I DIDN'T REALLY LIKE NEAL ALL THAT MUCH, BUT IN THE END, I GUESS HE WAS OKAY. HE DID WHAT HE HAD TO DO TO SAVE HIS FAMILY. FOR ME, THOUGH, ONE GOOD DEED OUT OF MANY BAD ONES DOESN'T MAKE YOU A GOOD PERSON. STILL… RIP NEAL. I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE HIS AND BELLE'S AND RUMPLE'S FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS DEVELOPED, AS WELL AS HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH EMMA.
The cold wind whipped Emma's hair onto her face, but she barely noticed as her blonde locks got caught on her long lashes. She pulled her pea coat tighter against her torso, trying to ward off the chill of the sea air. David had broken the news of Neal's death to Killian, who, justifiably, hadn't taken it so well. One look at Emma was all it took to confirm what his friend had said, and he took off. Emma didn't blame him. That's all she wanted to do: go somewhere far away where she could have five minutes to herself to break down. Eventually, she gave into the urge and ran. She couldn't face her Bug yet, didn't know if she'd ever be able to, so she simply let her feet carry her.
Turns out they took her to the docks. In front of one Killian Jones' ship, to be exact. God, why did she think this was a good idea? Oh right. She wasn't thinking. Well, she was here now, she decided.
"Hook?" She called as she walked up the gangplank. Instinct took over as she made her way to the helm, where she found Killian standing at the wheel. Wheel, was that the right word for the spinny thing that steered the ship? She'd ask him, depending on his mood. She moved closer to him so that she was looking at the horizon, just as he was, their shoulders not even an inch apart. She knew he'd talk when he was ready; for now, she hoped her presence was enough.
"Was it fast?" Killian asked, his voice tight and wavering ever so slightly. The sudden break in the quietness startled Emma from her thoughts.
"He…" She swallowed the lump in her throat and fought to keep her voice steady. "He got to say goodbye. Gold and I… we were with him." She didn't want to have to tell him Neal hadn't went off peacefully.
"Was he in pain, Emma?" He turned fast, his breath tickling her face as he breathed in and out heavily to keep his emotions at bay.
"He and Gold were in the same body. It… I don't know if it was painful, but he was screaming, there were voices it could've been that–" She stammered. Killian turned away again, this time walking over to the side of the ship. His elbows rested on the edge. Emma followed him, determined to be there for him no matter how much he pushed her away. "I'm not going away, you know." She said softly as she sidled up against him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm not leaving you. You've never left me, and… you've supported me and believed in me when I haven't… I want to do the same for you."
"Why?" Killian kept his gaze down, firmly planted on the finely sanded wood of the rail. Emma ducked her head to find his brilliant blue eyes.
"Because I care about you." She replied in a shaky voice, terrified of what she was saying. "And right now, you're hurting, I'm hurting. We're both not okay, and after tonight, we're probably never gonna speak of this to anyone and… I've learned one thing from you, Killian Jones: it's okay to not be okay. When I'm with you, I don't feel like I have to be the Savior, I can just be Emma Swan, the little lost girl who cried herself to sleep every night cause she thought she didn't matter and wanted her parents so badly but couldn't understand why they gave her up." She took a shuddering breath while fighting to maintain eye contact. "And you can be Killian Jones, the hurt, abandoned little boy who has lost far too much in his three hundred years of life. You don't have to be Captain Hook with me." She said softly. "We both loved Neal in one way or another, so how about we be two people mourning the loss of a shared friend?"
It was those words that finally broke the dam Hook had determinedly keeping in place; a single tear fell from his eye and Emma pulled him in for a long embrace.
"Everyone's so busy worrying about how you and Henry are handling his death, including me… Nobody bothered to wonder how I was." He said in a hoarse voice as he struggled to hold back the rest of his tears. The blonde's grip on her pirate tightened.
"I did. I worried." Emma said. With Killian baring his soul to her, letting her see him so vulnerable, her walls crumbled. Any last shred of armor she had was gone, and she let the tears fall freely. "He was like a son to you, wasn't he?"
"When he wasn't hating me." He murmured back into her hair. At some point, he had tucked her head under his chin. "But yes, he was Milah's boy, and he was alone and scared and I identified with that. He was as close to family I'd had since Milah died."
