Enduring Love
Ray pushed the door to his and Fraser's apartment shut and leaned heavily against it. He let out a long sigh and turned his tired gaze towards Fraser and locked eyes with him.
"You are never allowed to talk me into something like that ever again! I swear Ben, if it's the last thing I do, I'm never, ever dressing like a woman, ever again. The pantyhose alone are enough to kill you." Ray stared at Ben who began laughing. "What's so funny, Ms. Fraser?"
"You actually wore the pantyhose, Ray?" Fraser stared at him, then lost control over his laughter.
"Why, you didn't? I thought it was part of the get up Frannie insisted we wore." Ray narrowed his eyes at Fraser and glared. "She gave you knee highs, didn't she!"
"Oh dear, my secret's out. Yes, Francesca was kind enough to provide me with a pair of knee highs instead of the pantyhose. I learned from my previous experience that those were not made to be worn by men. You do realize though, how much money we helped raise for the 'Build a Better Home' charity." Fraser let out another laugh which was quickly followed by a sneeze and a deep cough.
"A little heads up would have been nice, Frase, that's not buddies." Fraser's coughing fit continued and Ray eyed him with a sudden touch of concern. "Hey, you okay there?"
"I believe I will be fine, just swallowed wrong or something." Fraser shrugged and walked over to where Ray was still leaning against the door. "Ms. Kowalski…" Fraser placed his hands on the door on either side of Ray and pinned him there with his gaze. "Would you care to follow me into our bedroom?" Fraser leaned towards Ray and captured his lips in one quick motion. His tongue needed no invitation as Ray parted his lips and allowed Fraser instant access. The kiss was soft and sensual. Ray dropped the bags he was still holding and wrapped his long arms around Fraser's waist, pulling him closer. He pressed a foot into the door and pushed off, propelling himself and Fraser towards their bedroom.
"I'll follow you to the bedroom, but you gotta take the eyeliner off before this goes any further."
"Understood, Ray." Fraser kissed Ray again quickly. "Give me five minutes to shower."
"Five minutes…go." Ray kissed Fraser back, then spun him around quickly and pushed him gently towards the bathroom. "And don't come out until you look like a man again."
Fraser showered and wrapped a towel around his waist. He entered their bedroom and found Ray staring out the window into the dark night. "How much snow did they forecast?" Ray asked. "It's really coming down fast. It looks like it's a heavy snow too."
Fraser walked up behind Ray and held open his side of the curtain to look for himself. "I believe the weatherman called for over a foot." He nuzzled the back of Ray's neck and wrapped his arms around Ray's chest and pulled him closer. He whispered in Ray's ear, "It's a good thing neither one of us has to work tomorrow- we may just get snowed in." Fraser began placing soft kisses around Ray's neck and working his hands underneath the snug faded green shirt he loved to see Ray wear. The material was soft over his hands as he rubbed across Ray's taut stomach and then massaged their way towards his chest.
"And what a pity that would be, stuck at home…" Ray found Fraser's hands and locked their fingers together.
"Stuck in bed, perhaps…" Fraser whispered into Ray's ear, then nuzzled his neck.
"Oh, I like the sound of that…" Ray turned around and slipped his hands around Fraser's waist. "But don't forget my parents are coming to visit tomorrow."
"Ah, yes. They were going to take Ante back to Arizona with them, were they not?"
"Ummm, I think the answer to that is a yes- speak English, not Canadian, Frase."
"Understood, Ray."
Ray glanced back out the window and then turned around again in Fraser's arms. He studied his face. "Hey, you feeling okay?" Ray asked concerned.
"Of course, I'm fine, perhaps a bit tired from pretending to be a woman all evening. Why do you ask?"
"Your face is all flushed. Are you warm?" Ray pressed a hand over Fraser's forehead, like a mother would a sick child.
"Ray, I just got out of the shower, of course my skin is going to be flushed, besides…"
"I know, you've never been sick a day in your life. You've told me that countless times, but I still don't buy it." Ray continued to check Fraser's forehead for signs of a fever.
"Would you stop with the hands? Of course I have had the common cold and childhood illnesses. I am just fairly healthy is all." Fraser moved out of Ray's reach when he kept fussing.
"Alright, fine, but if you get to feeling bad, you'll tell me, right?"
"Of course, Ray. I assure you, I'm fine. Come on, let's go to bed and I will pretend to be ill so you can play doctor." Fraser took hold of Ray's hands and pulled him towards their bed. "I think you're wearing far too many clothes though. May I help you out of a few layers?" Fraser was practically purring in Ray's ear and nuzzled his neck once again.
"God… Ben."
