This story is a re-write combination of J.K Rowling's Harry Potter and Meyer's Twilight series some of the content is quoted from the novels (usually in italics). We own nothing... of what you recognize.
If you have any questions feel free to ask. Feel free to laugh, cry, throw your computer. Let us know how this made you feel. Take into consideration we were up until 3 am writing this for a class... might post a commentary as a second chapter if there is interest. As inspiration we took the spin off of Cedric and Edward from the respective stories being played by the same actor in the movies. Enjoy.
"He's back," Harry whispered. "He's back. Voldemort."…
"He's dead!" "He's dead!" "Cedric Diggory! Dead!"…
"'Harry let go of him'… 'you can't help him now. It's over. Let go.'"
"MY SON! Get away from him!"
"I can help! I'm a doctor!"
The streams of tears of all the girls in the stands were nearly audible. And the piecing screams of a certain Cho Chang could be heard above the rest of the commotion.
. . .
"We didn't see this coming Albus." Dr. Cullen said; the body of Cedric Diggory lying in between them. "This is our fault. Nobody was supposed to die." Silence.
"Death… is a funny thing." The headmaster said staring at the frozen body.
"But the Volturi..."
"I will have a word with them, and they can decide what to do from thereafter."
. . .
"Good bye my friend."
"The war is closer now Albus."
"I will give you updates on the situation back home." He smiled. "This will be the last time we see each other." Invisible tears trekked down their cheeks. Dr. Cullen nodded at Dumbledore for the last time in his mortal existence. "The plan is being carried out just as we hoped, with the exception of Ce..edward. Should anything new happen or unexpected happen, the Order will be in touch. Farewell." And as he turned to apparate, his hand lightly grazed Carlisle's cheek; the last time they would feel each other's touch. And in a blur, he was gone.
Dr. Carlisle Cullen turned and looked at his newest family member shaking his head; "We thought this plan through so thoroughly. How could it have gone wrong?" Moments later there was movement in the toes of the boy once known as, Cedric. Slowly, his eyes flickered open and a confused look crossed his face.
"Good Morning Edward." Carlisle said.
"Who's Edward?"
"You must have hit your head harder than we though." Carlisle said chuckling to himself. "Eat this, it will make you feel better."
"What are you talking about?"he asked taking the chocolate.
And so Carlisle created the story of Edward; his mother begging for Carlisle to save him at all costs before she herself died. How he technically was about a century older than what he looked like, and that his looks were stationary. Lucky for Carlisle, the traditional Cullen move was about to happen, and questions would not be raised about the new Cullen boy.
. . .
Forks, Washington seemed to be the best place for the Cullen family; the constant rain, the large amount of forestry, and the welcoming people.
The first few days of school for Edward, a rather nerdy kid named Eric Chang caught his attention. His scent, his appearance, even some of the phrases he used; something about him was familiar, but Edward was unable to tell why, he just knew that being around him made him feel rather uncomfortable.
For the first few months of being at school, the Cullens were all anybody talked about. The boys got jealous, because the girls did all they could, unsuccessfully, to not drool when a Cullen walked by. The girls got jealous because every Cullen was taken except for Edward, who was didn't seem to take an interest in any of the girls in the school rather occupying his time staring at Mike and trying to figure out why he felt a connection with him.
Sleepless night followed sleepless night, and yet he never became tired. Insomnia? Voices started ringing in his head, until one day he heard a scream for help. He walked around the house looking for Carlisle. "Did you hear that?"
A puzzled expression followed by, "No…"
Edward returned to sitting in his unused bedroom, unable to shake the terrifying scream.
"HELP!"
He couldn't just sit and listen to this desperate cry for help, even if he was going crazy, he was going to get to the bottom of this... tonight. He grabbed a jacket, not that he needed one; he had come to realize that along with his inability to sleep his tolerance for temperature had dramatically changed… that and his rock hard abs were an impenetrable force for the cold. "I'm going out for a walk." He announced, again, not that he needed to, everyone in the Cullen Clan was free to do what they wanted; it was just a courtesy thing.
As soon as he opened the door, immediately he felt the connection of whoever was screaming; like an electrical current flowing between him and whoever was crying for help. He followed this connection down the street toward a flickering light post. He couldn't help but feel like he was being watched as he continued down the street. As he got closer to the lamppost, the light got brighter, until he was directly under it; the light was blinding. He looked directly up at the light in curiosity. He heard a twig snap nearby then;
"AYUDAME!"
