"Now, you know that the largest problem we're all facing right now is global warming, and there are close to no ways to solve said problem with the economical budget we have now. Many countries can't afford sustainable sources of energy, and we most certainly don't have enough money to find a way to prevent greenhouse gases from damaging the ozone layer."
Canada listens in rapt attention to Germany's words. Global warming is a serious problem across the world now, what with the rise of sea levels and his precious polar bears running out of places to live. Of course, if he could, Canada would let all the polar bears live in his house, but he doubts that he'd have enough room for all of them.
"Ooh, ooh, I have an idea!" America shouts. "How about we have a giant space robot protect the ozone layer from the sun? Then the earth wouldn't heat up as fast and we could stop global warming!"
"This isn't one of Japan's robot shows, America!" England snaps. "We're not using robots. And how would we build that thing anyways?"
"I'm the hero, that's how! Heros can do anything!"
England rolls his eyes and gives up.
"I think I have a suggestion," Canada whispers meekly, raising his hand.
"Ooh, or we could power the world with THE POWER OF PASTA! Pasta solves everything!" Italy pipes up.
"No way, bastard, or we'd run out of pasta to eat," Romano grumbles.
"May I speak next?" Canada tries again timidly.
"If you guys would stop polluting, we wouldn't have this problem!" Switzerland fires.
"Excuse me—" Canada says.
"How about using sound energy?" Austria asks. "I'd be more than happy to provide music."
"You could all move to my place for the rest of your lives, da? And we can become one." Russia says, smiling in a way that'd make one run away. "It's always cold there, isn't it, Baltics?"
Estonia, Lithuania and Latvia all nod nervously. "Yes, it's always cold!" They squeak in chorus.
"Very cold!" Lithuania says.
"Snows a lot too!" Estonia adds.
"It's like it was never touched by global warming!" Latvia whimpers, trembling.
"See?" Russia states cheerfully. "My dear Baltic states agree as well!"
"I'd like to speak…" Canada frantically waves his hand in the air.
"Excuse me, everyone," France suddenly announces. "I believe Canada has a point to make."
All the nations stare at France.
"Who?" China asks.
"Yeah, I don't recall a Canada attending our meetings." Spain adds.
"I'm right here!" Canada yells, but thanks to his quietness the words barely reach regular volume. "I've been here the whole meeting!"
"Exactly," Russia says, and Canada is shocked that the unsettling country would take his side. "Canada has been here all along, da?" He sidles up to China, placing his hands on the oldest nation's shoulders to his horror. "Isn't that right, China? Kolkolkol…"
"Aiyaa! What are you doing-aru!?" China shrieks, jumping up in his seat and his verbal tic (which only shows up when he's nervous) returning. "Don't be scary like that-aru! Y-yes, Canada is here or something-aru! Whatever you say!"
"And does everyone else agree to acknowledge Canada?" Russia continues, the expression on his face making it clear he won't take 'no' for an answer. Everyone instantly nods and adds enthusiastic noises of agreement, not wanting to incur the wrath of the icy country.
"Wait, but who's that again?" America breaks through the terrified silence, perhaps the country least terrified by Russia. Russia, on the other hand, hefts his pipe and gives a threatening smile. America, realising his mistake, nods quickly. "Right. Canadia. Canda. Whatever. Yes, that exists, I guess."
Canada sighs. Of course, not even his own brother remembers him. On his lap, the maple-loving country's pet bear nudges him with its paw. "Who are you?"
"I'm Canada, Kumamoto," he replies in a defeated tone. Kumajirou makes a sound of protest, obviously dissatisfied with the fact that his owner won't remember his name either. Meanwhile, everyone else has already forgotten about Russia's threats and are continuing the meeting, once again completely forgetting Canada's existence.
Back to square one, then… he thinks. I mean, not even Russia can make everyone remember me, so what can? The blond nation thinks back to all the information he's gathered in his many years of living. He's seen people do insane things for attention: murder, steal, bully or even terrorism. All Canada wants is for someone to listen to what he has to say, no violent measures needed.
As if he read Canada's mind, Kumajirou speaks up. "Yeah, you're worried about nobody knowing who you re, right? I can tell, because even I don't know who you are, except that maybe you're Canadian, but you don't act Canadian enough for me to know for sure."
What do you want me to do, ride a moose to World Conferences while wearing maple-themed clothing? Canada shudders, thinking of that one time he actually attempted that and the moose smashed a hole in the wall.
