Author's Note: Hey, everybody! I've been inactive on this site for a while, so I'm hoping that I can get back in action! I've been thinking of story ideas for a while, and this one seemed amusing to me for some reason. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.

Note: Freshwater Rehab Center is not a real place.

Two figures walked through the dim halls of the Akatsuki hideout. Rats and other small animals stopped lurking about to let them get through, as it was clear that they were in a hurry.

"Are you sure this is wise, Pein? They could get out of hand."

The taller figure turned to the other and replied, "Are you questioning my judgement, Konan? They'll be perfectly fine, I assure you. There is no need to worry."

"But…"

"Be quiet."

The shorter one sighed in defeat as the two figures entered a large room. Pein walked towards the center of the room, footsteps echoing, and cleared his throat to speak.

"Assemble."

Seven holograms appeared throughout the room. Each one was talking to another and looking around questioningly.

Pein looked around quickly to check if everyone was there. When he concluded that they were, he spoke once more.

"My fellow criminals…I suppose you are wondering why you are here."

The holograms nodded in agreement and began to murmur. A tall, fish-like man gave Pein a puzzled look before replying, "Yes…It's odd of you to call a meeting so early in the morning. Care to explain?"

Another one shouted, "Seriously, what in the name of Jashin are you thinking? I haven't even fucking eaten yet! Couldn't you wait just a little longer?"

Pein sighed impatiently and replied, "Hidan, watch your mouth. I called this meeting early for a reason. I've been disgusted with your recent behavior; all of you."

Once again, the figures began to talk amongst themselves, before being hushed by an increasingly annoyed Pein.

"I tried to tolerate it at first, but enough is enough. I've made a list of the offenses that you idiots have committed. Would you like me to read it?"

The holograms nodded in unison, prompting Pein to reach into a pocket of his cloak and take out a folded slip of paper. He carefully unfolded it and began to read.

"Kisame; you have been showing irresponsible behavior. The biggest problem is your alcohol addiction; Konan and I have agreed that you get out-of-hand very easily when you are drunk."

The shark man grumbled, but in his mind he knew that Pein was right.

"Itachi; you've been noticeably down lately. This is backed-up by the fact that Konan found razors and "My Chemical Romance" posters under your bed. We don't tolerate emo kids in our organization."

Itachi sighed heavily, but nodded to show that he understood.

"Deidara; enough with the explosions. We understand that you consider them "art", but they're damaging our property. Also, due to the way you treat Tobi, we've decided that you have anger issues as well."

Deidara scowled and crossed his arms, obviously annoyed.

"Tobi; we know that you are happy and carefree, and we respect the fact that you brighten the mood of our organization, but S-class criminals don't act like 5-year-olds. You need to toughen up. Also, it's annoying when you talk in third person."

Tobi slumped and let out a small, "Aww…"

"Hidan; enough with the shouting and cursing. Your anger problems are even worse than Deidara's. Also, we understand that your religion requires you to be a bit…weird, but it's just too creepy…"

Hidan growled and cursed Pein under his breath.

"Kakuzu; your obsession with money needs to stop. It's okay to be a little bit picky about your spending, but you won't even let us buy necessities. Also, like Hidan and Deidara, you need anger management."

Kakuzu simply nodded; it wasn't a good idea to argue, and it was true.

"Last one…Zetsu. The cannibalism thing is scary. I'm tired of finding half-chewed bodies in the middle of the halls. Control your hunger, or atleast eat normal food."

Zetsu nodded, and his dark half muttered, "Why don't you just become a cannibal…?"

Pein ignored the comment and folded the paper back into his pocket. By now, all of the holograms were yelling or murmuring in protest. With a wave of his hand, Pein silenced them.

"Alright. To help you overcome these problems, I have planned for all of you to be sent to…a rehab center."

That comment triggered an uproar throughout the large room. The shouts of the criminals echoed off of the walls and rang in Pein's ears. After about five seconds of this, he roared at the top of his lungs:

"Silence!"

One by one, the holograms stopped their shouting and looked wide-eyed at Pein, who was rubbing his temples impatiently.

