"Calling Out to Depression"
A Short Story of Common Bonds between to People
Naruto had been so alone, for almost 8 yrs. He's 21 and needs to feel, his hope with Sakura no longer existed. The hard brutal alone time, and dreams of her moving gave him ideas to finally say, "It's time to go home."
Depression lingers in Hinata's heart; her accomplishments mean nothing without him. Jiraya returned more than four years ago. Where is he? She can't hold out any longer; she wants to die. She takes on a new form and searches for him, leaving a shadown clone behind.
Naruto returns and sees a soul leaving Konoha, thinking it's Sasuke, he follows and realizes the pain that she carries with her as she goes, is the same as his pain. Also he notices that amazingly he can feel his very soul and mind calling out to her to save him. But who really needs saving more?
With her eyes closed tightly, she could see nothing, she imagined nothing and thought of nothing except what she wanted. She'd then proceed to open her eyes, but nothing would ever appear, but don't suspect her of being an idiot, she knew this wouldn't work. She knew better than anyone it wouldn't. She knew because she had done it hundreds of times before.
The purpose of closing her eyes was nothing more than a way to keep her hope alive. To keep her dreams alive. And most importantly, to keep her living and willing to live another day.
She took a deep breath and recited the poem as she did everyday: Today is but another day of my journey/another day to suffer through/I am stronger than those things holding me/I will live on, I will survive.
She could barely bare any longer the world around her. Things were happy for all of them, they all had someone to love, someone to be with, someone who could give their lives meaning, love and bring happiness to them.
It was no lie that she wasn't alone. She had her friends, but most of them had someone, excluding … her teammates. They were part of a prestigious clan, and when they were told, on word, they'd marry as the others had.
She had dated someone for a very long time, but it was extremely unlike that anything would happen between them. They were truly just friends, and he'd protect her from anything, like a teammate, not a boyfriend or lover.
She was waiting… waiting for the day she'd finally snap and that would be it. She figured one day it would be too much to stand, the lonliness, and she'd kill herself and release herself for the tourtured life that she had been living so long. She just hoped that she'd find the answer before the day she cracked.
She had become so strong mentally that she wished that she was the same fragile girl that she was 5 years ago. Maybe then would her mind let her rest and let her go into the world of the dead, and escape the painful disasterous life her choices have left her.
Her mind was so strong that a few words and she felt the will to go on with everything, she didn't care what it was, she had to do something or she'd lose the control she'd fought her entire life.
Her struggle was a difficult one, fighting the needs of everyone for her, and fighting not to give up the fight for her life, while loosing her soul and mind in the same process. She wanted to die with her honor, and she was just waiting for something to let her go, so that she could escape. That way she could leave with honor, and dignity but still be free. She was so read to forfit, but she was now too honorable to do that, so she continued to walk as she had the last 8 years.
---
8 years, exactly, to this day he had been gone from the only home he knew. He wrote the date down, and it had pasted by 8 times. He would have to say this was now coming up to his 21st birthday.
He's alone. There's no one else here. He had been fighting for his life, destroying lives and protecting himself for 8 years. He knew he was strong enough to take down anyone, without the Kyuubi, and win. He was ready to go home but he felt more time had to pass.
He used to be alright with the solitary existence, he had it when he was younger but he had made friends. Not close friends, but friends nonetheless. He missed them, and he wanted them to be with him right now. Once you had friends after a lonely existence all your childhood, you didn't want to go back to that. He didn't either.
For a few months after he left, his memories had been enough to keep him in his ecstatic happy go-lucky mood but soon the memories weren't enough. He realized that by then, they must have been much happier without him. There wouldn't be a single soul that would be miserable without him.
That hit him hard. He knew it was the truth, that no body would cry after him leaving. Sakura, remembering her, used to keep him happy and that had been the worst thing to remember. He felt horrible if she did want him to return that she'd have to wait so long so long ago… he wished that Sasuke'd return and take her away and make her happy.
However, something that had happened made him realize that it was time to go home. He had received a notice of a marriage. Sasuke had returned. He knew that, he made sure of it. He had left Sasuke with a guard outside the city's most outward guards. He knew Sakura and Sasuke would be together. Sasuke had promised to stay, and he would keep Sasuke to that.
This news brought on something else for Naruto. He had nothing else. Sakura had Sasuke and he was perfectly sure every one else had gotten married and had a happy life without him.
He figured that it didn't matter if he returned or not. He wouldn't find happiness, he wouldn't find love and he most definitely wouldn't find everything he'd ever drempt of. He would find friends, but not in the way he'd like. They'd be married with their spouses, and maybe even children. After all… they were also 21. Who knew?
