A/N: Hello there and thank you for reading this fanfiction! I wanted to try writing with a more poetic/ lyrical prose in mind, so I ended up jotting this oneshot down... Hopefully it's not too confusing to be frustrating, ahaha. For inspiration, I listened to "Translucent" by Yanagi Nagi. Thanks again for reading this story!
He never meant to fall in love. Why would he, when the word "love" itself seemed so colorless, so flimsy, shimmering iridescently like a bubble only to pop like seafoam.
Todoroki touched the window, staring at the tiny city far below his fingertips. Little lights began to twinkle, at first weak pinpricks before one, then three, then ten, fifteen, twenty and more began to glow. The boy placed his pinky on a taxi in the distance revving away, letting his finger chase it until it rounded behind an office building. He dropped his hand. His eyes flickered upward, narrowing at the mackerel sky stretching above, crisscrossing scales like that of a giant fish. Each wave of clouds dipped in sweet magenta, sunkissed tangerine, and bruised indigo, the sky spreading above Todoroki in endless crests. He held out a hand and could only hold a speck of the sky in his palm.
"Todoroki-kun… "
The boy's hand froze yet before he could move, Midoriya stepped right through him. Todoroki choked. He staggered back, his hand flailing and his mouth wide open, yelling before he stopped, abruptly. His mouth zipped into a thin line. His shoulders gradually relaxed.
Midoriya touched the window, almost exactly where Todoroki had just touched it. "Todoroki-kun… Todoroki-kun," he whispered again, his voice cracking. The boy bowed his head. Todoroki started as he noticed the bouquet of flowers next to Midoriya's satchel. He knelt down to touch the snow-white gardenias before shuddering as his translucent fingers passed through. But he didn't move his hand, and the delicate fragrance of the flowers slowly filled him. His fingers flickered a little stronger.
A kitchen. A pearly pink vase, a bouquet of gardenias. 'They look like you, Mom!' and a tight embrace, a whiff of sweetness and for once, his feet felt light.
"I'm so sorry Todoroki-kun, I… " Todoroki turned, pulling away, and the hand dimmed once more. A single petal floated to the ground, gently resting its dead head. The red-white haired boy glanced at Midoriya.
"... I don't know what to do anymore," Midoriya said softly. He held out a scarred hand and unfurled it. His eyes stared at it so hard it could've bored a hole through the flesh. "This life that you sacrificed for. What… How, what would be the best way to use it. How can I make it worth… worth… " Midoriya's voice choked as hot tears raced down his face. He brushed them away roughly, leaving his eyes tender and swollen. Todoroki took a step forward, his hand reaching out before it stopped. He let it fall uselessly, turning his head away.
"Heroes don't cry… But you were the one who said it was okay, right?" Midoriya blinked rapidly as more tears spilled onto his cheeks. "Right… Todoroki-kun? Even though you were probably… someone who had been hurt the most… "
Todoroki shook his head slowly but Midoriya continued talking, staring out at the sunset. "Heroes don't cry, but if you say it's okay… it must be okay. Since you are a hero." He took a sharp intake of air, and then managed to murmur, "Or… 'Were'."
"And me… as opposed to you, I… " Midoriya's face tightened. "The 'Number One Hero'? As if… what kind of number one hero lets his friend die for him." Todoroki stared as an unnaturally bitter laugh tumbled from the green-haired boy's mouth.
"All I do is take and take from people like you, All Might, Uraraka-san, Iida-kun-"
Todoroki shook his head, whipping it left and right.
"-and ignore feelings like with Mom, always going after my own, shallow goals even while it hurts people-"
He gritted his teeth.
"-and do you know what the worst part is?" Midoriya face twisted as his shoulders began to shake. "The worst part is I do all of these horrible things and I'm still weak. I'm still powerless. I can't save anyone and all I do is make promises and say that I'm grateful but nothing changes, I'm just weak, I'm just Deku and I let you die-"
Todoroki leapt forward, eyes flashing as he brushed his hand on the glistening trail on Midoriya's face. It dried as Todoroki gasped and the memories began to pour into him.
Crashing beams and a hideous growl as the villain leapt away. His own body was pulsating, red streaks zipping over his body but when he slowly turned to his left- He didn't realize what that horrible sound was before his voice became hoarse from his own screams. How the metal beams crossed through the body, shot through-
How the ice shone so coldly before his own feet, brighter and harsher than diamond, letting not a scratch mar his skin.
Todoroki took a sickened step back, letting out a ragged breath. Midoriya froze, whirling around. "Who's there?!" he yelled, and Todoroki stiffened before Midoriya shifted his gaze all around the classroom.
I only have some time before the tears wear off… Todoroki opened his mouth but only a puff of air huffed out from him. He grimaced. Shit…
"Who's there?!" Todoroki blinked as Midoriya shouted again. But this time, he was staring right at Todoroki. In his eyes.
Todoroki opened his mouth before quickly closing it again, and instead pointed a finger up at his face. Midoriya gave a nervous nod. He can't see me clearly to know who I am… Todoroki narrowed his eyes as his body began to fade again. Shit-
Midoriya's eyes began to dart wildly and Todoroki let out a silent breath.
"Who… who are you?" Midoriya gulped. "Uh, a ghost? Or are you… " His eyes widened before he shook his head, muttering beneath his breath.
Todoroki hunched his shoulders and closed his eyes. His body stilled, and he relaxed the clenched fists by his side. The mackerel sky was changing again, the waves lapping into a twilight shore where the sands were combed with the bluest indigo dye and velvety purple as the dying streaks of rose-red drowned in the sea.
