***Reposted due to computer issues sorry
Title: P.S., I Love You
Chapter: One
Author: Cyn
Summary: Kurt lost the love of his life, his husband, Noah Puckerman. He isn't handling it very well. What happens when he receives a package on his 30th birthday from his late husband?
Catergory: UA - My take on the movie of the same name.
Warning: Character death. Don't hate. I had to kill off someone and Puck just made the most sense for my purposes. Sorry.
Disclaimer: Not real. Lies, I tell you. Complete and utter lies. ;)
Story Notes:
1) In this 'verse, Rachel and Puck are siblings. Rachel was born to Hiram and Leon via surrogate, and Puck and his sister were taken in by the Berrys after Puck's mother, Hiram's cousin, was killed in a car accident.
Rachel isn't with Finn either. Finn will be making an appearance, but he will not be attracted to Rachel.
2) Kurt never went to Dalton and won't meet Blaine until he goes back to Ohio to visit where he and Noah met - McKinley's choir room.
3) Kurt also never had to deal with Kurofsky because he was with Puck. Puck, along with most of the football team, ensured that Kurt wasn't harrassed.
4) Finn did not attend McKinley and was never with Rachel or Quinn.
Author's Notes: Constructive criticism always welcome. Flame on if you must, but I tend to be fire retardant. Besides, I don't offend easily and I usually just delete what I don't like anyway, so why waste time and energy.
And now, on with the story. . .
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~*~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Kurt sat in the chairs at the front of the small crowd of family and friends staring at the coffin in front of him. Tears silently slid down his face as he watched mourners move past.
The tumor had been diagnosed just 4 months ago. In that short time, Noah had gotten weaker and more fragile with each passing day. When the end had come, some would say that it must be a relief to him that Noah was at peace. Kurt would nodded and give them a sad smile. Inside, however, he was seething.
No, he wasn't relieved to have lost the only man he had or ever would love. And, he didn't give a damn if Noah was at peace. It may have been the most selfish thing in the entire world, but Kurt would have prefered that Noah still be with him. And, it pissed him off to no end that these people would say such things to him.
"Kurt?" Kurt turned toward the voice to see Rachel standing next to him. She, too, was crying. "I am so sorry." She opened her arms and Kurt found himself pulled into her arms despite himself.
He sniffed into her hair and nodded. He couldn't form words right now. He couldn't even think straight.
"If you need anything," she began, "anything at all, just call me." She pulled away and looked up into his eyes. Kurt nodded and smiled sadly again.
Of all the people there, it was Rachel who seemed to understand the best. She didn't partronize him or give him useless plattitudes. She let him cry on her shoulder and let him hold on to her when he thought he'd drown in grief. She was his rock. She reminded him of her brother so much sometimes.
"You want me to come by the apartment to help you pack things?" She asked.
"Not yet." Kurt sniffed. "I'm just not ready for that yet."
"Okay." Rachel said. "Just call me, okay?"
Kurt nodded. Rachel gave him a sad smile before heading back toward her fathers.
-/-
When Kurt got back to the apartment, the apartment he'd shared with Noah for the last 7 years, he didn't know what to do. There was so much of Noah still there. He could practically hear the sound of Noah's voice still ringing through the rooms.
Kurt sat down on the sofa and took a shaky breath. He hadn't let himself completely break down. He couldn't do it in front of Noah. He refused to be so weak. But, now, sitting alone in the place that was their home, it all came crashing down.
The sobs started quietly, then grew. Before he even realized what was going on, Kurt was wracked with sobs and curled in on himself. Kurt completely broke. He'd kept eveything in for so long. He'd stayed strong even through the funeral and burial. And, now, he just couldn't be strong anymore. He wasn't sure if he'd ever stop crying and wasn't completely sure he even cared.
-/-
"Kurt?"
Kurt heard his name, but couldn't get his eyes to open. He had no real idea how long it had been or even if he cared. He just pulled the pillow he'd been laying on over his head and burrowed back into the couch.
"Kurt?"
The voice was louder now, but Kurt was still determined to ignore it.
"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel!"
With that the pillow was yanked away to reveal the owner of said voice. Rachel Berry. At first she looked angry, then concerned.
