Yeah… I need to VENT.
This is really based off of my personal experience, and what I'm facing right now in my life. Now, I have no one preferably close to talk to, and well… you'll understand if I put it in Naruto format. I really wish I had a second opinion, and even if I don't get my happy ending in my life with this guy, I'll put a different ending for this story, even if it breaks my heart.
I thought of the journal entries because whenever I see him, I can't help but write it down.
Scatter Brain
WARNING: SASUKE AND OTHER CHARACTERS MAY BE OOC IN ORDER TO KEEP THE ORIGINAL STORY PLOT. AND ALSO, STRANGE PAIRINGS MAY HAPPEN. LOL, I'M SORRY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Prompt: Because this is based off my real drama and I need to VENT. Big time.
Date Started: 2-22-11
Summary: She just wasn't sure anymore; her emotions were all a mess, and she wasn't sure if she could trust her heart. It hurt to know that everything that she believed in was a lie.
Author: CiiCiinREX.
Disclaimer: IDNON.
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Chapter 1:
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It came at her; unexpected.
She had been merely browsing her account on FaceBook, talking to old friends like TenTen and Hinata, and even to her "nii-san" when she clicked on the wrong link at the wrong time.
It was a picture, of them.
And she broke down.
Because she couldn't tell if she loved him anymore or not.
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10 Years Ago…
I'm not sure where to start off with, but I'll start off with the beginning, I guess…
I had enrolled in Konoha Academy, merely at the fresh age of four, when a new student arrived at our school. Everyone seemed to brighten up and talk about it—the older kids, at least, for us little elementary school kids who couldn't even count from one to one hundred couldn't comprehend the excitement going on in the air and just ignored it. My older brother seemed to be just as chatty with his friends, and I would find myself frowning as I asked him if he wanted to play with me—only to be rejected for the nth time while he restlessly peeked outside the school window.
Because of my immaturity and small brain at the time, I wasn't sure when he first arrived. All I knew was that I was drawn to him like a magnet the moment I laid my eyes on him.
I can remember that we all sat down in our assigned seat, the chairs were just our size for our petite four-and-five year old bodies as we squirmed, and the desks met our chins as we attempted to hover over the wooden plate. The teacher had walked out of the room, claiming she had a "surprise" for us. Her proclamation seemed to rile my class up as they began to wander out of their seats in order to let off some energy we had in the morning. At first, I couldn't care less as I peeked out the window curiously, desperately wanting to go outside, be with my daddy and just run around in the park.
It was when the whole room of loud first graders, including myself, went completely silent that I turned my eyes to the front.
There stood the cutest boy I had ever seen; he had spiky black hair that stood up at the back and long bangs that hugged his blushing cheeks. His eyes were like shadows—I couldn't tell if they were fully black or merely shades of grey—as they flickered back and forth anxiously while he shuffled his feet with a pout.
"Tell your name," The kind first-grade teacher encouraged him, and he glanced back up to the smiling, kind kids. The sight seemed to ease his tension, though it seemed to build up when he stared straight at me.
I could feel that I wasn't smiling, but at the same time I wasn't frowning. I was only curious, but I couldn't help but notice the way he held my eyes for longer than he did to the other kids.
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke," He said, and I noted the way he held his gaze to mine, calmly and normal volume-wise.
I tilted my head at him in wonderment, and our eye contact broke off when the teacher patted his shoulder lightly and instructed him to sit at a seat near the windows—at the back of the room, far away from me.
I never knew that the little event that happened at that point of my life would change it completely.
That was the first time I met my best friend.
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"Sasuke," I heard one of the boys in my class say in the distance at his friends. Picking up my ears as I was the only one sitting at my desks bored, I decided to listen in. They weren't even hiding anything, so it wasn't wrong… right? This was only the first and second grade, anyway. Glancing over, I saw that Naruto and Shikamaru both talking to him.
It has been a week since Sasuke transferred over to Konoha Academy, and for some reason everyone had been curious for a new friend, yet kept their polite bearings as they asked questions—more like interrogated him—about what his mom and dad were like, and if he wanted to play whatever with them.
Bored, I glanced over to all the other girls, wondering if it would hurt to go over to them and just try to stick in with them… But at the same time, I didn't want to become a preppy girl, so I ultimately decided not to (although, I now notice it wouldn't have led to that).
"Who's that?" I heard Sasuke ask when my gaze trailed off to the empty class board a few seconds later. He most likely had seen me staring and was curious.
