Barter

"Hello?"

"Oh no..."

"Hello?"

"Don't stop, whatever you do."

"But why?"

The weighted companion cube didn't answer, leaving Test Subject 121 to wonder why. Freed from stasis from the bowls of Aperture Science, the companion cube was his only safeguard against brain damage. Her calm, comforting voice, the cool yet warm touch of its skin against his, his shield against a world where everything was insane bar himself...it was as close to comfort as he was ever going to get. So why, when a sentry turret had talked to him as he walked down the railing, had the companion cube refused to clarify her insistence to keep moving?

"Excuse me?" the turret asked, its laser flickering as it turned its disabled self to the test subject. "Hello?"

"Don't make eye contact," the cube whispered. "Whatever you do, don't make-..."

"Um, yes" the test subject asked as he approached the turret. "Can I help you?"

"...I told you not to make eye contact."

Women...always first to get out of shopping centres...or was that men? The test subject didn't know anymore than what a shopping centre was. It sounded familiar...but right now, the only things keeping him sane were the voices of his companion cube and this turret. And while he trusted the cube's advice on most occasions, this was going to be an exception. The idea of a turret not trying to kill him...well, that was something worth investigating.

"Hello?" the test subject asked the turret. "Did you want something?"

"...buy something?"

"No thanks, we're good," said the companion cube forcefully. "We-..."

"Yes, I'd like to buy something," the test subject interrupted. "What have you got?"

"...hello?"

"See, it's mad," the test subject's best and only friend said. "Keep moving."

The test subject remained silent. He'd never doubted the cube's words before, but...well, this turret didn't sound insane to him. He knew what insane was by virtue of not being it. And this turret-...

"Are you still there?"

Clearly wasn't insane.

"Yes, I'd like to buy something," the test subject repeated. "What have you got?"

"...bullets?"

"No thanks," the test subject answered. "Cube says that I need to cut down on them."

"An emancipation grid?"

"No thank you," the cube answered forcefully. "You know what happened the last time you tried to take me through one of those."

The test subject nodded solemnly, remembering how he'd almost euthanized his faithful companion cube with one of those. It had been months before she started talking to him again.

Or was it just days...or hours...I...no, I'm not crazy...

"I have one more thing though," the turret said. "It's gone a bit mouldy, but still..."

"Food...yes, I need food," the test subject rasped. "Almost as much as I need water or my cube."

A cube that was whispering to walk away now, before it was too late. But it already was too late. Because the turret was offering its last offer...the proverbial gold to Judas...

"Would you like...cake?"

And in that instant, breaking down and casting his cube into the turret, Test Subject 121 realized how insane the world around him really was.

A/N

The idea for this stemmed from the 'busking' turret Chell and Wheatley encounter early on, and I think the idea itself stems as far back as when it first appeared in early gameplay videos. However, I couldn't really see it working with the characters here in this context, especially since the cake (is a lie) angle was laid to rest in Portal 2 bar GLaDOS's trap and I think the game is better for it, how it distinguishes itself further from its predecessor. Other test subjects however, those who didn't become vegetables with brain damage and therefore real heroes, were another matter...