At home, you hide yourself away in your room, enclosing you in your own darkness and emptiness. You walk around with your headphones in your ears, zoning out the outside world. Your music is your escape. You feel like crying but stop yourself because you can't admit that these feelings are true, but they feel more real than anything you have ever felt before. Your heart breaks with every look, your soul crushes with every touch, and you become more depressed with every thought. Every thought about her.

You know that you can never have her. You know that she would never even think to feel that way towards you. You know that every touch means something more to you than it does to her, and you know this every time you see her face.

You can't escape her though. She follows you wherever you go. You keep running but she keeps finding you. Every time you close your eyes, you see her. You tell yourself to stay away but it just makes you feel worse, like you are ripping your own heart out by the vessel. You tell yourself that these feelings will go away but they never do. You try to rid her of your thoughts but they just come back more vividly than before. She's there when you can't fall asleep and your mind is running but when you finally slumber, she's there in your dreams. When you wake up, she's there too just as you are forcing your eyelids opened. They're sealed with dried tears.

You tell yourself over and over again that it will never work and you know that but deep down, there's a part of you that believes that it will. You find yourself wishing that it will work but you pinch yourself, digging your nails into your skin as a punishment for having these thoughts that you know that you shouldn't have. You pinch yourself in hopes that you can train your mind to dissolve these feelings for her, but every time you do this, it makes you hurt more because of the idea of what you are doing. You can feel your nails when you're next to her and all you can think of is her warm embrace and how good it would feel to have her in your arms. You feel your nails move deeper when she turns her head slightly and you find yourself staring at her full, supple, pink lips and you wish that they were on yours'. You feel your imprints left from your nails when she stands up and leaves with a smile as if she feels nothing.

You feel nothing. You tell yourself this repeatedly but you know that you are lying to yourself. You wish that your controlled thoughts would replace your thoughts of her and you hope that if you convince yourself enough, that maybe they will. But you know that they won't. You know that with every controlled thought that you have to command yourself to stop thinking about her, you are making yourself hurt worse.

You can't escape the hurt. You can't escape her. But is there really a difference? You can't tell, because to you they feel the same.

You sigh to yourself because you got through another day of torment. Quinn eyes you suspiciously as you pack your Cheerios bag slowly, thinking, but flitting blonde hair grabs your attention. You just stare because you don't know what to do. You can't move and you try to not pay any attention to your heart thumping out of your chest.

Brittany's bubbly personality makes for a cheery atmosphere as if everywhere she goes, she makes someone happy. She gazes at you with animated eyes and a wide smile. You immediately beam in her presence. "Have a good summer Santana!" She says as she leans in to give you a hug and you wrap your arms around her back tightly, as if she would disintegrate if you didn't. You guess that she didn't notice because she skips away as if the hug didn't affect her. Your thumping heartbeat causes you to slam your locker door shut in frustration and you follow Quinn out of the locker room to her car with your head down as you hug your Cheerios bag, wishing that it were Brittany and immediately missing her warmth.

"The year is finally over!" Quinn dramatically exclaims as she hops into the drivers seat with her hands together as if she is thanking god. You shoot her a fake smile followed by a small laugh. "I can't wait for tomorrow!" She cheers while you slip into the passenger seat.

"It's gonna be great!" You state nonchalantly and kick your feet up on the dashboard. You really are excited for camp. This year, even though you aren't attending, you're going to be a councilor and it will be the perfect distraction from Brittany. Plus, there will be tons of other cute councilors that you can easily swoon. Guys are pathetic in your mind and you huff to yourself at how they will do just about anything for your attention. The perfect distraction, you think to yourself once more as you nod confidently. You lay your head back and picture a thousand guys fidgeting nervously in a line while you are at the end of the line, sitting in a throne. The car comes to a stop at a red light, forcing your content paradise away.

"Hey, you know that girl Brittany?"

