This Chapter was beta'd by Chavelaprincess. I do not own any of J.k Rowlings Characters and I make no profit from these wonderful fanfictions.
I sit in the staff meeting as it draws on, my twin sister chatting animatedly about some upcoming changes to the teaching curriculum. She brushes her dye-blonde locks out of her brown eyes and beams over at me. I sit, arms folded across my chest, the same vacuous look on my face. My raven hair pulled into a tight bun at the back of my head, my brown eyes devoid of any emotion as I wait for this meeting to end. My sister and I were hired the year after the war to replace the turnover of retiring professors. My sister Astra taking over Charms for Professor Flitwick and myself taking over potions after Professor Snape made the move to Defence Against the Dark Arts when Slughorn decided to go back into retirement. Teaching for two years now people have realized that though we are inseparable, we are as different as humanly possible. Astra is outgoing, bubbly and full of life. While I am cold, distant and hardened by circumstance. Our life growing up wasn't fluffy or frilly or by any means as fantastic as you would assume from a rich pure-blood family.
The newest Professor beside me chats energetically as, in a friendly attempt, wraps an arm around me. My sister's jaw drops as I spring out of my seat, grabbing him by the collar and slamming him back against the wall.
"Do not ever put your hands on me again, do you understand me?"
He nods as I hold him there.
My sister cries out, horrified by my aggressive temper. "Celestia drop him!"
I let him go as I turn, the entirety of the room staring at me in shock, never having seen as much reaction from me before. I drop my head and sink back into my chair.
"Miss Vicer, is there a problem?" Minerva asks confused.
"She's fine Headmistress, just a rough morning." Astra chimes in as I nod.
The meeting continues and I can feel eyes boring into me and I look up to see Severus watching me curiously, he seems able to look into the depths of my soul and all that I know is that I don't like it. Even as I glare he continues his fixed regard. I stand abruptly knocking over the chair and storming from the room angrily.
"What on earth is going on with your sister Astra? If there is one more outburst like that I may be forced to remove her from my faculty."
"She's a very good instructor Headmistress, and if she leaves then I leave. We've always been a package deal and will remain one."
"Well then what would you have me do Astra? Her outbursts are unprovoked and I am unwilling to put the students here at Hogwarts at the end of her wrath such as it is."
"She wasn't unprovoked, he touched her! Everyone has their own triggering point and that is her trigger, people touching her without her consent."
Minerva raised her eyebrow at Astra in confusion as Astra began to speak in a subdued tone.
"I suppose it's time I explain, but I need to know this will stay here at this table." Astra waited as everyone nodded and continued. "We were abused as children, but Celestia always protected me, she always took the abuse, she would even pretend to be me to see to it that I would not endure the brunt of his anger and it gave me time to get away. Our father was a horrid man, always angry, and malicious. He took his anger out on us, more her than myself, in many ways. You've all seen how she dresses, she isn't covered up because she likes to, she covers to hide her scars. She can't be touched, refuses, especially by men, I'm the only person who can ever touch her and even with me she flinches. He crossed a boundary today, and that set her off, which is understandable."
"I never would have guessed, I always just thought she was forbidding and unfeeling." Aurora comments quietly.
"She's far from it, her emotions come in bursts, and when she can't keep them in check, it makes her agitated and she can become very overwhelmed. She's built these walls ten times her size and has lived in them ever since. I tell you this so you don't condemn her for her actions. It's not her fault. Celestia truly is an amazing woman underneath all of this."
There is a knock on my door and I wave my wand lazily, turning from the potion I am working on to unlock the door. Severus billows in, locates and situates himself on the closest available seat in the classroom before fixing his eyes on me.
"Can I help you Professor Snape?" I whisper uninterestedly.
"I came to ask if you are ok?"
I respond hoping he will leave, his presence in the room making me uneasy. "You have never spoken to me, I will be fine if you continue on in that manner." He doesn't move, so
I continue with my brewing, my hands trembling slightly.
"Dreamless sleep potion I see, why?" He drawls.
"I do not need to explain myself to you Professor Snape!" I snap out.
"Severus."