Fraser tugged Ray's t-shirt over his head, with its experimental golden blond spikes, and dropped it to the floor. He popped the button on Ray's jeans open and Ray shimmied out of them quickly. Fraser and Ray fell into bed and covered themselves up with their blankets, locking in their shared warmth. They lay together with their legs entwined. Fraser draped an arm over Ray's shoulder, while Ray pulled Fraser closer with an arm around his waist.
"I love you." Ray whispered in his ear before placing soft kisses on Fraser's collarbone. Fraser blinked a few times and his ocean blue eyes told Ray that he was tired. Ray kissed his lips softly. "Go to sleep, Ben. We can play doctor tomorrow when we're snowed in."
"I'm sorry, Ray. I suppose I am more tired than I previously thought." Fraser shivered and Ray tightened his hold and pulled the blankets closer around them.
"I think you're coming down with something, Ben. First, you are all flushed and now you're shivering. You're never cold. I cuddle up to you when I'm cold, how am I supposed to stay warm now?"
"Perhaps, you could turn up the heat. I am feeling unusually chilly."
"Sure, no problem." Ray got out of bed, found the thermostat in the living room and turned the temperature warmer in the apartment. When he returned, Fraser had already fallen asleep and was snoring lightly, his breathing beginning to take on a rattling sound. Ray smiled to himself. "Yeah, Ben… you're not sick" He slid back into bed and pulled Fraser close, and tried to share his own body heat with his partner. "Night, Frase." He heard Fraser murmur something in his sleep that he couldn't make out and he drifted off to sleep himself.
Fraser awakened several hours later coughing uncontrollably. When the coughing didn't subside, he got out of bed and threw on a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt. He went to the kitchen for a glass of water, hoping that would help the tickle in his throat. The tickle remained and, not wanting to wake up Ray, he decided to lie down on the couch instead of returning to their bedroom. 'At least one of us will be able to get some sleep tonight,' he thought. His skin was feeling chilled and his muscles were beginning to ache and he briefly wondered if he was getting the flu that had been going around. He covered up with the blanket draped over the back of the couch and tried to fall back asleep but the coughing was becoming a hindrance. He decided a cup of hot tea might just help the tickle that wouldn't go away.
Fraser settled back onto the couch with his tea and his father's journals. It wasn't long before he was drifting off to sleep. The coughing however remained a constant throughout the night and deepened into a rattle in his chest.
Ray woke the following morning to a cold bed. He was instantly awake when he heard the coughing fit coming from the living room. "Ben…" he called to his partner, concerned. He hurried into the living room and found Fraser struggling to sleep on the couch. 'A thermometer, now where is that thing?' Ray retreated to the bathroom and dug through the drawers and cupboard until he located the item. He checked to make sure the battery was working and took it out to Fraser, who was just waking up.
Before Fraser knew what was happening, Ray had the thermometer shoved in his mouth.
"Leave it there, Ben, under the tongue. You're sick, whether you admit it or not. I think you have the flu." The thermometer beeped and Ray removed it from Fraser's mouth. "101.3...you're sick my friend. Lots of fluids, lots of rest and some flu meds. Nyquil is the bomb, it will take away your every ache. Can I get you something to drink? How about some of that tea you like?"
Fraser sat up on the couch and let out a small groan. "Tea would be lovely, Ray thank you. I believe you're right, I have contracted the flu."
"Sure thing. I told you last night you were coming down with something." Ray disappeared into the kitchen while Fraser drew the blanket further up his body. God, his every muscle hurt and his head was splitting in two. He heard Ray call from the kitchen, "You think you can handle some toast or is your stomach messed up as well?"
Fraser began to answer but was overcome with another coughing fit. "I'm sorry. I think I can handle some toast, but you don't have to wait on me, Ray. I can get up and get it myself in a few minutes… when the room stops spinning."
Ray returned with Fraser's tea, toast and a dose of Nyquil in a small cup. "Here, this should help with the head and the cough, and it has something in it to help you sleep." Fraser opened his mouth to protest but Ray cut him off before he could begin. "No, you listen to me this time, Ben. We are in the middle of what looks like a blizzard and I can't get you to a hospital if you get worse. So, take the meds, eat the toast, drink your tea and get some rest. I'm going to go take Dief and Ante out to do their business and I'll be right back. I don't want you to move from this couch unless it's to crawl back in bed."
"Ray, I think you are being a bit overly dramatic. I assure you, I will be fine."
"Yeah, in a few days. Come on Ben, don't fight me on this. Let me take care of you; it's all a part of being partners. I want to take care of you when you're sick and since you're never sick...I never get the chance."
Fraser sighed heavily and took the medication from Ray's hand. "Very well Ray, I will be a good patient and let you take care of me. Have you heard from your mother? Isn't her flight supposed to be in around noon? I haven't looked outside but from the sound of the wind it has got to be terrible for traveling."