I stared down at the desk expressionlessly. I had no official attachments towards anyone, and I had no particular idea why. It was probably because people wanted friends to come to them, instead of going up to them and making friends with them…
"Don't talk to her," I heard Naruto stage-whisper under his breath. "Sakura's dan-ger-ous! She's like a wolf, she scratched me once!"
I was pretty sure that the blonde's exclamation would deter the new kid from confronting me, so imagine my surprise when I felt someone skip over to my desk. Peering up, I spotted the same Uchiha kid, beaming brightly at me. "Hi!" He said with a half smile. "I'm Sasuke! What's your name?"
I could literally feel and hear Shikamaru and Naruto hold their breaths as they prayed silently for the poor soul who "dared speak up to me". Inwardly I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help but smile back at the new boy. "I'm Sakura."
Naruto pouted, obviously thrown off. "Neh, you treat us all differently except for the new kid." Sasuke didn't seem to falter at his words; if possible, he seemed all the more eager.
Starting from that day on, he began to visit my desk every day we had free time. Naruto and Shikamaru reluctantly followed, and soon enough I opened up so much to them that they became my inner circle of friends.
And for a while, I was content.
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Present Time…
Scratching my head, I narrowed my eyes at the worksheet in front of me, the inanimate object almost taunting me as my mind boggled for possible answers. I pouted as a slight headache came on, pushing the paper away from me with a sigh.
"Hey," A hand patted my arm softly at my side, and I peeked up at Temari who was obviously just as confused at me—although I got the lesson, for the most part. "How do the other notes move if the bass note moves up a fifth?"
I was silent for a couple of seconds. "Keep one common tone and… make all the other notes move in a contrary motion."
"What?" She squint her eyes at the paper, getting more miffed at the assignment the more time that passed by. "Why—How does…" She trailed off, and then recognition shimmered in her eyes. "Oh, ohhh. I get it now." I silently rolled my eyes, and I felt her laugh and punch my arms. "Shut up."
Temari was my closest friend in Suna High; every since we both transferred here as freshmen, we have been tight as somewhat-best friends can be. She had a very pretty shade of dirty blonde hair, and her dark teal eyes were so sharp that they seemed to shoot down any person before they could argue with her. Despite this—and the fact that she seemed to get mad at me frequently because she was, and I quote "bitchy because of stupid freakin' school, I'm sorry"—we instantly bonded. The fact that we had all our classes together, except for our Academic Lab period, first period, just made us even closer than ever.
Just as I was about to comment back at her, the lunch bell rang and the blonde girl leapt out of her chair, stretching tiredly. "C'mon," She grinned. "I'm starving."
I couldn't help the wide smile creeping onto my face as I ran up to her side in the hallway as soon as we raced out the band room door, our footsteps eventually falling into place as we strolled side by side to our lockers.
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The first thing I noticed once I arrived at my locker was that a certain dark-haired girl was waiting patiently at her own. With a goofy grin, I skipped up to her and popped right in front of her face, "Heyyy," I rang out with a flirtatious tone.
She reeled back and hit her back on the lockers, obviously surprised as I giggled at her expression. "What the fuck," She frowned, and then glared at me as she sang out, "Weirddddd."
"Whatever," I sighed, and then Temari called out Kin's name in a sing-song voice as they embraced friendlily. Quickly, I yanked the lock off of my locker door once I twisted in my combination, snatched my lunch and slammed the door closed, standing in wait with Kin as Temari took her precious time getting her lunch and supplies ready for the next class.
Kin took off once a boy, Zaku, she liked and had this weird love-affair-thing with greeted her, ditching us as she chatted with him happily. Temari pouted, miffed. "She just ditched us!"
I shrugged, a smile tugging at my lips, before it fell flat off when I recalled what I promised to tell Kin at lunch.
"Hey, Tem," I said very seriously. "At lunch, I was going to tell Kin something important, and I was wondering if you wanted to know since I didn't know if you would care or not."
"Ummm…" She trailed off, getting what I meant. Even though we had many inside jokes and we were close, we still had this barrier where we guarded our personal lives we had before to the ones we had in school with each other. "You can tell me. It doesn't matter."
I nodded, "Okay, because… I'm really confused. I'm not even sure what to do anymore…"
Shutting my eyes, I felt that numb cavity in my heart that didn't feel like it was healing at any point of my life now.
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"Hurry up, Kin!" Temari shouted at the dark-haired girl who glared at her right back, munching on her fries indignantly. "I wanna hear her story!"
"Fine, fine," Kin grumbled, stuffing her face full of the last fries as she stalked off to put away her lunch tray and throw away her garbage. Temari and I both lingered tolerantly as she sauntered back, plopping back comfortably in her seat. "Okay, you can start."
