Chapter 1: The Very Thin Lady with the Very Fat Confidence.

May 3rd, 2043

Oh, do not look at me like that. I will not stop my stream of words now that my coffee is present and the weather is finally clearing. Trust me, a twenty year old version of me might have acted coy around you, might have not even told you a bit of details about her own residence, but now, I have nothing to lose. Or perhaps, I have everything to lose. You may wonder why I am telling you such an old tale about my supposedly forgotten past, right? I am not going to be melodramatic here. No it did not really change my life or made me a better person as you read in the books. Really, it is a simple tale that I would like to share with you. Why you? Oh I am not sure. Perhaps because you are a stranger. You know, an old friend who also was a stranger, once said to me that it is more safe for strangers to share information, secretive ones. She said the reason why is that strangers do not know each other, they cannot harm each other because they are strangers. There are no ties between the two of us. What I am going to say is an ancient tale that I have lived thirty years ago. Some of these events I do not even recall well.

I am not sure where to begin. My husband says I cannot make up my mind on the simplest things. Going out or staying home seems to be quite the struggle that I face at crucial times. Or if I want the ice tea or just a juice. I also keep changing my orders when it comes to food. I buy a shirt that I liked from the first glance then wonder why I had bought it as I put it inside my closet. Sometimes I am also not sure if I like men or women. Oh don't you gasp. You either listen or walk. It seems that you choose to listen. Great. Yes I will be forty-nine in a month. And yes I am a married woman with two daughters. I am aware of that. That does not mean I have not questioned my sexuality in the past. Oh I did experiment...A little bit. But I would not call it that. You see, I am certain it was love. Oh yes, certainly I am speaking about a woman. Let's begin in a chronological order, shall we?

January 13th, 2013

Tegan Rain was a very, very ordinary eighteen year old. Just like every other human being, she had her insecurities, flaws, and nights of endless emptiness. Here is the first day of her second semester at university. Majoring in English Language and Literature has always been a dream of hers...Well the literature part. She could not care less about the syntax of the English language. But that's how it was supposed to be. There was no English Literature alone. It was English Language and Literature. Therefore, she had to take some subjects that she was not eager to take. Some subjects were electives that had nothing to do with her major. Some were a must in the study plan. And some subjects were just there because God knows why.

She was sitting in the third row from the back with two acquaintances she had taken a class with in the previous semester. It was her last class of the day. She looked at the paper she had printed in order to remember her classes. The classes, their places, times, and the professor giving them, all printed on the sheet between her small hands. Intercultural Communication with Professor Sara Clement. The class was full of people. Every seat was taken. She knew she was lucky that somebody had dropped which allowed her to add the class to her schedule. It was a closed section till the previous night. She had to take this useless subject that had nothing to do with literature and get it over with. Even though the subject had nothing to do with literature, it was classified as a subject within the major and the professor who was giving it has a PhD in English Literature.

Tegan does not know who the professor is. She had never heard her name before. None of the older students mentioned her. She knew she had a PhD and not only an MA because there was a small "Dr." near her name; Dr. Sara Clement. Tegan admired that and felt lucky she is in a section where a woman with a PhD is teaching it. At her university, not all the teaching staff had PhDs, most of them only had Masters degrees. She wondered silently of how this Dr. Clement might look. She hoped she will not be a very old woman who has a secret hate for girls and an undeniable favour for boys. Most of the female professors were like that, the male professors were the opposite. She was not able to win both ways. Tegan did not have a long hair, she did not dress or act in a girly manner. She was not exactly a tomboy, but she was not girly either. Her shaggy hair reached her shoulders. It was the longest she could grow it before getting sick and bored of it. She always tried different haircuts that her family and friends criticized. She was not a rule breaker, really, she was not a rebel at all. Actually, quite the opposite, she was very innocent, and somehow a bit of a naive girl. Drowning in her romantic fantasies and flow of thoughts each night before falling asleep. She did not really want to make a statement. All she wanted was to fit in and have a couple of friends. Something she was not able to have in high school. The thought alone about such years made the tigers of her mind roar in untamed anger. She shook the thoughts away as they were interrupted by the girl sitting beside her.

