Gail had never been to a Roller Derby bout before. It had been Andy's idea, and when Andy's band of lame rookiebots all agreed to give it a go, it was roller derby or boredom. If Gail was going to be completely honest though, she was not regretting the decision to break out of The Penny routine for a night. As soon as they walked in the old airplane hangar, she could tell that this was her kind of place. The music was loud and rowdy and the beer flowed like the sweet nectar of a happy God whose cup seriously flowethed over.
Once she had a beer securely in both hands, Gail followed Dov, Chloe, Chris, Andy and Traci into the stands. There were bleachers positioned around a round track that was angled up on the outside. Currently, in the middle of the track, a female-fronted punk band played with complete abandon, working the crowd toward an event-acceptable level of raucousness. Gail let the music settle into her as she took a couple of minutes to check out the scene and down one of her beers. She looked over the people in the stands, and then glanced over the group she would be associated with by anyone mirroring her own actions.
"Relax Gail. Have another drink. Everyone knows you're merely gracing us with your presence to elevate our deficient coolness," Traci said as she leaned over and clinked her aluminum beer bottle with Gail's one remaining.
"Yeah, Gail, have another drink." One of the guys in the group behind them extended his bottle forward to join their toast.
Traci and Gail looked at each other, rolled their eyes and turned away. Gail could heard the guy's friends rib him about the harsh blow off.
As the song the band was playing came to an end, a man dressed in what appeared to be a burgundy crushed velvet suit walked up and took the mic from the lead singer.
"Ladies and gentleman, welcome to tonight's TBTRD showcase hoedown between the Multiple Score-gasms and the Cunning Stunts."
The crowd hoots and hollers in anticipation, pumping fists and beers, and holding up signs for their favorite teams, and presumably, for individual skaters as well. The names of the skaters artfully adorning the sign are clever, catty, and some, downright raunchy.
"We're going to get started with our live all-girl action in just a minute, but first safety and shout-outs."
Gail tuned the announcer out and turned to her friends. "I am going to grab a couple of more drinks before it starts. Anyone need anything?"
"Ooo. Dov and I will go with you." Gail swore Chloe sung the words.
"Yay." Gail's smile and overly sweet tone were dripping with sarcasm. She dropped the smile instantly into a scowl and added an eye roll for good measure before she beelined for the nearest beer stand. There were enough alcohol distribution points where the line wasn't too long, especially since she was still finishing off her second beer. Still ,Gail didn't want to stand in line. She was starting to feel a bit wired. The excitement in the venue was buzzing in her, as were the two beers she had now finished in a matter of 20 or 30 minutes. When Gail turned around to punch Dov in order to get further into the spirit of the pending event, she saw that Dov and Chloe were a couple people back in line. Lucky her though, Mr. Stick-My-Beer-Into-Your-Toast was right behind her.
"Hi Gail. I'm Brad."
"Congratulations," she said as she gave up her spot in line to him and moved back to stand with King Dork and Polly Prissy Pants.
"I think he likes you, Gail." Chloe pokes Gail's arm and points toward Brad, who is smiling back at Gail.
"Wow. And I thought dreams couldn't come true."
"Come on, Gail. He's cute. You're single . . . "
Gail shuts Chloe up with a look that could destroy someone of lesser giddiness, who didn't eat rainbows and shit sparkles, which Gail assumed Chloe did.
The three of them get back to their spots in the bleachers just as the announcer is finishing up his schpiel about donations and league sponsorships.
"So," over enthusiastic toasting man leans over Gail's shoulder, "what are you and your friends doing after the bout?"
"Listen . . . Brett."
"Brad."
"Burt, these aren't my friends. And I am a lesbian. Not a bi-sexual. I don't do the boys. I am gay, gay, gay. And happy. About being gay."
Brad looks unconvinced. "Are you here with your girlfriend?" he asks gesturing his head towards Traci.
Traci is watching the conversation with amusement and definitely looking interested in seeing how Gail responds.
"She wishes. She's my ex. She's cute, but soooo bossy. I just couldn't get it through to her that I was the captain of our ship." Brad looks surprised.
For emphasis, Gail adds, "It was hard letting her go because the sex was so great."
Traci laughs and shakes her head. Gail is having a little too much fun so Traci decides to play along.
"Yeah, I was really hurt at first, but then I realized that Gail needs to believe she is the dominant one in a relationship. I just challenged her too much, so we weren't a good match romantically. It's ok, though. Now we're really good friends. I understand that Gail needs to lord her dominance over someone and that's why I am here supporting her and her new girlfriend."
"Your girlfriend is a skater?"
"Uh-huh," Gail replied shooting Traci the vendetta glare.
The announcer, thankfully, chooses that time to start announcing the teams. One skater at a time they shoot out from behind the stands. The announcer is giving them kitschy intros and calling out their names with over-the-top enthusiasm. Names like Ivanna RideHer, Magna Cum Loudly, and Sister Mara Grita.
"She's a speed freak with a mean streak and is well on her way to being league MVP, ladies and gentleman, prepared to get banged by Holly Humpabitch!"
The crowd goes nuts and Gail understands why. Holly is tall, tan, and lean. The other skaters looked good, but they still made skating look like it took a little work. There was a stutter here, or stumble there. But not with Holly. She glided around the track with effortless fluidity, blowing kisses to the fans.
"Which skater is your girlfriend?" Gail barely hears what's-his-nuts ask.
"Her," Gail says quietly, almost to herself, as she looked out at the track, at Holly.
"Hey Gail, why don't you tell Bud"
"Brett"
". . .Bart how Holly got her name?" Traci encouraged.
"I'm Russian. We're married," Gail said still shamelessly ogling her wife.
As soon as Holly gets to the middle of the track and joins her team, one of the referees blows the whistle. The announcer yells, "Who's ready for some girl-on-girl?" as the skaters mob the track to claim their spots.