Hello everyone! This is my first multi-chapter fic, so I'm a bit nervous. In case you didn't know, this is actually an adopted fic! The original belongs to Hane no Zaia. I adopted this fic a year ago, but I never got around to completing it until now. I have the chapters written out already, I just need to make some minor edits to them.

This fic is kind of short, and should only be about 3 chapters long.

Updates should be every Monday.

Anyway, please enjoy.

Tergiversation:

1) the act or process of subterfuge or evasion.

2) the abandoning of a cause or belief; apostasy

-o0o-

The impact must have knocked him out; that's Keith's first thought once he comes to in an alarmingly silent cockpit. In his latest recollections, the controls had been full of blinking red lights and other warning signals. Given his headache, the silence comes as a slight relief. Granted, the relief is decidedly short-lived; a surging panic soon replaces it as Keith launches for the controls.

Nothing happens.

Trying to stave off panic for a while yet, Keith forces himself to calm down; the earlier movement has jarred injuries he didn't know he had. Although the situation is already likely FUBAR, Keith has no wish to add a punctured lung to it. Staying alive will no doubt be hard enough without one after all, especially if‒

He takes another breath, this one controlled, now perfectly aware of the cold sweat assembled on his brow. On a positive note, he doesn't seem to be bleeding anywhere. On the other hand, internally‒

Don't think about it, he mentally berates himself, even though it is a legitimate concern. Just focus. Calm down.

Again, he recalls Shiro's words: Patience yields focus. In doing so, Keith also recalls Shiro himself.

However, for all that Keith would want nothing more than to set out and track Shiro down, Keith must first determine the severity of both his own condition and that of the Red Lion. Even in his current state, he frankly worries more about the latter.

It takes a while, a long while.

As the silence drags on, Keith becomes increasingly aware of his own sounds; of his heart pounding in his ears and the echoes of his shallow and not quite regular breaths. Then finally, he hears the Red Lion in the back of his mind and slumps back into his seat.

"Sorry," he sighs, carefully mapping out the state of his ribs now that the most immediate concerns are out of the way. "It was pretty stupid of me‒ I really should've‒ ugh‒"

A quiet rumble interrupts him. In spite of the pain, Keith smiles.

"Thanks. But‒" He heaves himself up. His right wrist protests a bit but at least there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with his legs.

"We have to find Shiro," he says.

Judging by the sound from it, the Red Lion isn't entirely keen on letting Keith out; he picks up on the reluctance as the hatch opens.

"Don't worry," he groans, appreciating the concern despite everything. "I'm just going out to have a look."

-o0o-

Keith stands beside his fallen Lion, squinting in the sharp sunlight.

It seems like they've crashed into some type of rocky canyon; alien, yet not entirely unlike those back home.

Keith greets the seemingly barren landscape with initial relief, then dread. After all, though there are no signs of immediate civilisation and thereby risk of getting caught by the Galra forces, the barren landscape also indicates a lack of the kind of resources that they are likely to need in the imminent future, like water and something that could pass as sustenance.

"So," He licks his lips; the air is so dry that they are already starting to crack, "what do we do next?"

The Red Lion doesn't answer.

Instead, there is a gust of dry wind at his back, foreboding. Keith turns and looks, really looks now that his eyes are slowly adjusting to the brightness. "Oh shit," he curses, setting off in that direction.

Keith isn't running; he's more like hobbling off in direction of the visible scorch marks on the mountain wall. Going by the feel of it, he should definitely have stopped to treat his ribs first. For now though, dread and desperation overpowers the pain, because over there, he can clearly see‒

"Shiro!"

The Black Lion lies silent and still. It looks relatively intact but‒

It probably takes him just about ten minutes to cross the distance in reality, even though it feels like an eternity in itself, forcing himself to put one foot in front of the other, forcing himself to breathe even though his lungs (his side, his throat, his eyes) are burning.

-o0o-

The part above was written by Hane no Zaia, with some minor edits on my part. The rest of the fic onward has been written by me.

He's panting heavily by the time he reaches the lion, but he does not stop. He can't afford to. Instead, he peers into the Black Lion's gaping jaws.

Shiro isn't there.

Panic is the first thing to set in. He doesn't know where Shiro is. Shiro could be dying right now, and he wouldn't know it. But he can't afford to panic now.

