Harry Potter and the Day Before

by Dusk Dreamer

...the Halloween Midnight Rock and Roll For ever and ever PARTAY! Rated for language.

Harry Potter and the Day Before the Halloween Midnight Rock and Roll for ever and ever Partay!!!

Note: Hr is Hermione and H is Harry. -blank- means someone feeling or doing something. Enjoy reading!

It is the day before Halloween, and everyone is eating breakfast in the Great Hall.

At the Gryffindor table…

Ron: -munch- thsrligdsf!

Hermione: -is disgusted- Ron, no one can understand you if you talk with your mouth full of food.

R: -munch- wlnonecnstuthrwy!

Harry: I understand him.

R: -swallows- See, Hermione?

Hr: Is exasperated- Fine, Harry, what did he say?

H: First he said "This is really good stuff." Then, after you said no one can understand him with his mouth full, he said "Well, no one can understand you either way, bitch. -snickers-

Hr: -gasp- How could you, Ron? That's so mean! -runs out of great hall bawling eyes out-
R: -punches Harry in face-
H: -is hurt- I'm not punching you back because I deserve it. -tries not to punch Ron back- -punches Ron back anyways-

R: -is hurt- Harry! Come on! What was that for?

H: I twitched…
R: …Well, you do deserve it anyways; I did NOT call her a bitch……though I would have liked to. But that doesn't mean you should have said that!
H: -snorts- You have to go apologize.

R: No effing way I do. But you have to explain to her first.

H: Right, right, make me go and face the pissed off Hermione…-grumbles-

R: I'm waiting…

H: -grumble grumble- -drags self out of Great Hall slowly-

R: -giggle-

Lavender -appears and sits where Hermione sat- Won-Won!

R: Lavender. How…pleasant to see you.

L: -twirls hair- -edges extremely close to Ron-

R: Lavender, this really isn't the ti---

L: ---eats Ron's face out-

R: -gasps for breath- Bring it, babe.

ON A RANDOM STAIRCASE

Hermione is curled up on the highest step.

Hermione: -cries eyes out-

Harry: -appears- -watches Hermione cry her eyes out- -climbs stairs- -sits down by her-

Hr: -looks up- -is surprised- -bitchslap-

H: -gets bitchslapped- Bloody Hell! What'd you bitchslap me for?

Hr: -sniff- You snickered after saying Ron said I was a bitch!

H: -snickers-

Hr: -bitchslap-

H: -gets bitchslapped- Ow! What was that for?

Hr: You snickered when I said you snickered when you said Ron said I was a bitch.

H: -snickers-

Hr: -bitchslap-

H: -gets bitchslapped- FUCK! What was that for?

Hr: -sigh- Didn't you come here for a reason, Harry?

H: No.

Hr: -sigh- Well, I forgive you anyways I guess…but Ron better say sorry.

H: Oh, that. Sorry.

Hr: -lolz-

Stairs: -move-

Hr: Harry! We're being moved!
H: How magical!

Hr: Um, were are we now?

H: How the hell am I—?

Hr: --Shh! Someone's coming!

Slytherin: -creeps out of Slytherin common room concealed door and slithers out of sight-

H&Hr: -gasp- The Slytherin common room!

Hr: We must be in the dungeons!

Hr&H: -run down stairs-

Stairs: -get trampled-

Stairs: -feel bad-

Stairs: -cry silently-

Hr: Aw, poor stairs.

H: Da hell?

Hr: You wouldn't understand, Harry.

H&Hr: -creep across corridor- -reach Slytherin common room concealed door-

Hr: I think the concealed door will slide open if we give the correct password. Want to try it?

H: Ugh…fine. Go Slytherins.

Hr: We're conceited.

H: We're oh so better.
Hr: We like beating up little Gryffindors.

H: -twitch- Gryffindor sucks.

Hr: Quidditch R us.

H: Spoiled.