"No, I was going to try and call her once I came back from taking the dogs out." Diefenbaker barked sharply at Ray from his resting place at Fraser's feet. "Sorry...half-wolf... happy?"
Dief yipped and rested his head back on Fraser's legs.
"Ray, do we have any tissues? I really need to blow my nose. God I feel terrible." Fraser began coughing again and that brought on a sneezing fit. Ray winced as he handed over the tissues.
"What color is your snot?"
Fraser stopped just as the tissue hit the tip of his nose. He crinkled his eyes at Ray and wrinkled his nose. "Excuse, me... color of my snot? Ray, that's terribly disgusting."
"You, of all people, think that's disgusting. That has got to be a first. Listen, I don't want to see it or anything, just look at it and tell me the color. It may be disgusting, but it's also a very accurate way of telling how sick you actually are. I know this because; I come from a family that got the flu like clockwork every year. Now, blow."
"Ray, I am not telling you the color of my snot, that's just ...well, it's gross."
"No, gross would be me digging through the trash and looking myself. Buddies, would be you telling me so I don't have to stoop to that level. Hey, I dressed as a woman for you...it's the least you can do for me in return."
Fraser blew his nose and with a disgusted look took a peek at the contents in the tissue. "If it means anything, Doctor Kowalski, it's green."
"Ben, that means you're sick, with some sort of infection going on."
Fraser leaned back into the couch and sighed. If he was honest with himself, he really wasn't feeling well, but he didn't want Doctor Ray to worry any more than he already was. He only meant to close his eyes for a moment, but he was drifting off to sleep before he knew it.
Ray took Ante and Diefenbaker outside for a quick trip. When he returned he found that Fraser had moved back into their bed with the box of tissues lying on the bed beside him and numerous used ones littering the floor where he had meant to drop them into the trash can...but had missed. Ray let Dief into their room and returned to the living room to try and get a hold of his mom.
The storm was really blowing outside and the snow was accumulating quickly. The weatherman was wrong, Chicago was getting more snow than forecasted and the wind was much stronger than originally reported. Yeah they were in the middle of a blizzard. 'Big surprise there,' Ray thought to himself. Ray was getting worried. What if they got snowed in and Fraser needed a doctor? He finally reached his mother and learned that her flight had been diverted to another city that wasn't under a blizzard warning. She would be at least another day or two before arriving in Chicago. 'Great,' he thought. He had been secretly hoping that she would know what to do for Fraser and have a secret cure-all to make him better.
Ray spent the remainder of the morning doing laundry while Fraser slept. He woke up long enough for Ray to check his temperature and to drink another cup of tea. Ray had offered to make him some toast but he politely declined with a 'Maybe later.' Ray wasn't impressed with the sounds of his coughs or his temperature that kept slowly rising. He got Fraser to swallow another capful of Nyquil and prayed that the medicine would do the trick soon.
Fraser woke up late in the afternoon and slowly wandered out to the couch and practically collapsed into its embrace. Ray was watching a football game and glancing through one of Fraser's dad's journals that he had been reading earlier. Fraser made a feeble attempt at covering himself with the blanket from the back of the couch, but Ray came to his rescue and spread the blanket over his aching body.
"Thank you, Ray." It took all of Fraser's energy just to say that one sentence. He laid his head on one of the couch pillows and closed his eyes. Ray leaned over and pressed his hand against Fraser's forehead again. This time, there was no resistance on Fraser's part. Ray retrieved the thermometer from the kitchen and asked Fraser quietly to put it under his tongue. Fraser opened his mouth with no protest and Ray placed it in. Within a minute it was beeping and Fraser removed it from his mouth and handed it towards Ray without opening his eyes. Ray read the thermometer and let out a short hiss. "Shit…" Fraser didn't even flinch from Ray's obscenity. Ray located his phone and retreated into their bedroom and closed the door to call his mom.
'Please answer, please answer, please answer…' Ray was begging into the phone. Barbara Kowalski answered on the third ring. Ray didn't give her more than a few seconds to even get out a hello to her son. "Mom…it's Ben. He's really sick and I don't know what to do for him. It's snowing really bad…well, you know that, your flight got rerouted, and I can't get out to take him to a doctor."
"Calm down, Stanley. Does Benton have a fever?" Ray's mother asked him, and he could almost feel her motherly instincts coming through the phone. He knew she would know what to do.
"Yeah, he does. It started off at 101.3 this morning when I checked it but it has gone up to 103.4 and he has this nasty cough that sounds like his lungs are full of fluids and he's really weak. I'm really worried about him, Mom."
"What have you been giving him, dear?" Barbara enquired.
"I've been giving him Nyquil to help with the cough and the aches and he's had some toast and some tea."