Breathe, he tells himself. That's what he has to do. First, he has to find Shiro. That's all that matters.

Keith looks back to the Red Lion. It sits, tall and proud in the distance. He can spot it from here, so Shiro must have seen it too. He must have gone somewhere back over there. Or tried to, since it's clear that something stopped him.

Not too far away, Keith hears the sound of claws scraping against dirt, and a faint snarling noise to go with it. He whirls toward it, startled. A muffled groan filters through his ears, and that's all it takes before he's running again.

He comes to a halt, only because the ground abruptly disappears beneath him. A few loose pebbles are knocked off of the edge.

Down below, he sees what looks to be saber-toothed lizards. Even from his view up here, he can tell that they are large and intimidating. Keith squints his eyes. They seem to be cornering something. But upon further inspection, he sees that it is not something, but someone. There's a tuft of white hair. It's Shiro.

Shiro is staggering to his feet, but it seems as if all the energy has been drained from him. He's barely fending off the creatures as it is. It won't be long before they gain the upper hand.

Keith is about to jump down and help, but a sharp pain in his ribs stops him. He's not going to be much help, at least not in the state he's in. At this point, all he's going to do is become a liability. Neither Shiro nor the creatures have noticed him yet. Before their eyes can glance up, he hides.

Minutes tick by. His strength is draining away. He needs to figure out what to do. He needs to get Shiro and get out of here. He's never been one for a plan, but even he can see that he doesn't have much of a choice right now. Shiro's not going to hold out much longer. And if Keith can't help, he knows that there's one Lion that can.

Resolve strengthened, he goes as fast as he can back to the Black Lion. Although it doesn't seem to be active, it's in fine condition. He enters the lion, sits down, and grasps the controls. Sweat trickles down his forehead. He doesn't know if this will work, but he has to try. Keith closes his eyes.

"Please," He speaks out loud, and his voice rings out in the silence, "I need to help."

Nothing. He opens his eyes. There is virtually nothing that connects him and the Black Lion. He is Red's paladin, not Black's. He could never be Black's. He's not cut out for this. His body throbs in pain, and his pulse races. His grip on the controls tightens in frustration.

Then, something clicks inside of him. He can almost hear the words, patience yields focus, from sometime long ago. All these years and those words have never ceased to provide that same comfort, that same calm that he felt the first time he heard them.

"If not for me," he says, placing all his hope on nothing, yet everything all at the same time, "then for Shiro."

As his words echo, he feels a shift in the air. He can sense a thrum of power, strong and supportive, yet tender and caring at the same time. It's working. He can feel a connection, weak and temporary, but a connection nonetheless, forming between himself and the lion. It's not permanent, it's not very strong, but it doesn't have to be. Their minds become one, and there is only one thing that matters: help Shiro.

Black raises its head.

A roar sounds out in the air amongst the sea of fighting, although at first, it is barely registered in the confusion. Shiro is cornered, and looks like he's on the verge of collapse. Another minute, and he will become food for the creatures. Not on Keith's watch.

Keith maneuvers Black to stand protectively in front of Shiro, and Black lets out a roar. Black dominates in size alone, and Keith knows the battle is over. Black's paws swing left and right. It's really Black who's doing all the work; Keith's still getting used to the controls. Black's movements aren't the same as Red's, and the controls don't feel right in his grip. But it doesn't matter as long as Shiro's safe.

When the rest of the creatures have run off, Keith gets out of the lion. Shiro is still sitting on the ground, looking up at the lion. He seems like he's thinking about something. Keith stops in front of Shiro and offers a hand. At that, Shiro seems to snap out of his apparent daze and smiles at Keith.

Keith pulls Shiro up, and the two of them look at each other. Shiro is probably assessing Keith's wounds. Keith is doing the same thing to Shiro. Shiro doesn't look like he's in good condition. He's breathing heavily and is covered in sweat. The scratches on his side have ripped a hole in his top and are glowing purple. Shiro needs medical attention, but they don't have the supplies for it.

"Come on," Shiro says. "Let's go get our lions."

