She wasn't angry. She wasn't. How could she be? Honestly, she'd think herself a terrible person for it. But Chloe? Chloe was sure she was.
She sat on the edge of the bed, her hands clasped nervously in her lap and her head hung so low, Beca could really only see the top of her eyelashes.
She stood in front of her, trying to relax her muscles. Trying to find the right words. But nothing was coming. Maybe, if it had happened differently, maybe if she had stopped for one damn second to think before instantly confronting her girlfriend, no matter how gently she did it, it would be different. Maybe Chloe wouldn't be sitting on the edge of her bed, looking like a scared puppy, waiting for the scolding Beca knew she didn't deserve.
She let out a breath and dropped to her knees in front of her.
"Chlo, look at me, please?"
She slowly raised her head, her eyes clouded with worry, her lower lip caught tightly between her teeth and Beca winced as she reached up and run her thumb under it. "Don't, you're going to make it bleed." She said softly and Chloe released the abused lip, looking away.
Beca studied her. Her usually confident, extroverted and sometimes overly bubbly Chloe.
"When were you going to tell me?" She half whispered reaching out to take Chloe's hands in hers.
Chloe looked at her, then to the yellow bottle that sat on the desk behind her.
"I...I don't know I...I guess I wasn't." She said, shame creeping into her features as she she looked down again. "I didn't want you to change your mind about me."
Becas brow furrowed and she let her hands go, in favor of cupping Chloe's red cheeks and bringing her face back up to look at her.
"That's not possible." She said firmly. "Chloe, I could never change my mind about you. I love you, you know that." She said, her voice almost pleading. "Don't you?"
Had she not made it clear? Did Chloe doubt her, her feelings for her? She tried so hard to be what Chloe needed. She tried so hard to be what she deserved.
"I know you do. And I love you, so much. I just... I was afraid if you knew..." she trailed off, her voice cracking and she tried to look away but couldn't. Beca held her gently, caressed her cheeks with loving strokes.
"I was afraid if you knew that I wasn't... the person you fell in love with... you'd realize you didn't love me. Not the real me."
"Chloe," Beca said, tears of her own gathering in her eyes. How could she think that? It wasn't possible.
"You are the real you. Every bit of you, is real. With or without the pills in that bottle, I will love you. No matter what." She explained.
She didn't know how to process her thoughts when she first discovered the bottle of anti-depressants on Chloe's nightstand. The girl had forgotten to put them away and had gone unusually quiet the moment Beca lifted the bottle.
"They help me, but when I have bad days... I'm not this person. I'm not who you think I am."
Beca stood up, dropping down beside her and pulling her into her lap. Glad when Chloe didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around her.
"Chloe, I care that you are healthy. I'm glad they help you, baby. I'm glad you have them. And on the days they don't help, when you aren't who you think you need to be for me to love you, please call me. So I can come over here, and show you that you are. And you always will be."
A small shudder traveled through the body curled into her and a sob escaped her as she buried her face into the crook of Becas neck and cried.
"I wish you would have told me sooner, but I understand your fear. I hope I can prove to you, that you didn't need to be afraid. I promise, no matter what Chlo, I love you. All of you."
Chloes hand fisted in Becas shirt as she tried to calm down. After a few moments of Beca running a comforting hand up and down the length of her spine, Chloe looked up.
"Thank you, Beca."
"You don't have to thank me. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." She said leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to her lips.
That's how they stayed for the rest of the evening. Chloe wrapped in Becas arms, Beca whispering her promises, and her love for her over and over until her muscles relaxed against her.
She loved her, and Chloe knew that she would keep her promise.