I have a really awful need to write something depressing.... T.T Amber is probably right.. I am a little morbid sometimes. Oh well. Character death. Angst. Blah blah blah, you get it... Bear with me and my horrendous drabbles... This won't be a one shot, fyi... and it may or may not end like you think it will... jut fyi...
-.-
Death.
Why did it come when you least expect it?
Why did the simple loss of a person hurt so bad?
Why had she forced his body out of the way, only to take the final blow?
For him.
He wanted to scream and cry and pound his fists on the ground. But his body was frozen. The only thing he could do was stare as his mind screamed, Why?!?! Why!!! Why did you take her from me!!! Why?!?!!!
The emotions and feelings of ache, pain, need, longing, anger, frustration, hatred and love were all balled up and crammed in his throat. He couldn't speak; he didn't want to speak. His breath came in and out raggedly from his lungs. He didn't want to breath. His heart pounded heavily in his cramped, aching chest. Why wouldn't it stop beating?
His want to live had ended when he had heard the sickening thud of metal hitting flesh; hitting Haruhi. He had turned and the scene he saw was forever branded into his mind.
The blood...
Haruhi's blood...
... was everywhere. And Haruhi was lying, crumpled and hurt on the sidewalk, not two yards from him.
He had run to her and gently pulled her into his arms. As soon as he touched her, he knew it was over. Her life was over. She was dying. "No.. No, no, no, no, no, no!" Was all he could say as he looked at her in his arms, dripping blood, his face horrified.
She coughed, spitting blood, and her eyes cracked open. "Oh, Hikaru..." she murmured, blood dripping from her lips.
"Don't leave me..." he whimpered, tears dripping from his face to mingle with the blood.. her blood. "Please... Haruhi, please, I love you.. Please don't leave... Please..."
Sirens were wailing in the distance, coming to take her away to the hospital. But what point was there? She was slipping away, even as he begged her not to, life slowly draining from her limbs.
A cough racked her small body and the blood kept coming, but he could do nothing. He could just beg her not to leave, not to go, not to leave him without her. But she couldn't do anything either. She was too far gone to be saved.
"Hikaru...!" she choked out, looking at him with dimming eyes. She moaned in pain. "Hikaru... I love you..." her breath was dying out and her life was dimming.
Hikaru, desperate to do anything, anything, to bring her back, leaned in gently and touched his lips to her. He watched to many fairy tales. A kiss wouldn't bring her back. But, oh, how he hoped and prayed it would.
She gasped softly, even as her eyes dimmed more. She drew in a shallow breath and with it, she whispered, "Hikaru... I love you... so much..." and she was gone.
Hikaru looked at those blank, lifeless eyes. "No..." he whispered. "No!" he pulled her close and buried his face in her blood soaked hair. He didn't notice the people around him as he sobbed.
Now he was watching as the coffin was lowered into the cold and unforgiving ground. A place from which she wouldn't return.
Ever.
Kaoru was next to him, clinging to Hikaru's hand like it was his only lifeline. Hikaru clung back. What else could he do? Kaoru was the only thing that had kept him from throwing himself under the tires of another vehicle so the pain of losing Haruhi would go away.
All he could do was ask why and cling to his brother.
He wasn't crying anymore; he had cried out all his tears for the last two days.
Two days...
Had it been that long since he had heard Haruhi's sweet voice?
"Ha ha ha, Hikaru, you're such a dork!"
Had it been that long since he had seen her beautiful face?
"Come on, Hikaru, let's go on that ride! It looks fun!"
Had it been that long since he had tasted her lips?
"Hikaru! I know you like to kiss me, but at least do it when we're not around the costumers!"
He wanted to rewind to the day, one and a half years ago, when they had started dating. The time since then had flown, but the joy in those days was so great and amazing!
A year and a half ago he hadn't known that that happiness would haunt him now.
Her smile haunted him.
Her laugh haunted him.
Her personality haunted him.
Her everything haunted him.
He remembered their first kiss... That kiss was perfect.
It was their second date, and it was one of the best days of his life. They had walked around in a beautiful park, him holding her hand, talking and laughing and having fun. He didn't remember what they were talking about when he had been overcome with the intense desire to kiss her.
He had stopped her, standing under a large shade tree that was near the path and gently turned her towards him. He remembered saying her name, his voice husky with want and her cocking his head at him and asking, "Yes, Hikaru?" in that sweet voice of hers.
He had gently cupped her face with is hands and pulled her close to him. When he lowered his mouth onto hers she had gasped softly against his lips.
Her lips...
He wanted to groan, but bit it back. They were always soft and pliable when he kissed her, and she always received his kiss with a smile and would always kiss back. She always tasted good, like sweet mint and vanilla. The way she tasted was addicting.
He was crying now, eyes clenched shut, trying to force away the pictures that were flooding his mind in waves.
Their first kiss...
Their first date...
Their second kiss...
Their third date...
