Fun Times With Greed and Ling!
AN: Inspired by a lack of sleep, a cup of tea, and my strange mind. Enjoy. I don't own anything, and if you are easily offended by foul-mouthed homunculus/humans, throw your computer out the window, and run like hell. That is all.
" Well, I was on my way to this gay, gypsy, bar mitzvah for the disabled when I suddenly thought "Gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish, I think I'll kill The Fuhrer." ~River Song. Doctor Who, series six, episode eight, Let's Kill Hitler.
"God this is boring." Greed mumbled to himself.
"Do you even believe in god?"Ling said dryly.
"As a matter of fact, no. Do you?"
"Fuck no!"
"Didn't think so."
"What's that supposed to mean?"Ling said, looking vaguely suspicious.
"You're clever, you figure it out."
"Dick."
"Douche."
"Prick."
"Aw, I'm touched." Greed said sarcastically.
"I thought you didn't lie?" Ling said, giving Greed a mock- insulted look.
"Sarcasm doesn't count."
"Since when?"
"Since always!"
"Ha, it's funny because it's bullshit."
"Dang kid, for a prince you have one hell of a mouth."
"You'd be surprised how foul mouthed Lan Fan can get when it's that time of month."
"AH! GOD! KID! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"
"Hey, you asked, I delivered. And weren't we just over the god thing?"
"...Shut up."
"Crushing retort really."
"I'm tired, give me a break- How the hell did you get coffee?"
The Xingese prince was indeed sipping coffee, while being a soul inside of a Philosophers Stone.
"Don't ask. I'm not really sure of it myself."
"Can I have some magic coffee?"
"Sure, what the hell why not- NO." Ling snapped, pulling the cup closer towards him.
"And they say I'm greedy.."
"Fuck off and get me some bacon."
"HOW THE HELL DO I CRAM BACON IN TO A PHILOSOPHERS STONE?!"
"Beats the shit out off me."
"Thank you so much for your help!" Greedy said, twitching slightly.
"You're welcome!"
"Sarcasm."
"So, you were lying again?"
"Yes- no- maybe- shut up."
"Again with the witty retorts."
"Don't make me absorb you."
"Well that isn't pervy at all."
"In to the stone! Geeze!"
"Absorb some fucking bacon in to the stone or something! Hell, absorb a whole pig, I don't give a shit! JUST GIVE ME MY FUCKING BACON!"
The blob- Greed thing inside of the stone moved back a bit.
"Yeah that's what I thought!"
Meanwhile Envy stared, slightly worried for his/her brother.
"Uh... Greed? You okay there? Because you're screaming to yourself about magic coffee and bacon..."
"Fuck off palm tree."
"Ookay then.."
Wrath entered the room, silently putting down a mug of coffee and a plate of bacon.
Greed looked like he was about to grab the other homunculus in the most bone-crushing hug ever.
"SLOOOTH SMAAASH!"
Said homunculus smashed through the wall, chugged the coffee down, grabbed the plate of bacon, and ran for it.
"...Why does he feel the need to do that?" Envy said, staring at the Sloth-shaped hole in confusion.
Inside of the philosophers stone, Ling snickered, taking another swig of his coffee.
Gluttony walked in with another cup of coffee and plate of bacon. Greed looked suspiciously at the Sloth-shaped hole, before grabbing the coffee, and chugging it down in ten seconds flat. He then proceeded to scarf down the bacon, getting about halfway through the plate before Ling took over, and continued to eat bacon.
Afterwards Ling raided the fridge.
On a completely unrelated note, the homunculus need to buy a new fridge, seeing as the old one died. Violently.
Ling Yao denies any and all involvement in this, and wishes to know if you have any food.
I suggest you run, lie or deny.