"What?" Kurt groaned. He grabbed for the pillow agin, but Rachel pulled it out of his reach.
"You were supposed to call me." Rachel huffed. "I thought you wanted me to help pack up Noah's things?"
"I told you yesterday that I wasn't ready." Kurt said.
"That was almost a week ago, Kurt."
Kurt was about ready to argue, but then looked at Rachel again. She was obviously concerned. Yeah, the anger was there, but she was very much worried about him.
"A week?" Rachel nodded as Kurt looked around the apartment.
The apartment was a mess. The laundry was sitting in the corner half in and half out of the hamper. Delivery food boxes littered the coffee table and the floor near the couch.
"I started to get worried." Rachel said. "Your Dad said to just leave you alone and that you'd come out on your own, but then your office called."
"Oh, crap."
"Yes, you still have a job, but only just." Rachel said. "Apparently Lorraine can be more than understanding about these things." Kurt ran a hand over his face. "You're welcome."
"Thank you, Rachel." Kurt said pulling himself up off the couch and moving to hug his sister-in-law. Rachel pulled away from him holding her hand up. "What?"
"You reek." Rachel said. "When was the last time you showered?"
Kurt wrinkled his nose. He could smell himself. Yuck.
"Sorry." He said. "I haven't been all that motivated to do much of anything."
"Well, trust me, showering should be your first priority." Rachel gave him a gentle shove toward the bathroom. "I'll straighten up out here. Now, go."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Idiot." Rachel said already headed toward the kitchen mumbling about needing a trash bag and disinfectant spray.
-/-
The shower did more than just clean his body. Kurt could feel his mind start to clear as well. If he had been holed up here for a week, he must have drifted through it without really paying attention.
The last thing he'd remembered was crying after the burial. Judging by the food boxes, he must have ordered in. He'd obviously kept himself fed. But, the condition of the apartment was unacceptable. Noah wouldn't have been angry. He rarely got angry, but he would have been concerned. Come to think of it, Noah would have acted in almost the same manner as Rachel. Kurt smiled at the memory and the tears threatened again.
"Damn." He muttered to himself.
By the time he'd finished showering, Rachel had cleaned up all the trash, straightened the living room, thrown everything down the garbage shute and was in the process of cooking some manner of soup. The food smelled wonderful and Kurt's stomach gave an incredibly loud rumble.
"I was going to ask if you were hungry." Rachel said. She smiled and set the small table with two bowls and a sleeve of crackers. "Guess your stomach answered already."
Kurt smiled sheepishly and sat down across from the petite brunette. He had put on a pair of comfortable old jeans and plain white henley shirt. The smell of the soup made his stomach growl again.
"Better feed the beast before it breaks free." Rachel
smiled.
Two bowls and a sleeve and a half of crackers later, Kurt felt a lot more human. He smiled at Rachel. She smiled back looking a lot less worried than when she first woke Kurt up.
"Thank you so much." Kurt said.
"You are more than welcome." Rachel said as they took their bowls to the sink. "You really had me worried, Kurt."
"I'm sorry, Rachel." Kurt said. "I didn't mean to worry anyone."
"I know, but I couldn't help it." Rachel said. "Besides, the girls want to do something special for your birthday." She shrugged. "I told them that you might now want to, but Mercedes is insistant. They mean well."
"I know." Kurt said.
"I'll tell you what," Rachel began, "I'll tell them yes, for now, and then if you don't feel like doing anything, I'll get them to back off. Deal?"
"Deal." Kurt said. "I miss him, you know."
"Me, too." Rachel said. "We'll just have to get through it together, right." She held up her pinky. Kurt linked his pink to her's. They pulled away and waggled their fingers causing them both to giggle.
"You realize we just did the gay high five?" Kurt laughed.
"Yeah, we did." Rachel said smiling. "Anyway, tomorrow, I'm coming back and we're going to get the rest of this mess cleaned up and get everything taken care of, okay?"
"Yeah, okay." He pulled Rachel into a hug. "Thank you."
"What are friends for, right?" Kurt nodded and let her go. "Tomorrow? All right? First thing?" Kurt saluted her and went back to washing the dishes.
-/-