Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Eragon of Eldest.
This is just an angsty fic I thought of after listening to too much Sweeney Todd and Amy Lee. Enjoy, and review!
I felt the weight of Zar'roc against my leg as Thorn took to the skies. I focused on the sword, because it was one of the few things I could focus on without fear, and without regret. It was mine. My inheritance; the one thing I had the right to own in this world. Through my father's hand it had wounded me, scarring my back for life. That mark, and now the reputation of the sword in the hand of the son of Morzan, would precede me. And people would be afraid.
People might think me strong, evil, or remorseless, a killer with no heart. But I have a heart, or still have the memory of one; and it's slowly killing me. I saw the pain I caused Eragon, when he recognized me. He tried to offer me a loophole, a way to escape Galbatorix. Ha! Galbatorix leaves no loopholes, no ways out. He broke the barriers of my mind as the Twins tortured me with glee. He found my True Name, which I had discovered long ago. When Thorn hatched, I harbored a secret hope; that I could one day overthrow Galbatorix, and be free. But through my broken mind he found Thorn's True Name, and bound us to him. Eragon still believed he could free us... then he tried to kill us.
I understand why, but no life is worth more then mine. I have suffered enough in life to deserve, if nothing else, the right to live. No faceless man's life is more important then my own, or Thorn's. We have suffered enough.
Though Eragon will never know it, I still care enough for him to try to save him. If Eragon is captured, I will kill him before Galbatorix can break him. There is nothing worse then that; the psychical torture and the mental assault would be enough to drive a person to madness, if they don't have the strength of will to survive. I considered killing Eragon on the battlefield; at least then Galbatorix would be thwarted. But no, I care for him to much, and respect him for his view; however naïve.
Thorn brings me unbearable pain, and unbearable love. He alone can help me. He alone can shield me somewhat from Galbatorix's games. But when Shruiken hurts him, I am filled with a pain and rage so great, I would scream. For that is the one thing I have never done; I have never screamed. Not when the Twins tortured me, not when Galbatorix blew apart my mind, not when I killed Hrothgar, not when I betrayed the Varden, not when I fought Eragon and Saphira, and not when I let them go free. I have never screamed, throughout all the torments of my life. I can at least deny Galbatorix that satisfaction.
I do feel regret, and pain. I know what I do is wrong. I know what I do is evil, and that people suffer. But I do not know these people, and I can do nothing to help them without risking myself and Thorn. It's not worth the risk. Eragon would disagree; but he has never had to live as I have. To struggle every day to survive, and to kill every threat you find. The killing becomes easier to do, but it always hurt me, and slowly, it will tear apart my heart... But I'm not even sure I have that luxury left to me.
I have nothing. No love, no friends, no hope, no freedom, other then Thorn. I almost don't feel the pain anymore; I'm used to it by now. But I will never stop fighting. I will live, and that is my one defiance. By living, I defy Galbatorix, who would torture me. I defy the Varden, who would hate me. I defy even Eragon, by refusing to give in for the faceless men and women. While I have life and Thorn, I have something to live for. And that's enough. And it's something Eragon will never understand. I let the wind wash away my thoughts as Thorn, my one constant and friend, flew back to Urû'baen.
A/N: Tell me what you think. Review!