Your heart skips a beat and your stomach churns causing you to gulp unsteadily in an attempt to calm your uneasiness. You feel your nails at your reaction. "Mhmm," You reply with a nod. Your head is turned towards the window to escape Quinn's vision.

"I heard that last week, she went under the bleachers with Puck." You can feel tears start to accumulate but you clear your throat and force them back. Quinn continues," I also heard that she want's to keep up a perfect record and kiss every guy in the school. She's more of a slut than you are," Quinn kids.

"Don't talk about her like that!" Your sudden outburst takes you be surprise. Meeting your gaze with Quinn's you can tell that she had the same reaction. You calm your heavy breathing as you stare into Quinn's emerald eyes, but you maintain a scowl.

Quinn breaks the awkward staring contest and applies the gas, sending the car back in motion. "Sorry, didn't know you guys were so close," Quinn snidely remarks.

"We're not," You take your feet off of the dash and fix your posture to a normal stature. "I just, she's really nice and I don't think that those things are true. Even if they are true, I don't care and neither should you. When did you get so bitchy?" You immediately regret what you said because you wish that you came off sharper.

Quinn shakes off your retort and pulls into her driveway. "I'm excited," Quinn states matter-of-factly. You raise your eyebrows for her to continue as you walk out of the car and into the garage. "I think that this summer is it."

"Quinn, how many times do I have to tell you: kissing is not sex." You exult a crude laugh while walking into the kitchen and heading for the stairs to go up to Quinn's room.

"Would you be quiet!" Quinn whispers as she creaks her door shut and locks it so her parents can't hear what we're talking about. "I know that." She disappears for a moment into her walk-in closet. You roll your eyes and hop onto Quinn's bed, scrolling through your phone at posted pictures. Your thumb stops it's scrolling as it approaches one of Brittany and you quickly lock your phone, throwing it next to you.

"So, you think that you're really gonna swipe your V card?" You lift your hands to clap slowly while sitting up and praising your best friend. Quinn returns from her massive other room with a pile of bathing suits. She has to hold some with her teeth in order to carry them all until she makes it to the bed and drops them on the mattress. "Got enough stuff their Quinnie?" You ask, mimicking the nickname given by Quinn's mom to her "darling and innocent" daughter.

Quinn rolls her eyes jokingly at you and you give her a raised-eyebrow smirk. "I need to pack and so do you." Quinn knows that you are joking and she lets out a small laugh. You can tell that she is over excited. Quinn takes out a huge, pink suitcase from under her bed and you gawk at the size, knowing that she would over pack.

"Mmmk, you're right." You roll your eyes once more and start to leave out of the door, taking your book bag and Cheerios bag, not bothering to hold in a laugh.

"Hey San?"

"Yeah?" You turn around to meet your gaze with Quinn's. You still have a smile plastered onto your face.

"Which one do you think will make my boobs look better?" Quinn holds up two bikini tops, one with polka dots on them and one black one.

You turn around and snicker at Quinn's desperation but simply point to the black one and give her a wink. You think to yourself that this summer is going to be insane. With Quinn trying to get laid, and you inevitably doing the same thing in the end, it is sure to be just what you need to escape blonde beauty and her baby blues. You walk contently to your house next door shaking your head at Quinn's plan. A small smile buds onto your features.

"Santana?" Your mom questions from the kitchen. She wipes her hands on her shirt and she seems surprised to see you.

"Yeah?" You ask monotonely but your features are soft and she can tell that you had been smiling. "What?" You ask, now frustrated at her presence. She's staring at you strangely, causing a shiver to run up your spine. Your mind flashes to the possibility that she knows that you're gay and your stomach flips causing you to squirm under her gaze.

"I just haven't seen you happy in a while." Your shoulders surprisingly shrink as if you wanted her to know and sometimes you do. You try to leave her little hints from now and then but she doesn't pick up on any of them. You think that if she knew and talked to you about it then things would be easier, and they probably would be.

