(Please read and review. Standard disclaimers apply. The song
belongs to Martina McBride)
One year to the day, I thought as I shook my head. I leaned over the small grave and cleared away some fallen leaves, and place my flowers next to a bouquet of white roses. I look at the roses, and wonder who could have left them. Bud and Harriet said they would meet me here, so I know it couldn't have been them. The Admiral promised to stop by, but I couldn't get a hold of Harm today, so maybe he left them here. I lightly trace my fingers over the stone, and fight the urge to cry. Sarah Roberts, a baby girl that the world lost.
I hear footsteps behind me, and I know its Bud, Harriet, and little AJ. We exchange sad smiles as little AJ lays down the flowers by his little sister's grave. We stand there in silence, as Admiral Chegwidden joins us. The Admiral and I stand back a distance while Bud and Harriet talk to her, knowing that they needed this closure with their daughter.
"Have you seen the Commander, Mac?" The Admiral inquires in a low voice.
"No sir. But I suspect that he left those white rose there."
"He should be here," he says somewhat edgily.
"Yes sir," I said knowing it wasn't like Harm to miss being here for Bud and Harriet.
Some time later Bud and Harriet join us. After thanking us for being here, we started back to our cars, when Bud stopped and pointed over to a man hunched over a grave.
"Is that Commander Rabb?"
Are heads all snap to the place where he is pointing, and are shocked to find that it was indeed Harm. He was leaning over one of the graves brushing the leaves off of the stone. As if by some unspoken agreement, we all decide to go see what he was doing. It was strange, that he was here; I didn't know that he knew anyone that was buried here.
"Commander," the Admiral said snapping Harm out of his reverie. Harm turned to face us all, somewhat surprised that we were all here, but I watched as a look of recognition come over his face as he realized why. As he greeted us, I saw the same white roses that were laid by baby Sarah's grave. Knowing that we were all wondering why he was here, instead of with us, he stepped aside to show us the name written on the grave.
Jessica Lynn Rabb
11-14-95 - 11-21-95
"Daddy's little girl"
He gave a strained chuckle as we all gasped in unison; he cleared his throat and sighed.
"Well I guess my secret is out. Admiral, Mac, Bud, Harriet, this is my daughter Jessica."
"Your daughter? You never said anything about having a daughter," the Admiral said in obvious distress. I on the other hand didn't know whether to be angry at him for not telling me, or to feel sorry for him at the obvious pain that I saw in his eyes.
"You had a daughter sir," Harriet manages to get out.
"It was a long time ago. While I was recovering from my crash at my grandmothers, I met this woman named Tara. She and I dated for awhile, and needless to say one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, Tara told me she was pregnant. At first I was scared. I didn't have a job, and all of a sudden I was going to be a father. Tara and I moved in together, and we decided that we would get married. Hell, I was young, I didn't know if I was marrying her out of responsibility, or because I was in love. Tara was working full time as a waitress, and I decided to go to law school. We bought all of the things we knew we would need, and knew this was just like some new adventure.
I guess things were going pretty good for awhile. But when Tara was eight months pregnant, it was like she changed her mind about the whole thing. Just like that she didn't want to get married, and she didn't want to have his baby, and all of the magic that was there before just suddenly disappeared. We fought a lot, and then finally after over a month of fighting decided to call off the wedding. She still wanted to get an abortion, but I fought tooth and nail, threatening to take her to court, and finally we agreed that as soon as the baby was born, that I would take sole custody."
After a long pause Harm continued.
"She delivered three weeks before her due date. It was a long and complicated birth, for both Tara and the baby. It took sixteen hours, but they finally got her out. But something was wrong. They took her out of the room before I could even see her, and I knew something was wrong."
I looked over at Bud and Harriet who looked as if they were going to start crying any minute. I was close to tears myself, as Harm went on.
"It wasn't until after they settled Tara into a room that they finally told me what was wrong. They said it was complications from the birth, and this and that, but they said that she wasn't going to live through the night. Tara refused to see her, so I went down to the nursery, and held her. I held her the rest of the afternoon, and when night came, the doctors were surprised that she was still hanging on.
I called Mom and Frank, and they came right out, but I refused to leave the hospital. They managed to kick me out to shower, and grab some chow, but they knew I just had to stay with her. I read to her, sang to her and told her all of these stories. When seven days passed, the doctors said that she was getting week, and that she wasn't going to hold out much longer."
Harm stopped to choke back a sob, and with a ragged breath he continued. By now we all had tears in our eyes.