He would go for the wedding, but beside that. He'd go back. He figured that one day he'd find someone who'd give meaning to his pitiful existence. He guessed that someone would be able to be happy with him, though he was in no condition to make anyone else happy. He didn't deserve to be happy, it had been so long without it, and he had grown tired of faking it.
Hyuuga Hinata rose as she did every morning, whispering the poem that kept her going, and preparing for the almost never ending list of tasks she'd do today. She had much less to do today because of the wedding of yet another of her friends.
She was happy for Sasuke and Sakura, but they simply were happy together. Sakura had finally gotten what she wanted Sasuke. She didn't want Sasuke. She wanted happiness, love and most importantly to not be alone anymore.
She got dressed in her dress for the wedding, it was pink for that was one of the main colors of the wedding. Sakura's choice, of course. Sasuke had easily agreed with her, knowing how much she like the color and Hinata wasn't one to complain about matters like the color or type of dress she wore.
She had been planning for this day a very long time. She was actually sending a Shadow Clone, the strongest shadow clone there was, to be her at the wedding. However this Hinata was happier, as if there was everything in the world for her. While the clone was there… she would sneak off. She would watch the wedding from a distance and then leave. It was only right to.
---
Naruto frowned. He didn't want to go to the wedding. He didn't want to see how many of his friends were happy. He was glad they were happy, well loved, married and what not but he wasn't and he didn't want to see things he could never have.
He showed up at the wedding and was in disguise, Sakura's idea. He had told her he was leaving afterward. She wasn't happy but went along with it. He behaved and did everything he could for her and then wondered around Konoha. He looked like Naruto, except he was much taller and was wearing black pants and a black hooded jacket.
Then he saw someone, it looked like a foreigner… or a spy checking out Konoha and report back. He'd do his duty to his home and capture them. He'd turn them in, and be on his way. They were wearing a white sweater and black pants, almost like an ANBU but it was a sweater with a white hood and it had no sign of belonging to a country, or being an ANBU. He was sure that Konoha would need this person capture. It could be a Akatsuki for all he knew.
He followed them until they rested, however, that was not for a very long time. They had excellent skills and he couldn't catch them until they stopped. He was prepared to use the Rasengan on this person as he tackled them to the ground.
"Who are you?"
"Who are you?" The person demanded back, not looking at his face.
"I asked you first."
"I refuse to give the details of my identity to anyone who asks. I don't have to."
Naruto sighed. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto." The character sighed.
"Hyuuga Hinata, pleased to meet you." Naruto was shocked out of his mind.
Hinata? Hadn't she been at the wedding? She was a bride's maid. He had seen her. This couldn't be her. This character was radiating everything that Hinata had never been.
Her essence was that of someone who was lonely, self dependant, satisfied with themselves, strong, almost arrogant but only sure of themselves, not arrogant. He had never seen someone who's body radiated the power and personality as hers did.
"How could you possibly be? I saw her at the wedding, not more than a few minutes ago."
"A shadow clone, the best shadow clone ever made. I perfected it myself. Not even a Hyuuga could tell the difference between us. Everyone knows the real me, besides you."
"How do I know that you're not the clone?" He asked.
"The fact that the Hinata you knew would make a clone run away, what would be the point? She didn't know how and the strength to hold it up when you're clearly on top of me proves I'm not a clone." She said. She pushed him off and stood up.
"You don't look the same."
"8 years does that to someone." She answered. She blamed herself for not figuring Naruto would be at the wedding and that someone would track a mysterious figure down.
"You aren't the same."
"No. I am nothing like I was. As you can tell." Naruto could sense it. Her words were every bit as honest and truthful as he remembered them being. He believed her. "I'm going to rest and then continue running off. I'm tired of living, tired of doing anything there, tired of being so alone, and most of all, tired of that life."
"You're running away?"
"I left a clone, so it wouldn't be counted. I'll trade places with her, when I return so no one will expect anything but not until one of two things happen."
"What?"
"I find something to make my entire existence worthy to live, or I crack and kill myself. I'm tired of living and I just want to die."
Naruto noticed that he felt sympathetic to her, and that he wanted to stop her. He hadn't felt protective of anyone in so long, not even of Sakura about Sasuke hurting her again. Yet he felt that her depression was like his and he wanted to save her.
"I'm coming with you. I'm allowed to wonder anyway. I've got connections everywhere. Do you mind my presence?"
"Not really. I'm just feeling as though… you have an ulterior motive."
"I do. You're like me. You're alone and you need someone or you may not make it much longer right?"
"About right."