You brush off your previous thoughts and return to the thought of Quinn and her suitcase. "I'm just excited to get away," You reply. She smiles at you and you tell her that you need to go upstairs to pack your bag. You can hear her laughing in joy as you walk up the stairs and your heart aches at how much your sadness hurts her. You briefly wonder what would happen if you came out, but you quickly shake off the notion and continue walking to your room.

Kicking off your white sneakers, you set down your Cheerios bag and book bag before opening your own closet. It's not as big as Quinn's but you don't care because her closet is bigger than the whole state of Ohio and you know that her parents spoil her. Instead of putting your headphones on, you plug your phone into your speakers and begin to sing while pulling out clothes. You pile shorts, your councilor shirts, flip-flops, sneakers, and bikinis in your suitcase, along with other basic necessities. You don't forget to slip in some condoms too. You stand and smile, admiring your work.

Before closing you're eyes that night, you imagine escaping to a different world where a tan lifeguard will sweep you off your feet. You look into his eyes and feel love and prosperity. You can see a future with him. When you open your eyes, none of the feelings that were in your hopes were real. You sigh at the fact that you can't face that you can't feel for men but you know that it's true. You close your eyes once more and are met with blonde hair and blue eyes.

You wake up to your heart beating out of your chest. You are breathing heavily. You don't remember any exact details from your dream but you know by the way that your body is reacting that it was about Brittany. You curse under your breath.

"What was that sweety?"

Your mom is kneeling down over your suitcase, neatly folding the items that you so sloppily crammed in. You thought that it was a good system but you guess that it's better with everything folded because it will make for extra room.

"Nada Mama," you grumble into your pillow.

Your mother doesn't respond but you can hear the pittering of her feet on the hardwood move closer to you. She clears her throat from above you, motioning for you to look up. You turn your head slightly and push away your fallen locks to see your mom holding one of the condoms that you packed. Your heart drops in your chest.

"Santana!" She roars and you sit up at her outburst. She consumes a long inhale as if she is searching for the right words but instead motions for you to take the condom. You don't budge so she waves it for you to take it. She looks like she is going to cry. She thinks that you are depressed because you feel self-conscious and that you are sleeping around to feel better about yourself. You've had that conversation with your mom before after she found a guy on the football team in your bed two months ago. You're to afraid to admit that she is way off but you figure that it's better that she thinks her story than to know the truth so you take the condom and watch her leave. You feel guilty but your expressions are blank. Instead of going downstairs and approaching your mother like you know you should, you place the condom back into your suitcase and zip it up. You stare at your reflection in the mirror and see yourself as a monster. If she only knew the truth, you think. If she only knew the truth, then things wouldn't be this hard and you and her wouldn't be hurting as much. You know this but you don't do anything. Instead you begin to undress out of your pajamas and into your clothes for the first day of camp. You walk downstairs, fully dressed, and travel towards the door.

"I love you," You say with a small voice before leaving but a hand stops you. You turn around to see your mother's head come to your shoulder in a constricted embrace. She sobs into the fabric of your t-shirt and you squeeze her tightly.

"I love you too."

Beep Beep

You honk your horn again before letting your body fall back onto the seat. Your irritation is growing by the second and you are about to honk again but then you see pink fabric from above the shrubs. Quinn drags her bulky suitcase across the driveway. Even though it's on wheels, you can tell that she is struggling with it. You groan to yourself for the inconvenience before exiting your seat and going to the back of your car to open the trunk.

Quinn is wearing her yellow councilor's shirt (because that it the one that you were told to where today) girly floral Toms, a yellow bandana wrapped around her head to secure her ponytail like a headband, and small white jean shorts barely covering her ass. You think that they might pop off and you get seriously concerned for a second but then you just shrug and go with it.

"Guess who I heard is going to be counseling?" Quinn's over-excitedness and annoyingly perky tone of voice can only mean one thing. Finn Hudson. You know this but instead you let her have her moment.