"Professor Snape!" I snap back, stirring the potion distractedly, the loose sleeve of my robes catching fire, the vapours from the potion igniting it like dry leaves. Before I can react, Snape has pulled the robe off of me, tossing it to the floor and extinguishing it before turning his attention back to me. The fresh burns don't gather any attention. His eyes fall instead to the scars on my upper back and arms. And as I stand before him exposed, feeling my anxiety creep, he steps towards me and I skitter back.
"I am not going to touch you Celestia, I only wish to see your back."
"Why?" I ask, taking another step back from him.
He responds seeming unfazed by what he has seen. "I can heal those scars Celestia, if you will allow me."
"I have tried to heal them with magic, they resist it." I bitterly respond.
"I can make a salve that will remove them over time, I have done it before, though your scars are quite a bit deeper, so they may take longer."
"Done it before... for who?"
"I am not offering to swap stories with you Miss Vicer. Do you want my help or not?"
I nod quietly wrapping my arms around myself protectively. Snape takes off his cloak and hands it to me before turning to the cupboards and grabbing a cauldron and an armload of ingredients and returning to the table and laying it all down. He peers in my cauldron cutting the flames and moving it off the element.
"If it is you taking this potion, exercise caution, it has brewed too long and is much too potent now."
"That's fine." I whisper, moving slowly towards the table covered with ingredients and wrapping his cloak around me inhaling deeply the masculine scent of it before shaking the notion from my head. He moves to the opposite side of the table and immediately gets to work. Having moved here from Canada, I didn't have the advantage of having him as my professor and watch his well practiced skills as he chops, slices, crushes and liquefies ingredients for the potion, getting them done in half the time it would take me, and begins brewing. I watch him closely, he appears almost in a trance, not seeing anything around him but the potion he is focused on, I realize he is brewing completely from memory.
"Aren't you worried you will screw it up without instructions?" I suddenly ask as he weighs one of the ingredients carefully.
"No, I hardly think I can, as you say 'screw up' a potion I, myself, invented Miss Vicer." he grumbles at my interruption.
"You were like me, weren't you?" I ask boldly.
He drops the scoop of powder into the cauldron with a plop and stirs it twice before looking up at me.
"As I have already said, I do not wish to swap stories with you Miss Vicer." he finishes adding another scoop of powder before peering into the cauldron with a nod.
"A simple yes or no would've sufficed." I grumble.
"Why does it matter?" He snarls and I take a step back, his demeanour scaring me. I immediately see the the anger drop from his face and replaced with – wait, was that a flash of - sympathy?
"I did not mean to startle you, but I do not wish to discuss this."
"You didn't." I lie... "And I know the feeling."
"What feeling?" He drawls.
"Not wanting to talk about it. It makes it real... once someone else knows." I whisper and see Snape freeze turning his stare on me.
"I won't press the matter anymore Professor Snape, I get it. I don't even know why I'm talking to you." I continue, my icy tone returning.
He turns back to his potion, carefully pulling it off the element and setting it to cool. He moves to the cabinet grabbing four glass jars with lids and bringing them back to the table, uncapping them and grabbing a long handled scoop. He carefully scoops the thick pinkish goo from the cauldron, filling the first jar and handing it to me carefully.
"Try it on the burn first, if it's strong enough it should disappear to just a red mark"
I nod shoving my finger into the warm goo and spreading some on my burned arm, immediately I feel relief and I watch as the burn quickly fades away with a cool tingling sensation and I look on in awe. I look up at Snape, he nods in approval and begins filling the rest of the jars.
"Genius, Professor Snape." I comment flatly
"I beg your pardon?" He looks taken aback.
"You are a genius."
He stares at me impassively before he speaks,
"The scars won't go that easily, especially curse scars. Twice a day, no more than that." He ignores my compliment.
"Thank you….Severus." I whisper.
The next few weeks yield results, my arms and legs are almost completely healed except some red scarring that are slowly fading out. As I sit in the potions room at my desk the students leaving the last class for the week, I tip my head back against the leather chair and close my eyes. I hear the classroom door close and I open my eyes to see Severus walking towards me. He stops in front of my desk and gestures toward my arms, so I unbutton the sleeves of my blouse sliding them up and showing him the dramatic improvement.