I nearly shrank back as their eyes pierced deep into my form inquisitively, before starting off, "Well…" My eyes flickered over to Kin. "You know how I was telling you how I had an ex?" She nodded, and I went back to looking straight at them both.
"Well, Sasuke and I were in first and second grade when we first became best friends…"
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JOURNAL ENTRY
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Oct. 11, Mon; 11:06 PM
Screw my life. That's all I have to say.
Okay, now that I've calmed down, let me explain myself. My name is Haruno Sakura. I'm a new freshmen at Suna High through life seemed to get easier when I started there. It was—is—great. New friends, new teachers, new life; new beginning.
The only problem is that I have problems letting go of the past.
Only days ago, I met face to face with my ex, Sasuke. I think I still have feelings for him. The other problem? I think he still likes me too.
It only makes letting him go, which I originally could have sworn I had, even harder.
On the afternoon of Friday, October 8th, I left the parking lot of my old school to arrive to Camp Hikage for Scavengers, a group of youth determined to show teens and young adults about nature and how God may exist through it. Although I'm not very religious, I do believe he is out there, though I won't bore you with the details. I won't force what I believe on you because you deserve to keep your morals, and I'll keep my own to myself.
It was yearly for a Fall Campout, but it was also a rare time since it would actually be warm instead of freezing cold like all the other times (this was like only one out of every five camporees).
Sasuke and I dated for only about a month and a half until we met some issues further on. Because he was my first, I was shy and hoped would be the one to make the first move. I was very inexperienced, so as soon as I had a firm grasp on his, he slipped right through my fingers like soft sand, and he was carried by the sudden wind and let me alone in tears. I had approached him to ask to start over, but he beat me to it and said we should break up. I ran.
I loved him, it was a feeling like I never had. My stomach clenches when he acknowledges me, my eyes burn when he walks away, a wistfulness that should be as plain as day on my face shows when I stare after him, and my heart flutters when he praises me. It wasn't childish, no, I knew.It was pure, like my strongest bond with my dad. I felt like I would protect him without another thought or hesitation, run into trouble just for him.
It had hurt to hear those words he uttered.
He hurt me.
But, I think I hurt him, too.
Strangely, I do not hate him for doing so, but rather respect his decision. Whatever makes him happy.
I'll just stand by and watch.
Because, whatever makes him happy, make me happy.
Then I wonder: What would happen if Tenten and Hinata, the ones fed up with the dilemma of me letting him go, think about my lingering, still strong feelings?
I hate it.
Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
To know all those nights I bawled my eyes out, when I would smile at my reflection in the mirror and congratulate myself for letting him go, to actually think I let him go, was all nothing; were all lies.
To know that somewhere confined deep in my heart, I had never really let him go.
Why, God, why? I had prayed that I wanted him and me to be together. Then he was gone. I can recall those times I pleaded for a second chance with him. And I loathe myself because I still want it. So why do I still love him? Do you want me to do something? Or is something going to happy? Either way, please answer me, Lord. I want to know if he's the one I'm going to be with or just another obstacle. In a dream, through words of a friend (I really hope Tenten and Hinata will understand if I tell them), I don't care. Just please, let it be painless.
I don't know how much my battered heart can take it.
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I ended it here. LOL. That was sudden.
FUN FACT: That journal entry is actually mine word for word, although I had to reword some stuff so that it could be broader and to be on the safe side. All the other journal entries will be like this.
I'm so confused, but I'm trekking through it, guys. Wish me luck.
This story is split up into three parts: Sakura will talk about the PAST, PRESENT, then she will read out her JOURNAL ENTRY. I'm sorry if the timing and all the info is confusing, but I'm just writing what I feel. And, it will all make sense if you keep tuned in and DON'T ASK QUESTIONS PLEASE ABOUT HOW THE PLOT GOES. You can do that in my other stories, just not this one. I'm already irritable as it is.
As for the characters... I had a limited inventory of suitable characters that could be used. XD I'm planning on using Ino as one of my other friends (I'm sorry Xena-chan, even if you hate her X3) but I'm still flexible, so I may change that.
This story will be updated based on the events that happen in my real life, and on how many reviews I get. I prefer to get at least ten reviews before I can continue, but I won't update this as often as my other stories. I just needed to vent. I'll continue writing when the drama gets the best of me.
WHEW! I feel A LOT better. This helped a lot, guys, you have no idea.
~CiiCiinREX.
Ended 2-22-11; 9:24 PM.