Tina sat in a corner booth at Breadstix, her back hunched, shoveling down her second bowl of salad. No, not second individual-sized bowl – second serving bowl. The waitress had looked at her funny when she came to refill her salad and breadsticks, but honestly, Tina could not give two shits. What was the point of dishing up the salad into the little tiny individual bowls if she was just going to eat the whole thing, and then some?

She and Mike had just broken up, and Tina was officially wallowing in salad. She knew from years of watching sitcoms and romantic comedies that she was supposed to overindulge in Ben and Jerrys and bags of Cheetos, but all she wanted was the crunch of lettuce, cucumbers and carrots and the tangy taste of Breadstix's house vinaigrette. And bonus – it didn't have chicken feet in it.

She was done with chicken feet, and done with Mike. It had been a fairly…amicable breakup. She realized that she just wasn't Asian enough for him and his family, and he realized he wanted someone a whole lot more into Asian food, Asian culture…Asian everything. She was a lapsed half-Korean, and he was very devoted to his Chinese family. They both knew that it had to end sometime, and today, it ended.

So even though she wasn't mad at Mike, and even though she knew they'd be friends again eventually, she was still licking her wounds, just a little bit. Even though there was always a nagging feeling in her heart that he didn't really get her and that she didn't really get him – they had had some good times together. And so Tina was still sad, and still intent on wallowing.

Santana brushed past the hostess at Breadstix, her ponytail swinging and quivering with anger. This was the last fucking straw. The Cheerios had just won Nationals, and instead of celebrating with her by carbo-loading at Breadstix and getting some poor married schmuck who wished he could get with cheerleaders when he was in high school to pay for the bill like they did every year, Brittany was spending the night with Artie. They were going to get burgers and ice cream, and watch a move at her house. Gross.

It was just as well. The looks Britt and Artie were giving each other almost ruined her appetite. And nothing was going to get between Santana and her celebratory breadsticks. It had been almost 3 months since Santana had eaten carbs, and tonight she was going to eat her weight in breadsticks and pasta.

But fuck it if she was going to look like a lonely loser sitting by herself. She scanned the booths, hoping for a semi-cute guy she could sit with. Uggo, loser, nerd, pizza face, fatty….damn, the pickings are slim tonight. What is it, all-you-can-eat night for losers?

Santana's steely gaze landed on a lone female figure, dressed head to toe in black except for the blue streaks in her hair, and the collection of neon pink and green bracelets on her wrist. Gothika. Fine. But only because it's marginally better than sitting alone.

"Slow down, gothika. I'm not calling 911 if you choke on a carrot. It'd be too fucking embarrassing."

Tina looked up in shock, a tiny piece of lettuce hanging from her wide-open mouth. "Santana? What are you doing here?"

"Saving you from being the biggest loser in here. Even pizza face over there has his grossly overweight girlfriend to keep him company." Santana drawled, twirling her ponytail around with her fingers.

Tina fixed Santana with a steely glare "Look, if you're just here to insult me, move along. Because I'm not in the mood to be your punching bag of the week."

Santana's eyebrow quirked upward. "You're wolfing down salad like an Ethiopian kid who hasn't eaten in years, you're unusually sassy, and it looks like you applied your mascara with a spatula."

Santana slid into the seat opposite Tina and helped herself to a breadstick from the bucket on the table. "Lemme guess…you and Mike broke up."

Tina sighed. Clearly Santana wasn't planning on going anywhere. "Yeah, OK. You're right. We broke up – not that it's any of your business. If you want Mike, you can have him. Oh—wait – he's actually single, so of course you're not interested. You only like guys who are in a relationship."

Much to Tina's surprise, Santana just laughed. "Gothika! You've got a set of steel balls on you. I thought you were a quiet mousy dork, but I like this new, mouthier side of you. Give me your best, nothing gets to me." Santana helped herself to another breadstick and opened the spare menu on the table, clearly intending on making herself right at home.

