Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me. They are not being used for any monetary gain.
Warning: Slash. Remus/Peter. Maybe other pairings.
Dedication: For Tara. More Remus/Peter goodness for you to enjoy...
Author's Note: This is one of my odd, existential fics. It seized my mind. I hate that...the big question, however, is: is all of this real, or just inside Remus' head? This takes place about six years after the defeat of Voldemort. Remus has spent that time wandering...
Century Quest
There is a certain raw beauty about unspoiled wilderness. Remus Lupin sat, awestruck, legs folded beneath him on the hard stone. His eyes scanned the trees and streams in the valley below him, drinking it in. He couldn't understand how it was as of yet undiscovered. By any other then him, of course. He wasn't complaining, just wondering.
//This is what Eden must have looked like.// He breathed the slightly perfumed air in, inhaling deeply. He could hear the rush of a waterfall somewhere off to his right. Behind him was a shallow cave he had chosen as his temporary home.
He cleared his mind. This was a mystic place, he could feel it. He would find all he needed here, and he would be able to make peace with himself. There was so much. So many things had passed in his life, too many things. His soul was burdened with guilt and self-doubt. And loss.
//This place will heal me.// Remus was certain of it. He had no read of this place, or heard rumors of it and gone searching. He had simply wandered the world until he found a place where he felt centered. A place that spoke to him. And here, deep in the jungles of India, he had found it.
Regulating his breathing, Remus closed his eyes. Somewhere in the jungle a bird was singing. It was a beautiful sound. The sun was sinking. It bathed the valley in a golden light, and was warm against Remus' eyes. Night was coming.
//I should light a fire...// he did not want to become lost in his meditations and get ill from cold. He rose, stretching, feeling as well as hearing his back pop as he did so. //I'm getting older...// He sighed, and trotted down the natural stone lip that led down to the valley below. There was plenty of dead wood he could use for a fire.
//There.// Remus used his wand to set sparks to the wood. He sat back on his heels, as the dim light fell into true darkness. It was eerie at night. The jungle was full of strange sounds and scents. And the stars were bright. It was a moonless night, so the stars weren't overshadowed by it's light. Remus settled back down into a crosslegged position, and took a handful of dried herbs from his pouch. He tossed them onto the fire, watching the flames dance purple for a moment before settling back to normal. A deep, spicy scent wafted up from the flames, lulling Remus' mind. He closed his eyes, thoughts already starting to drift....
***
"Where am I?"
Remus found himself standing in an open glade, surrounded by conifer trees. Before him stood an arch of stone, weather worn and smooth. There was a fire burning, and the scent of pine was strong. He was barefoot and shirtless, and had no idea how he had gotten here.
"This is the Beginning."
Remus turned. The voice was behind him. "Peter?"
There was no mistaking the young, brown haired man that stood behind Remus. His green eyes were wide and warm, and set deeply in his round open face. He was dressed in a brown robe, and his hands were clasped in front of him.
"Don't be scared. Nothing can hurt us here."
"Peter, you're dead..." Remus' breath caught in his throat. Peter had died, years ago. Killed by the traitor Sirius Black...
"That doesn't matter here." Peter smiled, his face lighting.
"Peter..." Remus couldn't describe the emotions that ran through him. His Peter, here, whole and happy.
"Don't worry so much." Peter sat down on a large, flat rock. He seemed at complete ease, unaffected by the circumstances.
"I...I'll try not to. Peter, what is this the beginning of?" Remus was thoroughly confused. //Peter died....he died six years ago...// It still seemed like only yesterday. And Remus was still mourning...
"Your journey. You start here." Peter held out his hands, palms up, in a childlike gesture. "Come. Sit."
"All right..." As if in a dream, Remus stepped forward, taking Peter's hands and sitting before him. Peter's hands were warm in his, and soft. Just as they had been in life...
"You can still turn back now, you know. This is just the gateway. You don't have to go on."
"Why wouldn't I?" Remus let his fingers stroke idly over Peter's hands, searching a pair of sad green eyes that he hadn't seen in far too long. //God, I forgot how much I loved him...//
"Because you might not like what you find." Peter's features turned frightened, and almost regretful. He looked away from Remus, lowering his eyes.
"What am I going to find?" He tried to recapture Peter's eyes, but couldn't.
"The truth." The words were quiet, and almost torn from Peter's lips. "You'll find the truth."
"Why wouldn't I want the truth?" Remus stood up, pulling Peter up as well. "Peter...I don't understand..."
"I know." Peter sighed. "I love you, Remus."
"I know you do." The werewolf pulled Peter close, breathing in his scent. He was frightned. *Very* frightened.
"I just want you to know that. I really do love you. I always did..."
"I know!" Remus had to laugh. What was Peter so worried about?
"And you'll remember? F you keep going, you'll remember that, right?"
"Of course." Remus kissed Peter gently on the top of his head, wondering if he should go on or not. //I think I used too many of those herbs...// The entire situation was foreign and in a vague way alarming.
"Okay." Peter hugged him tightly all of a sudden, burying his head in Remus' shoulder. The werewolf held his deceased lover close, undecided as to what he was going to do.
"I can't stay here, Peter." Remus pulled away, brushing his lips against Peter's. "I have to either go forward or back."
"I know. I want you to go back...but you should go forward..."
"I'll rememeber that you love me." He kissed him again, deeper this time. "Will I see you again?"
"If you go forward?" Peter swallowed hard, a look of pain coming over his features. "Yeah."
"Then I look forward to it." A third kiss, one that Remus was loathe to break. It seemed Peter was as well. They stood entwined for what seemed like an eternity, before Remus finally pulled away. "Where do I go?"
"Through there." Peter pointed through the arch, and Remus nodded. A sudden sense of apprehension passed over him. What was he going to find? What if it were dangerous? Was that why Peter didn't want him to move forward?
//I'm being silly.// He chided himself, as he stepped towards the stone arch. //This is all inside my mind...what can it hurt?//
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