"Well maybe… we're the answer to each other's problems. At least we won't be alone and maybe we can help each other so we can live on, at least a while longer."
Hinata noticed that her mind and body had little reaction left for Naruto. She felt happy he was there, but she couldn't show that but most of all, she noticed that her body felt so much better, as if everything was better, when he was there. His depression and hers, maybe it would be better with each other.
"That sounds like a good idea. I accept it."
In all reality, the things that was wrong with them were very different. Naruto was in fact, not lonely at all. He was tired of being by himself. He didn't feel lonely at all, he just wanted the presense of someone in his life. He could easily stand being lonely, because had always been lonely but being alone gave him a sense of being the only one there and that was the source of his depression.
Hinata's depression laid in the fact that she was emotionally alone, for so long she had been surrounded by people, with people and they had gave her that sense of not being by herself. She had friends, emotional support and she was never left to do things by herself. She wanted desperately the comfort of having someone with her, someone to make her feel loved.
Their differences were not the same, but they would lead to problems later. He needed her physically there so he wouldn't feel so alone. She needed him mentally so she wouldn't be lonely anymore but can their differences of acceptance in their life work with one another. Will it work out? They would need to try.
"So why are you depressed? You are right?"
"Yeah. I guess." She answered. No used to admitting something was wrong with her. She relaxed with the comfort of someone caring about her feelings, it was helping her feel more as though someone other then herself knew and cared about her. "I'm depressed because I'm lonely."
"I'm alone, just not lonely. I'm used to being lonely."
"I'm sure you have."
"Well not only now. I always have been. Since I was born, I relied on myself and I didn't have the support of someone, or friends… the Konoha 12 are the only real friends I've ever had and they really aren't there for me either."
"You don't care that you're alone? That no one cares about you here? That you don't have someone to love, to care for, and someone to make you happy? That's what they all wanted."
"I don't mind not having someone in my life. I want someone to care about me, and I want someone to love. I want to be happy it's just not going to happen. I don't like being the only person here though. I like having someone else here. That's why I was depressed. It was just me. I couldn't talk with anyone because it could endanger them. I was the only person. I'm used to being lonely but not being alone. I'm used to being surrounded by people… even if they all aren't close to me."
"I care. I want to be loved. I want care and love someone else to. I want more than anything to find someone for me, someone I can love." She wrapped her arms around herself. "There are so many people back in Konoha who are married, all our friends are, or they're planning on it. They're happy, and well off. I want that."
Naruto looked at her, she wasn't at all the same person she used to be. She spoke her mind and didn't care she was doing it. Her emotions , feelings and opinions exploded from her and flooded the area. He noticed that when she was done it went to the empty depression. "Though that won't happen. I'm too far gone. I'm waiting for my last day."
"Your last day?"
"You didn't think I'd live much longer did you."
"Huh? Of course. You're only like what, 20, 21, 22? You could live a lot longer."
"Naruto, don't be ridiculous. I'm too miserable with my life to live much longer than this. I'm tired of being lonely, missing so much. I want companionship, love and friendship. I just want to be happy. 7 years or so is a long time to miss the happiness in your soul."
"So you're saying you're too depressed to live anymore?"
"Not for much longer. I'm hoping to find what I'm missing. Then maybe I'll be able to live on."
"I'm going to help." Naruto said. "I promise you Hinata. That I will find someone for you, something or, anyone who will make it worth it to live on. I won't let you die because of this depression."
Hinata found herself being happy, and she even smiled, laughing rather skeptically. "That's nice of you to promise but I don't think you can promise."
"You know what. I will. I'll prove you wrong Hinata. I have always kept my promises, eventually I did what I said I'd do." Somewhere in Hinata's mind, she knew he did, and somehow she was still skeptical about his ability to accomplish such an abstract goal but knowing him, she had a feeling he would be able to accomplish that.
She gave a genuine smile. "Alright then. I promise that if you can find some reason for me to want to live on, then I'll give you anything you want, that I can possible give you."
"I don't usually make deals but this is one bet I'm sure I'll accomplish."
"Why is that?"
"I don't know. Nevertheless, I know I won't let you reach the point until you don't have the will to live. I'll make sure of that."
Naruto felt the need to have to keep Hinata alive, and happy. He felt determined and sure that he would, under any circumstance, keep her alive. Hinata was someone that he could connect with, even though she was different then she used to be, he saw some traits that made her, who she was.
Hinata's personality now bordered on confidence and arrogance. She was sure of herself and she knew her limitations, which made her extremely confident but not so arrogant. She was proud of her accomplishments but not conceited. She was realistic but still very much of a dreamer, and he liked that about people. He didn't have much to dream about, and not much to look forward to but she could imagine what would happen, within reason but also build up hope for things that could happen. He wished he could do the same.