"Who?" You ask sarcastically.

Quinn attempts to hoist her suitcase into the trunk but fails miserably. She is still smiling widely though, her eyes gleaming. "Finn Hudson!"

You roll your eyes. "That oaf of a guy is definitely not who you want to go for. He's as sexy as a cabbage patch kid. It's exhausting to look at him." You help Quinn with her bag and together you both manage to get it into the trunk.

"Whatever Santana," Quinn gibes. She's fragile and you know that she can take an insult to heart when she wants to, but when it comes from you; you know that she couldn't give a shit. She simply brushes it off and rolls her own eyes at your comment.

You both get into your car and you start it without hesitation, opening your roof and letting the sunshine in. You look extremely hot with your windblown hair whooshing to outline your caramel complexion. Your dark Ray Bans give you just enough edginess that you need to come off as a complete bitch to show the other councilors that they should be afraid of you. You know that you're hot and you prepare to use your assets to the best of your advantage.

"And what's your type Santana?" Quinn pipes from beside you.

"Huh?" You ask. You're heart skips a beat at this question and it has taken you by surprise. All you can picture is Brittany. "Umm blondes." Well, at least you're not lying, you think to yourself.

"Really?" Quinn seems surprised as if she thought you would be into the more burly and masculine type. You know that it's actually the complete opposite but you try not to let your face show it.

"Mhmm," You nod as you continue driving.

"Well maybe there will be an insanely hot blonde councilor there just for you." Quinn laughs at your "blonde type" and makes fun of you for it the whole ride until you finally get there and she is forced to silence her mocking.

"Come on Quinn!" You bellow. She's tailing behind you, dragging her suitcase along the dirt path to go to your designated cabin. You two are staying in the same one with two other girls. You walk along the path, staring out at the trees to your left and the sparkling lake to your right. You sigh as if you are home. You've gone to this summer camp since you were in sixth grade and you've made great memories here. Your reminiscing comes to a halt as you hear obnoxious singing coming from the cabin. You roll your eyes and don't bother to wait for Quinn who is struggling to get her suitcase past a root in the ground.

Walking closer to the sound emitting from the cabin, you swing open the door and walk in to find a brunette girl leaning over to put something on one of the bottom bunks. She belts out another extremely high note and your eyes widen greatly. You guess that she didn't hear you come in so you open the swinging door once more and throw it against the entrance to make a loud crashing sound in hopes that that would catch the girls' attention.

She definitely noticed. She stopped singing and turned around with a jumpy expression on her face. "I'm sorry," The girl looks you over with a smile," I'm Rachel." The girl holds out her hand to shake yours and you timidly oblige, one eyebrow raised. You can tell that this girl is an overachiever. She reeks of superficial talent and eagerness.

You look her up and down, taking notice of her plaid knee-high socks and shorts with a reindeer on the pocket before giving her a bitchy smile and say," I'm Santana." You lazily throw your suitcase on the top bunk opposite Rachel when Quinn walks in, her chest heaving up and down.

"Finally!" Quinn dramatically drops her suitcase so that it falls at the base of Rachel's feet and she lies down on the bottom bunk under yours. You laugh at Rachel's expression of Quinn. She looks completely disturbed.

"Q, this is Rachel." You say with the most welcoming voice that you can muster.

"Hi, I'm Quinn." Quinn turns to look at Rachel and they seem to be competing in a viscous staring contest. You think about running before a catfight abrupts but you decide that you would rather stay and watch them. You think that it would be entertaining. To your dismay, nothing transpires but exchanged looks and eye rolls.

"I'm Rachel," Rachel snidely replies, quickly breaking her eye contact with Quinn before directs it towards you. "We should probably all go and sign in." She picks up a sticker reel of gold stars before walking towards the door. "If you guys want to settle in, I'll meet you there." You and Quinn both nod and Rachel shoots Quinn a fake smile before leaving out the door.

