Enough Already!
A Legend of Zelda fanfic by Patworx
Link stared confidently at the entrance of Ganondorf's castle. He knew just what he needed to do . . .
First, he'll kill the two guards who were watching the entrance of the castle. Next, he'll find a way to break into the castle. Then, he'll fight his way to Ganondorf's throne room; all the while avoiding traps and slaying any enemy who crosses his path. When he makes it to the throne room, he and Ganondorf will engage in a swordfight to the death. Finally, after he kills Ganondorf, he will flee the castle with Princess Zelda and escort her back to Hyrule.
Link drew his sword and started to take small steps toward the castle. Unfortunately, before he could get very far, he heard a sound that he had known all too well: the sound of wings fluttering in the breeze. Link was positive he knew what the source of that sound was, and sure enough, when he looked up at the tree branch above him, a brown owl with unbelievably long eyebrows was nestled on the branch. Upon seeing the owl for the umpteenth time, Link groaned quietly to himself.
"Oh, no. Not him again," Link muttered through gritted teeth.
"Greetings Link," hooed the owl, "It is I, Kaepora Gaebora. I am here to give you some advice about what to do as you confront Ganondorf."
"Here we go again", Link said bitterly.
"Alright, Link. The first thing you need to do is kill the two guards who are watching the entrance of the castle."
"I know," said Link in a deadpan voice.
"Next, you have to find a way to break into the castle."
"I know," Link repeated resentfully.
"After that, you'll have to fight your way to Ganondorf's throne room while avoiding traps and slaying any enemy who crosses your path."
"I know," Link said yet again, with a growing amount of anger in his voice.
"When you finally make it to the throne room, you and Ganondorf will engage in a swordfight to the death."
"I know!" Link shouted, his patience wearing thin.
"Finally, after you kill Ganondorf, you must flee the castle with Princess Zelda and escort her back to Hyrule."
"I KNOW!" Link cried in raging fury.
"Now then," said the owl as if Link was totally silent the whole time, "do you need to hear all that again?"
"Yes . . . I MEAN NO . . . WAIT . . ."
But it was too late. Kaepora Gaebora started all over from the beginning.
"Alright, Link. The first thing you need to do is kill the two guards who are - OW!"
Link had flung a pebble at the boring repetitive old bird with his slingshot and it hit his left wing. The pebble stung him like a hornet.
"BUZZ OFF YOU STUPID BIRD!" yelled Link, "I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP AND I DON'T NEED YOU TELLING ME MORE THINGS THAT I ALREADY KNOW! GET AWAY FROM ME!"
The annoying owl began to fly away indignantly.
"FINE! LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN DEFEAT GANONDORF BY YOURSELF YOU UNGRATEFUL PUNK!"
"DON'T WORRY!" Link called after him, "I WILL!"
Link felt victorious as the owl flew away.
"He's gone," Link said with delight, "he's finally gone . . ."