"Is it working on your back as well?"
"I haven't tried."
"Why not?"
"I can't reach there to do it and I can't see to cast it there."
"What about Astra?"
I shake my head.
"I thought you were ok with her touching you?"
"I am, but she has never seen them, only assumes they exist. She would only blame herself, and I don't want to be responsible for that."
"Do you trust me?" He asks calmly
"What?"
"Do you trust me?" He repeats
"Yes." I answer confused
"Could you handle me putting it on the deeper ones for you?"
I sit completely still, my mind a mess of emotions, I fear his touch, as such a man could not possibly be gentle, what will happen when he touches me? Will he stop if I want him to?
"I don't know." I whisper honestly.
"Can I try? I will stop if you need me to."
"I can only try, the salve is in my room."
"I will come see you tonight then."
"It has to be now or I'll lose my nerve." I admit honestly
He nods and we move to my room, the black furnishings and rich purples fill my room, my bed having at least two dozen soft fluffy pillows and warm fuzzy blankets. I wave my wand at the fire and it springs to life. I move to the bathroom grabbing the salve and upon coming back into the room I feel my stomach lurch and my nerves falter.
"Where did you go to school Miss Vicer?"
"Toronto Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry"
"Any difference from here?"
"The children aren't so snobbish and the weather is worse, otherwise, no"
"I'm assuming you did well there to have gained a teaching position abroad?"
"Fairly, I haven't the patience for muggle studies or magical history."
I look up and he is raising his eyebrow at me.
"Why are you so interested in my history all of the sudden, Severus?"
"I am not, Are you calmer than you were when you came out?"
I realize that he has chatted me up to relax my nerves, I huff. He approaches me slowly and stops two feet from me, holding out his hand for the glass jar. I hand it to him careful to avoid his touch as I stare down at the floor.
"I am not going to approach you Miss Vicer, you will have to approach me as you become comfortable." He talks calmly and I nod. I pull off my cloak throwing it on the bed and I stand in place for several long moments before I slowly inch towards him stopping close enough that I can smell his deep scent. My heart pounds as I turn slowly facing away from him. I can feel my heart thudding in panic, my stomach lurching, waiting to feel like I had so many years ago when it had all started happening, But he doesn't touch me.
"What was your best subject Miss Vicer"
I can't answer, I can feel my panic growing inside me, filling me up like molten lava and weighing me down like wet cement. I feel light headed and dizzy and the horrifying memories flood my brain taking me away from this instant just for a moment before Severus sees what is happening and reels me back.
"Miss Vicer, Miss Vicer" his voice firm and calm
My stomach lurching again at the thought of being touched, I weakly mutter, "Yes."
"What was your best subject? Potions?"
"No, Defence" I whisper.
"Really? So are you good at duelling then?"
"Yes."
"What else do you excel at Miss Vicer"
"Potions, occulamancy and transfiguration"
"Hardest potion you have brewed?"
"Felix Felicis"
"You have successfully brewed Felix Felicis?"
"Yes, in my second year"
"I am impressed, do you enjoy Potions?"
"Yes."
"Perhaps I could teach you some more complex stuff one day, when being near me isn't quite so repulsive to you"
"I don't find you repulsive Severus, quite the opposite actually." I whisper, my voice giving away how scared I am right now.
"The opposite?"
"Please don't make me explain my feelings, it's hard enough to get them straight in my head, forget about-"
I stop short when his hands come up and rest on my shoulders gently. He doesn't move, his hands don't move, they just sit stationary on my shoulders.
"Feelings are not my department, how did they sort the kids out at your school?"
I stand completely still, my heart thudding harder in my chest. I feel completely overwhelmed, my body at war with my mind. My body sending tingles through me, starting at his hands on my shaking shoulders, my tank top making me feel naked against his dark eyes. My mind is reeling, remembering that every time I've been touched it has ended in pain and torture, and screaming for me to run. He removes one hand as he grabs the jar out of his pocket then handing it to me.
