Inevitable

Chapter 1

Author's Note: Aaron Sorkin played a cruel, cruel joke on us when he gave us the line "Are you in love with Josh?" and then left the show with no follow-up. John Wells was crazy not to pick up that ball and run with it. Mr. Sorkin always said that The West Wing was about wish-fulfillment, so here's a little bit of wish-fulfillment for Season 5.

Disclaimer: I don't own the The West Wing or the characters. I just found them where Aaron Sorkin left them.

"Are you in love with Josh?"

The question hung in the air for several seconds. I froze, staring at my date book. Suddenly, it was as if a veil had been lifted, and I knew the answer. I had never acknowledged it before; never put it into words. It was just a reality I lived with, but never gave voice to. I simply went about my routine—fetching Josh's dry cleaning and not fetching his coffee— with an ache in my heart. Suddenly, the ache had a name. I was in love with Josh. The realization took my breath away.

It was so obvious to me now. I wondered if I was so transparent to everybody else. I had been in love with Josh since Rosslyn, maybe even before. He was the one I wanted to share good news with, and the one I wanted to comfort me in tragedy. He was the reason none of my other relationships ever worked out. I always held a small part of myself back; the part that was reserved for Josh alone.

Before I could formulate a proper response to Amy, the silence of the West Wing was interrupted by half a dozen secret service agents rushing down the hall. Amy stood in surprise.

"What's going on?" she asked.

I shook my head. I was relieved not to be under Amy's scrutiny anymore, but I'd worked in the West Wing long enough to know that something was not right. "I don't know, but I think we're going to have to put the Wellingtons on a back burner."

We soon found out from the Secret Service that Zoey had been kidnapped. Amy went back to the First Lady's office to offer what help she could, and I snapped into crisis mode. While I watched CJ's press conference on the televisions in the bullpen, I manned the fax machine and took Josh's messages for him. I tried to reach him on his cell, but couldn't get a hold of him.

A while later, he finally returned with Charlie, who went straight to the Residence. Josh looked tired and more worried than I'd seen him in a long time.

I knew I shouldn't have been so hard on him about the faxes. He loved Zoey like a sister. They had formed a special bond on the campaign trail, and Josh had always felt a little responsible for her and for Charlie. But I couldn't help but snark at him. "Bus station skanks."

I was angry at Amy for being right, angry with myself for falling in love with Josh and for being so transparent about it, and angry with Josh for making me fall in love with him in the first place. So, in the middle of a national crisis I had to read half a dozen faxes from his stupid, adoring fans offering him physical comfort in his time of need. It was disgusting. He was right when he said he didn't write them. He didn't ask for any of it, and it wasn't his fault. Still, I took all of my feelings out on him, because what I didn't want to acknowledge was that I wanted to be a comfort to him. That was my job, and it had been since Rosslyn— no, since his dad died on the campaign. I wanted to help him, but in light of my recent revelation, I didn't know how. So, I snarked.

Then I found the picture.

"This is one tank top on top of another tank top. This is a Polaroid of Zoey." I had to place my hand on Josh's arm to keep from falling over, and his hand immediately went to the small of my back to support me.

"Oh my god," he whispered. Before he rushed off to hand the fax over to the Secret Service, his eyes met mine. "Will you be around?" he asked.

I met his gaze and nodded. "I'll be here." We were still a team.

WWWWWWWW

I spent the next couple of hours trying to track down various senators and congressmen for Josh. Then I heard some commotion down the hall. I looked up to see CJ and Amy trailing after Dr. Bartlet as she made her way to the press room. I got up from my desk to see if I could help, but could only watch in horror as Mrs. Bartlet opened the door to the press room where the animals pounced on her and bombarded her with questions and flashbulbs. CJ got her out of there as quickly as she could. It was hard to see a woman who I so admired look so broken. It was hard to hate Amy at that moment too.

WWWWWWWW

About an hour later, CJ, Will, and Josh were all in Josh's office with the door closed, but I had a pretty good idea what they were talking about. No one was asking my opinion, but I didn't have one anyway. I couldn't imagine what I would do if I was in President Bartlet's shoes, but if he was even half as distraught as the First Lady, I didn't know how he could be expected to remain in office. No one should have to choose between his family and his country. Margaret called to say that Leo wanted to talk to all of them.

I rapped on the door, and waited for Josh to say, "Come in."

"Leo wants to see all of you. He's on the portico."

Josh, CJ, and Will exchanged a knowing look, and got up to leave. "This is it," Josh said. "Page Toby, would you?" I touched his arm, stopping him just inside the doorway. Maybe he sensed my worry, or maybe he just needed some reassurance of his own, because he signaled to CJ that he would catch up. He looked at me intensely. "Everything's going to be fine, Donna," he tried to reassure me.