He whimpered softly, trying to stop the flow of memories that was killing him slowly. Oh, how he needed her. He needed her. He tried to muffle a sob, but it didn't work. He ducked his head to hide the tears that streamed from his eyes. His brother was hugging him, but Hikaru couldn't find the strength to hug back.
Would Hikaru ever find the strength to do anything without her?
"Come on, Hikaru.." Kaoru murmured in his ear, gently tugging on his arm. "We should go home now.."
No!! His mind rebelled ferociously, even as his feet followed his twin. I can't leave Haruhi! I can't leave her! Don't make me leave! Please... Please... Let me have her back.. Let me have her back.. Please.. Haruhi..
By the time he and his brother were back at the limo, he was reduced to a crumpled form sobbing his heart out in the back seat, babbling gibberish about wanting her back. The sorrow stung his throat and overtook his mind as he curled into a ball, his head on Kaoru's lap.
"Ssh..." his brother murmured, stroking his hair softly, trying to comfort him. "It'll be ok, Hikaru. Ssh.."
The words were hollow in Hikaru's ears. Hollow, empty, meaningless and without comfort. Without Haruhi, he would never be the same. He would never be the same happy, carefree, prankster that he once was.
He couldn't be. Not without her.
He cried till the tears ran out, but it didn't help the hurt. Nothing could help the hurt, but Haruhi coming back to him. Kaoru stayed with him, gently petting his hair and wiping the tears off his face in the back of the limo.
But Hikaru didn't want the comfort of his twin; he wanted the comfort of the brown eyes beauty he had fallen in love with.
But he couldn't have the comfort of her. He would never get it again.
She was dead.
His sobs were dry now, with no tears falling from his eyes at all. It was like all the moisture there had been dried up. There was none left.
"Hikaru..!" Kaoru sounded frantic. "Please stop, please! You're going to make yourself sick. Please stop, please!"
He was sick. He was sick with sorrow. And suddenly, throwing up sounded good. But there was nothing to throw up; he hadn't eaten anything since Haruhi had left him.
"Hikaru, I'm going to call mom and dad if you don't stop!"
What a hollow threat; what could his parents do to ease his suffering? What could anyone do?
Kaoru was crying now, his concern for his brother and his loss of Haruhi combining into a powerful force that pushed him into hysteria. "Please stop, Hikaru!" he sobbed. "Stop, stop, stop...!" his fingers interlaced into Hikaru's hair as they clenched, and the sharp pain in Hikaru's scalp was a welcome pain. He wanted it to hurt more. Maybe it would diminish the pain he felt at the loss of Haruhi.
He would never get over this hurt; he just knew he wouldn't. It would always be there, aching, nagging, pulling, hurting him. The throb in his head turned his thoughts from Haruhi, even just for a moment. He didn't try to stop it.
Kaoru yanked on Hikaru's hair until Hikaru was sitting up. Kaoru forced himself into Hikaru's lap and wrapped his arms around his twin's neck. "Please..." Kaoru begged, his tears wetting Hikaru's shirt. "Please don't leave me.. I know it hurts.. but please, please don't leave me alone.."
His pleas made Hikaru think of his own pleas, when Haruhi died. Hikaru hugged Kaoru close, fresh tears (where did all the tears come from?) fell from his eyes. "I won't.." he whispered. "I promise, I won't."
The hurt was still there, the aching, the longing, the memories, but he still had Kaoru. Maybe if they closed up their world to just the two of them again, it wouldn't hurt so bad. Maybe if they didn't let anyone else in, they wouldn't be hurt again.
That's why they hurt now, why they were both crying, trying to stop the pain. They had let Haruhi in, had let them enter their world and become part of it. Hikaru had fallen in love with her. They had been friends, best friends, and now she had been torn away from them.
When would this pain ever subside?
He didn't realize he had spoken this out loud till Kaoru replied softly, "Never.. it will always hurt.. Time doesn't heal all wounds.. Because this one will never be healed... ever..."
"Will it fade, do you think? Will it stop hurting so intensely, so badly?" Hikaru whispered.
"I don't know, Hikaru. I hope so. I don't want to feel like this forever."
"I.. miss her, Kaoru..."
"Me too, Hikaru, but I don't think she would have wanted us to be like this." he laughed shakily as he carefully disentangled himself from Hikaru's arms, but remained in his lap. He looked into his twins eyes and laughed again, but it was still a feeble and weak attempt at laughing. "Look at you; you're a mess."
Hikaru blinked slowly and looked away. He didn't want to laugh. He didn't even want to smile. His shoulders slumped. He was a mess. "I really loved her, Kaoru." he whispered, voice cracking.
Kaoru gently touched his face. "Don't think about that right now, Hikaru. We... need to move on, because we can't bring her back. We just can't." Kaoru smiled with compassion as the tears started to drip down Hikaru's face again. He took his brother's hand as he climbed off his lap and opened the door to the limo. "Come on, Hikaru. Let's go get some ice cream... That is what always seems to help in those sappy movies that we always used to watch with..." his voice trailed off and the smile left his face. "Well.. come on."
