A/N: This is brief, written ages ago. It's set in the Kindred AU and falls after Inevitabile Resveglio (which happens to fall after Constructive Possession) in the timeline. You won't need to have read those in order to get the gist of this lighthearted romp, but if you get a wild hair, I do recommend it.
Happy birthday, Shikamaru Nara! You are genius love!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. I make no money from the writing of this fanfiction.
Warning: unbeta'd; humor; yaoi
"Is he still there?" Shikamaru asked.
"Mmm", was Neji's reply.
"Okay. On three." Both men mentally braced themselves.
"1-2-3."
Shikamaru got up from his perch at the picnic table and turned, with Neji at his back. The two men walked casually in the direction of the tall, dark-haired man who was standing beneath a large tree a few yards away pretending to check the time on his watch. The man looked nervous, as if he couldn't decide if it was too late to continue pretending he was simply enjoying the weather.
The choice shortly became moot as the two gorgeous men approached the lone tall one. Shikamaru stopped beside the man, facing him. Neji walked directly up to the man and, without speaking, grabbed him around the waist and melded their mouths together.
"Whmph—" the man uttered seconds before he found himself with a mouthful of Neji. He made to pry the Hyuuga off of him, but realized quickly how firm a hold he was in. The man struggled in vain as Neji deepened the kiss, slipping a teasing tongue between the man's lips and effectively disarming him.
Shikamaru timed the kiss at ten seconds before Neji released the man and stepped back.
"Hey!" the man spoke, placing his fingers flat against his ravaged lips and trying not to swoon. He made the mistake of looking into Neji's pastel eyes then. Whoa, the man thought to himself, taken aback by what he saw. They're even more amazing up close.
"Wh-Where do you get off?!" the man asked. He looked at Shikamaru, who still wore his Ray-Ban aviator sunglasses, and then back at Neji. Neither man seemed especially upset. The man was making some effort to act indignant, all the while wondering when, if ever, he'd been kissed like that.
"Well, we had to give the photographers something", Shikamaru told him.
"Photographers?" the man parroted. "Wh-what are you—"
"Come on, Lee is it? There are at least three of them positioned strategically within a 25-yard radius of our current position. And they can't be paparazzi; they're not nearly as stealthy."
The young man's eyes widened. How can they tell? "How do you know my name? Who are y—"
"Rock Lee, aged 28, detective, Konoha Police Department", Neji Hyuuga rattled off. "I know you. You've been decorated a number of times."
"And you know who we are, or you wouldn't be here, would you?" The Nara added.
Rock Lee stood silently, amazed. He was clearly out-skilled—not only had the attractive men quickly figured out what was going on but Neji's kiss still had Lee's head spinning. No wonder they were so popular.
"Which of our bosses ordered you to act as the decoy so those guys could get questionable photographs of the two of us?" Shikamaru asked.
Lee sighed. There was no longer any point in trying to deny anything. Besides, his own curiosity had been piqued. Lee wanted on their good side. He looked back and forth between the two men with an expression of resignation on his face.
"I cannot say."
"It's all right, Lee. We have a pretty good idea who set this up." Neji patted the man gently on his shoulder as the two men turned to leave.
"Wait", Lee said. The two men halted and turned back to him. "How did you know I was the decoy?"
Neji looked at Shikamaru, then back at Lee.
"Your job was to pretend to be enjoying the scenery. If we fell for it, you could take the photos yourself using that camera watch of yours. If we caught on, we'd avoid your position, effectively posing for the cadre of photographers in position around us."
Rock Lee looked at the camera strapped to his wrist. If he didn't know it himself, he would have sworn it was simply an expensive timepiece. He looked at the two men again.
"How did you know this wasn't just a wristwatch?" he asked both men.
"We didn't pull our special investigator designations out of a cereal box, Lee. Our bosses should've told you that", the Nara responded.
Actually, Lee's boss had. Lee had been placed on this assignment because his shift commander, Captain Sarutobi, knew he wouldn't allow the assignment itself or either of the two men to intimidate him. Lee would do anything, anytime, anywhere until the assignment was complete.
Lee didn't anticipate being kissed senseless, however. He couldn't wait to talk to Tenten, his colleague and good friend, about it.
"Anyway," the Nara added, "let us know how those pictures turn out."
The pictures! Lee was so frazzled he'd forgotten. There was no way those guys didn't photograph that kiss. He was so busted! What would his shift commander think?
"Oh, and Lee?" Neji asked as he put on his sunglasses.
Lee's eyes widened a little.
"You had an apple for lunch, didn't you? Very tasty." And with that, the two men turned and walked away.
Lee stood frozen to the spot, touching his fingers to his lips again and blushing furiously.
He liked it, Lee thought to himself as he watched the retreating men. Then he looked around. Suddenly he needed to get someplace private.
"Nice work, Hyuuga", the Nara commended him as they walked. "After that compliment he'll wind up with palms that look like his eyebrows."
"You flatter me", Neji replied.
A/N: I hope you have enjoyed this little interlude. ^_^