Edward jerked his head in the direction of the voice; there was an explosion of light, and the lamppost was out. Then a scream; he sprinted off at a speed only somebody like he could achieve.
He eventually found himself outside the window of someone's house. The screaming and cries for help had stopped, but the electrical current was so strong it was nearly unbearable. Without thinking he began climbing the side of the wall toward an open window, which he, ever so gracefully and quietly, climbed through. He looked around the room he was in; he stood in the bedroom of no other than Eric Chang.
When the realization had hit him of what he had just done and where he was, he stumbled backwards in shock, only to fall out the window.
. . .
The following week, Edward refused to go to school and interact with people. He was convinced that he was going crazy. Everywhere he went he heard voices that weren't his own. Every time he looked at someone he felt like they were talking about him; he became self conscious—there was nowhere he could go to make the voices stop.
Eventually, his family convinced him to go back to school so that he was at least doing something rather than just staring at the wall in the house.
That day at school, a new girl had started. She seemed so awkward, but every time he looked at her, the voices stopped, and there was silence. Silence. Blissful silence.
"Bella Swan—my anti-crazy."
. . .
Cho Chang walked through the doors to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries dejectedly. It had been thirty two days, six hours, and fourteen minutes since Cedric had died, and predominantly those days and minutes had been spent in the solitude of her room surrounded by tissues and Witch Weekly magazines (covering the topic of heart break of course). In fact, the Cho Chang of thirty two days, six hours, and now sixteen minutes ago hardly resembled the creature that had just wandered through the doors of the hospital. Her previously flowing black hair had been overrun by tangles and the sparkle in her almond eyes had diluted in the pain of loss. She now bore close resemblance to the banshees that resided in the forest of Albania than anything that could have previously been considered an attractive and happy girl.
"I'm looking for Healer Boltlung"
The blonde witch at the desk looked distinctly uninterested. She examined her fingernails and replied, "Fourth floor." nonchalantly.
Cho dragged her body towards the elevator, mashing her fingers on the up button, begging the elevator to increase its speed. Despondency had made her impatient. She drifted off the lift, head to the floor, only to hear,
"Oye! Wake up! WAKE UP! DESPIERTASE!"
Cho whipped her head around, only to be confronted by a screaming portrait of a poncho clad figure who's face was indistinguishable due to the large sombrero perched cheerily on his head.
"I'm not asleep….?"
The stout man in the painting shrugged lithely and began shaking a pair of colorful maracas singing "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" to the familiar tune of La Bamba.
This led Cho, who was already teetering on the precipice of mental sanity, to resort to screaming profanities at the painted man, resulting in several judgmental stares and the commencement of a high pitched whistling noise from the man who was convinced he was a teapot in room three.
Cho's rage was interrupted by an annoyingly familiar glittering smile that pushed her over the edge of subconscious sanity; the smile of Gilderoy Lockheart himself—pompous, arrogant and completely self-absorbed even without his memory.
Maybe if she was not the epitome of teen angst and did not hate the world then her disposition toward her ex professor would have been different and she would have gladly accepted one of the 196 signed copies of his face.
Unfortunately for him, Cho Chang was too far past gone to ever come back and willingly accept an autograph.
Because it was her first session that day, she talked to about what had been going on; although leaving out any true current feelings, and being very vague about everything she had been feeling. She mentioned some family that she had on the west coast of the United States that she was considering visiting to get some fresh air—but she only said this to comfort him as she had no intentions of actually visiting her family.
. . .
From here Twilight advances as follows: Originally, Edward just wants to eat Bella, but disappointingly, he realizes that his feelings are not hunger pangs but feelings of true love. They start dating immediately because that is of course the practical thing to do, and after a few weeks Bella is begging him to turn her into a vampire. Stephanie Meyer demonstrates her superb writing style by exemplifying their romance through lines such as "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone" and "Please forgive me. I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." (And thus giving us an accurate portrayal of what any healthy relationship consists of – two parts stalker and one part unpredictably abusive) Bella is way more intelligent than all of the students, but she counters it by being clumsy since all well developed characters only consist of one flaw. Edward takes her out into a deserted meadow and reveals to her the real reason vampires can't go out into the sun;
They sparkle.