"That is all good honey. Has he been vomiting?"
"No, he has kept everything down so far today." Just as Ray finished his sentence, he heard Fraser throwing up in the bathroom. "Well, I take that back… he's throwing up now." Ray made his way to towards the bathroom. This was a first for him to see Fraser so sick and then to add vomiting on top of the flu, Ray was feeling overwhelmed. "Mom… what do I do?"
"Get him some water to rinse his mouth dear, and then have him lie back down and place a cool cloth on his forehead to help with the fever. Alternate Tylenol with ibuprofen for the fever and keep offering the fluids. He can try toast again if he feels up to it in a few hours. Just let him rest and if he isn't feeling better when the snow breaks, then take him to a doctor. Hopefully, I can get there in the next day. Keep up with the cool cloths to the forehead, that should help keep his fever at least stable. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to call, dear."
"Thanks, Mom…keep your phone close." Ray said his goodbyes to his mom and hung up the phone, then headed towards the bathroom. It was quiet so he knocked lightly and slowly walked into the bathroom. His heart broke when he saw Fraser with his head resting on his forearm hunched over the toilet. He turned to the closet for a washcloth, and ran cool water over it and wrung it out. Then he filled a glass with cool water and handed it to Fraser without a word. Fraser rinsed out his mouth and rested his head back on his arm with his eyes closed.
"Thanks…" was all Fraser could manage.
"Ben, let me help you to the couch. I have a cool rag for your head to help with the fever. I know you probably don't want to, but I'd like you to try and sip some tea as well."
"Okay…" Fraser replied. His entire body hurt and after throwing up he wasn't at all interested in eating or drinking anything but the logical side of his brain told him that it was necessary if he wanted to stay hydrated. He let Ray help him to his feet and then to the couch. Ray helped him get settled and covered his shivering body with the trusty blanket once more. "Ray… I think I'm dying."
Ray couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "It may feel like it, Ben, but you just have a really bad case of the flu." He placed the cool cloth on Ben's forehead. "Leave that there for a little bit, it will help with your fever. I called my mom and that's what she told me to do."
"Thank you, Ray. I'm sorry you have to spend your day off taking care of me." Fraser managed to open his eyes and looked at Ray.
Fraser's eyes were a darker shade of blue than they normally were. Ray loved his eyes. He often got lost while gazing in them. God, what he wouldn't do for this man. "I love you, Ben. I just want you better. Let me make you some tea and see if you can't keep a little of that down."
Fraser closed his eyes and nodded in agreement with Ray. He tugged the blanket further up his chilled and aching body and buried his head in the couch pillow. He was asleep before Ray returned with his tea.
Ray placed the tea on the end table. He removed the now warm cloth from Fraser's forehead and returned to the kitchen to run it under cool water again. He had to keep Fraser's fever in check or Fraser could be in serious trouble. He glanced at the clock while in the kitchen and realized it was approaching evening and he hadn't even eaten lunch. No wonder his stomach was growling at him. He returned to the couch and placed the cool cloth back on Fraser's forehead.
Pulling on his coat and scarf, he called to Diefenbaker and Ante and took them out once more to do their business. Both animals were less than enthusiastic about parading around in the quickly accumulating snow and made a quick retreat back into the warmth of the building, which Ray was eternally grateful for. Ray looked at Dief and asked, "Are you sure you're part wolf? Fraser is right, Dief… you're becoming a bit of a wuss." Diefenbaker ignored Ray and hustled back up the stairs towards their apartment with Ante following close behind. Ray came to the apartment door and found Diefenbaker whining at the door.
"What's the matter boy?" Ray ruffled Dief's fur and pet his head. He unlocked the door and opened it. Diefenbaker bolted inside and ran over to the couch where Fraser was still asleep while Ray and Ante followed at a much slower pace. Ray headed to the kitchen to find himself something to eat and settled on leftover pasta from the night before. He heated a plate of pasta up in the microwave, poured himself a glass of regular iced tea- he never really liked Fraser's spearmint- and returned to the living room to settle himself in his recliner so he would be close in case Fraser needed anything. He barely made it to his chair when he glanced up from his plate of food and noticed a young woman leaning over the arm of the couch, staring at Fraser. Diefenbaker was emitting a low growl towards the young woman who appeared not to notice him. Either not notice, or simply wasn't scared. She was reaching out to place her hands on Fraser's forehead, when Ray finally recovered from his shock and found his voice.
"HEY…get away from him! Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my apartment?"
The woman stopped her hands and stood up straight, staring Ray down. Whoever she was, she wasn't scared of Ray. She was staring at him so calmly- how did she even get in here?
"Please, don't be afraid…I'm not here to harm him."