"So when did you attempt to murder her?" You ask seriously frightened.

"Hmm?" Quinn asks, standing up to meet your gaze before leaning against the bunk opposite you.

"She hates your guts," You state obviously.

Quinn laughs her devious laugh before replying," I don't know what it is, but I don't really like her much either."

You laugh before saying," Well I hope our other roommate isn't this bad." Quinn nods in agreement before fixing her gaze on her nails to buffer them. You look above Quinn's head at the second top bunk and notice that someone's stuff is already there but your staring is interrupted by Quinn's voice.

"Come on, we really do need to check in!" You sigh and reply with a "fine" and a giggle before Quinn takes your wrist and leads you to the dining hall.

The campers haven't arrived yet while you are signing in. You see where Rachel signed in before you, taking notice to the gold star at the end of her name and shake your head with a laugh. You look up from your signature when Quinn comes to your side, poking you to get your full attention.

"What Fabray?" You ask annoyed.

"Look, Puck's here." You follow Quinn's finger to where she is pointing and you see Noah Puckerman leaning against a wall next to a blonde boy with huge lips. They are literally the biggest lips that you have ever seen and you are stunned at how they manage to fit on his face. Just as you're staring, the blonde boy pulls out a tube of chapstick from his pocket and he starts applying the balm to his lips. You roll your eyes and laugh to yourself when Puck's gaze meets yours.

"Shit," You curse to yourself and Quinn glares at you from the side questioningly until she realizes the cause of your discomfort. Noah Puckerman and trouty mouth are standing in front of you.

"Hey Santana." Puck winks at you. "Quinn," He eyes her, licking his lips. He has his arms folded to his chest and he's chewing gum making an irritating smacking noise with every bite. "This is Same Evans." You draw your gaze to the blonde boy with huge lips who has a giant smile plastered to his face.

"Hey," He says with a grin, shaking your hand and then Quinn's'. Quinn nudges your rib cage causing you to jerk. "Well, we better go get settled in. It was nice meeting you guys." You smile and watch as Sam and Puck walk out of the dining hall, Puck looking back to stare at your tanned legs for a moment and you swear that you saw him drooling.

"What the hell Quinn?" You're tone comes off harsher than you intended.

"Sam…." She looks at you with a smirk, raising her voice at the end of Sam's name as if she is asking a question.

"Yeah?" You ask not sure where this is headed.

"He's blonde!" Quinn laughs loudly. "You should definitely go for him. He's just your type!"

You shrug and say," His lips are huge." You catch Quinn eyeing you suspiciously and quickly reverberate your last comment. "He's really cute!"

Quinn rolls her eyes at how quickly your thoughts can alter but she doesn't comment on it. Instead she says," Come on, lets go." She takes the lead and you follow behind her out the door. You walk side-by-side back to the cabin, exchanging opinions about Sam until you reach the small shelter. Quinn holds the door open for you to walk in first and you immediately stop your walking. Your feet come to a halt but your pulse quickens. You know that blonde hair. You know those long legs. You know that sweet smell.

"Santana?" Brittany turns around from the top bunk where she was putting sheets down.

"Brittany!" You can feel a shudder run down your back and you feel like you are going to faint. You hold onto the side of the bunk before sitting on Quinn's bed. You look up at the tall, beautiful blonde before you and you're stomach churns with uneasiness. You are stunned and you can't speak.

"Brittany?" Quinn voices from the entrance.

Brittany looks over to Quinn, then back at you locking your eyes. She smiles widely and you are still recovering from your shock to say anything. "I'm you're roommate!"

Author's Note: I hope that you like this story so far and please review! This idea came to me last week. I've already written a fan fiction, Dance with Somebody, from Brittany's perspective and thought that it would be cool to write one from Santana's. Anyway, I hope that you continue reading. The next chapter will be out by next week (: