Beck wiped the tears from his eyes. He couldn't believe this was happening. It was like the world was shifting under his feet and he couldn't control it. He didn't want to bury his friend today, but he had to. Tori Vega was dead. There was nothing else to it. He felt like he was going to throw up, he felt so terrible. Why hadn't he noticed something was wrong? Why hadn't any of them been able to be there for her when she needed them most, she'd always been there for them. But what caused her to do this? To end her life so tragically and so suddenly that no one really has been able to process anything that's happened other than the fact that she's dead. Beck started shaking. He couldn't control it. He felt so damn guilty, angry and depressed that he didn't know what to do. He couldn't make his body function properly and he sank to his knees. He had no idea how he was going to make it through the day. At that moment Jade walked into his trailer and her face softened in a way that made Beck feel worse. He hated people seeing him like this, he hated it.

Jade's arms were around him before he knew it and he took comfort in her warmth. "I can't believe she's gone." He choked out holding onto her tightly, "How can she be gone?"

"I don't know." She whispered and he held her tightly, "I have no idea why she decided to do this to herself. But she is gone Beck, and we have to say goodbye to her... no matter how hard it is."

"I know." He whispered as he held Jade tighter, "But I'm not ready to say goodbye."

"I know." Jade said soothingly,"But you have to, she's not coming back. No matter how much we might like her to."

Beck didn't say anything. He just sat there for a while trying to get himself together, "Okay. I'm ready." He said even though he really wasn't. Who would be? He did't think anyone would really be ready to bury one of their best friends at just 16.

Two days later Beck walked up to the Vega's doorway. Robbie, Jade, Cat and Andre were with him because they'd all volunteered to help pack up Tori's stuff. Beck wasn't sure what they were planning to do with it, but he couldn't focus on that at this point. He was having enough trouble readying himself for what he was about to do. He knocked on the door.

Trina, Tori's older sister, opened the door and invited them all inside. "Hey guys." She said awfully normally for someone who'd just lost their younger sister. "All of Tori's things are upstairs in her room. Take what you want, the rest will either be thrown out or sold." She said before turning around and continuing to watch TV. Her father was nowhere to be seen and and Beck shared a WTF look with the others before they made their way upstairs.

They'd never been in Tori's room before and whenever Jade had imagined it she'd always imagined something bigger and nicer than this. Tori didn't have that many things, her bedroom was small and dull and it didn't actually look like anybody lived there at all. "Is it me or does this room seem awfully bare for the room of a 16 year old girl?" She asked as she looked around.

"It's definitely not I would've expected from Tori." Andre said touching what little stuff was on her dresser. "This is nice." He said and gestured to a small golden locket that was lying on the ground near the dresser. He bent down and picked up, "I don't think we should let them throw this out. It seems like the kind of thing that could've been valuable to Tori."

"Beck? Are you okay?" Jade asked stepping forward noting Beck, who was crouched in the corner not moving at all, for the first time.

"No, I'm not okay!" He shouted and stood up, "There's nothing here!" He threw his arms wide, and knocked over a stack of books in the process. "There is absolutely nothing in this room that explains any of this! Nothing that explains why she did what she did, why she felt like she had to kill herself!" He tipped her mattress over in his frustration and fell to his knees. "There's nothing here." He said and put his head in his hands. Jade hated to see Beck like this. She knew he missed Tori and he didn't want to say goodbye to her but she also knew that there was more to it then that. When Beck was little his mother had committed suicide too and it's haunted him for most of his life. He's never said so out loud but she knew that he blamed himself for what his mother did and she knew he was beginning to blame himself for this too.

"Maybe there is." Cat said picking up a red leather bound book. "It looks like a diary. Maybe it's hers, maybe she wrote why she did what she did in here."

"Give me that." Beck said lurching to his feet, grabbing the diary and turning it over in his hands. "It's hers alright, its her handwriting." He concluded as he glanced at the first page.

"Do you think we should read it?" Jade asked.

"I don't think it would be right." Andre said stepping over the overturned mattress, "Why ever she did what she did, she did it for a good reason. If she didn't tell us I don't think she would want us to know."

"Well she's not exactly here right now to tell us that is she?" Beck snapped and Jade put a hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down. We all miss her and we all want to know what's going on. But Andre's right, I don't think we should."

"What do you guys think?" Beck asked turning to Cat and Robbie.

"I want to know why she did it." Cat said with her wide eyed look.

Robbie cleared his throat, "I don't know. I want to find out why she did what she did, I really do, but I'm not sure if we're going to like what we find."

"I think we should vote on it." Jade said throwing caution to the wind. She was honestly sick of hearing everyone bicker, seeing everyone so upset and trying to act like none of this bothered her when it did. She and Tori had their differences but she had never wanted things to turn out like this. She knew she never acted like it, and no one else would ever say this, but she'd actually thought of Tori as a friend. She was just as hurt about this as everyone else was but she knew Tori would want her to be strong. She knew Tori would want her to hold everyone up and be there for everybody like Tori would if the tables were reversed.

"All those in favour of not reading the diary." She said and she and Andre raised their hands. "All those in favour of reading it." She asked and Beck and Cat's hands raised simultaneously. Everyone turned to Robbie. "Well, Shapiro it seems like you have the deciding vote."

"I.." He sighed and looked around and everyone. Jade could see the indecision in his eyes. He turned away from them and looked at a group photo of them that Tori kept on her dresser. It was the only photo present in the room and tears welled in Robbie's eyes. "I want to do it." He whispered as he turned around to face them, "I can't stand not knowing what happened to her. As much as it may hurt, as bad as it may be... I want to know."

"So it's decided then," Jade said solemnly, "We read the diary. We'll meet at Beck's trailer later tonight to do it, but right now we have to get this place cleaned up and take what we want to before we get kicked out."

"Okay." They replied with a nod and went about cleaning Tori's room. Jade sighed, she had no idea how Tori did all of this peace keeping stuff all the time.

They went to Beck's trailer as soon as they were finished and all crowded around each other. The diary was lying in the centre of their circle on the floor and everyone was extremely silent. "Who want's to go first?" Jade asked looking at the diary, no one said anything. Even Beck, who had been so set on reading the damn thing, was quiet. Jade sighed, "Fine. I'll go first." She said as she leaned over, grabbed the diary and opened to the first entry.

She cleared her throat and read:

'27 March 2010

Dear Diary,

I'm not sure if I can do this any more. Today has been the worst day of my entire life so far...'

A/N: Hi there ;) Thanks for reading my chapter, I know its not the best right now but it will get better as it goes along. Have a nice day :D