Hr: The Bitch Headquarters.

H: Oh, Damn, you know we're sexy.

Hr: Sluts go here.

H: Hotties go here.

Hr: Harry!

H: Hermione!

Hr: -sigh- What about…Muggleborns dead.

H: Mudbloods suck.

Hr: Hagrid's fat.
H: Hermione!
Hr: Harry!

H: Ugh. Weasly sucks.

Hr: Potter sucks.
H: Granger s-

Hr: -Don't you dare!
H: -cringes-

Hr: I'm out of ideas.

H: I think I might know it! Draco Malfoy da Sex God.

Concealed door: That's damn right. Welcome. -slides open-

Hr: I'll leave you alone if you don't EVER tell me how you came up with that, Harry.

H: I couldn't agree more.

DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE

Dumbledore: -twiddles fingers-

Snape: -knocks-

DD: Come in.

S: -enters-

DD: Ah, Severus! -conjures two chairs- Please sit.

DD&S: -sit across from each other-

DD: I assume you got my message.

S: -nods- -hesitates- Headmaster, do you really think a Halloween Midnight Rock and Roll for ever and ever party is…appropriate?
DD: -chuckles- Severus, can't you let these students have a bit of fun?

S: The thing is…having the teachers step up on a dance stage and dance the...the…

DD: Funky chicken?

S: Yes, that. Professor, why is that mandatory?

DD: You wouldn't do it otherwise. You know that, Severus.

S: -is frustrated- But why do the teachers have to dance the…the…

DD: Funky chicken?
S: Yes, that. I can't seem to relate it to education. -hesitates- It seems that…could it possibly be that you…want to make fun of us?
DD: -chuckles- But I'm going to dance the funky chicken too, Professor.

S: -coughs- But, you enjoydoing that, Professor.

DD: And so will you.

S: -is exasperated- Putting that aside…the scavenger hunt is going a bit too far, don't you think?
DD: No.

S: The…Gryffindors…will know where the Slytherin common room is. That's…okay?

DD: -chuckles- They already know, Severus.
S: -goes bug eyed-

DD: Mr. Potter and Ms. Granger are currently in the Slytherin common room, in fact.

S: POTTER!
DD: And Ms. Granger.

S: POTTER!
DD: Please calm down, Severus; you have nothing to worry about.

S: POTTER!

DD: -sigh- You are excused, Severus.

S: POTTER!
DD: …Severus?

S: -stands up, walks towards the door, and opens it- -looks at Dumbledore- POTTER! -Goes out, and slams the door shut-

DD: Severus, Severus…-shakes head-

DD: -twiddles fingers-

GREAT HALL

McGonagall: You are excused.

Everyone except R&L and a random dead Hufflepuff:-are excused- -walk to proper common rooms-

Dead Hufflepuff: -is dead-

Ron: -snogs Lavender-

Lavender: -snogs Ron-

McGonnagall: -is disgusted- Mr. Weasly! Ms. Brown!

L: -looks up-

R: -tries to keep on snogging Lavender-

L: -slaps Ron-

R: -looks up-

L: Yes, Professor?

MG: -spots dead Hufflepuff- -gasps- Do you two know anything about how this happened? -points to dead Hufflepuff-

L: -sees dead Hufflepuff- -feints-

R: -sees Hufflepuff- -sees Lavender- -giggles-

MG: Mr. Weasly! It seems that Ms. Brown doesn't know, but you seem to think this is all very funny.

R: -tries not to giggle- -fails-

MG: -Huffs- Well, would you kindly escort Ms. Brown and …the Hufflepuff to the hospital wing?

R: -Goes bug-eyed- BOTH!?!?!?

MG: Yes, Mr. Weasly.

R: -twitch- -picks up lavender, swings over shoulder- -picks up dead Hufflepuff, swings over other shoulder- -staggers- -grabs bacon- -stuffs bacon in mouth- -walks away in general direction of hospital wing-

SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM

Hr&H: -in Slytherin common room-

Hr: -gasp- Everything is so…so green!
H: -thinks he's going to puke- I think I'm going to puke.