"Well, since you're apparently Canadian, maybe you should start acting like one," his polar bear continues. "Right now, you're acting like a beaver: so quiet and passive, just munching on wood and waiting for someone to notice you. How about you act like a moose? A big, powerful moose the size of a car! And you can charge around intimidating people into noticing you! But of course, I wouldn't know. I'm just a tiny little polar bear."
"Hmm… that's a great idea, Kumakata!" Canada exclaims. "Maybe I should use a little bit of force, as long as nobody gets permenantly hurt, that is."And without further ado, he begins to draft a plan: Operation Attention, he calls it, which will take place right after the meeting ends. And, for maybe the very first time, the shy nation barely listens to Germany, who's now rattling away about economy.
…
Once almost everyone has filed away form the meeting room, Canada puts his plan into action. Once people realise he can use his invisibility to his advantage, they'd start noticing him, right?
He knows from experience that the Allies start doing things in the meeting room once everyone's filed out, and obviously won't know he's there. Setting up the video cameras, Canada slips a blindfold over his eyes, stuffs in earplugs and retreats to a corner, praying that things won't be too loud.
The action begins after a few moments. He can tell from France's laughing.
"You bloody frog!" England's voice comes shrieking. "Stop that! You do that every meeting! AAAAAH! AAH! What on earth—"
"Honhonhon this is much more fun than last month's session hONHONHON—"
"You dumb git, cut it out! NO! NO! Don't do that!"
Canada cringes at their volume. Looks like there are some things even his earplugs can't block out. Such as…
"Aiyaa! What are you doing la! Ni zài zuò shénme a!? Wèi, Èluósī, tíng a! Wo jiào ni tíng a!"
The spectator frowns slightly at the Putonghua he can't understand, but China quickly reverts to English, followed by a number of horrified screams.
"No! NO! Don't stick it in! Please don't stick it in!"
"Kolkolkolkol kOLKOLKOLKOL…"
"RUSSIA, WHYYYYY!?"
"Wait England, what are you doing? England? England!? NO! Don't drag me into this! Leave me out of this! I'm only 19! I'm only 19!"
"IF I HAVE TO SUFFER, SO DO YOU, WANKER!"
"No! NO! Oh gosh, please no! This is against my freedom, and I'm the land of the free! Eeeee!"
"Oolala, it's even better with one more person participating!"
At this point Canada is on the verge of laughing his head off, but his amusement quickly turns to shock when he hears the voices approaching the door.
"I'm sorry for forgetting my bag, big bruder."
"It's quite all right. Just remember to admit that you lost it, and not make bad excuses, ok? You have to be honest about your mistakes, so you can improve. Unlike that excuse fodder, Austria…"
"I understand, big bruder. Thank you for accompanying me to retrieve it."
The door to the meeting room creaks open and in comes little Liechtenstein and her older brother. Daring to take off his blindfold for a while, Canada adverts his eyes from whatever the rest of the Allies are doing and focuses on Switzerland and Liechtenstein.
The young girl's eyes widen at the sight of the Allies. Switzerland's expression switches from caring to shocked to enraged in split seconds. Covering Liechtenstein's eyes, he leans over and snatches the bag, dragging his sister out of the indecent place. "I'll have all of you shot for ruining her innocence!" The blond shouts as the doors close. "You're lucky I forgot my rifles!"
All the two neutral countries get in return are some sounds, mostly from France.
Now struggling to muffle his laughter, Canada returns the blindfold to his eyes when another voice is heard. "Ah, Mr. Wang is late again, except this time he promised to answer some questions after his meeting. I wonder what he does that makes him almost 6 hours late sometimes. This time I got to his meeting place before he's left, so I can ask him personally."
Canada snickers. The source of the voice is Hong Kong, one of the few nations who actually notice him. He pities the younger region for what he'll be seeing, but decides that his reaction would be all the worthwhile. Once again, he lowers the blindfold to allow himself to see.
Hong Kong flings the door open, marching in with a swish of burgundy fabric. His thick eyebrow knit together in an effort to find his teacher. Finally, Hong Kong's eyes land on the scene his teacher is involved in and his eyes widen.
「嘩！」Hong Kong stumbles back upon seeing his respected xiān shēng in such a position. 「搞咩啊！？成間房都係啲白痴鬼㧯。」The Special Administrative Region then proceeds to dash out at what looks like light-speed.
Upon hearing Hong Kong's reaction, Canada shoves a fist into his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud, having understood everything he said. After all, all those Hong Kong immigrants in his country do have benefits.
Finally, after a few more agonising minutes, the Allies are done with their things. England is the first to leave, flinging open the door in a panicked frenzy while yowling about "the cheesy monkey pervert". America follows, babbling nonsense about his ruined innocence. China leaves third while crying hysterically.