Hinata was not surprised by Naruto's determination. She knew it very well from years ago. It was one the reasons she loved him. Wait… loved him? Did she still love him? That was important to know. Did she still? Could she? She didn't know.
She had been jealous of the girls around her, who at different events had their husbands there, they'd sit on the ground and lay back against their boyfriend or husband and he would wrap his hands around them. The happiness and love was so touching that Hinata felt it, but it also made her want that feeling. She had never had someone hold her like he loved her, and cared about her like she mattered and kissed her like she was everything to him. It hadn't happened to her, but she hoped it would.
"We should stop for the night." She said.
"Did you bring supplies? I stayed with people, friends… so I don't have anything."
"I brought blankets, and a tent, but nothing otherwise." She pulled out a scroll and preformed a technique that seamed similar to Tenten's she used during preliminary round in the Chuunin Exams. However, Hinata's movements were across the ground, not aerial. The summons' objects showed up at her feet, as she danced across the ground. She picked up some things, and walked toward him. She covered herself in the blanket, and leaned against a tree.
"Don't…"
"You use it. I'm fine like this. You're used to conditions that are more comfortable anyway. I prefer nature anyway." Hinata's words were sincere and meaningful. She really didn't care for the tent, she was happy being under the stars.
He was glad to see that she was pretty much the same person, just more talented, smarter and more confident. She was still kind, and more considerate of her other rather than herself and she was gentle and giving.
"Did you think that being alone would solve your loneliness problem?" Naruto asked her.
"No. I am going out to find someone who will make it worth living. I want to find happiness."
"What are you searching for exactly?" He asked.
"You mean, in that person?" He nodded. "I'm not really sure. I don't really care, as long as I'm loved, and I love him and he makes me happy; then that's what I want."
"If you could have any person?"
"I wouldn't be in this situation, if there was someone I loved already I would do everything I could to be with them."
"So there isn't anyone for you, not even in Konoha."
"Not really." In Hinata's mind, she was wondering if he was asking about himself, for himself and somewhere inside of her, she was hoping that was it. "Do you have someone in mind, to be with for the rest of your life?"
He laughed. "I wish. I've been gone so long and everyone has someone. I'm surprised you haven't found someone."
"Sakura?"
"She's married."
"I meant, don't you have feelings for her anymore?" Hinata asked, generally interested. However, not showing personal interest in the least.
"No. I realized in the length of time I've been gone that she's really in love with Sasuke. She wouldn't be happy with me anyway."
"Why?" Hinata asked, giving way losing her façade of being interested.
He shrugged. "I'm just not her kind of guy. Nowadays, I'm traveling. I really don't want to settle down. I mean, if I had Sakura maybe I would but I have no intention to, and she's not really someone to enjoy travel. Sasuke is probably going to retire from being a ninja for a while anyway, for her, and his clan."
"She likes to be needed, and have a purpose. Even though I feel he's using her, though she's willing." Hinata told him.
"I feel the same way. He's taking advantage of her willingness. It's wrong, at least in my mind. They're my closest friends and I expected better of them, and expected more for Sakura then just…" Hinata looked at him, she knew everything, so much more. She understood, she was suggesting, he calm down. "Sorry."
She gave a genuine smile, one that made Naruto happy to see. "No need. I'll take first shift tonight, unless you prefer."
"I'll fall asleep first shift, I'm warning you. I probably wouldn't go back to sleep but I'm volunteering to stay up all night."
"Why would that be?"
"I don't know. I don't sense danger or anything, I just think it'd be better for me if I did. You should sleep."
"Well, if you're sure then I guess I shall accept that and not argue with the wonderful offer. Thank you." Naruto had noticed just then that her words had as much style, and elegance as they could, they were so fancy, and not so simplistic but not so complicated that someone wouldn't understand.
Everything about her, Naruto grew rather interested in. He didn't know anything about her skills. Or even what had been going on with her. He just knew she was lonely, and needed someone so she could continue on without the depression that was weighing her down.
She unpinned her hair and it all cascaded down her back. He watched her as she brushed it out, and then laid down against the tree, using a pillow she had brought. "See you in the morning, Naruto." She said.
"Yeah, you too Hinata."
Hinata went into a peaceful sleep, and dreamt of her happiness, and the many things she'd do once she was happy. She dreamed of the love that she hoped to find and the wonderful things that would happen to her, if she looked hard enough for her love.