"Open that and hold it for me, please?" He speaks gently, it's weird to hear his voice softened. I comply, opening the jar and holding it up for him, my hand trembling almost uncontrollably.
"You're okay, I will not hurt you Celestia, not ever." he whispers
He dips two fingers into the salve and I take a swift intake of breath holding it, waiting for it, but it doesn't come.
"Is your hair naturally black or is it blonde?"
"Brown."
"So you both change your appearances then?"
"Yes, I suit black, she suits blonde"
"I see, your favourite colour is purple I assume?"
"Or black, or red"I respond, making a mental note of how odd it is for Severus to be making small talk.
"And hers?"
"Pink, lilac, and powder blue." I whisper and I feel his fingers slide over as much of the first scar as he can cover before hitting my shirt. I gasp and almost hit the ground, his arm snakes quickly around my waist and pulls me back against him, I can feel his desire for me pressing against my back and he releases me as quickly as he grabbed me letting me stand on my own. He strokes salve down another scar and another until they are all done, well what he can see of them is done. For the next two month she shows up every night at eight to put it on my back. At the end of the eight weeks only the deepest scars remain there and he asks me about the rest of my back but I'm not ready to bare anymore of myself to him yet. For a week more we just focus on the faintly visible scars until they have disappeared.
For a few days he doesn't come and I find myself missing his gentle touch, craving it. I'm not used to this feeling and it scares me, so I keep my distance. Two weeks pass and I wake from a dream where Severus arms are around me, his lips on mine exploring my mouth. I stare around the darkness of my room, an unfamiliar feeling creeping deep in my core, a yearning, an ache for him and his gentle finger strokes upon my skin. I slip out of bed wrapping myself in my plush floor length black velvet robe, covering me just above the knee purple silk nightie. I grab the salve, stuffing it into my pocket, downing a calming draught and heading out and down the halls to his quarters. I knock on his door and hear the lock click open a few moments later. I step into the darkness of the room, my fear outweighed by the aching inside me. As my eyes adjust, I see him sitting upright against his headboard, quietly staring at me.
"I am ready Severus."
He slips from the bed moving to me, his pale chest bare to my eyes and his black sweatpants clinging to him nicely as he walks towards me. I take the salve from my pocket and undo my robe, letting it drop to the floor and I step towards him.
I watch his eyes travel my body, this is the most skin I have ever shown and I can tell by the sudden bulge in his pants that he is enjoying it.
He approaches me and I turn around sliding down the straps of my nightie and letting it fall to the floor, my back to him I hear him groan barely audibly before he takes the salve, opening it and putting it back in my hand, not trusting his voice right now.
He begins his strokes, starting between my shoulder blades and running down over the swell of my rear and I can't help myself, a small groan escapes my lips. His hands immediately leave my body.
"Don't do that Miss Vicer."
"Celestia" I correct.
"Celestia..." he breathes, my name sounding sexy rolling off his tongue, his velvet voice raising goosebumps on my tender flesh.
"Do what?" I breathe, more huskily than I had anticipated.
"That... your moan, your voice. I have very little self control in my tired state Celestia, please don't push it's limits, I don't want to scare you away after all it has taken for you to let me this close."
He runs another few strokes of salve down my back gently and I have to clench my jaw to keep from crying out, I have never experienced contact like this and it hits me like a drug. He finishes after a few more strokes and steps back from me. I turn slowly looking him in the eyes. This time his eyes don't travel down, they stay locked on my eyes, unmoving.
"Look at me Severus, I want you to see me, see what I hope to give you one day one day."
His eyes stay fixed on mine for a few more moments, his expression unreadable. Slowly his eyes drop and begin to travel down over my scarred breasts and stomach and down to the thin black fabric of my panties against my pale skin. He groans and takes a step back. It has been months of working up to this moment and I want it so badly. I take a deep breath, letting my body rule me and fighting my desperately flailing mind. I take several steps, bringing my lace undergarment clad body up against his half-dressed form, our skin pressed together making me wet. I take his hands in mine, my body trembling fiercely and guide them up my sides, tracing my gentle curves and bringing them up to gently cup my pale scantily covered breasts.