Russia clutches his pipe departing the room, and France leaves last, only after giving a few more round of his weird laughter. Relieved that the madness is over, Canada removers his defences and switches off his video camera. He knows just the countries he has to ask to complete Operation Attention, and ultimate plan for being noticed.
…
Hungary squeals, hand flying to her face while blood starts to gush out of her nose. Japan merely nods approvingly, taking notes on a notepad. "This is rather… unusual yaoi. Despite that, I hope this will result in a more unique anime." The Asian nation frowns. "However… we may have to rate the anime Rx… for obvious reasons."
"Mostly because of France." Canada mutters. He's taken the clip of the Allies' private time to Hungary and Japan, the former being a huge yaoi fangirl and the latter having the ability to adapt the thing into anime. "And maybe Russia. In my opinion, using the pipe was a little extreme, but the flock of ostriches from China really took the cake."
"Really? Hungary inquires, nose still bleeding heavily from the clip. "I knew it'd be getting interesting once England hit the ceiling, or maybe when he flew out the window and had to climb back up. Or it was when he found out his 'flying mint bunny' was watching."
"I personally found the best part to be where Tony, America's alien friend, came into the room in the UFO." Japan states matter-of-factly. "Although, I did enjoy it when France suddenly made it rain potatoes."
"Canada, how do you sit through this all?" Hungary asks.
He shrugs. "Normally I leave before that happens, but they're loud enough that I can hear them from the washroom, which is on another floor." Canada glances hopefully at Hungary and Japan. "So, will you help me?"
Hungary claps her hands in excitement. "Anything for some steamy yaoi!"
Japan nods. "I believe this content will yield a yaoi that rivals Yuri On Ice. I will ask for a manga adaptation as well, and official artwork to be put on posters and other merchandise."
Canada grins. "You guys are the best."
(A few months later…)
"Bloody hell! What in the name of the Queen is this!?"
"How did they even get that footage!?"
"Hah!? And even Hong Kong saw that!"
"This is why it's our private time! Emphasis on the word private!"
"I will hunt whoever posted this with my magic metal pipe of pain~"
"Ahem." Germany coughs awkwardly at the Allies huddled around America's computer, shouting in rage about something. "What's going on?"
"It seems they've found some sort of steamy yaoi between the five of them~" Italy trills.
Japan jumps up in mock surprise. "Nani? Yaoi, you say?"
"What kind of yaoi?" Hungary joins Japan in walking towards the computer.
"And if it's about the Allies, why was I excluded?" Canada adds, getting to his cluster of teammates first, just in time to see the credits section.
Content provided by Matthew Williams (Canada). See, this is what happens when you ignore me.
All 5 men jerk their heads towards the smirking, formerly forgotten country. "You filmed all that!?" They cry in unison.
Canada nods. "I figured that since I was invisible to you all anyway, I should use it to my own advantage and remind you why noticing me would be much better. Also, it was revenge for you ignoring me in the past."
"But you were always so nice!" America howls. "I never thought you'd do something so sadistic and un-Canadian!"
"Actually, Kumajina gave me the idea. He said I needed to start acting like a moose instead of a beaver, so I did exactly what he said."
"My name is Kumajirou, Canada," the polar bear whines.
Canada stares at his pet in dumbfounded disbelief. "Say that again."
"My name is Kumajirou, not Kumajina or Kumamoto or whatever, Canada."
"What, you know who I am?"
"Of course," Kumajirou sniffs. "You've proven yourself truly passive-aggressive like a Canadian. Now it's easy to tell that you're from Canada!"
"Finally!" Canada shouts, scooping up his bear in his arms and (to most of the other countries' horror) starts dancing around the meeting room. "People know who I am! People are finally giving me attention! I'm getting noticed! I'm Canada, do you hear that!? I'M CANADA!"
"Still," England grumps. "That doesn't change the fact that you filmed us having our private time, gave it to Japan, made it into an anime and broadcasted it worldwide."
Canada ceases in his celebration, looking at his English mentor who's positively quivering with fury. Then, in true, authentic, genuine Canadian fashion, he utters the famed Canadian word,
"Sorry."
Translatons:
Ni zài zuò shénme a!? Wèi, Èluósī, tíng a! Wo jiào ni tíng a!: Putonghua for, "What are you doing!? Hey, Russia, stop! I'm telling you to stop!"
嘩！搞咩啊！？成間房都係啲白痴鬼㧯。: Cantonese for, "Woah! What's going on!? The entire room is full of nutcase foreigners."