-=+=- Dear Dad -=+=-

A/N: Hi there! Before you read this I would like to warn you that there are meant ions of suicide and self- harm. Just a warning. Enjoy my incredibly dark Zosia one-shot. :)

'Dear dad,

I'm sorry for doing this to you. I really am. You've lost one person now your losing two. I didn't mean for it to go this far. I have issues that I need to work through. I have issues that I don't think I can ever work through. Each day is a living hell. Each day, a day without mama to hold me or comfort me or help me when I need it most. She's gone, so I should go to. It's just, bits of her, smiles, looks, feelings, touches. They're slowly fading away. I just, I can never forget her, so I need to meet her again.

Sometimes I wonder that if I just, disappeared. If anyone would noticed. If I left the face of the earth if anyone would miss me or try to catch me if I fall.

I hope you understand that this is something I have to do, something that will save me more than it will hurt me. I'm stronger with mama, I'm weak without her. I dread, waking up every morning, I dread coming into work and pretending everything's absolutely fine. It's not. Sometimes I try to stay awake, so that I don't have to wake up every morning and do something. I can't work through this issue. I am acutely aware that this is a last resort. It is. I'm sorry to do this to you, just tell Colette first? Despite the fact I act like we're sworn enemies, I like her. She's so nice, I'm just not very good at accepting help. Tell her I'm sorry. I also want Arthur and Dom to know but nobody else. I'm not going to tell you anything else. By the time you'll be reading this I'll already be dead. You can't stop me from doing this. I'm sorry.

I'll miss you.

Zosia x'

I folded the note and let out a heavy sigh. I left it on my desk and slept until about 1am then I suddenly woke up. I guess now is the time. I swung my legs around the side of the bed already wide awake. I wore a short sleeved top for the first time in months, showing off the slits and scars that coated my wrists and arms. I got up and crept out of the house. I left and began the short walk to the hospital.

When I got there I immediately headed up to my dads office. After about 5 minutes I got there and knocked on the door expecting nothing but silence. To my surprise a few seconds later came a distinctive come in. Lucky I brought my coat. I slipped it on and covered the slits in my arms. I sighed, opened the door and walked in. "Ahh! Zoshie. What are you doing here?" He asked. "Just came to give you this." I stated and forced a smile. He began to open it. "No!" I said quickly. "Open it later."

"Ok then." He replied.

"I have to go, bye dad." I said and left. Never coming back. This is really happening.

I went to my destination, the deep river that ran through Holby. From the bridge that connected London and Holby was a jump that nobody could survive. It was a good 60ft if not more.

I finally reached the bridge. I took off my coat and flung it to the side. I spent half an hour mustering up the courage to do it. I was ready. If it meant being with mama there was nothing I wouldn't do. I stepped up breathed in the cold nights air. "I'm sorry." I said before I jumped. Never to be seen again. Goodbye.