"I'm so sorry, Killian. I'm sorry I couldn't save him. I felt, for a few minutes, what you're feeling now. The devastation of losing your child forever. Except Henry woke up. Neal won't." She was shaking with the effort of trying to keep herself from completely unraveling. She came here to comfort Killian, not the other way around.
"You don't have anything to apologize for, Love." As another tear tracked down Killian's cheek and landed on her head, the sobs tore from Emma's body. He responded by pulling her closer.
"I'm the Savior, I'm supposed to save people." She pulled back so she could gesture wildly in anger. The next sentence came out so fast he almost missed it, and Emma hadn't meant to say it, "I failed him twice, and it's true I wished he was dead because I was ready to move on with you but he's still Henry's father and he could have been a great friend."
"Emma…" Killian breathed, his breath hitching in his throat as he struggled to stammer out the words. "Do you know what you just… did you mean it? Do you mean it?"
Replaying the words in her mind, Emma's already pale face became ashen. "Oh God!" Her hands flew over her mouth. "I didn't mean to say that." Killian's face fell, and the blonde instantly reached out to take hold of his hand. "But that doesn't mean I don't mean it. I just need some more time, Killian." She bit her quivering lip and looked him in the eye. "Two days ago, I was making Henry scrambled eggs and looking forward to a date with my almost-fiancé-turned-flying-monkey. Now, I'm still trying to sort out what's real and what's fake and how I feel about everything. And I… I trust you. I know you'll wait, but I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be more than who I've been. I've already accepted my role as a mother and as the Savior. I want to be a daughter and a sister… a lover. It might be a rocky road and it might take a really long time, but you've been here for me. You've been a constant in a world that's been changing for so long and if you want to, there's no one I'd rather be on this journey with."
"I do love a challenge." Killian squeezed her hand. Suddenly Emma realized how close they were. She had tears streaming down her face –tears of fear, tears of sadness, tears of happiness– and she was quite certain she looked like an absolute and utter train wreck, but she supposed the man standing in front of her never cared about her looks. As if he read her mind, he said, "I don't look very good, Love, but you will always be breathtakingly beautiful no matter what state you're in. From the very first moment you pulled me out from that pile of bodies, I knew you were the most gorgeous woman I'd ever met." He moved closer, as if that was even possible. "Besides, I was first attracted to your fiery personality. Everything else came after." With that, Emma felt the final wall crumble. He loved her for who she was –not who she had been, not who she could be, not who she pretended to be– and that was all she'd ever wanted. He stood by her through everything from Cora to giants, to Regina and Peter Pan, only ever putting one person before her: her son. He did that because it was what she wanted and he was willing to risk losing her if it meant Henry could be safe because that boy was the most important thing to her.
She was feeling too much. She had nothing protecting her from the emotions that were coming at her from every direction and she was scared. She wanted desperately to salvage some kind of wall and put on her armor. She wanted to run. She wanted to get the hell of that ship and get as far away as possible. Instead, she blurted,
"I love you."
Killian seemed even more surprised than she did, which was saying something. It would have been comical if he hadn't started laughing. The bloody bastard was laughing at her!
"You're laughing at me." She always did have a penchant for stating the obvious.
"I'm sorry, Love." He tried and failed to compose himself. "It's just that, if I'd known that one of my speeches would have worked if I'd simply said it in the rain, I would have done so sooner." In response, she pushed him in the chest. He stumbled back onto the wall of the upper deck.
"You're infuriating, you know that?" She growled as her lips crashed into his.
"Aye, but I'm also charming, it would appear." He winked, breathless from the kiss.
"I hate your guts sometimes." She went in again, and he groaned into her mouth.
"I'm not the one who jumped off a ship in the middle of a bloody storm." He replied, pulling back to look her in the eye. "Nor did I jump in front of Cora to potentially get my heart ripped out. I haven't done one stupid, infuriating thing since I met you."
"Really?" She cocked an eyebrow. "Cause I'm pretty sure I remember you picking petty fights and losing all of them… not to mention those two times you attacked Gold."
"Won't happen again, Pirate's Honor." He smiled and saluted her.
"Good."
"I thought of you every day, Swan." This brought a fresh wave of tears to Emma's eyes, and he pulled her close again. "You're back now, it's okay. You're parents are going to be fine, Henry's doing fine, and you and me… we're great." At a choked-out sob, he added, "I think."
