"A girl likes to be crossed a little in love now and then. It is something to think of."
- Jane Austen

I moved to Portland about two years ago. Small-town Washington wasn't cutting it for me, so I braved the proverbial storm, packed my shit and trekked across state lines to start a new life. I wasn't Elizabeth, or Lizzie anymore; I was re-inventing myself as Beth. A new persona for a new start. I found an apartment on North Mississippi Ave for a decent price and an awesome new bike. Luckily, a local theatre was hiring Front of House staff, so I found solace in the comfort of live theatre. I got bored, quickly. Going to the same places every day didn't make you very many friends. It was slowly becoming very lonely and I started to crave human interaction that wasn't forced through my job. Day after day, with the same routine, looking at the same types of people. Nothing changed. I walked the same path to work every day, and it was usually uneventful. Two months ago, something was different. I saw an ad for male escorts.

Now, usually I wouldn't even give those flyers a second look. They're usually disgusting and degrading. But this one was designed differently. It was more... Comforting than sexual. Like "Hey, we have guys that will come hang out with you, just give us money." I mean, I knew it wasn't like that, they were there for sex. Regardless, I took the flyer with me and went to work as usual. When I got home that night, I stared at the flyer and held my phone in my hand, working up the nerve to call. What the hell, Beth, just fucking do it. I dialled the number, nervous as all hell. I answered the questions as best I could, telling the stranger on the other end what I wanted in my sexual partner for the night.

"Alright! Tonight, you are getting the very sexy Chuck! He is 6'4, has luscious curly hair and has a very high success rate for his clients. You will be pleased!"

Oh God. This was happening. I had approximately 1 hour to clean my apartment before he got here. Also, clean... myself. Uhh, maintenance hadn't happened in a while, to say the least. Time flew by, and an hour later, he buzzed my flat. Oh God, oh God, oh God.

"Hey, it's Chuck."

"Come on up."

I could hear him walking up the stairs. My hands were shaking as I held the doorknob and looked through the peephole, watching him as he approached. I opened the door and looked at him in his entirety. Oh God. He was beautiful. Not in the way you would expect. He was so much more than I imagined. Chuck didn't look like he could be an escort; More like someone I would have known as a child that had been a nerdy, lanky kid, and had blossomed into this charming, handsome man. I opened the door and gestured for him to come in. He took off his leather jacket and tossed it on the couch.

"Nice place you have here." He turned and looked at me. "Well, would you like to get started, darling?"

"Umm, yeah, I guess so." He started walking towards me and I panicked, so I stuck out my hand and said "I'm Beth." He took my hand, laughed a bit and shook it. "I'm really new at this, so maybe you can guide me?"

"Sure. Why don't we get payment out of the way? My rate is $200 an hour, minimum two hours." I handed him $400 in cash and he counted the bills. "Awesome. Why don't you show me to your bedroom?"

I led him down the hall to my room (thank God I cleaned up) and I sat down. He started taking off his clothes and all of a sudden I got really nervous. Why the fuck did I agree to this?! He came closer to me and laid me back. He undressed me and kissed all the way down my neck, to my chest and stomach and...

"Sorry, what?" He sat up and looked down at me.

"I'm a virgin. I guess I should have mentioned that before, but yeah. No big deal."

"Beth, it is a big deal. Your first time should be with someone you love. Not with someone you paid."

"I haven't found the right person yet, and I didn't feel like waiting..."

"I'm sorry, Beth, but I can't do this. I won't ruin your first time." He got up and put on his pants.

"But... I paid you..."

"Please, take your money back. I don't want it." Wow. I didn't expect how sad I'd feel.

"It's fine, Chuck. You probably need it more than I do."

He paused and looked at me, for what felt like forever. Pity filled his eyes, I could see it.

"Beth... Why did you hire me?" I sat up and moved to the end of the bed.

"Well, honestly, I don't have any friends, and it was nice to have some company. You don't have to stay, Chuck..."

"My name is Will, actually", he interrupted and sat beside me. "Please, call me Will."

"Okay, Will. Umm, well, yeah, I am just lonely. Heh."

He sighed and put his hand on my hand.

"Wanna go get some coffee?"

"Umm, okay. You don't have to, you know."

"I'm not just being polite, Beth, I want to have coffee with you."

"Alright."

We finished getting cleaned up and walked down the street to get some coffee. My favourite 24 hour diner was only a five-minute walk from my apartment, so I guided us there. We got a booth and ordered.

We spent the next four hours talking, sharing our lives with each other. I told him about my childhood and he told me how he'd gotten into the escort business.

"I was broke and some guys approached me at a club one night and asked if I'd be interested. I was desperate for work, so I made a deal with them. I started out doing admin work for them and then when that became scarce, I gave into their pleas and started doing escort work. At first, I hated it and felt so dirty. But it became easier. Making women happy made me happy, even though it didn't mean anything. Now it's gotten... Boring. It's not the same thrill anymore. I'm comfortable, financially. So I'm trying to find a way out."

"What would you want to do? For work?"

"I'm actually an artist in my spare time. I like to paint. I've made some decent money off of some of my work, so doing it full-time wouldn't be a problem." An artist? Unf. Yes please.

"Well, what's stopping you?"

"I'm bound in a contract with the agency. I would need to violate it in some way to get out."

"What does that look like?"

"Abusing a client, accepting jobs on the side, starting a relationship with a client."

"That's kind of crazy. You can't take jobs on the side? Or be in a relationship?"

"They're very strict. Safety and all that. I can't bear to abuse someone, and I don't trust anyone offering me jobs outside of an agency. It's not safe or clean. So I'm not sure what to do."

"Well, I guess a relationship is your last option, huh?"

"That wouldn't be so bad. But I don't want to fake anything. I haven't had anything genuine in so long, that I want it to be real."

"That's fair, Will. You deserve that. I really hope you find something meaningful."

"Thanks, Beth. I'm sure I will."

He looked into my eyes and smiled. Something about him just seemed so... Comfortable. Like I could completely be myself around him. I smiled back. Our silence wasn't awkward. It was almost like a confirmation that we were meant to be at that diner on that night at 5:26 am.

"Beth, let's order some breakfast. Are you up for that?"

"Sure! That sounds great."

We ordered two waffles each and devoured them with no care for politeness, and laughed about our sloppiness. When we were finished, I didn't want him to leave, and I was hoping he would feel the same way.

"Umm... Will, do you want to come back to mine and hang for a bit? It's my day off."

He hesitated and looked into my eyes.

"Yeah, sure. Let me just make a phone call." He got up and went into a corner of the diner where he'd have some privacy. I assumed it was for the agency. He finished, walked back over and put some money on the table. I thanked him for breakfast, he nodded. I got up and we walked back to my place.

I was careful about where I would leave my hand as we walked. I was totally thinking into it, but I didn't care. I wanted him to hold it. He didn't.

We got back to my place and I got us some drinks. I suggested Netflix and he agreed.

"Something light", he said. "A comedy or cartoon or something."

"Can't go wrong with Disney."

"Frozen? Please?"

"As you wish!" I put on Frozen and within fifteen minutes, we were both asleep. I woke up seven hours later, alone. I looked around for him. He wasn't there, but he left a note.

"Beth,

I had an amazing time last night. Can we do that again, multiple times? Next time, my place. My cat would love you. Please call me. Please.

Yours, Will

'Those true eyes

Too pure and too honest in aught to disguise

The sweet soul shining through them.' - Robert Bulwer-Lytton"

He left his number at the bottom. Oh my God.