"Do you know anything about this Dr. Clement?" Kristen asked as she sat beside Tegan. Kristen took a class with Tegan in the first semester. It was a Linguistics class. One of the worst classes according to Tegan. She despised the classes that had to do with the language and its syntax. She just wanted to dig into literature. She wanted to go through the history and swim inside the powerful words of the previous centuries. Literature had always been her passion. When Tegan was fifteen, she had decided that she was going to major in it. Nobody took her decision seriously back then. She still had two years left of high school and she was bound to change her mind a lot. After all, Tegan never made up her mind. She kept wandering back and forth, choosing between this and that. She was an anxious person and making up her mind was harder than learning how to drive, which she sucked at as well.

"No. The section opened last night and I added it before it could close. I needed any class at 1 PM." Tegan explained with a faint smile to her classmate. She unlocked her phone and looked at the time. It was 1:08, two more minutes and if the professor does not show up, then everyone in the class will leave. This was not the first day of the second semester, but it was the first day for her. Actually, to be specific, it was the third day. Usually students do not show up the first day, and if they showed up, they hung out with their friends outside classes rather than go to them. Even most professors do not show up. But there were always the obnoxious, strict ones who would show up from the first day and even take attendance and give a full class. Even if there were less than ten people there, they gave a class and took attendance.

Tegan couldn't help but overhear two girls talking about the mysterious professor the whole class was waiting for.

"I am telling you she's coming, she came on Monday and took attendance. She's scary as fuck." She heard the brunette dressed in a tight, bright pink top and dark blue jeans say to the other female seated beside her. Tegan let out a faint, subtle sigh which was quickly interrupted by a loud slamming of the door. Her eyes grew wide at the scene before her. A very petite, very short, very thin, pale woman with a half eaten yellow apple in one hand, pushing the door on a girl who was trying to step inside in the other hand. Tegan watched in horror along with every member in the class as the woman who looked as if she was in her mid twenties fought with a girl who seemed to be a student trying to enter the class.

"Nobody..." The woman yelled, her voice is too soft, her tone very feminine and carried the slightest anger. "Enters the class after I go inside." After the loud tone of the first word, there was a whisper in the rest of the sentence. A calm tone, a very, very, very calm tone. Then a smile. A fake one, thought Tegan. One caused by trying not to get anger reach to you. But why was she even that angry and hard on herself? Oh no, here comes another bitchy professor.

Dr. Clement turned around, facing the class, she smirked at the few familiar faces she had recognized. They seemed to be the only ones who were laughing hysterically at the situation while the rest of the students were frozen in fright. She threw the half eaten apple in her hand across the room and it successfully fell inside the small trash can on the corner. She turned around and faced the sixty-five students sitting in class No. sixteen, in the faculty of English and Foreign Languages.

Sara Clement had the slightest grin on her face as she started taking off her dark purple coat, revealing her slim, pale figure covered in the thin material of the white shirt she was wearing and the black skirt that reached her very weak looking knees. It was very cold for such a wear, even in a well heated class. It made Tegan shudder at the scene, wasn't this woman freezing to death? Tegan was snuggled in her heavy black coat and her hands were hiding inside her pockets, unable to be exposed to such temperature. She noticed the silky, transparent, black pantyhose covering the woman's slender legs and her black and white Oxfords shoes. She was confused at the subtle hints of masculinity the woman standing before her held. She was wearing a skirt and a pantyhose. Her plain white shirt was tucked inside the high-waisted skirt, and it was unbuttoned at the start of her cleavage. The shirt was large enough to hide the woman's curves but tight enough to show the mere swell of her breasts. Her collarbones were very protruding, there was a silver chain hugging her long neck, her long, thin fingers were toying with the chain as she stared at the class. Her hair was shorter than Tegan's and she had a curl at the end of it where it stopped at the back of her neck. The wavy fringe and the soft features gave the woman the femininity she had taken away with her haircut. Her cheek bones and jaw were visibly notable and very sharp looking. Eyes were hazel and small. Not a piece of make up covering her very pale skin. Perhaps only a mascara covering the eyelashes, Tegan thought. Dr. Clement looked very young to be a professor, a woman with PhD. Tegan wondered how old she could be.