The ghost felt his translucent body grow lighter as his feet floated upward. More. The edges of his body slowly began to shiver into the creases of the air. He floated a little higher. No. More. Until I am the wind, until I am sound. Soon there was barely anything to him, and it took the desperate scent of the gardenias to keep himself together, thread-bare.
Midoriya was still shaking his head. "As if… there's no way… " The boy stopped as a sigh of cool and warm air brushed his ear.
"Listen… "
A trickle of fear ran down Midoriya's back but his feet were locked in place. "To what… ?" he whispered to no one. "Who… "
"Trust me… "
Midoriya stiffened as a block of air collided with him. And then it was gone. He blinked, squinting in the darkness. "What was-"
A blinding flash burst in his vision and Midoriya opened his mouth but not a word could escape. Memories, images, sounds, words and all came crashing down on him in a nauseating rush: a small crystal of ice, the scent of moist soil and a sweet fragrance, warm sunlight blocked by a black shadow, tugging tugging flashburns sharp kick, "Sir please!", screams, empty time and itching rage, and then-
Midoriya didn't dare move. His eyes refocused on the tiny city out the window and he held his breath. Blood raced through his body like an electric current. He gulped.
"Todoroki-kun, you're there… right?"
A whoosh of air swept out and Midoriya stumbled forward, barely catching himself. But his eyes latched onto the wavering outline of the dead hero in front of the window. The first stars were just beginning to emerge from violet mists of clouds, and they shone faintly through Todoroki's body as though he himself were made of the sky. He glanced down at his hands, only discernible as blurred lines. He then raised his head and locked eyes with him, and Midoriya felt his heart pounding so hard, he swore if he opened his mouth blood would gush out.
"Midoriya… " Todoroki breathed, his voice softer than heather. The green-haired boy tried to swallow but his throat felt raw like jagged glass and sand. He opened his mouth but instead of all those words that had whirled in his mind those unsleepable nights, a bubbling sob escaped. His legs slipped away from beneath him, and Midoriya tried desperately to wipe away the tears streaming down his face but they only coursed over his fumbling fingers like a swollen river.
"How many times do I have to tell you that it's fine to cry?" mumbled Todoroki as he knelt down. His hand hovered over Midoriya's cheeks, almost but not quite touching.
"I'm sorry, Todoroki-kun, I'm s-s-sorry I'm sorry, sorry-" Midoriya's words became lost in a jumble of shaking sobs and jarring hiccups. He shoved his face between his arms and muffled his voice into painful, wordless hacks. The boy shuddered uncontrollably. Todoroki tilted his head, eyes closing.
When I cried, Mom always…
Todoroki circled his arms around Midoriya, always careful to not touch, and hushed him. "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay- " he whispered, but Midoriya kept shaking his head, his lips tearing beneath his teeth.
"You could've… you could've saved yourself, why would you save someone like me? Someone useless like me-"
Midoriya felt his breath stop as Todoroki leaned forward and kissed him. He shivered, the icy burn like broken sprigs of wintergreen mint shooting through his body, leaving a numbing after warmth. He leaned forward, his eyes fluttering shut as another flaming cold touch brushed the nape of his neck. "Ah… "
Dizzying memories flashed behind Midoriya's eyes, and it felt like he was being run through with lightning between the jolts of images and the deepening kiss. Walking for the first time on those red bricks before UA, staring upward at the enormous school reaching up into a blue sky. "To… Todoroki-kun-" Those ivy-green curls, he wouldn't forget the first time he saw them- He held his cheeks so gently, as though he was made of the finest, paper-thin lightest glass. How students gave him a wide berth in the hallway, hostile glares like needles but again, why would they matter. His fingers ran through the strands of hair and he marveled at how soft it was, like strands of spider silk. 'Friends? Bullshit, who needs crap like that.' "Midoriya, don't stop… " You didn't even know me- Breathless breathless, their hearts thumping wildly as they stared at each other, words stuck in their throat. "You're so… " He trailed the back of his hand down his cheek, searching in those blue and gray eyes before they fell shut. One foot after the next, in that roaring stadium but they were all faceless jeers. His breath caught at the gentle hands leaving a trail of shivering desire down his body. I saw red lightning and magenta bruises, felt the rippling flames beneath my skin. He gasped as his fingers fell through. "To-! Todoroki-kun, you're… you're-!" I wanted to end it all, the trapped heat, all the scars that fire has left me. "Wait, no-! No no no-" His hands grasped forward as the warmth, or was it coolness? began fading away. But you- It was you all along, it was you and you and you and you, you, you-
"Todoroki-kun!" Midoriya shouted shrilly, his eyes wide as the weak outline shivered. Midoriya could barely see Todoroki's eyes flickering.
"You aren't weak. You didn't let me die." He reached forward with a faint hand. Midoriya raised his own to meet it.
"You gave meaning back to my life," he whispered.
You saved me.
Midoriya's eyes widened.
Todoroki's hand stopped as with a quiet pop, he shattered. Midoriya felt his heart stop. He stared as sparkles floated down on him, each glimmer disappearing swallowed by deep shadows.
"To… "
He held out a hand, but the particles dissolved upon his touch. Somewhere, his heart broke. But somewhere deeper, much, much deeper, beyond his memories and sensations and his thoughts made of words… a tiny breathe of air coaxed a gardenia to life. Midoriya huddled himself in a dark, warm corner, and let his tears flow freely to water the flower.