"I've already scheduled for you to be sent to the Freshwater Rehab Center. It's a really good place with many trained professionals. If you cooperate, you shouldn't be there for very long. You're scheduled to arrive there in 2 hours, which is why I called this meeting so early. Pack your things and get going. Konan will escort you there; I need to get some sleep…"

Pein walked out of the room, leaving Konan alone with the holograms.

"Well...I guess you're dismissed. Meet me at the entrance in 45 minutes, okay? I don't want anybody to be late."

The holograms groaned and slowly disappeared. Konan sighed and walked hurriedly to the front entrance of the hideout, where she would meet the others soon.

Itachi and Kisame rummaged through their room, looking for things that they would bring with them. Itachi grabbed his books and hair conditioner, then rushed to find his posters. Kisame picked up Samehada, but realized that he probably wouldn't be allowed to bring it.

"Damn it...This is ridiculous! Leader-sama is overreacting, don't you think, Itachi-san?"

The Uchiha nodded, then frowned as he picked up his bag of belongings. He motioned for Kisame to follow him, and they started towards the front of the base.

"Stupid leader-sama, hmm…I don't have anger issues! And there's nothing wrong with my art, hmm! He just doesn't appreciate it, that distasteful fool."

Tobi wagged a finger at Deidara and replied, "Deidara-sempai shouldn't talk about leader-sama like that. Deidara-sempai is a bad boy!"

Deidara frowned at Tobi and continued to stuff clay into his bag.

"Shut up, Tobi. I can talk about him however I want, hmm. He's not the boss of me."

"But…But he's our leader!"

"Whatever, Tobi. Let's get going; Konan gets really mad when someone makes her wait. Kinda like Sasori did, actually…" Deidara replied, saddened by memories of his old partner. If he wouldn't have died, Deidara wouldn't have had to be stuck with Tobi.

"Yeah...it seems to happen once every month."

"…That's different, Tobi."

Tobi shrugged and followed his master out of the door to meet with the others.

"What the fuck is that guy's problem?"

Curses flew out of Hidan's mouth like bullets from a machine gun. Kakuzu covered his ears and kicked his partner, who yelped and rubbed his side.

"Damn it, Kakuzu! What did you do that for?! I swear, I am gonna-"

Hidan was interrupted by another swift kick to his side, causing him to crumple in pain. Kakuzu smiled in satisfaction and grabbed everything he needed, including his piggy bank.

"I'll see you at the front, Hidan. Just don't be late."

"Bitch…"

Zetsu slowly dragged himself across his room, picking things up that he thought he would need. His two halves bickered over the actions of their leader; the white half was trying to defend Pein, while the dark half brutally insulted him.

"I think that he is making a good decision…We do need to pull our act together if we want to achieve our goal."

"Hmph…His decision is stupid. What rehab officials would allow seven S-class criminals in the same building at the same time?"

"Whatever. It's not like we're going to be fooling around there; atleast I'm not. It wouldn't be very pleasant to get into trouble while we're there."

"Innocent as always. Toughen up."

"Hmph."

After Zetsu got the last of his things into his bag, he set off to the front of the base to meet the others.

Konan surveyed the group to make sure that everyone had come. She smiled when she counted that all seven of them were there.

"Alright…The rehab center isn't very far from here. It should take a little more than an hour if we keep a good pace. It wouldn't be good if you were late, so let's go!"

The group grumbled, and Hidan muttered, "Well, you're awfully cheery…"

Konan smiled and replied, "That's because you guys are gonna be gone! I won't have to put up with you!"

Deidara smirked and muttered, "You just want to be alone with Pein…"

Konan turned red and looked away. The group snickered and followed her when she started to walk.

The eight shinobi made their way out of the valley where their base is and onto a forest trail. Slowly, they trudged through the forest, dragging their bags behind them.

Tobi groaned and asked, "Are we there yet…?"

The others looked at him and shouted, in unison, "Don't even start, Tobi!"

The masked ninja sighed and muttered, "You guys are so mean…I was just asking."