"I just can't stop thinking about how I was finally happy. I had my kid, a man I loved, a great job." She paused in an attempt to gather herself. Killian looked down. He'd always feel guilty for tearing her from her perfect life in New York. "I finally had my parents, and I'd made some friends." He realized she was talking about before the curse and his eyes lit up. "My entire life, all I've ever wanted was a home. I found it, Killian. It might be dysfunctional and crazy and we all might be related in one way or another, but I don't care. And when you gave me my memories back, I was so happy, especially after I found out that Walsh was a flying monkey. I mean, yeah, it hurt to know it was never real, but that's the thing: that whole life was never real, and I don't wanna live a lie. I don't wanna settle for fake love or the easy life because when you gave me that potion, I knew what real love and real acceptance and real family felt like, and I wanted it back. I was so scared my parents weren't gonna remember me, but they do–" She broke off and flung herself back into Killian's comforting arms and let the sobs take over. She was shaking, and not just from the emotion, but from the cold. He knew David would have his head if he let Emma get sick, so he gently picked her up and carried her bridal style into his quarters to escape the rain.
"Do you think we should get you into some dry clothes, Love?" He took note of her black pea coat. It wasn't nearly as water repellent as her leather ones, and her jeans were soaked through. She simply laid on the bed, curled in the fetal position, unresponsive. Killian sighed as he walked over to his dresser and pulled out the closest thing he could find to this world's clothes. He'd seen David wearing something like it a few times, with the long sleeves and three buttons on the top. Pants were going to be another issue all together. He only owned leather, and he suspected he'd never be able get them on with her skin as wet as it was. He eyed the shirt; maybe it's be long enough to be something of a nightshirt. "Emma?" He said gently, but she didn't make any acknowledgement of his voice. He didn't want to have to undress her and redress her himself. Normally he wouldn't care, but this was his Swan. He didn't want to invade her privacy, but she really wasn't giving him any other options. Slowly, he made his way over to the bed. He carefully moved her into a sitting position and began the tedious process of unbuttoning her jacket with only one hand. The plastic buttons were slippery because of the rain and it took him nearly five minutes, but he managed. He pealed the black garment off her to reveal her grey turtle neck. Why does she insist on wearing clothes that are so hard for me to get off, he asked himself. He briefly toyed with just tearing it off with his hook, but then thought better of it. If David didn't kill him for undressing his daughter, then Emma would for ruining her shirt. He slipped his hook under one side of the turtle neck and his hand under the other. He raised both arms and, subsequently, Emma's. A few tugs later and the shirt was discarded on the floor. It took him a beat to tear his eyes away from her breasts and toned abdomen. He mentally berated himself. This was not the time for that.
He glanced up at her to see if she was any more alert since being slightly jostled. To his dismay, she wasn't. He moved on to her jeans and he wondered why anybody would choose to wear such rough material. He discovered yet another button and had to use his hook to pull the hole a bit bigger so he could fit the button through. The zipper (a contraption which confused him greatly) went easily enough. He began the long process of yanking the skin-tight, waterlogged material off of his Swan. He nearly fell backwards on his ass with the last pull that separated Emma and her jeans. He let out a string of curses and really wished she would make this easier on both of them and at least attempt to help him.
He picked up a towel from his desk and began to dry her off. He started with her hair and moved down. Her undergarments were slightly damp, but he didn't want to go too far. He figured dry clothes would suffice until she was well enough to change fully herself if she wanted to. After putting her hair up in a surprisingly good bun with an elastic he had lying around, Killian dried her body once more in case any water dripped from her hair while he was putting it up. After that, he pulled the white, long-sleeved shirt over her head and put her arms through. He didn't bother buttoning the three buttons at the top seeing as nothing was showing. As he thought, the shirt went down to her mid-thigh so he didn't have to find her some pants. He picked up her wet clothes and hung them on a makeshift drying rack they'd set up in Neverland. When he turned back around, she was laying down on his bed again. He went back to the bed and pulled the blankets over her.
"Sweat dreams, my beautiful Swan." He whispered as he placed a kiss to her hairline. He then exited the room but left the door cracked in case she needed him.
"David?" Killian yelled into the object he'd seen Emma talk into many times.
