Joel finished off the last burning mouthful of well bourbon with a grimace and glowered as set his glass down. Why the hell do I always let Tommy talk me into this? They'd arrived at the bar together, but Tommy had quickly zeroed in on a young blonde who barely looked old enough to drink legally, and Joel hadn't seen him for at least forty-five minutes. I'm givin' that asshole brother of mine fifteen more minutes to show his ugly face, and then I'm leavin' his ass here. He should get back home, really, but the house just seemed so empty ever since Sarah had left for college...

He tried to signal the bartender for another bourbon, but the man was down at the other end of the bar chatting up a stunning Asian woman in a sparkly black halter top, and Joel couldn't really blame the guy for ignoring him.

He clenched his jaw and rolled the empty glass in his hands.

"Oh my god, honey, there you are!"

He caught a whiff of a heady floral perfume mixed with strawberry lipgloss before a pair of warm lips kissed his cheek.

Astonished, Joel pushed back from the counter, coming face to face with a smiling redhead who leaned in and whispered in his ear, "That guy behind me and his buddy have been harassing me all night. Please do me a favor and play along."

Joel glanced over her shoulder to where a tall kid sporting a madras shirt and wearing eighty-dollar flip-flops ran his fingers through carefully tousled and highlighted blonde hair. He had an angry, sullen frown on his face.

"Is he going away?" The girl murmured near his ear.

The kid took a swig from his bottle of Lone Star. Shit. It looked like he was getting psyched up to come over here. "That would be a no," Joel responded under his breath, keeping his lips curved into a smile.

"Shit. Well, sorry about this." And with that, she kissed him.

Not just any kiss, either. She was committed to making this look real by, well, making it real. She slanted her jaw and opened her mouth, and then he felt her tongue pressing against his lips. At that point, Joel decided to just go with it and enjoy the ride. He opened his mouth and let her tongue in, tasting the strawberry lipgloss on her lips and the traces of some fruity drink in her mouth. Fuck, it had been a long time since he'd kissed a woman!

It was a long kiss, one with lots of tongue, made even longer by the tiny follow-up kisses she dropped on his lips afterwards. When she finally drew back, her lips were moist and her big green eyes were wide and unfocused. "Is that douchebag gone now?" she whispered.

Joel had a hard time tearing his eyes from her flushed face, but when he looked over her shoulder again, the frat guy was nowhere to be seen. He took a deep breath. "Yeah. He's gone."

The girl sighed in relief and fanned herself with her hand. "Woo! It got a little hot in here!" She laughed, a high clear laugh, so joyful that Joel couldn't help laughing too. "Thanks. I owe you a drink." She raised her arm and leaned forward over the counter, and the bartender was there in less than two seconds. Joel rolled his eyes. Typical. "Can we have two of whatever he's drinking?" she said.

She sat down on the barstool beside him and turned to him. "Oh, man, seriously. I can't thank you enough. I came with my roommate and she totally ditched me like five minutes after we got here for some dude in a cowboy hat."

Joel shook his head. "Yeah, I came with my brother. Similar story. So...those guys just wouldn't take no for an answer?"

The redhead gave him a disgusted look. "Those dickbags wouldn't even take 'I date women' as an answer. They were getting pretty handsy when I saw you sitting here alone, so I finally told them that you were my fiancé and they totally didn't believe me because you're so…uh..." She cut herself off abruptly, her cheeks reddening as she became aware that she was about to insult him. "...because I wasn't wearing a ring, I mean."

Their drinks came—well bourbon, neat—and Joel took a big gulp. Well, he should have seen that one coming. While she was kissing him he thought he'd felt some kind of mutual...thing, but obviously he'd been fooling himself. But he supposed he could do worse things with his evening than act as a shield for a baby lesbian who thought he was too old—or too poor or whatever she'd been about to say—for anyone to take seriously as a love interest. "How old are you, anyway?" he asked.

"I'm twenty-one. I'm a senior at UT, studying American Literature." She took a sip of the bourbon and made a face. "Ugh. How do you drink that stuff?"

