I doubt there is anything that could pull me back to the Bonnie I had been before the Salvatore brothers showed up. I doubt there is anything that could return me to the ignorant happiness I had known before their supernatural bad luck wrecked havoc on my life. I doubt that I will ever have that sense of security I had known before I had to make sure I didn't invite anyone into my home.
I am so full of doubts.
The house is quiet but the familiar smells and scents are most welcome. The familiar wood grains of the floor, the soft green and orange hues of the curtains and lamps and the old worn out couch Dad loves to lounge in. I am home but full of doubt and fear.
If I lay low for a few days, remain quiet and invisible-I may just get a moment of peace in the cursed Mystic Falls.
"Hello" I answer my phone groggily, trying to feel for my bed side lamp switch.
"Bonnie"
"Elena?" I sit up and peer into the darkness, my heart already picking up speed.
"Are you back yet?" she asks, her voice soft and filled with emotion. "I really need you, Bon…"
"Uh…" I sigh, finding the little switch and flicking it. My room is flooded with the soft orange colour of my flowery lampshade. "I am back Lena"
"Great, did you tell…"
"I told Jeremy I would be here on Friday" I tell her. "Wanted to surprise him"
"Yeah, of course" she sighs. "Damon found Stephan"
She utters the two names I hate hearing; the two names that I associate with all things bad in my life.
"Bonnie?"
"I'm here, Elena" I say softly. "I'll come by your place tomorrow-for breakfast-and surprise Jeremy then, okay?"
"Thanks Bon, love you" she sighs and the line goes dead.
How do I find myself entrapped in all this? All I want to do is finish my senior year, have my father and I rebuild our relationship and enjoy my cute boyfriend. That's all I want. But the Salvatore brothers won't let me….
"I am not trying to save you" I tell him and his eyes widen just a little bit in surprise.
"So you are trying to help Elena?" he asks, a conceited grin on his face. "You are trying to help your 'best friend'?"
"I am trying to save myself" I whisper, turning away from him. "I am trying to save my life and my future"
"The future is subjective, Bonnie" he says softly. "The future is the carrot dangled over our heads so we can carry on moving"
"I saw her dead, Stefan" I cry, wheeling around him and not bothering to hide my despair and fear anymore. "I saw her and Jeremy dead. You killed them"
"No, I wouldn't…"he starts but he stops, looking down on the floor unsure.
"He makes you do it, Stephan" I whisper. "He makes you kill them and then he turns you into… he uses witch's magic and you become… a true monster. Damon dead. Caroline dead. Tyler and you will kill us all. Kill everyone, Stephan"
"No…"he moans. "Why would he do that?"
"Because he is Klaus" I finish, smiling a little manically. "Because Mystic Falls should fall and what better way for it to do that than the descendants of the first counsel? The descendants that are the real monsters in the dark?"
"…so you are going to keep me tied up here until what?" he asks, smiling sadly. "Until Klaus dies of old age?"
"Shut up and enjoy the quiet" I murmur, walking away from his still body tied to the beam. "Shut up and think about all the bad you have done"
"it's turned off, Bonnie" he croons as I walk up the stairs of the basement. "it's turned off and he told me I was never to urn it back on".
"When you say you took care of my brother…?" Damon asks, tilting the glass of whiskey in his hand contemplatively. "I hope you don't mean…"
"He is safe" I sigh. "I am not telling you anything more in case…"
"In case somehow I spill to the wrong ears" he says softly, watching me from over the rim of his glass. "Thanks little witch… we owe you one yet again"
"You owe me a thousand and trust me, I will be coming for my due" I tell him, pouring a glass of his whiskey and gulping it down swiftly.
It burns my throat and my sinuses are under attack but the little headache in the corner of my already crowded brain numbs some what. Damon watches me in wonder, his sharp cobalt eyes wide and intense and he smiles.
"And here I was…" he grins. "Thinking I was the only one sane enough to get wasted when I am stressed"
"It's just a little sip"
"That's how it starts Mocha"
"Don't call me Mocha, Damon" I growl, walking over to watch the slow burning logs in the ancient fire place of the Salvatore house. "Don't call me, period"
"I hate how much you hate me" he chuckles. "Elena is here"
The door opens and I hear her groan loudly when Damon asks her if she missed him. I hate that she pretends she isn't interested in him. I hate that she tries to hide the effect he has on her. If everyone had just been honest with themselves from the get go, we wouldn't be in this mess. If I hadn't turned to my supernatural side, I wouldn't be losing my boyfriend to his dead ex girlfriends. If we had just stayed clear of the two good looking new boys in town that fateful day, dear Elena-things would be as they should be.
"You found him, Bonnie?" she asks me, a desperate hope gleaming in her brown eyes.
I nod once and my previous anger at her past actions disappears when she hugs me in fearsome love and appreciation. The bond we share… the bonds we share…
"He is safe" I breathe, unwrapping her slender arms from my neck carefully. "I am going to research on how to cleanse his mind of the hypnotic effect…"
"Just say 'Compulsion'!" Damon hisses. "He is compelled. You are going to get him uncompelled"
"Whatever" I mumble. "Everything is going to be alright. We just have to stay low. Klaus does not suspect anything from us. If we stay low and stay out of his way…"
"He is making vampire-werewolf hybrids, Witch" Damon hisses, zooming towards me and terrorizing my personal space. "We cannot just stay out of his way… tell her Elena!"