Naruto noticed that Hinata had gone to sleep and then he realized that she was giving off an unusual chakra pattern. It was not actually chakra, but a power; it made him feel so happy and peaceful. He went over to Hinata. He saw that she was curled up and sleeping peacefully, a huge beautiful smile was on her face, and around her, her hair was spread out.
Naruto wished he could dream of those things that made her so happy. He wanted to dream of happiness, and of all the things that were to come but the Kyuubi made any dream into a nightmare. He wondered about what she could think of.
She awoke only a few hours later. He was just sitting in the tree above her. She laughed. "Morning, Naruto." He just noticed she used no formalities with him, as she normally, almost always did to everyone.
---
After time passed, he talked to Hinata about her dreams. She said that the he should try day-dreaming, it wouldn't be so subconscious that the Kyuubi would interfere and he could project dreams, and hopes into his mind and he'd be as happy doing that, as she was.
Weeks past, and eventually Hinata and Naruto would become inseparable. They dealt with a few groups of criminals but they were easily disposed of and Hinata and Naruto were seen as a couple, though there was nothing between them. Hinata was passive in her fighting, and Naruto was very active. Hinata would help him make a plan for any enemy, and he'd carry it out.
One day, they were taken in my an elderly couple. "Welcome to our home." They said. "You names?"
"Hinata." Hinata said, bowing to the elderly lady. She had helped them with a criminal in the area, and they took them in. She didn't give out her last name, and no one cared to ask.
"Uzumaki Naruto." He said. Everyone in the area, and anywhere outside of Konoha knew he was there, the Kyuubi. However, they accepted that, and went on.
"Thank you for your hospitality in taking us this night." Hinata said, bowing.
"Think nothing of it, after what you've done for us. I owe you two."
"I have prepared a room for you two. Is that arrangement to your liking?"
"Two rooms please, if that's not too much work." Hinata asked kindly.
"No, it's fine." Hinata went into the other area, to prepare another room. "Why is it that you and your husband aren't in the same room? If it's on our account, we understand. We respect that."
"We are only friends." Hinata said with a gentle smile, and watched her words for the women's interpretation. "Nothing goes on between us. We're trying to find someone so we're not depressed any longer."
"It doesn't seem as though either of you are depressed."
"Don't be so sure." Hinata said. "I haven't found what I'm looking for, and neither has he."
"What is that?"
"Love and Happiness." Hinata answered. "We left in search of it."
"I believe you can find it easily. You are already happy. You smile often, laugh and enjoy life. I think that if you are looking for love, then you'll find true love for you, in him. He cares about you deeply and he's protective of you. I saw it as you fought. He made sure you were out of the way, and kept anyone from getting near you."
"We couldn't be like what we want."
"Have you tried? Love can only happen if you allow it. If you never give it a chance, it can't bloom." Hinata had never thought to actually just talk to Naruto about their relationship. What if he really was her answer? She thought of that when she started off with Naruto, but she had long forgotten that as they grew close, and accepted each other unconditionally and perfectly.
"Come here Naruto." Hinata called.
"What's up?" Naruto asked, very formal with her.
"What do you think of me?"
"I don't know, really. You're you. You're really confident, kind and stuff but I don't know what you want me to say."
"Do you love me?" Hinata asked. She didn't know how she had ever had the courage to ask him. She regretted it deeply in her very soul, that she had asked him.
"Hina… ta, I really don't know. I don't know love." Hinata nodded, neither had she. Maybe she did love him? How would she ever know? "Don't cry." He said.
Over the time that had passed, he had never seen her vulnerable, lost and confused as he had just seen her. She had dropped her every defense to her. Without her defenses, he had to protect her. He quickly went to her side and wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder. "I wish I had an answer."
Tears fell down from her eyes. She wished he did too. She did. "I'm fine." She said.
Then Naruto and Hinata noticed how perfectly in sync they were with each other, he could sense how vulnerable she was, and how she'd need him to comfort her. They fit. They were a perfect pair. He needed the physical companionship that Hinata was used to, talking and communicating were skills she had plenty of. She needed the mental companionship that he never had but had so much to give to her. He had nothing else but he understood her needs, understood her; he didn't get lonely but he needed her, just as much as she needed him.
Their relationship was an easy one, with only their love for each other to hold them together. There would be many problems, but Naruto would show anyone, even Hinata's own father that he was worthy of her, he didn't believe himself, but he'd show that to everyone else. He wasn't perfect for Hinata, but she was happy with him, and he with her so that's all that mattered, that and their love. It wasn't a perfect ending but it was happy.
Their depression had called them together, but their depression had solved each other when you think a negative, times a negative, makes two happy people. Hinata + Naruto equals simply love.