"Is it?"

He sighed, and looked down at the floor, then back up at me. "No." I could see how conflicted he was, how much this hurt him. "Nothing is ever going to be the same again." Then, just like that, he snapped back into political mode. "Page Toby?" And then he left. I stood there for a moment, watching him go, hoping that he was wrong. And then I went to the phone and paged Toby at the hospital.

WWWWWWWW

I was waiting for Josh when he got back to his office several hours later. He looked more discouraged and tired than ever. "How'd it go?" I asked.

"We have a new president," he said, rounding his desk, and sinking wearily into his chair. "It's late. You should go home and get some sleep."

I ignored him, and sat down in one of his visitor's chairs. "I brought you coffee and a bagel. The bagel's probably stale, but you should eat something."

"You brought me coffee? Things must be worse than I thought," Josh tried to joke, but it fell flat because it was the truth. Things were worse than we ever imagined they could get.

"Just say thank you, and don't expect this to become a regular occurrence." I clung to the banter like it was a life raft.

"Thanks," Josh said sincerely. He began shuffling through his desk drawers, looking for something.

"Bottom drawer on the right side," I said. He pulled a half-empty bag of Lifesavers candies out of his desk. "They're doing a press conference?"

"Yeah, in about half an hour." He popped a candy into his mouth.

"And how are you doing?" I asked, studying him carefully, and wondering if I should call Stanley Keyworth. I knew that if I brought it up, Josh would tell me not to, like the night shots were fired outside the press room. I'd called him that night anyway. I probably would again.

"I'm fine," he replied dismissively. That was predictable.

"Josh, this is me you're talking to," I said emphatically. I was trying to be there for him like I hadn't been when he got back from the club. I was desperate to know how he was feeling, and what he was thinking. Not only because I loved him, but also because it would help me to know how to feel.

He sighed. "I just keep playing it over and over in my head, you know? What if we had left the arboretum fifteen minutes earlier or later? What if Charlie and I had followed her into the club? What if—"

"Oh Josh, there was nothing you could have done," I interrupted him. "The kidnappers were going to take Zoey and they weren't going to let anything or anyone stop them. I think Molly O'Connor is proof of that. If you had gone into the club, you might be…" I couldn't finish that sentence. It was too terrible to consider. I had nearly lost him once before and now we were in the middle of a tragedy once again. When would it stop, I wondered.

"Yeah," Josh said flatly. "But just now—in the Oval, I seriously thought about resigning. Just for a minute. All I can think about are the political ramifications." He looked down at his mug, and his voice was as bitter as the coffee we were drinking. "Zoey is missing. We're in the middle of a national crisis, and all I can think about is how much I don't want to work for Glen Alan Walken. God, I'm so selfish."

My heart hurt for him. Zoey was like his baby sister, and like I had told Amy before, Josh was always worried that something bad was going to happen to the people he cared about, and he had the worst guilt complex I'd ever seen. Naturally, he would find a way to blame himself. But he was also a politician, first and foremost, and always would be. Bartlet's Bulldog, the fierce political operative was the only thing most people could see. But, I could see the war going on inside of him.

"It's not selfish, Josh," I said softly. "It's understandable. You're very loyal; loyal to President Bartlet, and loyal to your party. It's one of the things I lo—" I caught myself just in time. Now that I had acknowledged it, it just seemed to slip right off my tongue. "It's one of your best qualities," I amended. "I know you'll find Zoey, and I know you'll find a solution to all of the political problems. I have faith in you."

Will knocked on the open door. "CJ needs us."

Josh nodded. "Ok, I'll be right there." He turned to me on his way out the door, and said simply, "Thanks."

"Any time," I replied with a sad smile.

WWWWWWWW

Thirty minutes later, I joined Josh in the back of the press briefing room to watch the press conference. "He looks small," Josh murmured, staring at President Bartlet beside Speaker—President Walken at the podium. I nodded my agreement, but didn't voice it. Jed Bartlet had always been an imposing figure in my imagination, someone I respected, and admired, and supported unconditionally. It was disturbing to see this man who I so admired, who I thought was invincible looking so defeated. I wasn't sure if I was thinking about President Bartlet or Josh.

Josh reached down and took my left hand in his right, threading our fingers together. I squeezed lightly, and he gave me a sad smile. It was a small gesture of mutual support. We both needed reassurance in that moment that there was something constant in our lives when everything else we thought we knew felt like it was crumbling.

To be continued...

A/N: This story is important to me, so please review, and let me know what you think! Thanks!