Santana was just contemplating ordering both the Fettuccine Alfredo and the Penne a la Vodka, when Tina's bitchy voice cut through her reverie –

"So, Santana. Brittany dump you for Artie? Couldn't find anyone else to come to Breadstix with you to celebrate your win? I'm actually saving you here, aren't I? If I wasn't here – what was your plan B going to be? Sit with the balding fatty over there? What? You're not the only observant one around here. I know lonely. And I know you're lonely."

Santana lowered the menu slowly, glowering at Tina. How dare that bitch say these things to me? As if I needed her or something. I'm Santana Lopez, dammit. No one talks to me like that, and I sure as hell don't need anybody.

Santana was just about to open her mouth and unleash a torrent of obscenities at Tina when –

"I'm sorry, Santana. You don't deserve that. I-I'm just in a fucking shitty mood. Mike and I broke up, and even though it was the right thing, because let's face it, we didn't have all that much in common…and I am glad I don't have to eat chicken feet anymore…I'm still bummed…and lonely. Anyway, I'm sorry I shouldn't have dumped all that on you, and I shouldn't have taken it on you – I'm sorry Brittany isn't here." Tina sighed, and stabbed morosely at her salad.

Santana cocked her head. Bitchiness was something she dealt with everyday – she was used to that. This, though? This was weird. But…nice. Santana had to admit that it was nice not being the only one who was alone, and that the night might not be so terrible after all.

Santana snapped the menu shut decisively and waved the waitress over impatiently. "We're going to have the Fettuccine Alfredo, the Penne ala Vodka, the Spaghetti with Chicken in Pesto, the Four Cheese Macaroni – all family size portions – and two slices of chocolate cake. Oh, and that guy –" Santana waved flirtily and winked at the balding fatty who was staring at them and salivating – "is going to pay for it."

Tina stared at Santana, open-mouthed as the waitress backed away from the table nervously. "Are you planning on eating all that food yourself? Because, really, I just wanted salad."

"Listen up, sad sack. I've gotten with, and gotten over, plenty of men before. And let me tell you, salad isn't going to cut it. You're going to carbo-load with me, so I don't have to sit here all night and look at your mopey ass. And if I'm going to sit here and listen to you babble…well, I'm going to need sustenance in the form of pasta covered in cheese." Santana picked up yet another breadstick and daintily nibbled on it.

For the first time that night, Tina cracked a smile. "I look pathetic, don't I? Who breaks up with someone and then gorges on salad? I feel pathetic just saying it." She paused. "I don't miss Mike. Not really. I just miss…having someone. That sounds awful doesn't it?" Tina reached over for a breadstick, methodically breaking it into small pieces and popping them into her mouth.

Santana cocked her head. "Well, I never thought you two would last. First of all – Mike's as a big of a man-whore as Puckerman. I would know. Second of all – you were all up in Wheels's business last year. You two were sickening." She paused and rolled her eyes dramatically "And now he's off being sickening with Britt. Gag me."

"Correction – Artie and I were sickening. Until he re-discovered Halo over the summer. I couldn't get him to look at me! I seriously didn't hear from him for 2 weeks straight. You know how I found out he was still alive? I literally bumped into Finn barreling out of the 7-Eleven on Pinecrest, and he told me he couldn't stop to talk because him and Artie were engaged in 'some serious Halo shit.' – his words, not mine. And Mike…yeah, I know he's done it with half the Cheerios…but his mom wanted him to find a nice girl, and I won't lie…I was flattered that a football player was into me."

Santana rolled her eyes "If I refused to be with every guy who ditched me for video games, I'd be a fucking nun. What you should have done was get in your sexiest outfit and remind him that you're better than a game. Well…I guess making out with Mike at Asian Camp sort of proved that point to Artie…until Britt got to him."