"Celestia, I can't take this torture", he breathes.
I reach down and wrap my fingers firmly around his hard cock, stroking him gently a few times before he nudges me back gently with a groan.
He takes my hand while he guides me towards the bed and points up onto the pillows hopefully. I nod climbing into the bed and sitting in the middle. He looks as if he'll begin to climb on top of me but I stop him, feeling overwhelmed with the idea of him on top of me and pinning me to the bed.
"Tell me what you want, I need to know, I need to have your consent Celestia."
"I want to, I -I-", I freeze, the realization of how far I have taken this hitting me suddenly and I shrink back into myself, and am about to begin letting my walls close in around me. He sees it and sits on the bed in front of me and taking my hands in his, says,
"You do not have to do this Celestia, there are no expectations here."
"I want to do this, I want you, I crave your touch Severus, but I'm-I can't-"
"Celestia, it is fine."
I whimper as tears fall from my eyes, my emotions coming out, muttering, "It's not, you have been so patient with me."
"Celestia, I have been single for a very long time, I have managed without, I can go without and can continue to go without. I did not help you so you would climb into bed with me. It is not a problem for me. I would be happy if you would agree to lay in my arms tonight, and if you cannot, I am ok with that as well. I have no expectations in this."
"What is this Severus, what are we?"
" I don't know Celestia."
"I can't give you what a proper lover could, I could never ask you to be with me and run the possibility of never being intimate."
"You aren't asking. I am offering we are equals intellectually, and that pleases me more than I believe intimacy ever could. Though I would like it if you would lay with me..."
I nod and he waves his wand pulling down the covers on the bed and we both climb under them and pull them up over our almost bare forms. He lays his arm out and I move closer slowlylaying my head on his chest and wrapping my arm around his chest accidentally brushing his pulsing erection and earning a hiss.
"I'm so sorry" I whisper.
"it's fine, it'll go away, rest Celestia."
I close my eyes and for the first time in my life... I drift into a peaceful sleep, listening to his heart beat. I wake up around three and the blankets have come off of him, showing me he is still hard and I can't help but feel awful. I gently unlace the knot on his sweat pants and reach down, pulling his engorged cock free from his pants and begin to stroke it, over and over from base to tip, every time I arrived at the top, I stroked my palm over and collected the dew. He groans, I hear my name flow off his tongue like smooth wine and in one swift movement I have wrapped my lips tight around the head of his cock, sucking it expertly. Clearly having taken him off guard he doesn't have the time to warn me before shooting his warm seed deep in my mouth with a deep, sexy and delicious grunt. It hits the back of my throat and I instinctively swallow, earning another groan from Severus who is beginning to regain himself and already going hard again. I slide of my panties and bra while he lays with his eyes closed, panting, body still shuddering and I climb on top of him gently, straddling his hips. His eyes shoot open and he groans at my naked form on top of him, I position him at my dripping entrance and with a deep inhale, sink down onto him, taking him into me all at once with a loud moan that he shares with me.
"Merlin, you're tight..." he pants, holding me still to adjust to my body. The moment he let's go I lift myself so only his head remains inside my warmth before sinking down onto him again. He puts his hands on my hips digging his fingers in painfully and begins meeting my downwards thrusts with his own upward thrust pushing himself to new depths within me. I never would have imagined he would feel so perfectly fitting inside of me. I ride him for several more minutes before he snakes his hand down thumbing my swollen clit and breaking my existence around himself. He takes my moment of incoherence to flip on top of me and starting picking up a pace causing me to crash one more time before he lets his orgasm take him once more, spilling his warm seed into me before collapsing on the bed beside me. We lay in the afterglow for what seems like hours before anyone speaks. Severus props himself up on one arm leaning over and capturing my lips, I am certain he can taste himself on my mouth but doesn't care as the kiss deepens before breaking apart for air.
"That was amazing Celestia, I have never felt so fully satisfied."
"I feel the sameSeverus, I didn't know it could feel like that"
Severus leans forward taking my nipple in his mouth sucking it until it goes hard then moving to the other and doing the same.
"Merlin Severus.."