Hr: Please don't, Harry.

H: -sigh- Fine… So…what do we do now?

Hr: We could find valuable information for the order.

H: We could…and yet that seems so boring.

Hr: Harry! This could help us fight off You-Know-Who! Don't you want to be an auror when you're older?

H: And yet…that day seems so far away….

Hr: I can't believe you Harry! -Huffs- -walks away, looking for valuable information-

H: You're not going to find anything, Hermione.

Hr: Stop it!

H: (In sing-song voice) You're not going to find nothing…you're not going to find nothing….

Hr: Ah! A double negative! How could you Harry? -covers ears and runs to a corner-

H: You're not going to find noth-wait. I heard something.

Hr: -hesitantly uncovers ears-

H: So you were listening.

Hr: Oh, shut up.

H: I really did hear something, though.

H&Hr: -listen to distant sound of footsteps coming closer-

Hr: -gasp- Hurry! It must be the Slytherins back from breakfast! Get in this random broom closet!

H&Hr: -get in random broom closet-

H: (whispering) How come they get a broom closet in their common room?

Hr: (whispering) Shh! They're here!

Hr&H: …

Ron: -enters-

R: -looks around- Damn it! I can never find the Hospital wing!

R: -sets Lavender and random dead Hufflepuff down on a random green chair-

H: I think it's Ron!

Hr: It does sound like him…but we musn't be fooled! It could be a Slytherin laying a trap!

H: Paranoid, you are.
Hr: Shh!

R: I heard you! -looks around wildly- -spots broom closet- -trudges slowly closer- Is anyone in there? -is nervous-

Hr&H: -are nervous-

R: -hesitantly opens broom closet-

Hr&H&R: -scream bloody murder-

ON A RANDOM STAIRCASE

S: -climbs stairs, every few seconds muttering Potter-

S: -listens to sound of people screaming bloody murder-

S: -listens to sound of slithering Slytherins trudging up stairs-

S: -turns around-

Slytherins: -stop and look at Snape- -murmur to each other-

S: Wait here. -enters Common room-

Slytherins: -whisper whisper-

Draco: I wonder what that was all about.

Pansy: -squeezes Draco's cheek- It's alright Draciepoo, don't be scared.

Draco: -winces- Pansy, please…

Goyle: -snarls at Pansy- (whisper) He'smine…

Pansy: -shivers and backs away-

DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE

Dumbledore: -twiddles fingers-

McGonagall: -knocks-

Flitwick: -knocks-

Binns: -knocks-

Filch: -knocks-

Pomfrey: -knocks-

Sprout: -knocks-

Trelawney: -knocks-

Random DADA Teacher: -knocks-

DD: Come in, come in, come in, come in, come in, come in, come in, and come in.

MG&F&B&Filch&P&S&T&RDT: -enter-

DD: -smiles- -conjures eight chairs- I assume all of you got my message. Please sit.

MG&F&B&Filch&P&S&T&RDT&DD: -sit in a circle-

MG: Albus…

DD: Yes, Minerva?

MG: I think that a Halloween Party might be nice.

DD: Why, thank you Minerva.

MG: But you seem to be putting it to an extreme…

T: You do not know what lies ahead…I look into the depths…and…oh! You are going to enjoy this party more than anyone…but there is darkness…oh there is dar-

MG: -scoffs- Yeah right, bitch.

DD: Minerva!

MG: Fine…yeah right, Sybill.

T: -sniffs- It's Trelawney for you.

MG: -glares-

T: -glares-

MG: -glares-

DD: -smiles- Now now, settle down. Are there any other questions?

SP: I'm willing to do the decorations with a variation of plants, but Filius will have to help me.

F: I would love to.

SP: -smiles- Alright then, that's settled.