Ray was agitated now. "Who the hell are you?" He asked with as much aggression and anger as he could manage in such a short amount of time.
"Caroline Fraser, Benton's mother."
Ray dropped his plate of pasta on the floor and, for once, Diefenbaker did not leave his spot as Fraser's guard to clean it up.
Shit…no way. "Ben's mom is dead, has been for like 30 years lady… Once again, who the fuck are you?"
Again, the woman replied calmly, "Caroline Fraser, Benton's mother… and you don't need to remind me, young man, that I am dead, I am well aware of that fact."
"But… how… where… what?" Ray was clearly confused. How did a dead woman show up thirty some odd years after her death? And for what? Ray didn't believe in ghosts any more than the next guy, but then he remembered Fraser used to talk about how his father's ghost, or being- he wasn't even sure what to call him- used to make his presence known. Could this really be Fraser's mom? "Prove it…" Ray found himself telling her.
"Prove that I am indeed Benton's mother?" she asked Ray in that strange, calm voice, which had a beautiful ring to it. Fraser had told him his mother had a beautiful voice, but that was about all Fraser could remember of her.
"Yeah, prove it." Ray repeated. She locked eyes with Ray and without another word from her, he knew. Fraser and this woman- his mother- had the exact same eyes. They were full of kindness and love and were the most intense shade of blue he had ever seen. "Oh my God…" was all Ray could get past his lips.
"I was taken from him when he needed me the most. I never got to see my baby grow into a man. I never had a chance to watch him fall in love and I never got to see someone love him in return," Caroline explained slowly to Ray, returning her gaze to a still sleeping Fraser. "I don't know how, but I am finally able to exist on the same plane as him. I saw him briefly, when my killer was finally captured, but it was too brief and for some reason I wasn't able to communicate with him. All we could do was see each other, but that wasn't enough for me and I have been trying to cross over ever since. Even if I can't hold him… at least I can see him, and maybe, finally say goodbye."
"Ben's sick… and I don't know what to do for him." Ray blurted out. "Is that why you're here, to take care of him one last time?"
"I honestly don't know." Caroline moved closer to Fraser and Ray could see the hurt and sorrow wash over her face. She brought her hands up to cover her mouth as she let out a small sob… "Oh, my sweet baby, I'm so sorry I never got to see you grow up. I'm sorry that you had to be raised by your grandparents and that you never felt the love from your family." Her sobbing grew louder as she continued and Ray found himself drawing nearer to her and Fraser. "His father was a good man, but he didn't know what to do with a child by himself. His parents did the best they knew how, but my Ben… he needed his mother."
"I'm Ray, and I love your son, with every ounce of my being. I'm here to tell you that he turned into a great man, one of the best and I would lay my life on the line for him. He means everything to me. We may not have taken the most traditional way to love, but I could never live without him."
"Ray, it's my pleasure. It was not my intention to frighten you, but…" Caroline looked lost for a moment. She glanced from Fraser back to Ray. "… I have been given an opportunity to say farewell. I just want to be able to hold my baby one more time. I want to tell him that I will always love him. I want to be able to look into those beautiful blue eyes of his and tell him that he's not forgotten, that he was loved so much. What I wouldn't give, to be able to wrap my arms around him and tell him to hold on to those that love him. But, I'm dead. I have nothing to offer anyone for that opportunity."
Ray stared at Caroline, unsure what to say. He stole a glance at Fraser, who appeared to be shifting into a more comfortable position. Fraser mumbled something in his sleep which was followed by a deep, rattling cough.
"Did you know he talks in his sleep? Drives me nuts sometimes, other times...it's kind of funny."
Caroline smiled at Ray and then brushed her ghostly hand over Fraser's cheek. "He used to do that as a child as well, seems some things you never outgrow."
Fraser slurred something that vaguely resembled 'Mom.' Caroline froze and glanced at Ray.
"Do you think he would be able to see you? I mean, I can see you so there's no reason he shouldn't be able to. He could see his dad too, you know... after he died."
"His father was a wonderful man," Caroline explained to Ray.
"I've been reading his journals that Ben has now. He really loved Ben from the sound of it, but he was too busy with his job too really get to know him."
"Yes...Robert's job almost always interferred with family obligations. He always seemed to be out on patrol whenever Benton would master something as an infant. His first words, crawling, walking...Robert missed all the milestones a parent should be witness to. Oh, he heard about them and celebrated them upon his return home, but…" Caroline paused.
"He still missed them..." Ray finished her sentence for her. She glanced back at Ray again and nodded solemnly.
"Yes, he did and I know it hurt him deeply, but his job still came first. He had a duty to uphold."
"Ben talks about duty a lot, drives me batty. I mean, I get the concept...hell, I'm a cop. But come on...that over your own family, I just don't get that."