Hikaru followed like a lost puppy, and probably looking like one too. He wasn't a puppy, but he was lost. He was lost without his Haruhi.
He didn't even see the faces of sympathy as he was led by his brother to their room. He didn't want to see them.
-.-
The small girl had been watching the Hitachiin twins for two days; their sorrow was immense and it struck a cord in her. Oh, how she wanted to run to Hikaru and hug him and kiss him and love him. She loved him so much; why had she agreed to do this when she knew it would hurt him?
She hadn't known that it would hurt him this much. She hadn't known that he, or anyone, for that matter, could cry so much. That so much liquid could fall from his beautiful golden eyes seemed crazy to her. Those eyes were supposed to light up with happiness and sparkle with mischief.
Instead, they were dark with pain and suffering and the tears never seemed to stop falling from them.
She had seen every moment since two days ago, every second of the happenings. His pain had caused her to weep and his whimpers and noises of heartache had caused her heart to clench and her breath to hitch.
He was sleeping now, with his twin brother, Kaoru, watching over him. His sleep wasn't restful, she could tell, because his face was troubled and he tossed and turned and groaned.
Her heart hurt.
The door to the room she was in, with TV screens that monitored Hikaru and Kaoru's doings, opened. A man stood there, looking at her with eyes blacker than black. It was this man that had forced her to do this. If he had carried through with his threats, it would have cost to much. She had to do this.
"What?" she spat, glaring at him. "I'm doing what you told me, can't you just leave me alone?"
He chuckled slightly, and his voice met her ears, a creamy confection of evil trying to be kind. She hated his voice. "Oh, my dear Haruhi, are you unhappy with the proceedings?" he laughed. "I say you did very well, faking your death."
Haruhi winced. She didn't like to think that she was the cause of Hikaru's pain, even if she was. Her death had been staged very well. The entire host club, accept for this menace and one other, had believed that she was dead.
Kyoya stepped into the dim light, glasses flashing. "You know that this is for the purpose of science, don't you, Haruhi?" he asked, trying to sound innocent.
Science... A name that sounded innocent, when really what was going on was the emotional and mental torture of one of her best friends, he boyfriend. She loved science, but this was not science. This was cruel.
He snickered. "I see your face, Haruhi, I know what you are thinking." he sneered at her. "You're thinking how could we do this to Hikaru? And why would we choose to hurt Hikaru? Why him? He's done nothing!"
This time, there were two laughs as a second boy entered. Haruhi backed up, because the one that should really be feared entered the room. Purple eyes dark with malice and lips turned up in a sneer that would have made children cry, Tamaki entered. He draped his arms over Kyoya's shoulders and rested his head next to one of his arms so that Kyoya's and his cheeks were pressed together.
Haruhi wanted to throw up.
"What did he do?" Tamaki laughed. "That's a stupid question, Haruhi. You obviously know the answer."
Haruhi didn't. She couldn't see what Hikaru possibly could have done to deserve this.
Tamaki laughed. "I can see that you refuse to see the truth of the matter, my dear." he stepped away from Kyoya and stepped over to where she was standing.
She pressed herself up against the wall, eyes wide. She didn't want him to touch her! Not at all!
He snickered. "Oh you are funny." he ran the tips of his fingers over her cheek and down her jaw line, leaving a trail of frigid cold on her skin. His touch always made her blood run cold. He tipped her chin up and studied her face. "What did he do, you ask? Nothing." he smiled. "He did nothing at all. I just enjoy putting people in pain."
"You monster!" she snapped, giving him a vicious glare.
He laughed. "Thank you, my pet, I enjoy that." he moved his face closer to hers, and a strange look came over his face. "But you realize that this is not over yet, right? And you understand the consequences if you don't go through with it?"
She avoided his eyes. Yes she understood. She understood perfectly. A shudder went down her back at the things he had told her he would do if she didn't obey. What he had said was awful, horrible and her mind burned at the thought of what might happen.
She felt his furry before she saw it, burning her. He brought a hard smack down upon her cheek, leaving her seeing stars and feeling dizzy.
Her cheek burned.
"Do you understand?" he demanded, his hand poised to strike again if need be.
She looked at him, then said softly, "Yes. I understand."
He chuckled. "Good." he leaned down and kissed her lips, lingering long enough to make it seem like forever. He pulled back, smiling. "Oh yes. If you disobey me whiles on the premises, such as not following small orders to the exact..." his hand traced a small circle over her abdomen, then flowed down to touch her in a spot she didn't want touched, not by him. "I'll have to do away with something I'm sure Hikaru wants for himself."
Laughing, he drew back. "Have fun watching that miserable Hitachiin suffer. You'll be going in for phase two tomorrow. Be prepared."
Kyoya followed Tamaki out of the room, and the door closed, leaving her in silent darkness.
Haruhi closed her eyes and slowly, he knees gave out on her. She sank the the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest, shivering hard. She knew the consequences of what would happen if she didn't obey Tamaki, but she didn't know if she could pull phase two off.
She wanted a Hikaru hug.