DD: Thank you, Professor Flitwick, Professor Sprout. Anyone else?

P: What I'm worried about is the crazy dancing. Professor Dumbledore, do you honestly think this is perfectly safe?

DD: -shakes head- Poppy, poppy. I give you the right to drag out any student or staff member who even looks like they might be sick or hurt or anything of that sort. Does that settle it?

P: -nods- Thank you, Professor. There shall be no injuries if I can help it.

B: (Randomly bursts into speech) The history of Halloween in the wizarding world is rather scarce, and throughout the centuries it has changed drastically. There are eighty four steps of the Halloween cycle. When Halloween first came to the wizarding world, there were two hundred and seven, but the steps have been reduced so non-magical beings might not suspect what we where doing. One of the steps taken out, quite recently actually, was the act of flying a painted dragon over the night sky, while candy fell from

its mouth. This brought pain to many wizarding families who thoroughly thought that Halloween could not be continued without it, and the step was put back on by the Ministry two years ago, on December 3rd. However, the ministry took precautions so as-

DD: --That's very good information, Professor Binns, but don't you think you might want to continue another time?

B: -is flustered- Right, right, Georgie, don't get upset. Patricia might not like it. -closes eyes and goes to sleep-

Filch: Professor Dumbledore, I think a Halloween party is the most ridiculous and horrible idea you could ever come up with.

DD: Why, thank you, Argus.

Filch: The idea, the very idea-

DD: -Thank you, Argus.

Filch: Professor Dumbledore, for the scavenger hunt…what exactly do you want us to hide?

DD: Why, I haven't the slightest idea. Thank you for pointing that out. What do you think we should hide?

Filch: Knives, Poison, Scissors with exaggeratedly sharp edges, Black Holes, Never ending pits, Hungarian Horntails, Death traps, traps of death, traps that lead to certain death, traps that lead to long and painful de-

DD: Anyone else?

F: (in squeaky, nervous voice) What if we have special candy that you can exchange for house points if you want to?

DD: Excellent idea, Filius.

F: About the dancing, Professor Dumbledore, is it all right if we try out our own moves for the contest?

DD: You may dance in whatever form you want to, of course. Just try not to kill thatmany people.

F: -squeaks in excitement-

P: Professor, what if we went the muggle way a bit? We could let the children say trick or treat to their teachers.

MG: I agree, it would make the muggle-borns here feel more at home.

Filch: -twitch-

DD: Very thoughtful of you, Poppy. I like the idea.

DD: Now, McGonagall, you of course, would make sure that the students keep their toes in line?

MG: I would be glad to. Rules do not pause just because we're having a party.

Random DADA teacher: I like candy.

DD: ….okay, no more questions?

Random DADA teacher: I like candy a lot.

DD:…you are excused. Thank you for coming to this staff meeting. Oh, and if you see Professor Snape, tell him to not kill Harry for me, will you McGonagall?

MG: -tuts- The man's insane. Of course I will, Albus.

MG&F&B&Filch&P&S&T&RDT: -shuffle out-

DD: -twiddles fingers-

SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM

Snape: -enters-

Hr&H&R: -spot him- -scream bloody murder-

S: POTTER!

H: -squirms-

S: WEASLY!

R: -dies-

S: POTTER!
H: -shivers-

S: GRANGER!
Hr: -giggles nervously-

S: POTTER!
H: YES, Professor?

S: POT-oh. 50 points from Gryffindor! What are you doing here, POTTER?

Hr: -has an idea- Hehe, Professor, quick! The Slytherins are coming!

S: -slowly turns to her- So?

H&R: -?-

Hr: Um, the Slytherins, Professor! They want you to dance the…the…

S: -goes bug eyed- NO!

H: -catches on- Yes, Professor, yes! They will make you dance the…the…

S: Don't say it! -covers ears- NO!
R: -catches on- Get in the broom closet, quick, Professor! They're coming for you!