Bella is completely turned on by his sparkly infection and three hundred pages of "You like me? No way, I thought you hated me!" pass in an "I'd really like to just gouge my eyes out now" sort of manner. However, not soon enough the plot line finally arrives, only to be killed off thirty pages later by the premise that this story is really not about a vampire, but more so about a glittery Adonis with marble abs and stalker tendencies who affectionately refers to Bella as his "spider monkey."
. . .
Cho Chang walked up the stairs to 4th floor St. Mungos. The elevator provided for too much human interaction.
"Hola Fernando."
"Nihao Cho. Que pasa?"
Cho's face had grown even more tired. This was the one place that she could take off her mask; this hallway, with Fernando. They had a short conversation of their past week. Fernando explained the crazy man who continually asks if he wanted an autograph picture, Cho narrowed her eyebrows and said, "Ngo sic jun fan."
Immediately following, a cheery Gilderoy Lockheart stumbled into the hallway just wearing his hospital gown, holding a handful of pictures, exclaiming, "I know I've been neglecting you, my fan, here just for you 14 pictures… of me!" He proudly held out the pictures. Cho and Fernando looked at each other.
"Hacelo." Cho looked at Lockheart took the pictures and ripped them up in front of him.
"It is done." Cho sprinkled the autographs back into Lockhearts hands smiling.
"Now there's even more than 14."
She turned away from him and walked down the hall to the familiar white room where Boltlung was already waiting for her; the mask was put back on.
. . .
After her session was over, she went to say goodbye to Fernando, but his picture was ripped up, torn off the wall. Lockheart was sitting on the ground around the shredded painting crying, "Everybody loves me. Everybody loves me. Everybody loves me." All the while signing his name all over the remains of what was once Fernando's home.
. . .
New Moon begins with an angsty Bella fretting about the fact that she will soon approach the old age of eighteen. Somehow, this fact will make Bella some sort of cradle snatching pedophile to her eternally sparkly and eternally seventeen year old fairy boyfriend, Edward, while disregarding the fact the 109 year old counterfeit vampire should not be interested in an emotionally immature child anyway. Edward tries to make it all better by making her a mixed tape. He then takes her deep into a forest, breaks up with her, and takes the tape back. Bella, being a woman and thus having a limited sense of direction, ambles around the forest awhile, gives up and almost dies. Unfortunately for the reader, rescue comes in the form of a furry space heater, which leads to:Cho aimlessly staring out a window
Bella aimlessly staring out a window
November
The rest of the months between November and March
March
New Moon thus teaches two important concepts:
One: When a guy dumps you and tells he doesn't love you anymore, he doesn't mean it. All you have to do to prove your love is beg and pine and destroy life preferably in the form of dangerous cliff jumping and he'll come back to you.
Two: It is perfectly acceptable for you to string along a bunch of innocent guys, lead them to believe that you have feelings for them and then dump them as soon as your ex boyfriend comes back into the picture. It is also acceptable to not be concerned if said ex boyfriend forbids you from ever seeing these friends again. After all your love for your boyfriend is so much more powerful because he makes you feel "alive" and "dangerous" because he is always on the verge of eating you. Or stalking you.
Eclipse centers around the plot of a villain stalking Bella, which really is just a distraction from the overall plot of Edward stalking Bella. This however takes backseat to Bella's impending decision between bestiality and necrophilia. Stephanie Meyer realizes half way through that Jacob is way more awesome than Edward, and thus diminishes his character by having him mouth rape Bella.
Two more lessons are now learned:
One: If you sexually assault a girl long enough, she'll eventually like you.
Two: It's perfectly okay to lead on two guys at once, as long as you feel really bad about it at some point.
. . .
Journal Entry 2714.
It's been quiet ever since Fernando's painting was shredded to pieces. I can't stand it anymore. Going to that stupid hospital. Why am I even on the 4th floor? Why did I ever start going to for therapy? I don't have problems. I don't. Sure I'm upset, sure everything in my life fell apart, and sure I even made out with the last guy who ever saw Ced..him alive just because I felt that would make me closer to him again. I see how they look at me. I couldn't bear to be in that stupid club any longer. I don't even want to fight. I just want to stand in the middle of the battle grounds without my wand. Not that I even have a wand anymore—they took that away from me too.