"I held her, knowing at some point I was going to lose her. Tara still refused to even see her, knowing that she wouldn't make it. And when I was holding her, I told her that it was okay. That she could let go now. I told her that I loved her, and that she could let go now. Twenty minutes later, the doctors pronounced her.
I'm sorry I never told you guy's this, but it was just too hard. And if by some chance of crude irony, the same thing had to happen to baby Sarah. I just couldn't relive that again."
Harm hung his head, as Harriet went over to hug him.
"Well Harm, I had a feeling I would find you here," a voice called to him from behind. We all turned and watched his woman walk over and stand beside him.
"Tara?"
"It's nice to see you to Harm," she said in a cool voice.
"What are you doing here?" he asked in a disbelieving voice.
"Same reason as you are; she was my daughter too Harm."
"I thought you didn't care," he said softly.
"She was my daughter Harm. I care, but I can't say that I'm sorry that she is dead."
When she first walked over the Admiral, Bud and Harriet all tried to fade into the back round, but at this comment, we all started disbelieving at her. How could she say a thing like that? Harriet was about to say something, but she spoke again.
"Think about it Harm, how would you really be as a single father? I know you are a lawyer for the navy, I saw you on TV last month. With all the traveling that you do, do you really think you could have provided for her?"
Harm hung his head down, and sighed before finally looking back up at her, with a kind of hatred in eyes that I have never seen before.
"I'm not going to even dignify that with a response Tara. You know damn well that I-" he stopped and took a deep breath trying to control his anger.
"You've changed Tara."
"I guess we all have," she said and walked away.
Sometime after she left Harriet put a hand on his arm. "Are you okay sir?"
"I'm okay Harriet. You know, once upon a time ago, she wasn't like this."
"People change Harm, sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse," the Admiral put in.
He turned back to the grave once more, running his fingers lightly over the letters before standing and giving a half hearted smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Are you ready to get out of here flyboy?" I ask trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah," he says.
As we all head back to our respected cars, Harm calls me back.
"I was, uh; thinking about taking Sarah up for a ride later, want to come?"
I smile, not thing of anyplace I would rather be.
"I would love to."
As we confirm the time, I couldn't help but think that Harm was going to be okay. There was still a lot, I knew, that we had to talk about, but I knew he was going to be okay.
A statue stands in a shaded place:
An angel girl with an upturned face.
A name is written on a polished rock:
A broken heart that the world forgot.
END
One year to the day, I thought as I shook my head. I leaned over the small grave and cleared away some fallen leaves, and place my flowers next to a bouquet of white roses. I look at the roses, and wonder who could have left them. Bud and Harriet said they would meet me here, so I know it couldn't have been them. The Admiral promised to stop by, but I couldn't get a hold of Harm today, so maybe he left them here. I lightly trace my fingers over the stone, and fight the urge to cry. Sarah Roberts, a baby girl that the world lost.
I hear footsteps behind me, and I know its Bud, Harriet, and little AJ. We exchange sad smiles as little AJ lays down the flowers by his little sister's grave. We stand there in silence, as Admiral Chegwidden joins us. The Admiral and I stand back a distance while Bud and Harriet talk to her, knowing that they needed this closure with their daughter.
"Have you seen the Commander, Mac?" The Admiral inquires in a low voice.
"No sir. But I suspect that he left those white rose there."
"He should be here," he says somewhat edgily.
"Yes sir," I said knowing it wasn't like Harm to miss being here for Bud and Harriet.
Some time later Bud and Harriet join us. After thanking us for being here, we started back to our cars, when Bud stopped and pointed over to a man hunched over a grave.
"Is that Commander Rabb?"
Are heads all snap to the place where he is pointing, and are shocked to find that it was indeed Harm. He was leaning over one of the graves brushing the leaves off of the stone. As if by some unspoken agreement, we all decide to go see what he was doing. It was strange, that he was here; I didn't know that he knew anyone that was buried here.
"Commander," the Admiral said snapping Harm out of his reverie. Harm turned to face us all, somewhat surprised that we were all here, but I watched as a look of recognition come over his face as he realized why. As he greeted us, I saw the same white roses that were laid by baby Sarah's grave. Knowing that we were all wondering why he was here, instead of with us, he stepped aside to show us the name written on the grave.
Jessica Lynn Rabb
11-14-95 - 11-21-95
"Daddy's little girl"
He gave a strained chuckle as we all gasped in unison; he cleared his throat and sighed.
"Well I guess my secret is out. Admiral, Mac, Bud, Harriet, this is my daughter Jessica."
"Your daughter? You never said anything about having a daughter," the Admiral said in obvious distress. I on the other hand didn't know whether to be angry at him for not telling me, or to feel sorry for him at the obvious pain that I saw in his eyes.