The lions have enough power to make the trip, and soon, the lions are sitting next to each other, deactivated. Keith and Shiro sit near the Black Lion. Shiro looks as exhausted as Keith feels. Keith doesn't bother hiding his concern as he glances over at him. They just need to wait for rescue. If rescue is even coming. The "sun" is beginning to set. The splash of magenta and gold almost reminds Keith of the desert. Almost.

But if this place is anything like the desert, it will begin to get cold soon. Keith would like nothing more than to stay and rest, but he gets up anyway.

"I'm going to go look for something we can use for firewood," he says. Keith's not actually sure what he's hoping to find. As far as he can tell, this place is barren and empty. Shiro looks skeptical, too.

"We should probably stick together," Shiro says.

"I don't want you to aggravate your injuries further," Keith says. "Besides, someone needs to keep watch. See if anyone's coming." Shiro still doesn't look placatated.

"Hey," Keith says, quietly, "I'll be back soon. If I can't find anything, I'll head back." Shiro finally nods, even though he still looks concerned.

"If you're sure." Keith's not sure, but that's besides the point.

Keith wanders the area, trying to take stock of his surroundings. He can contact Shiro with his comms anytime, so he's not too worried. He walks for about twenty minutes before arriving at some cliffs. Sighing, he decides to give up. They'll just have to live with the cold for a while. Keith's feet are planted dangerously close near the edge of the drop-off. Peering down, he can't see anything besides darkness. He's not sure how deep it is. Keith turns around, not really wanting to find out.

A growl sounds in the air. Keith's eyes widen and then narrow, searching the premises for the source. It comes out from behind the rocks soon enough.

The lizard is huge up close. Its body is a dull purple, as if it's been sucked of color. Its eyes, however, are bright red, and they're completely focused on him. Large teeth protrude out of its mouth. It stalks closer. It could pounce at any moment now. Keith pulls out his bayard, forming his sword, but he is in no shape to fight. His ribs are aching, and the stress of the day has left him weary and exhausted. But Keith doesn't have a choice right now.

Not willing to wait, Keith takes the element of surprise and charges forward. The lizard steps back, but Keith's sword connects in one quick swing. The lizard recoils, and Keith doesn't let up. He needs to end this quickly, so he lets out a barrage of attacks. He's slowly pushing the two of them away from the edge. But even though his hits are connecting, they don't seem to be doing a lot of damage. Keith has always relied on his speed, not his strength, when he fights, but that doesn't seem like it's helping much as of now.

But Keith is used to fighting people bigger than him.

The lizard tries to take a swipe at him. Its claws flash in front of Keith's face, and Keith's eyes widen instinctively. The attack is faster than Keith is expecting, but he recovers and dodges the attack just in time. Normally, Keith would be able to take more damage, but with the state he's in, all the lizard needs to do is land one solid hit to knock him out. The thought is sobering.

Keith darts around the lizard. Now the lizard is the one cornered. He would prefer not to kill, but he's not above doing it if he has to. Somewhat recklessly, he tackles the lizard head on. They are edging closer to the cliffside now. Keith bends his knees and launches forward, his sword swinging out and connecting with the lizard's middle. It lets out a shriek of pain and begins to fall backwards.

Keith pants with exertion, thinking that the fight is over. It's a rookie mistake, one that he'll beat himself up for later. The lizard's eyes snap open and it hisses. Its tail flicks out and catches Keith in his side. Keith lets out an involuntary cry of pain as he's pulled forward. His feet leave the ground, and now they're both falling.

Keith closes his eyes and allows himself to be swallowed by darkness.

Keith is angry all the time. He's angry at everyone around him, he's angry at the world, but most of all, he's angry at himself. He knows it's his own fault that he's here. He tells himself that it's unfair, that it's not his fault, but rings hollow each and every time. If he could be more likeable, more normal, then there wouldn't be a problem. But there is a problem. Keith is the problem.

He had tries to be good at first. He knows he can't control his temper, so he tries to bottle it up instead. Now, he is quiet unless provoked. But when he is provoked, his fierce temper will flare up and scare off anything and anyone that tries to get close. And Keith is provoked. A lot. People bother him, annoy him, and make fun of him all the time. It's sad that while Keith can recall most of the insults he's received with startling clarity, he can't remember a single happy moment in the he's spent in foster care. The noise fills his head and everything is too loud. So when he wants people to just stop talking, he'll lash out without thinking about the consequences. It gets bad enough to the point where everyone starts giving him looks every time he enters a room. Keith will pretend that he can't see the wide berth that everyone gives him, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore.