S&R&Hr&H: -get in broom closet-

Hr: -whispers to Harry- I had no idea what I was going to say, actually. He must have some childish memory of dancing something horrible.

H: -nods, amazed-

R: -whispers to Hermione- That was great, Hermione!

Hr: -blush-

R: -blush-

H: -sigh-

H: -whispers to Ron- So, Ron, how did you find yourself in the Slytherin Common Room?

R: -sigh- I couldn't find the Hospital Wing.

Hr: That's just sad Ron.

R: -is hurt-

Hr: -feels guilty-

H: -smiles-

R: And well, the stairs moved me here.
H&Hr: How magical!

R: …Right. So, naturally my first guess for a password was Draco Malfoy da Sex God. And the concealed door let me in.-shrugs-

H: See, I'm not the only one, Hermione.
Snape: -is left out- What are you three whispering about?

H&Hr&R: Nothing…just nothing.

S: -goes back to corner, crying silently-

ON A RANDOM STAIRCASE

Slytherins: -murmur murmur-

Draco: Snape's been there for a while now. Let's go in.

Pansy: But Draciepoo! We might get in trouble!
D: -hopefully- Fine, Pansy, stay outside and I'll just go with my realfriends.
P: -whimpers- I'll go, I'll go.

D: -sigh-

Slytherins: (in unison) Draco Malfoy da Sex God.

Concealed door: That's damn right. Welcome. -slides open-

D: -smirks-

Slytherins: -enter common room-

S&H&Hr&R: -freeze-

D: Snape's not here, that's weird.

S: -shivers-

D: He must have apparated some place else.

Crabbe & Goyle: -nod dumbly- Yeah.

Hr: (Whisper) Honestly! Haven't they ever read Hogwarts, A History?

H: No.

Hr: -tuts-

D: Well, whatev. -sits on random green chair- -shrieks- -stands back up- -looks numbly at dead Hufflepuff- -pauses- -laughs- -looks at other Slytherins- Which one of you did this?

R: -gulps-

Blaize: You like it? I did-

Goyle: I swear I was the one that-

Pansy: He was just so annoying I had to-

Millicent: He had to go some ti-

Flint: He was breathing to loud-

Crabbe: He was eating my bac-

Montague: It was just annoying see-

Nott: The little bitch was abou-

Draco: So basically all of you killed a little part of him?

Slytherins: -nod dumbly-

Draco: -spots Lavender- And which one of you did her?

Blaize: You like it? I did-

Goyle: I swear I was the one that-

Pansy: She was just so annoying I had to-

Millicent: She had to go some ti-

Flint: She was breathing to loud-

Crabbe: She was eating my bac-

Montague: It was just annoying see-

Nott: The little bitch was abou-

Draco: So basically all of you killed a little part of her?

Slytherins: -nod dumbly-

D: Wow. Wait! She's still breathing! And her clothes are on all wrong. Which one of you DID her?

Blaize: You like it? I did—

D: Zabini, shut up. I don't think any of you did this.

Lavender: -wakes up- -looks at Draco standing in front of her- -drools-

Ron: -is pissed-

Pansy: -is worried-

D: Hello, babe.

P: -is shocked-

R: -is severely pissed-

L: -brain wakes up- -hyperventilates- Hu-hi!

P: -tries to gain Draco's attention- -fails-

D: -grins at Slytherins- Want me to show you around, Babe?

P: -is pissed-

R: - is majorly pissed-

Hr: -is pleased-

L: Su-sure!

D: Lets go up to my room first. -takes Lav-lav by the hand and drags her away-

R: -fumes-

Pansy: -fumes-

Hr: -smiles-

Slytherins: -laugh-

H: -shakes head-

Dumbledore: (magnifies voice magically so everyone in Hogwarts can hear) Students and Staff! May I have your attention please!