"I've been able to observe Benton and his father interacting since he passed away. I've only been able to cross over, to my Benton, the one time." Caroline said with a hint of bitterness. "I remember hearing Robert tell Benton that he was a miserable father after I died, but in reality, everywhere he looked, he was reminded of me and he didn't know how to deal with that. It was almost like Benton lost both of his parents at once."
Not wanting to sadden Caroline any further, Ray changed the subject. "What kind of kid was Ben?"
Caroline laughed and replied, "That could take a while, my dear Ray."
Ray shrugged, "It's not like I'm going anywhere anytime soon. We're in the middle of a blizzard and it's not like you have any place to be...I mean, you're dead."
Caroline looked from Ray back to Fraser and sighed, then a smile appeared on her face as she remembered. "He was very inquisitive, very smart, emotional and oh so stubborn."
Ray could barely contain the chuckle. "Yeah, he's stubborn all right. So, stubborn it annoys the hell out of me sometimes, but God I love him."
"I can see how much you care for him, and he loves you that much in return?" Caroline questioned Ray.
Ray blushed, "Yeah, he loves me just as much. I don't know what I would do without him in my life. He means everything to me." Ray's pink face turned serious. "I just wish I could make him better. I've never seen him this sick and the meds don't seem to be working and his cough sounds horrible and his fever keeps going up. My mom was supposed to fly in to visit today but her flight got delayed. I was hoping she could make him better. Moms know how to make everything better."
Caroline glanced again at Ray. "Well, I'm his mother. Perhaps- I should try."
Ray exclaimed in surprise, "Of course… why didn't I think of that? What should I do for him?"
Caroline looked towards the kitchen. "Do you have any honey?"
"Honey… as in that sticky stuff the bees make? Ben loves that stuff. He actually just bought some the other day. You want me to get it? What's it for?" Ray asked Caroline.
"Honey can be used to sooth a sore throat and calm a cough, at least enough until you can get him to a doctor for some antibiotics." Caroline explained. "Do you have a vaporizer and some menthol?"
"Yeah, Ben has that stuff as well. I should have thought of that, he used it for me a few months ago when I had a sinus infection and couldn't breathe."
"The vaporizer will help with his congestion and cough as well and allow him to breathe easier. Turn it on in your bedroom and shut the door and have Benton lie down in there in about fifteen minutes."
"Okay, I can do that. I think he keeps that thing in the bathroom. Let me go see if I can find it." Ray got up from his chair, located the vaporizer in the bathroom and set it up in the bedroom. He then went to the kitchen and got the honey and a spoon and brought it back to the living room. He gave Caroline a questioning look. "How much should I give him?"
"A tablespoon should be sufficient" Caroline explained to Ray. "You could also stir some into some hot tea if he doesn't want to take it plain. I had to do that many times when he was a child. However, plain would be best."
Fraser began to stir on the couch and slowly opened his eyes. He was once again coughing uncontrollably and both Caroline and Ray winced.
"Ray…" Fraser moaned and his hands began searching for Ray's. Ray moved to the couch and settled himself on the edge next to Fraser's hips. Fraser reached out for Ray and clutched the hem of Ray's faded green shirt.
It pained Ray to see Fraser so needy. The fingers holding on to that piece of cotton fabric were like an unconscious, overly tired voice whispering, 'Please stay, don't go… I need you.' He took Fraser's hands into his own and rubbed his thumb over the top of Fraser's hands in a soothing motion.
"I'm here Ben…I'm here. How are you feeling?" Ray asked his partner, concerned.
"God, I'm so tired, Ray. My head hurts and my muscles hurt and it feels as if there is an elephant sitting on my chest" Fraser croaked out.
"I want to take your temperature again and get some more medicine into you. I also want you to take some honey; it will help sooth your cough. I have it right here."
"Honey?" Fraser questioned. "My mom used to give me honey when I was sick as a child. It was always hard to come by but she always seemed to have some whenever I was sick. Oddly, it always helped with a cough."
"Here, why don't you take some while I go get the thermometer? I left it in the kitchen." Ray poured some honey onto the tablespoon for Fraser and went to the kitchen to retrieve the thermometer. He returned to the living room and found Caroline hovering over Fraser again. He was unsure if Fraser could see his mom or feel her presence and he debated with himself whether he should mention her at all. He didn't want to freak Fraser out while he was so sick and weak, but what if Caroline never got another chance at returning, he wondered. He decided to approach the subject slowly.
"Here Ben, put this under your tongue. I have some more Nyquil for you as well."
Fraser obeyed as Ray placed another cool cloth on his forehead. Fraser closed his eyes again. The thermometer beeped and Ray checked the display. "God, Ben, it's still too high." He stole a glance at Caroline. "What should I do?"