One time, Keith goes a whole day without talking. It's astonishingly easy. When someone talks to him, or asks him a question, both of which are rare occurrences, he ignores them. It garners some looks of confusion, but for the most part, no one questions it. Not talking makes his life easier. But it makes him miserable. Being silent is better than getting angry, sure, but at least when he is angry, he is feeling something. But that day, he feels nothing. And that scares him. When he closes his eyes that night, he sees his father's grave, lonely and sad, as dark clouds hang overhead.

"Why can't you do anything right, Keith?" the emptiness chides.

I don't know, his unsaid words echo back. I don't know.

Keith opens his eyes. He doesn't like sleeping much anymore.

But Keith had grown too angry and bitter. If the world had given up on him, then he would give up, too. On most days, he is torn between angry rebellion and bitter silence. As if anything he did would change things.

Then, Keith meets Shiro. He is the first one who doesn't give up on him. Keith was all-too familiar with people pretending to be nice to him. But that was just that: pretending. Keith could see the disappointed looks and sighs they gave him when they thought he wasn't looking.

At first, Keith is convinced that Shiro will eventually leave. He's learned not to expect too much from other people, so he remains closed off and silent. He tries his best on simulators, sure, but that only makes him more angry, especially when he's forced to work with other people. They're all reminders of what life has dealt him. Or what life hasn't dealt him. Most of his classmates are here because of money or grades, but neither of those things can ever make up for skill. Keith is the best in the class, and everyone knows it. But with his background, where he comes from, it won't matter.

His grades are average, at best. He's not stupid, by any means, but he's never been much of a test taker. He has no money. The only reason he's here is because of Shiro's recommendation. It feels like a dream, except he knows he's going to wake up soon. And he doesn't want to indulge himself in illusion. He doesn't want to lie to himself. All he wants is the cold, hard truth, no matter how much it hurts. He refuses to live in delusion.

He messes up that day. His brash and impatient nature takes over and he charges ahead, heedless of the others. He causes everyone to fail. The class is glaring at him when they all stand to attention. But he keeps his head high, even as a faint sense of guilt churns inside of him. He messed up, so what? All they have to do is try again.

Keith is already tense and on edge. He doesn't know what to expect, and this scares him, although no one can tell from his stoic expression. It's not as if he can fight his way out of this one. He keeps up his poker face as Commander Iverson shouts at him, and tries to maintain it as James begins to rile him up. But, as with most things, he fails. In the end, James's remark is what sets him off.

"Is that what mommy and daddy told you‒" His hand balls into a fist and the rest of James's words dissolve into nothing. The words "mommy" and "daddy" ring in his ears and repeat like a broken record, as his heart stutters with the beat. Then, there's a hot flash of anger and a swift punch to the jaw. James is down on the ground, and everyone is staring at him like he's a monster. Again.

Mommy and Daddy, the words don't go away.

Why can't you do anything right?

I don't know.

Keith sits outside the office in a little plastic chair, dejected and tired. Now that the adrenaline is fading away, he is left alone with his thoughts. The silence is deafening. Then, it is broken by the sound of footsteps. Keith looks up and sees Shiro. Shame rises in him, but he quickly shoves it down. He doesn't have the energy to force anger in its place.

Keith speaks before Shiro can. With resignation he is unable to hide, he tells him that he should be sent back to the home. Clearly, this place isn't for him. Somewhere along the way, he had ceased making eye contact. But when he looks back up, all he can see is understanding in Shiro's eyes. It's genuine.

And then Shiro declares that he will never give up on Keith. No one has ever told him anything like that before. Shiro has to be lying. But he sounds sincere. Keith's shifts fully to stare up at Shiro, confused. Keith doesn't know it just yet, but these are words that he will cling to for comfort many times later on throughout the years.

Eventually, he learns to trust and even rely on Shiro. And when he looks into Shiro's eyes, he still sees the same honesty that he saw so long ago. Maybe Keith can even start to believe that he himself is worth the effort.

Then again, maybe not, he thinks as he stands in front of the large monitor, the words "Kerberos Mission Failed" flashing across the screen.