S&H&R&Hr: -jump-

DD: Are you ready to ROCK&ROLL?

Slytherins: WTF?

Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

DD: GET READY TO PAAARTAY!!!

Slytherins: WTF?
Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
DD: Starting whenever you wake up tomorrow, a Halloween Midnight Rock and Roll for ever and ever partay will be in order!

Slytherins: WTF?

Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

DD: A dance-a-thon will be going on in the great hall. The staff and students must go on the stage, and dance the funky chicken! Then we will have a contest where everyone can dance or sing their own stuff, and see who wins. Their will also be a scavenger hunt going on! Try to find the candy that wins house points, and avoid the exaggeratedly sharp scissors of death! The teachers will give you candy (some might kill you) if you say trick-or-treat! The person with the best costume will win a secret prize! Have a great night!

Slytherins: WTF?

Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

Hr: That's so cool! I don't know what I'm going to dress up as though…

S: No one cares about your fucking costume.

Hr: Professor! That's so mean! -bursts into silent tears-

H: He's right you know.

Hr: Harry! That's so mean! -bawls eyes out-

R: They're right you know,

Hr: Ron! That's so mean! -disintegrates-

R: Hermione, come on! We might not even be able to go to the party if we're still stuck in this fucking broom closet!

D&L: -appear, looking sweaty and smiling at each other-

R&P: -are grossed out-

D: Everybody, quite! I think I heard something!

R: Fuck.

Hr: -wipes away tears- Shh!
D: -slithers extremely close to broom closet-

D: I think someone's in the fake broom closet.

H&Hr&R: -?-

D: Haha, that's hilarious. I wonder who got stuck in there. I bet they don't even know that's where we keep the test answers and perfect homework cheats.
Hr: -gasp- How COULD they?

S: -chuckles-

D: And what's even more hilarious, is that they probably don't even know that's where we keep all the information about the Order of the snake, the secret organization founded by the Dark Lord. …And the fake scars so we look like Harry Potter when necessary!

H: -gasp- Oh know they didn't…

S: -chuckles-

D: And what's even more hilarious, is that I bet anything they have no clue that's where we keep the extra money we can't fit into Gringotts, and there are so many giant spiders to guard the money in there too…

R: -gasp- -cringe- -die- No. No. NO. NO. NO. -goes into spaz attack-

S: -chuckles-

D: -cackles madly- Let's see who's in there, shall we?

S: Oh, Hell.

Hr: -has idea- -mutters spell quickly-

D: -opens "broom closet" door-

Hr&H&S&R: -stumble out and gasp for air-

Hr&H&S&R&Slytherins: -scream bloody murder-

Hr: Booooo! We are the Halloween ghosts! -whispers to Harry and Ron and Snape- You look like ghosts right now, make the best of it!

H: -catches on- Boooooo! Oh yeah, you better be scared, bitches!
R: -catches on- Yeah, you mothefucking god damn ho's, we're gonna beat your asses!

Hr: Ron!
R: You son of a bitches, you little g-what?

Hr: Oh, fine. Yeah, you Slytherin Sluts! BRING IT ON!

R: -is amazed- Hermione, that was brilliant!
Hr: I know.

R: -blush-

Hr: -blush-

R&Hr: -snog each other senseless-

H: -sigh- Is this really the time, you guys?

S: -finally catches on- Yeah, um, I'm totally a Gryffindor….-scratches neck- Hehe….bitches.

Slytherins: -back away slowly-

H: Yeah, you better back away, you EFFING PIECES OF SHIT. YOU BETTER BACK AWAY!

Slytherins(apart from Goyle): -slowly turn around and run screaming toward their rooms-

Goyle: -drools-

H&Hr&R: -hi5-

H: -takes off shirt- -prances around the room- Oh, we so cool, we rock, we beat the effing bitch-

Hr:Okay, Harry.

R: -shakes head- Is it that time of month again?

Hr: -nods-

THE END(LOLZ)