"Bonnie" she says softly but before she even continues I see it in her eyes. She is with him. She is always with them.
"You court death Elena" I tell her desperately, backing away from her-from them. "You court death every time and I have tried… Don't do this! I told you about my dream!"
"I told you that the future isn't set in stone" Damon answers for her.
"Your future is… if you carry this out" I cry. "I… I can't be here when you ask me for my help and I give it to you and you still put yourself in danger!"
"Bonnie…"she moans, reaching her hand out to me.
"No, it's done" I say. "I will see you when I see you, Elena. I love you always but you have to stop abusing my love"
"I need blood" Stephan moans, watching me with hungry eyes.
She hasn't asked for his whereabouts' because she knows as long as he is with me, the idiotic goodness inside of me will keep him safe for her. They know this is they best way for them to carryout their dance for Klaus and his hybrids. Leave Stephan with Bonnie while they go on their many suicide missions.
"I need peace, I'll trade you" I murmur and he chuckles roughly. "I need for your body to use up all the human blood in it"
"Why" he asks, his voice low and raspy. His eyes are wide and large with an inhuman hunger, the veins above his cheeks prominent as he smells me-as he craves me.
"Because…" I sigh. "Before all of this… before…"
"Before I decided to be completely selfless and turn the switch off…"he urges me, watching me with his hungry dark eyes, his lips parted and revealing two large glistening canines.
"You made the most sense" I sigh, closing my eyes and slumping against the wall. "You Stephan… had the voice of reason. Damon is selfish about Elena… he is only really concerned about her and not the rest of the town. Caroline…argh, you know how she can be. And i…"
"And you have had enough and want to give up but you are to afraid of how selfish that would make you. You are too afraid of the consequences of your selfishness on the rest of the town" he finishes, licking his ashen chapped lips.
"I am afraid all the time, of everything and of everyone" I moan, covering my face. "and I… I miss you I guess"
"I miss you too, Bonnie" he whispers. "I…"
"Yes?"
"Never mind, it's silly" he says softly, shaking his head.
"You can tell me" I beg him, crawling closer to his tied up form on the floor.
"You wouldn't believe me if I said it" he says smiling sadly. "Maybe if I whispered it to you…"
"Yes?"I urge, moving a few feet closer.
Through the darkness his eyes glimmer and he smiles revealing fully how long his feeding teeth are and I realise I have done something rather stupid. I showed him my weakness and he fed on it. I showed him my weakness forgetting he wasn't really the old Stephan I could seek comfort from. This Stephan had only one thing on his mind.
Blood.
"I want your blood Bonnie" he says softly, a low husky sound that filters through the air to my ears and sends a shiver down my spine. "You and your sympathetic emotions are far too naïve"
He pushes of the floor, covering the remaining space between us and in my dazed disorientation he latches onto my jaw violently, his teeth scraping my skin away and his strength knocking me to the ground. Before he can grip on my neck in his hungered demented snapping, I feel into his mind for that soft sensitive piece of membrane that forms a tube for his brain to receive blood. I squeeze on his blood vessel and he hisses, convulsing and rolling of me.
I get up quickly, my hand ghosting over the slash on my jaw and I see the red smooth thick liquid on my fingers. He is still tied up-hands and feet- but had managed to loosen the rope somewhat so he could move a few feet into the perimeter surrounding the post I had him tied to. He twitches on the floor, shuddering and growling.
"God, if ever I had doubts about you…" I whisper to him.
"I…"he groans, laughing frenziedly. "Cleared them up somewhat, eh?"
"Stephan…" I sigh, looking back at him one last time as I head up the stairs.
"Bonnie…" Elena whispers, her hand going over her mouth in shock as her eyes widen at the jagged smarting scar on my jaw.
"It's nothing… it will heal in no time" I sigh, picking at my chips. It seems so unnecessary to come to school with everything that's happening. It seems so unnecessary to even brother breathing with everything that's happening…
"I did something bad" Caroline says, a shy smile on her face. She places her food tray carefully in front of her as she takes her seat on our usual table. "I am very bad… or good, depends I suppose"
"As long as there is no dead human somewhere, I am fine Caroline" I let out a heavy breath, rolling my eyes at the weird things that pop into my teenage mind when one of my best friends tells me they did something 'Bad'. Normal kids would have thought maybe drugs, stole their parents car…
"I'm with Bonnie" Elena says seriously. "As long as no one died…"
"You guys have got to chill out on the whole 'I'm a vampire' thing!" she groans, prodding at her own chips. "is it me or does this food get worse…"
"What did you do" Elena sighs.
"You really want to know" she asks, eyeing Elena and I with twinkling eyes. we both look at each other and nod wearily.
"I…."she breathes dramaticly. "Caroline….had great sex"
"You and Matt are back together?" I ask, smiling a little at the normality of her ridiculously suspenseful 'thing'.