Deidara smacked Tobi upside the head and replied, "Tobi, I don't want you fooling around, okay? Think of this as a mission. The goal is to be as well-behaved as possible, okay, hmm?"

Tobi perked up and clapped his hands.

"Oh! Like a game! Tobi loves games!"

"Tobi, leader-sama told you not to talk in third person, hmm. According to you, we have to respect him, so talk normally."

"Aww…"

Konan turned to the two of them and snapped at them to be quiet. Deidara stuck his tongue out at her (well, he stuck three tongues out at her), and Tobi whispered to his master, "Is she in that time of the month I mentioned earlier?"

Veins popped in Konan's forehead as she beat Tobi into the ground. The others looked on and backed away.

"T-Tobi didn't mean to make Konan mad! Tobi is sorry, Konan…"

Konan wiped her hands on her cloak to get the blood off, then gave Tobi a quick warning about using third person. Deidara helped his partner up, who was beaten to a pulp. Kisame and Hidan smiled in amusement, and Itachi shook his head.

When Tobi was ready to go again, the group walked out of the forest and continued down the trail, which was now following alongside a large creek. The trail stayed close to the creek until finally, after about five more minutes of walking, a large building came into view.

"Is that the rehab center?"

Konan nodded and gazed at the building. It wasn't very tall; it was only two stories, but it covered a lot of land. It was secluded in a ring of trees, and the creek winded in and out of the small ring. The sun shone down upon the white stone of the building, and birds and bees hovered in the garden and cherry blossom trees in front of it. Overall, it was a beautiful scene.

Kisame smiled and said, "Well, atleast we won't have to stay in some dreary dump. It looks quite nice, actually. The creek looks pretty nice, too. So clear…"

Deidara nodded and replied, "The architecture of it is quite artful. If only I could blow it up…"

"It sure is pretty, sempai!"

The other four continued walking; they obviously didn't care. Konan sighed at their lack of appreciation and ran to catch up to them. She was soon followed by the other three.

Two men guarded the entrance. Each of them wore the same plain-white uniform and had the same over-excited smile.

"Hello! Welcome of Freshwater Rehab Center! You must be the seven prostitutes we heard were coming!"

Itachi raised an eyebrow and replied, "We're not prostitutes…"

The embarrassed doorman mentally kicked himself, and the other one smacked his face into his palm.

"Oh, then you must be the Akatsuki members that were scheduled to come…You're just on time! Come right in!"

Konan turned around and said, "Okay, you're on your own now, guys. Listen to what the rehab specialists have to say and stay out of trouble!"

She winked and walked off, leaving the seven shinobi alone with the creepy doormen.

"This is gonna fucking suck!" Hidan shouted.

"So? Didn't you hear? There's gonna be prostitutes!" Kisame shouted, giving a thumbs-up.

"Kisame, those cost money. You can't go around squandering cash on things like women!" Kakuzu replied.

Itachi sighed and glared at his comrades. He walked into the building and towards the counter, where he picked up a bunch of forms.

"Take these and fill them out. There are pens on the counter for you to use."

The seven Akatsuki members groaned and took pens from a cup on the front desk. They hurriedly filled out the forms, which asked basic questions like name and age. When they were done, they returned the pens and smacked the papers in front of the desk manager. She picked up the stack of forms and straightened it out, then told them to wait there while she went into a back room.

"We should just ditch this place now…muttered Hidan.

Zetsu shook his head and replied, "If we do, leader-sama will kill us. We can't have that happen, can we?"

Zetsu's dark half retorted, "Why don't we just ditch the Akatsuki, then? I hate this job."

Itachi sighed (again) and replied, "If we do that., where will we go? There is no other place where we are welcome. We wouldn't be able to run forever."

Kakuzu growled and muttered, "Just deal with it, guys."

"Stay positive!" Tobi chimed.

The other four groaned; it was going to be a long stay.

Author's Note: Well, that's all for now. My hands are starting to hurt! xx;

Nothing much has happened yet, because it's just the beginning! Just wait; soon, chaos will ensue! Please review, and tell me what you liked and what you think I can improve on! )