"I don't know, wait the TV's back on, the hell," Lori asked as her eyes opened wide, "oh my God."