"Practice," Joel joked. Well, shit. She was only three years older than Sarah, which meant he had absolutely no business kissing her in any event, even if it hadn't been a real kiss at all. That's what he got for letting Tommy drag him to a bar this close to campus. He looked around the bar. Most of the women in here looked like they were still in college; more than half of them looked too young to drink, and he wondered how many were using fake IDs. Fuck. What if Sarah was out at a bar in California tonight, getting picked up by dickbags who wouldn't take no for an answer?

The girl next to him took another sip of bourbon and shuddered. Joel laughed, momentarily distracted from worrying about Sarah. "You don't have to drink it," he said. "Order somethin' you actually like, I'll buy."

The bartender was beckoned over again, and once she had a rum and Coke in her hand, Joel said, "My daughter just started at USC. Got a great scholarship," he said, that proud smile he always got when he talked about Sarah on his face.

She choked on her drink. "Bullshit," she sputtered. "No way you have a kid in college! How the fuck old are you?"

Joel gave her a paternal smile. "I just turned thirty-six."

She screwed her face up, wrinkling her nose adorably, and examined him. "Huh," she finally said. "Jesus. I guess you started pretty early. Having kids, I mean."

Joel took another drink of bourbon. "Yeah."

"Can I see a picture?"

Joel dug his phone out of his jeans pocket and pulled up the picture of Sarah in her cap and gown on graduation day. He was standing with his arm around her, a dopey grin on his face.

"Awww! You look really proud of her!" The girl flashed him a thousand-watt smile that made his stomach tighten. Christ, why'd she have to be so damn cute? And so fucking young? He suddenly needed to get away for a second, just to clear his head.

"Hey...uh...I gotta hit the john. Will you be okay here for a few minutes?"

She scanned the room. "I don't see dick one or dick two. I think I'll be all right."

Joel was half expecting her to be gone when he came back, so it was a pleasant surprise to find her still there, chewing on a cocktail straw and swirling the melting ice around in her drink. She brightened visibly when she saw him and said, "I was starting to worry you'd ditched me too, but I didn't think you'd leave without your phone." She held it out to him and he slipped it back into his pocket.

Privately, Joel thought to himself that anyone who ditched a girl like this should have their head examined, but he said, "I ain't the ditchin' type. Unlike that dumbass brother of mine."

She rolled her eyes. "Or my fucking roommate. That bitch is my ride! She may not need sleep, but I've got an eight o'clock class tomorrow morning that I'd like to be at least partially awake for." She set her glass down on the counter and stood up. "I'm gonna head home. Thanks for helping me out earlier."

She stuck her hand out and Joel shook it, saying, "You ain't gonna walk home? What if those assholes are still out there?"

"No," she said. "There's a bus stop down the next block. I'll be okay."

Joel wasn't ready to say good night, not yet. She was way too young for him, and possibly not even interested in men to boot, but she was the first person he'd met in a long time that didn't make him want to either clam up or punch somebody. Tommy's right, I really should get out more, he thought. "Let me walk you to the bus stop, at least," he said.

Her lips parted to say something, but then she pressed them closed into a smile and said, "Yeah. Thanks. That would be nice."

There was a chill in the early October night air, and he didn't miss her shiver as they stepped out of the hot, crowded bar. She was wearing only a short blue tank dress and cowboy boots, and her bare arms and legs were covered in gooseflesh. Joel's first instinct was to put his arm around her for warmth, but he wasn't sure how that gesture would be received. Instead, he shook out the light denim jacket he'd brought with him and wrapped it around her shoulders. "This oughta help."

Gratitude shone in her eyes. "Thanks. You're...it's just nice to meet a gentleman in one of these places."

He guffawed and said, "I think that's the first time anyone's ever called me that."

Her eyes sparkled. "Well, it's true."

They walked down the street side by side, shoulders almost touching. "So…" he said, "I'm a little embarrassed about this, seein' as how we're engaged and all, but I don't think I caught your name earlier."

She laughed at that, and the sound made his heart beat faster. He wanted to hear her laugh more. He wanted to make her laugh. "Ellie."