"You had a daughter sir," Harriet manages to get out.
"It was a long time ago. While I was recovering from my crash at my grandmothers, I met this woman named Tara. She and I dated for awhile, and needless to say one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, Tara told me she was pregnant. At first I was scared. I didn't have a job, and all of a sudden I was going to be a father. Tara and I moved in together, and we decided that we would get married. Hell, I was young, I didn't know if I was marrying her out of responsibility, or because I was in love. Tara was working full time as a waitress, and I decided to go to law school. We bought all of the things we knew we would need, and knew this was just like some new adventure.
I guess things were going pretty good for awhile. But when Tara was eight months pregnant, it was like she changed her mind about the whole thing. Just like that she didn't want to get married, and she didn't want to have his baby, and all of the magic that was there before just suddenly disappeared. We fought a lot, and then finally after over a month of fighting decided to call off the wedding. She still wanted to get an abortion, but I fought tooth and nail, threatening to take her to court, and finally we agreed that as soon as the baby was born, that I would take sole custody."
After a long pause Harm continued.
"She delivered three weeks before her due date. It was a long and complicated birth, for both Tara and the baby. It took sixteen hours, but they finally got her out. But something was wrong. They took her out of the room before I could even see her, and I knew something was wrong."
I looked over at Bud and Harriet who looked as if they were going to start crying any minute. I was close to tears myself, as Harm went on.
"It wasn't until after they settled Tara into a room that they finally told me what was wrong. They said it was complications from the birth, and this and that, but they said that she wasn't going to live through the night. Tara refused to see her, so I went down to the nursery, and held her. I held her the rest of the afternoon, and when night came, the doctors were surprised that she was still hanging on.
I called Mom and Frank, and they came right out, but I refused to leave the hospital. They managed to kick me out to shower, and grab some chow, but they knew I just had to stay with her. I read to her, sang to her and told her all of these stories. When seven days passed, the doctors said that she was getting week, and that she wasn't going to hold out much longer."
Harm stopped to choke back a sob, and with a ragged breath he continued. By now we all had tears in our eyes.
"I held her, knowing at some point I was going to lose her. Tara still refused to even see her, knowing that she wouldn't make it. And when I was holding her, I told her that it was okay. That she could let go now. I told her that I loved her, and that she could let go now. Twenty minutes later, the doctors pronounced her.
I'm sorry I never told you guy's this, but it was just too hard. And if by some chance of crude irony, the same thing had to happen to baby Sarah. I just couldn't relive that again."
Harm hung his head, as Harriet went over to hug him.
"Well Harm, I had a feeling I would find you here," a voice called to him from behind. We all turned and watched his woman walk over and stand beside him.
"Tara?"
"It's nice to see you to Harm," she said in a cool voice.
"What are you doing here?" he asked in a disbelieving voice.
"Same reason as you are; she was my daughter too Harm."
"I thought you didn't care," he said softly.
"She was my daughter Harm. I care, but I can't say that I'm sorry that she is dead."
When she first walked over the Admiral, Bud and Harriet all tried to fade into the back round, but at this comment, we all started disbelieving at her. How could she say a thing like that? Harriet was about to say something, but she spoke again.
"Think about it Harm, how would you really be as a single father? I know you are a lawyer for the navy, I saw you on TV last month. With all the traveling that you do, do you really think you could have provided for her?"
Harm hung his head down, and sighed before finally looking back up at her, with a kind of hatred in eyes that I have never seen before.
"I'm not going to even dignify that with a response Tara. You know damn well that I-" he stopped and took a deep breath trying to control his anger.
"You've changed Tara."
"I guess we all have," she said and walked away.
Sometime after she left Harriet put a hand on his arm. "Are you okay sir?"
"I'm okay Harriet. You know, once upon a time ago, she wasn't like this."
"People change Harm, sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse," the Admiral put in.
He turned back to the grave once more, running his fingers lightly over the letters before standing and giving a half hearted smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Are you ready to get out of here flyboy?" I ask trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah," he says.
As we all head back to our respected cars, Harm calls me back.
"I was, uh; thinking about taking Sarah up for a ride later, want to come?"
I smile, not thing of anyplace I would rather be.
"I would love to."
As we confirm the time, I couldn't help but think that Harm was going to be okay. There was still a lot, I knew, that we had to talk about, but I knew he was going to be okay.
A statue stands in a shaded place:
An angel girl with an upturned face.
A name is written on a polished rock:
A broken heart that the world forgot.
END