"So..." Sara started with a whisper, same calm tone. "As you have seen..." She paused and smiled the same fake smile Tegan had noticed before. "If this door closes...Do not bothering coming inside, because I will not let you." And the same angry, loud tone as she continued her sentence. "Clear?" Another fake smile as she whispered the last word. "Good" Sara nodded, pleased with the result of scaring the whole class with simple words as everybody was quiet in a horrific way. Tegan regretted taking this class for a second. She wondered if she could drop it and search for another one at 1 PM. But she knew all the classes were closed and she needed to take this class and get it over with as soon as possible, even if she had to deal with a psycho of a a professor.

"I do see familiar faces in here." Sara smirked as her small eyes scanned a couple of guys sitting in the second row. "Haven't you guys learned not to take any subject with me from the first, second, and third time I failed you?" Her devilish grin making Tegan's mind drown in worry. "We can't help it doc, we love you." A tall guy, with brown hair stated as he smirked at the petite woman standing inches away from him. "Well I hate you, Rob." Sara yelled again in the same tone as her face inched closer to the man's.

Tegan and Kristen looked at each other, brows raised. No professor ever dared to act in such a manner. What kind of professor was she? The kind who jokes with the male students a little bit too much? Tegan hated such women. The flirty ones, they were able to get whatever they wanted with a simple gaze. Tegan was very shy and awkward. She did not know how to flirt, how to smile, how to move her eye in a certain way to capture the attention of the surroundings. She hated that about herself. She was always too scared and fearful, unable to attract any guy, she even thought there was something wrong with her. Her friends assured her that she is fine and men just really like easy and outgoing girls. Tegan was mostly serious and nervous, especially when standing next to strangers. Once she got used to someone, she was a whole other person, or actually, to be accurate, she was herself once she got used to someone and was comfortable with them. But that didn't always happen. Herself, according to others and even to her own self, was scary. It was hard letting it all out. It mostly was poured out in song writing or a crying fest at 3 AM. when everybody else was asleep.

"Alright." The woman finally stated, firmly, with confidence vibrating through her tone. "My name is Sara Clement and I believe some of you know me and most of you do not." She paused, taking a breath while scanning the humans sitting as she was standing in front of everyone with nothing but sharp gazes and screaming confidence. "You have chosen this class and you will have to deal with me this semester or if you cannot then I encourage you to drop it" Sara paused again, a smirk forming on her soft lips. "The less the number is, the better I tolerate ignorance."

"Here are my rules, I am going to say them and if anyone has an objection, I suggest you drop the course before it is too late and you suffer my presence every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 1 till 2 PM in the afternoon." She paused again and took a deep breath. It almost felt like she was arranging the thoughts inside her head.

Tegan couldn't help but notice the visible lisp her professor carried, it made it almost hard to believe she was as angry as she pretended to be. Tegan herself carried a bit of a lisp which was only noticeable when she was very nervous, scared, or speaking quite fast. She hated her lisp and stutter, especially when her brother, Ted, mocked her whenever she lisped or was unable to pronounce a certain word out of nerves. It was a bad habit that her mother tried to make go away when Tegan was still young. Unfortunately, it had stayed with her till this day, and once she is very angry, screaming, shouting and crying, none of her words made sense, letters being replaced into other letters and only noises being uttered rather than coherent sentences.

"I do not tolerate ignorance. This is a class about cultures. We will speak about everything. Different religions, countries, cultures, ethnicity, races, even homosexuality and gender. So if you are just a bit intolerant to difference, this is not a class you must take with me." It caught Tegan's attention when she heard the word 'Homosexuality'. She did not know why this word made her jump out of her seat. It was probably the small experience she had at sixteen. Her mother convinced her it was just a phase, and somehow, even her tired brain managed to be convinced it was an ugly phase she had suffered. But two years after, she still shifted uncomfortably in her seat when this word came up. Her mind jumping in ambiguous excitement that was not comprehensible to her. Homosexuality was not really a big issue in such time and place to a lot of people. But certainly it was to her very religious family. A family that did not tolerate that much difference, a very traditional family that Tegan was very glad to leave at eighteen.