"no…"she frowns a little and her eyes crinkle at the corners in her 'I am sad but hate it' way.
"You didn't…"Elena stammers. "Not… Damon?"
"Ew, no. I'm done with your seconds, Elena" she says, frowning more distinctly now.
"Then…" I ask but Tyler plonks beside Caroline and smiles at me before greeting Elena.
"Uh, hi" he says to Caroline who goes into full blown glowing giggling teenage mode.
"Hi" she says shyly. "See you, uh… later on…"
"Later on" he says softly, looking at her a second too long and then gets up and heads for the jock table.
"You didn't!" Elena shrieks, a grateful smile spreading on her face. Oh, the complications if it had been Damon…
"Yeah" Caroline says nodding. "And let me tell you… it was… wild"
"Right" I groan.
"Bonnie, you really need to do something about your little lady" Caroline says grinning. "If you keep this up, locking her away and not letting any air there… she is going to divorce you"
"I'm sorry about the other day" Stephan wheezes, coughing a little and slumping weakly against the wooden beam.
"Are you now" I sigh, looking through my history notes.
"I am…" he says, hacking and cackling simultaneously. "Sorry you are so naïve and desoerate for a shoulder to cry on. Emily was never…"
"I am not Emily" I say dangerously low, already feeling the spirit in me flaring and my nerves and senses becoming too sensitive. "You and your idiot brother need to stop expecting her to pop up through my body"
"Her body was far superior" he grins at me. "Far more… appealing. No one finds you appealing Bonnie. No one wants you"
"Shut up"
"Bonnie the little spare witch. If you died… who would mourn you…"
"Shut up, Stephan" I say softly, peering at his shaking form tied up in the dark corner of the second basement of my house. The hidden basement with the thirteen seals. Gram's special basement…
"You resorted to Jeremy" he says smiling sweetly at me. "Little Jeremy, your best friends young unbalanced brother…?"
"Is this your grand master plan to get me to give you some blood?"
"Hmm" he murmurs, and the glint of light that signalled the position of his eyes disappearing. "I'm just playing with you, Bonnie. Just toying with you…"
"Well, playtime is over" I say, gathering my school work and standing up. "Enjoy your alone time"
"How are things with Stephan…" Elena asks, following me to my car.
"Slow" I sigh. "we have to allow for the blood in his system to completely be used up first and then I can only try the spell and ritual three days after. Elena, this is the first time this has been done, this is the first time I have actually made a spell of my own… things could go wrong. Things could go terribly wrong…"
"It's better that your dream of him turning into a monster and wiping out the town!" Elena says, looking around frantically as though she expects Stephan to appear bloodied and guilty before us.
"What if the spell is what turns him…" I whisper to her, my own fears at being the reason things end tragically for us emerging.
"No, Bon…"she sighs, smiling a little. "We are letting it get to us. We can do it. You can do it"
"We have no choice" I moan as she walks away from me, resuming the popular Elena façade and waving to the innocent humans around us.
"How is she…"he asks, his voice weak and strained. The blood cravings are intense and I am careful; preparing the vervain perimeter around his post with an eye out to his slagging form. He may be weak but I was sure the hunger could grant him strength…
"She who" I ask him, pausing when I spot a dead rat near him. Desperate measures I suppose…
"You know" he sighs. "the love of y existence, the reason I am tied up on this post feeding of rats again…"
"She is well" I say, smiling at him. "Enjoying Damon's company as they run around trying to find clues on how to stop Klaus…"
"She must not…."he hisses and then his frame is attacked by a multitude of hacking coughs and rasping intakes of breath.
"Tried to dissuade them" I murmur, sitting o the stool outside of his vervain dome. "You know how she can get with a quest… and Damon is unable to not be around her so…"
"He will kill them"
"you don't care" I whisper to him.
"I do" he sighs. "Whether I have it switched off or… I care at some level. They have wasted my efforts and loss of humanity"
"They are idiots" I say smiling.
"You are helping…" he asks hopefully. "Keeping an eye out for them"
"They don't know that I am" I huff. "I told them I wanted no part… I tried to get them to understand that some evil is above all of us…"
"Wise like your grandmother" Stephan says, a smile playing on his chapped lips.
Its when he says this that I remember he is much older than I am. That he is actually in a very broad probability-wise under that young face. When has knowledge ever been reasonable when it comes to love though. We are all bound under the tyranny of love…
"You are staring" he sighs.
"I…"I mumble, looking at the dried vervain in my hands. "I have to go"
"You always do, Bonnie" he smiles. "Alone time for Stephan again?"
"I guess"
"Until…" he sighs, tilting his head feebly. "Until next time then"
Is it sad that the one person I feel comfortable talking to is tied to a post surrounded by charms and invisible vervain force fields as well as thirteen seals that secure him to the bottom of my grandmother's hidden post?
I guess it is at some degree but my boyfriend or ex boyfriend; I'm not too sure yet-is of somewhere chatting to the ghosts of all his exes. My best friend is too caught up ijn her ridiculously chaotic personal life and Caroline is doing it with a werewolf.
Vampire stuck on a post it is then.
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