Nothing Gold Can Stay
by Tracy (lunarknightz at livejournal dot com)
Rating:If you watch the show you can handle this. Nothing explicit, but heavy agnst.
Category: Shannon POV, post "Do No Harm"
Spoilers: "Do No Harm"
Summary: Death changes everything.
Disclaimer: If I owned Lost, I wouldn't have killed ANYONE.
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
-Robert Frost
The look on Jack's face tells her something is wrong.
She's seen that look before.
Shannon was six. She was in kindergarten, and she was painting a picture at the easel in the corner of her room. It was a pretty picture, bright, vivid red with dashes of blue. She'd just picked up the green paint when the classroom door opened.
Her dad was standing there, and her dad was always at work this time of day. Always.
Shannon dropped the green paint. It splattered everywhere, on her dress, on the floor, in her hair, on her face.
Her Dad came and bent down to Shannon's level. Soon he was covered in the green paint too. He didn't seem to care.
The look on Jack's face now was identical to the expression her father had worn, all those years ago.
Shannon was only six years old when her mother died. She was just a kid.
Today, Shannon is an adult.
Her heart jumps into her throat as Jack draws near.
Somehow, she knows what Jack is going to say before the words leave his mouth. There are only two people that she cares for enough to get that look, and Sayid is standing right beside her, alive, strong, and vital. It has to be…Boone.
It can't be Boone. Boone is reliable. He's always there. Since the day they first met, Boone has always been there- they've had their fights, their good times, their bad, their trysts- but he's been there, always. If she's in trouble, all it takes is a phone call and Boone will make it right, Boone will protect her, Boone…
"Boone is dead." The words flow from Jack's mouth, and suddenly Shannen is six years old again, covered in green paint from head to toe.
Her tears start to fall, and Sayid moves closer, to offer her support, but she shrugs him away. She has to do this by herself. On her own.
"Can I….Can I see my brother?" she asks, and Jack nods.
When she sees Boone's body, the last thread of hope she has, the state that some call denial, is gone. She kneels next to him, and the tears fall.
He is covered in red, a bright bloody red that makes her think of that kindergarten painting.
She has never felt so alone. For most of her life, she has been the Shannon part of Boone and Shannon. They were a team, a pair, a couple…dysfunctional at best, but a team just the same.
Now she is terrified. She is alone, and she's never been so alone.
There will be no future, no future like the one that's always been in the back of her head. Even if she lives happily ever after with Sayid and they get off of this godforsaken island, it won't be the same. The things she'd imagined Boone doing- being a devoted uncle, throwing her a surprise 40th birthday party, becoming the President of his mother's company, would never happen.
Could there be a happy ending? Would it be happy without Boone in it?
"I won't forget you." She says in a small voice. "I couldn't. I love you Boone. Dammit, Boone. We were supposed to get off this island, the both of us together. What am I going to do, what am I going to tell your Mother…if it wasn't for me…you'd be alive. I did this, and my stupid self and I can't keep out of trouble, and you were always there, and…I never even got to say goodbye…"
Her tears are too heavy now for words.
She stays by his side for hours, talking, sobbing, staring. Saying the goodbye to Boone that she'd never gotten to say.
Sayid comes to check on her as the sun begins to set.
The sun hits Boone's body, and he almost looks like he is made of gold.
A snippet of a poem she'd read at school comes to Shannon.
Nothing gold can stay.
She can stay by Boone's side no more.