Disclaimer: I own nothing except the feeling in this
A/N: I wrote this the night my father left to go overseas. I knew he was gong to return in a week but still the feeling of helplessness remained with me and I think this is how Abby felt.
Disbelief
I can't believe it, he actually left. He did what he said he would never do, leave me here all alone and feeling as unsafe as I possibly could. He promised me he would always protect me but now he's gone and I have no idea of where the hell he is.
It all started a year ago with Kate, okay well Kate didn't make the decision to leave us, it was decided for her. Still it did not make it any easier for us to deal with and even though we knew wallowing in grief and hunting down Ari the bastard would give us satisfaction we knew it would not bring her back.
Kate had been the one to usually hold the team together and we were all close with her being my best friend and an adopted sister to Tony and McGee. To Gibbs I knew she was more than just one of his team members, more than his subordinate she was something special to him, but he never had the chance to tell her or he never took one if the opportunity did arise.
He took it the hardest and I guess all the self destruction started from there. He felt responsible for her death and he would never forgive himself. Forgive and forget right? Isn't that what everyone says we should do? I don't think he's going to do either of those anytime soon or ever.
After Kate had 'left' we got a replacement courtesy of the new redhead Director Sheppard. She was unlike Kate in most ways and I must say I did not like her at all though I'm not sure how long I will let the feeling last. She was here to take Kate's place and I was not ready to give it up just yet.
As the days progressed to weeks and weeks to months I noticed the changes in Gibbs. He was more attentive toward me, in the older brother way I loved him for. He brought me more Caff-Pows now and kissed me more often on the cheek or my temple just to say thanks or to reassure me in my times of need and insecurity. He was my pillar of strength when I needed a shoulder to cry on or just someone to hug.
When the last case had gone horribly wrong I had no idea how bad it was going to be. I had no idea he was going to wake and not remember the last fifteen years of his life, which I was a part of for five years. How could he have forgotten me, the one person in who needed him the most?
But the worst was still to come when he hit us with the decision to leave NCIS. All of us were unprepared for it, but the news winded me the most. It was like losing Kate all over again. Our team was starting to crumble and there was nothing I could do about it. I let him walk out on me, not that he would have if I protested but hell I didn't even try.
All I can do is hope that he does return with a Caff-Pow in his hand and the smile which accompanies it when he comes to my lab.
Thanks for reading and leave a note behind.