Life is full of problems, and nothing solves life's problems like a good donut. Especially if it was glazed. A donut; that's what I really wanted right now. But unfortunately, for me, I couldn't quite get to one. Ok, so I wasn't anywhere near one. The problem was, I didn't know where I was. It all started with a phone call from Lula this morning.
If you don't already know, I'm a bounty hunter. Well, that's my job title. Sometimes I'm not so good about actually being one. It's hard to apprehend fugitives when you're scared of a gun. I work for me cousin, Vincent Plum. When people are arrested, he bonds them out. If they no-show for their court date, I get to go get them. Most days, it's not a bad job. It's only the days where I'm being shot at or having my car blown up that I feel like quitting. There's one other bounty hunter, and his name is Ranger. At least that's what we call him. Ranger is tall, dark and handsome. Just thinking about him sends shivers through me.
Lula also works for Vinnie. She's a filling clerk when she feels like doing it, but most of the time she rides shotgun with me. She was a hooker previously, so she has some good street smarts. She gave me a little help on my first case, but was beaten and left to die on my fire escape by the man I was chasing. She made a full recovery, but decided to give up life as a ho to come help me. Lula is big, black, and busty.
I woke up this morning, thinking it would be a good day. I fed Rex, my hamster, and then ate a piece of cake for breakfast. I was enjoying the thought of a shower, when I got a call from Lula. There was an FTA (failure to appear) and we were supposed to go get him. It was too petty to be handed to Ranger. I quickly got dressed in my usual, spandex shorts and a t-shirt.
We thought it would be easy. The man's name was Calvin Cook. He had been arrested for robbing the local bank. Well, attempting to rob the bank. He wasn't a very successful criminal, for he never actually made it into the bank. He went into the wrong building, thinking it was the bank, and it turned out to be the local police office. Not a smart man. I figured this would be an easy pickup, and I would be done in time to go to my parents' house for dinner.
Well, Lula and went to Calvin's house, after stopping for a box of donuts, and he was home. I kindly explained to him that he had to come with us. He didn't take the news well, and pulled out a gun on us. I reached for my purse to grab my own gun, and realized I had left it at home in the cookie jar. Just my luck. Even if I had it with me, it probably wouldn't have been loaded. Anyway, Lula saw the gun and ran, leaving me by myself. If it weren't for the fact I was scared of being shot, I would have run too. Calvin told me to go away, and I was only happy to listen to his advice. However, once back in my car, I parked down the block to watch his house. About fifteen minutes later, he got into his car and drove away. I followed him. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.
Calvin didn't seem to be going anywhere in particular. After awhile, he caught wind of the fact I was following him, and started speeding up and making all kinds of turns. I was annoyed, but I was lucky and there was one donut left, which I gladly ate. I followed Calvin for over thirty minutes, when he turned onto a road that led out of town. Pretty soon, we were out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by woods. Suddenly, he pulled over and jumped out his car, and ran into the nearby woods. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to continue following him. The next thing I knew, Calvin was out of sight, and I was lost. In the middle of the woods. And I had no donut with me. Life sucks some days.
So that's how I got here. I knew I needed help, but I didn't know whom to call. I was mad at Lula for leaving me, and I knew she'd laugh her head off at me being lost. I thought about calling my on-again, off-again boyfriend, Joe Morelli, but unfortunately, we were going through one of those off-again periods, so he was out of the question. There was only one other person to call, so I pulled out my phone and dialed the number.