"Hook?" The man on the other line replied equally as loudly, but moreso because he was confused than because he didn't know how to use a cellphone.
"I take it you can hear me!?" Killian raised his volume just in case David was having trouble hearing him.
"Loud and clear, so would you lower your voice already?" The blond snapped as he pinched the bridge of his nose with the hand that wasn't occupied with the phone. Killian did as he was asked, but he was still louder than he needed to be.
"Emma's with me."
"What!?" Now it was David's turn to raise his voice.
"Relax, Mate, she's fine. Well, physically at least. She kind of had a breakdown, but she's taking a nap now." He heard David huff on the other end and mumble something to Snow.
"She's been through a lot, Hook. Don't you dare take advantage of her."
"Do you seriously think I would?" He growled into the phone. "I love your daughter, David. Besides, that would be bad form."
"Hook, she just lost Neal–"
"I suggest you and your wife have a talk with her when she goes back to the apartment tomorrow. Clearly, the two of you know nothing about how she's feeling and if you'd bloody listen to how she phrases things you'd realize that she doesn't feel the way you think she does. Just because someone's your first love doesn't make them your true love or only true love. Now," he took a breath, "I will return her to you tomorrow after she's had a restful night of sleep, something that she's been sorely lacking. I promise she will be safe with me tonight. There's no way she's going back to her lad in the state she's in; if she was thinking clearly, she wouldn't want him to see her this way."
"Hook, about Henry–"
"I trust you two can keep him from asking too many questions seeing as he doesn't know about magic?"
"Hook." David finally cut in. "Henry remembers. We all do."
"What?"
"I don't know what happened, but the second Snow and I remembered the day we found out we accidentally made another Emma, Henry also came running down the stairs and hugged us, then demanded to see Regina. We were just about to leave when you called." After David finished speaking, Hook pressed the red 'end call' button, hoping it would terminate their conversation. A small smile formed on his lips. He knew exactly what happened to cause the curse to break.
"Hook!" Emma all but screamed. Killian got up from his post outside his bedroom door and entered with a grin.
"Good morning, Love."
"What the hell is this?" She gestured to the tray on the nightstand and the white shirt she was wearing down to her bare feet. "Where are my clothes?"
"That," He pointed to the plate, "is breakfast. I figured toast was a universal food item that everyone liked. There's also coffee, which I suspected you like black. The shirt… well, you were very wet last night and I feared you'd catch a cold."
"Oh." She plopped back down on the bed. "Thanks." She kept her gaze firmly on the wall in front of her. "I'm sorry about last night, I don't do the massive emotional breakdown thing. Usually."
"It's quite alright, Love." He moved over to the bed and sat down next to her. "Are you feeling better?" At that, she nodded.
"You should probably eat something."
"You sound like my mother."
"About that…" He scratched the back of his head. "Everyone remembers the past year now."
"And Henry?" She looked like a frightened gazelle, and tore at Killian. He hated seeing her this way.
"He asked his grandparents to take him to see Regina. He's quite happy to be reunited with his family."
"Oh God." She groaned and sprawled out on the bed sideways. "He's gonna hate me."
"Why would you say that? Your lad seems to love you more than anything."
"Because I promised him that I would never lie to him again after I lied to him about his father and he found out and I just lied to him again Killian he's gonna hate me and this time it'll be even worse because Neal's dead!" She said it all in one breath and so swiftly Killian almost missed it, but he heard every single word.
"Even if you wanted to, Emma, you couldn't have given him his memories back. Regina couldn't even make herself remember."
"Maybe." She chewed on her bottom lip, both in thought and to staunch the tears that were prickling at the back of her eyes. She'd done far too much crying in the past two days.
"No matter what, though, you're not alone."
"I know." She smiled as she sat up and then proceeded to take a bite of her toast.
"Does the princess approve?"
"Don't call me that." She mumbled with her mouth full. "But yes."
"Your clothes should be dried by now, but I'll go double check." He stood up and gave her a reassuring smile.
"Just so you know," she said after she swallowed, "I meant everything I said last night. From the very first word to… everything else."
"I know it's going to take time, but I'm going to be with you through everything."
"I know." She said softly. "And I'm gonna be with you, too. We're not facing the world alone anymore."
"It'll be an adjustment." He nodded.