He waited for her last name, but that was all she said. "Just Ellie?"

"Yeah. I...uh. I mean, we have to save something until we're married, right?"

Joel laughed with her, but he felt a stab of disappointment. He got the message, loud and clear. Once they said goodbye tonight, he was never going to see this girl again. "Nice to meet you, Ellie. I'm Joel."

"Joel." She pulled his jacket closer around her shoulders. "So, what do you do, if you don't mind my asking? You a tech dude like everybody else in this town?"

He snorted. "Fuck no. I'm a contractor. We build houses mostly, but no job's too small." He still felt a swell of pride that he'd finally taken the plunge and gotten his contractor's license a few years back; being his own boss was worth the headaches that came with running a business.

She looked impressed. "Get the fuck out! I thought everyone in Austin was either a broke-ass musician or a computer geek."

He held up his callused hands for her to see. "Somebody's gotta build the houses for the computer geeks. The broke-ass musicians just live with their girlfriends." He didn't add that he played guitar too, it seemed like that was trying too hard.

She stopped in the middle of the block and took one of his work-hardened hands in hers, running her fingers over the cracks and bumps and dried skin and scabbed-over knuckles. "Huh," she said finally, looking up and studying his face. "I don't think I've ever met anyone in construction before." Instead of letting his hand go, she twined her fingers in his and held it before she turned and started walking again.

Joel was far from upset about this turn of events, but he was a little confused. He'd been out of the dating market for a long time now, despite Tommy's best attempts, but surely holding hands wasn't something you did unless you were interested in somebody romantically, right? Was this girl sending him mixed signals, or was he just that bad at interpreting what was happening? Better just err on the side of caution. He tried to ignore the burning heat of the girl's tiny hand in his and think of her as...as one of Sarah's friends. Yeah. That's how he should treat her. Like a concerned father. Not like a skeevy old dude who wanted to fuck her. Because that thought never crossed his mind at all. Nope.

He noticed as they approached the bus stop that both of their steps slowed down.

"Well…" she said finally, letting go of his hand, "...this is me."

She started to take his jacket off but he stopped her. "Keep it. I got another." That was a lie, but she didn't need to know that.

She smiled up at him. "Thanks, Joel. It was really nice meeting you. Unexpected. I don't know why I let my roommate drag me to bars like that. The only women I ever meet are stuck-up sorority chicks, and the men are usually creepers like those two you helped me shake. It's enough to make a girl give up altogether."

Joel laughed. "Yeah, I know what you mean." He felt like he should add some fatherly advice, so he said, "Don't worry, you'll meet the right person someday." It was something he didn't really believe, but he'd said it to Sarah a lot when she entered her teenage years and suddenly got all boy-crazy.

Ellie looked at him strangely, about to say something, but she was interrupted by the arrival of her bus. Instead, she said, "Shit." And then she fisted her small hands in his t-shirt, raised herself up on her tiptoes, and pressed her lips against his. He felt the barest caress of her tongue against his lower lip before she whirled away and climbed the stairs of the bus with an apologetic grin and a call of "Bye, Joel," over her shoulder. And then the bus doors were closing and he was watching her through the glass as it rolled away, his astonishment plain as day on his face. She blew him a kiss before he lost sight of her.

His lips tasted like strawberry lipgloss.

And he realized that he was the biggest fucking moron in the history of the planet. That girl had been coming on to him! She'd been flirting with him, and he'd been too stupid to realize it. Joel groaned. He hadn't gotten her number. He didn't even know her last name. He was probably never going to see her again. The most interesting woman he'd met in ages, and he'd let her slip through his fingers. God, he was an idiot. He was not going to mention any of this to Tommy. Tommy would give him so much shit that Joel would want to punch him.

Joel's phone chimed with Tommy's text tone. Right on cue, you little bastard, Joel thought. He pulled his phone out and pulled up Tommy's text, which said:

The fuck are you? Waiting by the truck for another ten minutes, then I'm leaving your ass here.