"A tepid shower should help lower his temperature, if he's strong enough to stand up," Caroline told Ray.
Ray nodded in agreement. He had to get Fraser's temperature lowered, even if it meant standing in the shower with him to hold him upright.
"Ray, I don't think I can take a shower right now. I barely have the strength to lift my head, surely the cool cloth and…" Fraser stopped and opened his eyes and looked at Ray, suddenly confused. "Who said that?"
Ray was tripping over his words, "Said? Said what?" Did Fraser really hear his mother?
"About the shower, that wasn't your voice, who else is here?" Fraser attempted to sit up on the couch as Ray was trying to push him back down.
"Ben… don't freak out, ok?" Ray said slowly, trying to gauge Fraser's reaction. "Your mom is here with us. She's been watching over you with me and she's the one who told me about the honey and the shower. She's by your head, but behind you. Your mom's beautiful, Ben"
Caroline stepped around the couch and came into Fraser's line of sight. "Hello, Benton."
"Mom? You're really here." Fraser got tears in his eyes and looked from his mother to Ray and back to his mother again. "How? It's been so long since I've seen you."
Caroline crouched down next to the couch to look into Fraser's deep blue eyes. "Oh, my sweet baby, I don't know the answer to that question. Ever since you caught my killer and I was able to come to you and your father in that mineshaft, I have been trying to cross back over to see you." Caroline wanted so desperately to take Fraser into her arms but all she came up with was air.
Fraser was looking confused. "Am I dreaming, Ray? Is my mom really here? Perhaps, the flu is affecting my mind."
The living room had grown quiet while Fraser was attempting to wrap his tired brain around the idea that his mother was really in his presence.
Ray broke the silence that has settled over the room. "Maybe it's because I needed help and didn't know what to do. Your mom told me about the honey and the vaporizer and the cool shower to help make you better. She's really here, Ben."
"God, Mom, I've missed you so much." Fraser began weeping and Ray took hold of his hands once again.
"Please don't cry Benton." Caroline begged him. "It was never my intention to upset you."
Ray interrupted, "Knowing Ben, I think those are happy tears." He smiled at Caroline and then looked to Fraser. "How about I help you into the shower, get you cooled off, and then see about maybe getting some toast and tea in you. You gotta be hungry. Then, you and your mom can catch up, but let's get you taken care of first."
Fraser looked apprehensive. He stared into his mother's eyes and asked, "You'll be here when I get done?"
Caroline nodded her head "Yes, dear, I will be right here."
"Come on, Ben." Ray helped Fraser off the couch and towards the bathroom. He got him in and out of the shower with no complications, but he could tell Fraser was quickly losing the battle to stay awake. "Let's get you settled into bed and I will make you some toast and tea, then you and your mom can talk while I take Dief and Ante out again. I have the vaporizer going so it should help you breathe easier."
"Thank you, Ray. I do believe I need to lie down again, but the toast and tea sound wonderful."
"No problem, Ben." Ray got Fraser settled into bed and brought him his tea and toast. "You need anything else before I take Dief and Ante out? I won't be long."
"No, thank you, Ray. Is my mom still here?" Fraser asked, unsure.
Ray stepped to the side and Caroline entered the room behind him.
"Yes, Benton, I'm still here." Caroline stepped closer to the bed and Ray excused himself.
"I won't be long, Ben." He looked at Caroline before leaving the bedroom. "Look after him for me, please."
Caroline nodded and turned back to Fraser. "This is my chance to say good bye."
Fraser smiled at his mother and he could feel the dip in the bed as she settled on the edge beside him. It almost felt real as she placed her hands on top of his and pulled the blankets up towards his head.
"This reminds me of the time when you were about five years old. Your grandparents were visiting for the weekend and you became so ill. There was a raging blizzard and we couldn't get out to take you to a doctor, not even by dogsled. I prayed that you wouldn't get any worse. You were so small and you had become so weak. You had always been so healthy that your illness took us by surprise. Your father was beside himself knowing he couldn't do anything to make you better. It was your grandmother who showed me what to do for you." Caroline squeezed Fraser's hands. "I thought I was going to lose you that day, but you made a full recovery within a few days. I had never been so scared in all of my life. Then, I was taken from you so suddenly." Caroline's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I'm so proud of the man you've become, Benton. I only wish I could have been alive to see you grow into the man you are today and share in all your experiences with you. Your father was quite proud of you as well."
"I always wanted to be a Mountie, like Dad. Ever since I could remember, he would come home and tell stories of the criminals he had caught and what he had to go through to hunt and track them down. He never gave up the fight for justice. I always admired that trait in him, and I wanted to be just like him. I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to make you both proud." Fraser's eyelids were beginning to droop with fatigue. "Will you stay?" he asked his mother as he quickly lost the battle to remain awake.