Tegan was not from Canada as most people were in this class. She was from the States. She decided to go to Canada for college. It was more of a getaway. She always found herself running away from everyone around her. She finished high school, the hardest years of her life according to her. She chose to stay away from the land of misery as she used to call it. She wanted to start fresh in Canada, near the cold and the rain. The rain was good, it washes away all the dirt clouded inside a human's mind and makes them feel fresh and clean again. Her first semester was a bit hard. She thought she was going to struggle in finding friends but actually, unlike high school, it was the easiest thing she dealt with. Her dorm mate Emy, who was a year older than her and also majored in English Language and Literature, was a very good friend that she met on the first day. Emy had an artistic mind, and Tegan loved art as well. They would spend hours inside their dorm room on a painting or discuss a painting. It was quite the blessing that she had found a friend that quickly. Emy introduced her to a couple more friends who were also a year older. Jeremy, who always smiled at her as if he had seen the sun on a very cloudy day, and Lindsey, who always forced her opinions on others because she was a good talker, and Tegan envied her for that. But the country was still very new, she was not used to the subjects, the first semester was just a "figuring it all out" sort of thing as Emy had told her. Emy helped her to adjust and she would always recommend seats and give advices when it comes to which professor she was taking the class with. But even Emy did not know about Dr. Clement. She said she had never took any subject with her before, but she often saw her name in the schedule in the subjects people in the third and fourth years should be taking.

"The midterm exam will be out of thirty. The final will be out of fifty. The twenty marks left will be divided; ten for participation in class, ten for a presentation. Yes, you are going to do a presentation about a certain culture and speak about it. And I suggest, if you want to win my heart, you pick something far and stay away from the safe ones." Tegan groaned at the thought of her presenting in front of a class. She hated presentations. In high school, she always slacked and accidentally forgot to do her presentation which caused her to lose a lot of credit. In the first semester she had successfully avoided presentations. But this day was not a lucky day for her. This is not the second class she had to do a presentation at. No, there was another class, which was called Oral Skills. She always chuckled on the inside at the title of the class. What kind of a pervert suggested the name? It was really just a class of discussion and speech while using your oral parts. Skills of Speech would have been a better title than Oral Skills.

"I hate phones, I abhor technology. I know I am only twenty-two and..." Sara was cut off by laughter from the first and second row.

"You wish." Rob laughed as if he had heard the best joke in his entire life.

"Rob!" Here came the usual loud tone of angry Dr. Clement. "I am twenty-two whether you like it or not." She continued with the loud, slightly annoying tone.

"Alright, alright." Rob finally gave up, lifting both hands to the air to show he had surrendered to her will of false information giving.

"As I was...saying" Loud tone, then the usual whisper. "Even though I am only twenty-two, I still hate technology. Your phones will be wherever they shall be but nowhere near my sight. If I see a phone, I will take it." She pauses. "I promise you, I will." She continues with the threat to make sure the class are taking her words seriously. "I have done it before and I am not afraid. I have taken phones to my house, scrolled through them. Looked at the pictures, the nudes, the selfies, the text messages, the sexsts, and I will do it again because I can." The class gasped in terror. Hiding their phones inside their bags or pockets or wherever they could. Tegan made a mental note to put a password on her phone just in case Dr. Evil had a grip on it. The last thing she needed is a stranger scrolling though her very embarrassing pictures trying to look seductive in a dress that made her look even more awkward than she already was. "I know you want to know the time. Trust me, I hate being here as much as you do. That is why I have a watch on my wrist and I will be out of here before you even remember it's time for me to walk out." This class was going to be hell, Tegan thought. Good thing it was the last one of a very long day.

Tegan decided to pick a schedule for only three days a week. Fifteen hours. from 8 AM. till 2 PM. A break at eleven with her three friends. She had four days of the week off. She thought she could use them for studying and raising her GPA, but such a class will most probably cause her sweat, blood, and tears and end up giving her no good results.