Oh, that was rich. Joel cursed as he trotted back to the parking lot of the bar. He could see the hunch of Tommy's shoulders as he leaned against the bed of his pickup, smoking a cigarette and stabbing angrily at his phone.

Tommy looked up at Joel's approach. "You asshole! Where the fuck have you been?"

"Me? You're the one who ditched my ass the second we walked into that bar!" Joel could feel the familiar descent into yelling at each other starting to happen, but he couldn't stop it. That was just how things with Tommy always went. "Where's your little blonde, anyway?"

Tommy's lips went white. "I don't wanna talk about it. Just take me the fuck home, okay?"

"Fine." Joel fished his keys out of his pocket. Silence was preferable to fighting anyway.

He threw himself into the driver's seat and stabbed the key into the ignition. His phone was an uncomfortable bulge in his front pocket, so he pulled it out and plugged it into the charger while Tommy climbed into the passenger seat and buckled up, his face closed and surly.

Silently, Joel put the truck into reverse and backed out of the parking space, then put it in gear and eased out into traffic. He was still stewing angrily when his phone chimed with the default message chime. Tommy was quicker than he was, and he scooped up Joel's phone to read the text.

"What is it? Is it Sarah?" Joel's anger had turned into anxiety. He didn't get many text messages, especially not this late at night, and the ones he did get were usually from people he knew. They each had their own assigned alert tones. Getting a text from an unknown person always made him worry that something had happened to Sarah.

"Joel…" Joel cut his eyes sharply toward his brother when he heard the strange tone of voice. "Who the fuck is texting you as Fake Fiancée?"

Joel's stomach lurched and he almost swerved off the road. Ellie! How the hell had she gotten his number? And then he remembered: he'd left his phone on the counter when he'd gone to the bathroom. A huge grin split his face. She must have programmed her own number into his contacts and sent his number to her phone while he was gone.

He ignored Tommy's question and said, "What'd she say?"

Tommy snorted, but read the message out loud to Joel. "Thanks again for everything tonight. Can I ask you a question?" He started typing something back.

Joel felt a stab of panic. What the hell was Tommy writing? He made a grab for his phone, but Tommy easily held it out of his reach. "Tommy, don't you dare write her anything back…"

His brother laughed. "Too late! I told her to shoot."

Joel growled in frustration, but they both waited in silent anticipation until the phone chimed again.

"Oho! Joel, you are such a fuckin' dog! Was this that redhead I saw you sittin' with at the bar? You fucker, you better tell me exactly what happened with this chick!" Tommy crowed.

"She ain't a chick!" Joel said hotly. "Her name's Ellie, and I was just bein' friendly and helpin' her out."

Tommy howled with laughter at that. "Oh, fuck, Joel! This is just perfect."

"Tommy, you tell me what she said right now, or I swear to fuck I will stop this damn truck and beat you senseless. Not that you got any goddamn sense to begin with," Joel snarled.

Tommy wiped at his eyes. "Okay, okay, Jesus. You need to work on your sense of humor, big brother. She says, and I quote, 'How do you feel about dating younger women?' How much younger, Joel?"

Joel felt his face grow warm, but that dopey smile was back before he could stop it. "She's twenty-one. She's just a kid, still finishing up college."

Tommy whistled. "Well, well, well. Big brother went and caught himself a college girl. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't have the evidence right here. I'll just tell her…"

Joel interrupted him. "Tommy, you type exactly what I tell you and only what I tell you, or I will murder the fuck out of you, you understand me?"

"Sure, Joel. Fuck, you don't have to be a dick about it." Joel could tell Tommy's hurt tone was a put on.

"Tell her...Just say…" What? Joel searched his brain. What the hell would Sarah say if he started dating a girl who was still in college? But he liked this girl...she had a great laugh and she was smart as hell. Should he…

The sound of a text message being sent pulled his attention back to Tommy, who was wearing the biggest shit-eating grin Joel had ever seen. Oh, fuck. "What the hell did you do?"

"You were gettin' stuck in your own head and makin' her wait too long. So I took matters into my own hands."