"Plus, you're also gonna have my parents and their smotheringness to deal with."
"I don't think that's a word, Love."
"Neither are 'swashbuckling' and 'rapscallion'."
"Actually, they are."
"Just go get my clothes so I can get out of here before my parents start sending out a search party."
"I think you look pretty good in what you're in." He quipped. As he turned to the drying rack, she said,
"You know this 'thing' we're doing? The whole 'let each other behind our walls thing'? Um… I'm proud of you for last night. You showed me the man behind the Captain Hook façade. I've never had anybody do that for me. Everyone always expects me to let them in without showing me who they are, so… thank you for that." She really preferred their banter, but keeping each other at arm's length felt strange in a certain way, especially after last night. Killian didn't seem to know how to respond to that, so he responded to the part he was comfortable with.
"You deserve honesty and loyalty, Emma, and so much more. I just hope that every day, I take a step towards being the type of man to deserve you."
"You've done the one thing no one else has ever done: stayed. And that's enough for me." She got up and sauntered over to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him so hard he almost saw stars.
"Emma…" He pulled back and looked at her with the utmost seriousness and sincerity. "After we step off this ship, I know you'll need to go back to playing the Savior role. I understand that, I do. I just want to make sure you understand that you are so much more than the Savior; you are a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a lover… anything you want to be. So when you need a break from being the Savior, just come to me and I will be here."
"I think I like it better when you're by my side." She rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm not sure how David's gonna feel about having to share his daughter and his mate," she tried to mimic Killian's accent but failed miserably yet again. "But we make quite a team."
"I do think Zelena's going to be quite angry about us breaking her curse."
"Mmmm, probably."
"Do you hear that buzzing?" Killian asked.
"That would be my phone." She pulled back and lunged toward her jeans before Killian could grab them and keep her from answering, and thus being distracted from him. "Hello?"
"Emma, Henry's looking for you." Snow said and the blonde could almost picture the way her mother's hand was on her hip.
"I've been a little busy… how angry is he?"
"He's matured since you first found Neal, Emma." Snow said softly. "He's upset, but he understands why you lied. Besides, he'd have to be angry with his entire family since we all lied, so that's not really an option for him."
"And Neal?"
"He wants to talk to you about it, Sweetheart. Understandably, he's not doing too good. About this baby, we didn't mean to get pregnant. I just… I know it doesn't change much, but for what it's worth, we weren't trying to replace you." Emma felt her throat close up, so she nodded, forgetting that her mother couldn't see.
"Yeah." She whispered because that goddamn lump wouldn't go away. "But that doesn't mean I'm not excited to be a big sister."
"Maybe when you get back, your father and I can fill you in on the year we were away from each other."
"I'd like that." She smiled into the phone. "And Henry and I can talk about our adventures in New York."
"That'd be great." Snow was practically crying with joy. Emma wasn't pushing her away, and that made her one happy woman.
"Five hot chocolates waiting on the table would be great."
"Five?"
"Hook's coming with me."
"Oh." Emma shot a glance at Killian.
"I have a lot to tell you." She said after a moment.
"David talked to me."
"And?"
"Hook told him to talk to me."
"That's… interesting." This time Emma gave Killian a warning look. He smiled his best innocent smile.
"We had a bet, your father and I."
"I'm guessing you lost?"
"Yes."
"I swear to God, the two of you… betting on my love life? Really? Just… have my hot chocolate ready and we'll call it a truce, okay?"
"Of course, Honey. Love you."
"Love you too." The words slipped out before Emma even registered them until after she disconnected the call. They seemed so natural to her now.
"That year in New York and the false memories really did a number on me." She said as she took Hook's shirt off and snatched her clothes from his hand. "I'm not bitter about the new baby, I told my mom I love her, I tell you I love you… hell, I was a freaking mess last night."
"Correction, Love: you were a hot mess."
"Shut up and grab anything you need. After we leave the boat, I suspect the war's gonna start and we won't be able to get back on."
"Ship." He automatically corrected from their days in Neverland.
"Sorry, ship." She rolled her eyes as she shrugged her jacket on.
"All I need is my hook and you." He said, leaning against the doorframe. She rolled her eyes again.
"Ready to take down this Witch Bitch?"
"As we shall do everything from this point forward: together."