"Now these were my rules. Oh and I am a person who really despises the use of academic books. I would rather you write an essay from your own perspective rather than recite false information telling you what is right and was is not right from an ancient book. We will only be using the book for certain topics that I will underline. I also would appreciate if we had discussions in class and you participated because I would love to hear each and every opinion you have." A genuine smile finally was forming on her lips. Tegan thought perhaps all the introduction was an act to show she is tough and be taken seriously. "Even if you were ignorant, if you choose to stay with me, I promise you I will open the heck out of your mind and make you see." The kind of confidence this woman had was envious. Tegan wished she dared to speak like that. She wondered if she will be able to hold her head as high as Dr. Clement, having her eyes focused and directed in a way as if this world was made to be at her service. She admired such confidence when it came from women. You do not always find a woman so confident in her posture and in her speech. Tegan wanted to be this confident.

"Alright," Sara hopped on the wooden desk in the front of the classroom. She sat with her back arched up, not a single slouch, her eyes focused severely on the class in front of her. Examining the faces one by one with a blank expression. "I want you now to introduce yourselves one by one. You will mention your names, your major, and which year you are. You know this class should be taken by students of second or third year, so if you are younger than that, then...Good luck." Sara chuckled. Another wave of worry washed over Tegan's clouded mind. The girl sitting next to her was also a first year student. Good thing she had someone to share her misery with. "Okay, let's begin from the right on the first row then move to the next and so on. Even if I know you, it is fine, introduce yourself. I want you all to know and remember each other and I also want to know and remember your faces." Tegan looked and listened to everyone introducing themselves briefly. Some majored in other languages such as Italian, Spanish, German or even Chinese, some shared her major. She noticed a number of people who were also still in their first year had chosen the class. She was glad she was not the only one. When it came to Rob's turn he joked and said he wishes to forever fail this class so he could see Dr. Clement again and again. It made Tegan roll her eyes at his desperate attempt when Dr. Clement ignored him completely and did not even send him the slightest smile. When it came to Tegan's turn, Sara looked at her and blinked firmly to let her know it was her turn to speak. She introduced herself quickly, trying to gaze at any face from the faces watching her. She stuttered a bit of course as a force of habit and lisped. Sara raised an eyebrow when she heard her name and last name, but Tegan was used to such an act as everybody made a face when they heard of such a strange name. After the class finished introducing themselves, Dr. Clement had dismissed them. But before that, she told them she will put them in groups on Friday and give them the dates of their presentations as well. They need to work fast in finding a topic because the presentations will start in the second week. Tegan pulled herself up from her seat, ready to return to her dorm. She was very eager to start ranting and bitching about Dr. Clement to her roommate, Emy. She was gonna let all her anger out and make fun of the very thin lady with the very fat confidence.

May 3rd, 2043

Oh yes, that was the first time I have seen her. You are wondering how this woman had anything to do with the story I am telling you? Oh she is the protagonist my darling. She is the ship that barked through the ocean. Without her, the story won't be told. It won't be written. Yes, I know you are wondering how things moved from there. Oh, it took quite the time. It took a year actually. And they did not even move in the way I wanted them to be. Oh no, I do not want it any other way. I suppose...It was meant to be like that. I have always believed that if things were meant to be, then they are meant to be. You will even notice that in the story. I am a sucker for fate. It is the only thing I believe in I suppose. You know, sometimes I just need a lie to ignite a lost hope inside of me. That was my lie. Some say it is the only truth. But I believe it is one of those lies I tell my head when I am too lazy to move. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. Bullshit right? Oh I believe some of that bullshit so that my aching head can rest at night. Like I said, I am only telling the story to kill time. It did not really cause me some damage. Perhaps it did back when I was in my twenties, but now? Oh it is too late to even say it is too late. I am glad I still remember such an exciting time. No I do not regret anything I have done. In fact, I would have loved doing it over and over, but again, fate stepped in the way, and I must not disobey, right?