Joel's hands tightened around the wheel and he pulled the truck over to the side of the road. They were only six blocks from Tommy's apartment, so he didn't feel much guilt when he said, "Give me my phone and get the fuck out of my truck."

Tommy laughed. "No."

"Tommy." The quiet, dangerous tone in Joel's voice stopped Tommy's laughter. "Get out."

Tommy held his eyes for a long moment before he finally tossed Joel's phone onto the seat beside him, unbuckled his seatbelt, and threw the door open to hop down to the street. "Fine. You know what? I'm sick of helping you out anyway, you dick. So fuck you, Joel. If that girl's as great as you say, you better stay away from her. She deserves better than you, you asshole." Tommy slammed the door shut and started walking down the street.

Joel sat there for a few seconds, his jaw twitching in anger and his stomach twisted with dread before the phone chimed again. Her response to whatever Tommy had sent. He let out his breath and pulled up the conversation. Tommy had sent, "I don't usually, but I seem to have a weakness for redheads named Ellie."

Joel pinched the bridge of his nose. That was...that was actually pretty good. She had replied with an emoji, a little smiling face that was blushing.

Fuck.

Joel pulled forward slowly to catch up with Tommy. He stopped at the intersection, punched the button for his hazard lights, and reached over to open the passenger door. "Get in," he said.

Tommy stopped, but didn't look at him. "No."

Joel sighed. "I was a dick."

Tommy's lips twisted in a wry smile. "Yeah."

Joel listened to the clicking of the hazard lights for a few seconds before he said, "C'mon, Tommy. Get back in the truck and let me drive you the rest of the way home." Tommy was still hesitating, so he mumbled, "That was better than what I woulda told you to say."

And with that, Tommy's smile was back. Joel wished he could let go of his anger as easily as Tommy did. His brother clambered up into the truck again, and they were on their way, Joel silently handing Tommy his phone again.

"A blushing face! Nice." They were quiet for a block until the phone chimed again. Tommy laughed and said, "Damn, Joel! I like this girl."

"What? What did she say?" Joel demanded. They were stopped at a red light, so Tommy held up the phone for Joel to read himself.

Right there in the little green text bubble were the words, "You're an amazing kisser. Want to do it again sometime?"

Joel laughed, even as he felt his face getting red again. "Ask her if she wants to have dinner tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Tommy said. "I mean, your call, but you don't want to sound too eager…"

"Tomorrow," Joel repeated firmly.

Tommy held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. Fine." He tapped industriously at the screen for a few seconds.

Her answer came almost immediately. "What'd she say?" Joel asked, gripping the steering wheel nervously.

Tommy grinned. "She says to pick her up at seven." The phone chimed again. "And there's her address. Now, you gonna tell me about this girl or what? I mean, if she's my fake future sister-in-law, I reckon I should know all about her."

A wave of relief washed over Joel. "First tell her I'll be there."

Tommy groaned in frustration. "Fine!" He tapped furiously at the phone again. The answering chime came a second later. "She sent you a kissy face. Now can I hear the story?"

Joel could still taste her strawberry lipgloss on his lips. "Kiss her back."

"What? No way. I'm sorry I ever got in the middle of this."

"Tommy, you send her a goddamned kiss or I will never tell you this story," Joel said, grinning like a fool.

Tommy grumbled, but did as he was told, just as Joel pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex. He parked the truck and turned to his brother. "You got any beer in your fridge? I reckon I owe you a story."

"Come on up, big brother," Tommy said.

Author's Note

This story was written as part of the "Send me a ship and a number and I'll write a short fic" meme. Prompt #7, fake relationship AU, was requested by writtenwords-and-constellations and an anonymous prompter. This was originally posted on my Tumblr blog, catrionamacwrites.

I recently read an article that men respect a fake fiancé more than a real girlfriend or even a strongly worded 'no.' Something about the fact that another man has marked the woman as his. It was a bit stomach-turning, honestly, but it stuck with me, and jived with my own experience navigating the hazardous dating waters in bars full of drunk assholes. It was the first thing I thought of when I read the fake relationship prompt.