The waitress staggered over to their table, weighed down by four gigantic plates of pasta, and two slices of chocolate cake. She wordlessly deposited everything onto their table under Santana's watchful glare, and scampered away.

Tina shook her head "I…I actually thought Artie wouldn't get over me. Or at least…take longer…I never thought they'd actually be a thing. Stupid me. And now I'm not with Mike anymore – I'm the needy, lonely one. And the crazy thing is, I'm almost 100% sure I broke up with Mike because I still have feelings for Artie. There. It's out there. You can use that to blackmail me, I don't give a shit." Tina's voice rose several octaves, and the other Breadstix patrons were starting to stare.

Tina shoveled a forkful of Fettucine Alfredo into her mouth, not even caring that she left a trace of cream sauce on her chin. "You're going to think I'm crazy – but I never thought that Artie would fall for someone else…and he looks so happy with Brittany. Who can be mad at them? They're so fucking cute, they give me a toothache."

Tina paused momentarily, but only to demolish yet another breadstick. "And the funny thing was, I thought you and Britt –"

Santana arched an eyebrow, as if daring Tina to continue with that thought, all while scarfing down spoonfuls of mac and cheese.

"OK, I thought you two were doing it. In fact, Britt pretty much confirmed that you were on that party line call right before Sectionals last year. Remember? The whole 'if sex was dating then Santana and I would be dating' thing?" Tina mimicked in her best dopey Brittany voice.

"I thought the whole slutting it up with guys thing was a front, and that you two would actually get together. And if you were with Britt, then Artie…then Artie would remember me." Tina laughed, a tad hysterical, tears streaming down her face. "Call me crazy. I'm certifiable. And a selfish bitch."

Santana dropped her spoon with a clatter and the perennially smug look on her face was replaced by one that was…sad…and a little vulnerable. Tina almost felt like she should look away – it was like watching someone naked.

"Look, as long you're sitting her blubbering like a whale and word-vomiting like it's your job, I figure I'm never going to be the more embarrassing one. And I may as well tell you the truth, because frankly, I've got so much dirt on you and you're far too much of a mouse to ever use this information to blackmail me." Santana paused.

"Britt's my best friend. But honest? If I wasn't so afraid that we'd be branded total losers, I would have taken up her offer to be more than just fuck buddies. Britt…she…she wanted to be with me. For real. But I – I –couldn't." Santana laughed hollowly. "Look at what they did to Kurt! They chased him out of this school. I'm used to being head bitch in charge, and I have to stay that way…because if you're not on top, then you're fish food at this school. But the truth is, I love Brittany. And I know she loves me. If I said the word, Artie would be history and we'd be together."

"Wait. She and Artie are so happy together though – how do you know?" Tina asked, a hint of doubt creeping into her voice.

"She kissed me. She kissed me in the locker room, right before we went on for Nationals tonight. No one saw – thank god – but…it just made it hurt all the more when she ditched me for Wheels afterwards."

Tina's mouth dropped open, just a little, at Santana's confession. And before she even knew what she was saying, the words came tumbling out of her mouth. "I've got the best idea ever. We need to team up and get ours. We can break them up! You and Britt are clearly meant to be together – who gives a shit about Karofsky and the guys? They'll probably just think lesbians are hot. It's a ridiculous double standard, but you know it's true! And this'll give me a chance to convince Artie that – that I'm sorry, and that I want to be with him. I can't do that unless Britt is out of the picture, and you can't be with Britt unless Artie's out of the picture. It's a win-win."

Tina looked at Santana expectantly, a little out of breath. Santana slowly grinned, like a scheming cat. She picked up a breadstick, methodically broke it in half and offered one half to Tina.

"You're on."

AU note: I intended for this to be a one-shot, showing Tina and Santana's friendship...but now I feel like I might have to write the rest of the story showing how the two break up Brittany and Artie. Updates might be slow though, so I'm prematurely apologizing! I hope you enjoyed this first installment - please review!