"Of course, my dear," Caroline replied in a soothing tone. She remained at Fraser's side, caressing his cheek whenever he would stir and groan in his sleep. She acknowledged Ray, when he poked his head in the room to check on Fraser. Ray placed a cool cloth on Fraser's warm forehead. Caroline told him that Fraser's condition was about the same. Ray left the room to fix some coffee and Caroline was left alone with her thoughts.
Fraser woke up two hours later. His confusion at seeing his mother quickly dissipated and a warm smile graced his features. "You're still here." Fraser's voice was just above a whisper.
"Yes. I told you I would stay." Caroline replied. Her voice was filled with tenderness.
"Thank you." Fraser whispered again.
"I'm quite fond of your friend, Benton. He has taken really good care of you tonight." Caroline settled her hands back on top of Fraser's.
"He's more than my friend, Mom," Fraser admitted, unsure of her reaction.
"I know that dear. I can see the love he has for you. Love is hard to find and it's not always an easy road. Your father and I didn't always see eye to eye when it came to raising you. I sometimes thought he was too tough on you and he often thought that I babied you too much. We both just wanted what was best for you. Regardless, I see what a fine man you have turned into and I would like to think that I am partially responsible for that."
"I learned things from both you and dad that I have carried with me my entire life. And I love Ray. I don't need a perfect relationship with him, I just need someone who won't give up on me."
"I'll never give up on you, Ben." Ray declared from the doorway.
"I think that I can leave and know that you will be taken care of. Ray is a good man. I have finally found the peace I have been seeking for thirty years. I will always love you, Benton and I'm so sorry that you had to go through life without your mother." Caroline leaned forward and kissed Fraser on the forehead. "A mother's love is never ending, I am with you always." She looked to Ray and asked, "You will take care of my baby for me?"
"Absolutely." Ray told her, his love for Fraser shining through his eyes.
"It is time for me to go, then. I love you, Benton. Hold on to Ray, baby…he's a keeper. Goodbye my love." She kissed Fraser's forehead again and gave his hands another squeeze and began to fade away.
"Goodbye, Mom. I love you." Tears began to stream down Fraser's face as his mother disappeared into the snowy night. Ray was right by his side once again. He crawled into bed with Fraser and pulled the blankets up around their bodies and held a sobbing Fraser close.
"It's okay Ben, she finally got her chance to say goodbye to you and she has found some closure to that horrible tragedy." Ray ran his hands up and down Fraser's arm trying to soothe his sobbing, which turned into a quiet whimper.
"I didn't realize how much I had missed her, until I saw her again." Fraser moved closer into Ray's arms and tightened his grip around his waist. "Thank you, Ray, for being here for me. I love you," Fraser whispered before drifting off to sleep.
Ray ran his slender fingers over Fraser's cheek. "I love you too."
Fraser woke up the following morning to the smell of coffee and pancakes. He wandered out to the couch and fell into its embrace once again. He covered himself up with the warm, ever-reliable blanket. Diefenbaker nudged his knee with his nose. "Good morning, Dief. Yes, I am feeling much better. Thank you, kindly." Dief yipped at Fraser. "No, I'm not feeling well enough to take you and Ante out for a run. Sorry, boy, maybe in a day or so, when I have more energy and there isn't two feet of snow to walk through." Diefenbaker settled his head on Fraser's knee once again and Fraser scratched behind Dief's ears.
Ray heard Fraser and the wolf talking, and came out of the kitchen carrying a cup of tea for Fraser and a couple of cold pills. Ray leaned down and kissed Fraser on the forehead before handing over the tea and pills. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"
"Much better than yesterday, thank you kindly. I thought I was dying last night," Fraser explained.
"Hey, you're not coughing as much, that honey must have helped." Ray exclaimed, slightly surprised.
"My mother was a smart woman." Fraser smiled warmly at her memory.
"Yes, she was. And speaking of mothers, my mom called and dad is picking her up at her hotel. They should be here later this afternoon to get Ante. It stopped snowing sometime during the night and the trucks have been out clearing the roads. We got about two feet of snow since the other night." Ray refilled his cup of coffee and added his customary M&Ms before returning to the living room. He settled on the couch beside Fraser and pulled him close.
"I'm so glad you're feeling better. I was really worried about you last night. I don't know what I would have done had your mom not shown up and helped me."
Fraser settled his head on Ray's shoulder. He sighed and wove their fingers together. "Can you just hold me, Ray?"
"Forever, Ben… forever."
Enduring: persisting or surviving in the face of difficulties; patient or tolerant despite many difficulties
Love: to feel tender affection for somebody such as a close relative or friend