It's been 6 months, 19 days, 14 hours, 7 minutes and 2 seconds since I've felt anything. I'm sick of these stupid journal entries. I'm sick of this stupid white room, I'm sick of Lockheart crying about his own life and his insistence on giving me his stupid autograph. I just want to destroy this building. Destroy everyone in it. Destroy this journal. Why I continue writing in it, even when I hate doing so? I DON'T KNOW!
I don't even know why I'm telling a piece of paper that I don't know what I'm telling it. Like my life… it doesn't make sense… it will make sense. It will. Starting now. Starting right now. You ain't seen nothing like it.
No I'm not crazy—my journal doesn't talk back to me. And will not talk back to me, because I am done with this starting now. Now. NOW.
-C.C.
"So how do you feel after writing that?" Boltlung asked as Cho Chang closed the journal. The mask was off.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?" He was unaccustomed to an unemotional, one word answered Cho. She didn't look at him; instead surveyed the room around her. His wand rested on the desk, he was leaning back in his chair, her body tensed—it was her move.
. . .
She sprinted out of the room, hoping nobody heard the screams. Lockheart staggered out of his room one last time and then in a flash of green light his body gradually fell to the ground; the faces on the pictures frozen in shock as tears slowly trek down each of their identical faces."Incendio!" then they were gone too in a puff of smoke.
. . .
Breaking Dawn commences with the marriage of Edward and Bella and the honeymoon in which Bella predominantly spent convincing Edward to have copious amounts of sex with her. Meyer remembers that she's writing for a young audience and pulls a "fade to black" until the next morning when Bella finds herself covered in feathers and bruises because Edward had to bite a pillow because the events of the previous night were so rough. From this point, the two of them whine about how unhappy they are because they made each other unhappy due to the other's unhappiness. Thus the atypical teenage girl reading learns that a) it doesn't matter if he hurts you and b) he only did it because he loves you. In an event that must have had Meyer's editors crossing out the "DUN DUN DUN" in the book, Bella becomes impregnated by some sort of demon spawn that is hell bent on breaking it's way out of her body. Pointless attempts at formulating a plot occur between the vampires and werewolves until Bella goes into labor. Not just any kind of labor however. It's demon baby vampire spawn labor. Which entails the breaking of various bones and "vomiting a fountain of blood" (direct quote) Eventually, the hellspawn breaks Bella's spine, causing Edward to resort to a vampire caesarian section, IN WHICH HE USES HIS VAMPIRE TEETH TO RIP OPEN HER UTERUS AND RETRIEVE THE DEMON CHILD. Let's just let that sink in for a moment.
It seems that nothing could possibly seem more disturbing. Oh wait. Jacob sees the child and falls madly in love with the sadistic half vampire child thing that had just previously ripped it's way out of Bella's chest. And this isn't an "Aww that puppy is so cute kind of love". No. It's an "I'm going to marry her and make babies with her" kind of love. Which is conveniently possible due to the fact that the hellspawn child will mature quickly and stop aging at 17. Meanwhile, Edward and Bella run around doing whatever, and Bella is more concerned with the fact that her daughter Renesmee (her mother and Edward's mother's name combined) has been nicknamed "Nessie" than the fact that Jacob the Furry Pedophile has fallen deeply in love with her Evil Baby Loch Ness Monster from Hell. Also, it should be duly noted that Bella herself has been turned into a sparkly vampire fairy at this point too, and the rest of the book is predominantly spent discussing everyone's feelings.
Happiness is a funny emotion in that, it rarely likes to stick around. After all the drama had ended and Renesmee was allowed to live, Carlisle received an owl containing news of the murder of Albus Dumbledore. Without telling anyone why he was leaving, he went on a trip to England to pay respects to his old friend.
. . .
Carlisle fingers lightly brushed the crooked nose of the lifeless Albus Dumbledore. Invisible tears ran down his cheeks once again as he said farewell to his oldest…..friend. Dumbledore's face was peaceful in death, and Carlisle knew that he would never encounter such a face again. However, his reverie was short lived as it was broken by the entrance of a bat-like figure.
"Good evening, Severus."
Snape gave a curt nod, his greasy hair swaying on his shoulders, his eyes lingering on Carlisle's fingers that were in turn lingering on Dumbledore's face. Carlisle, seeing his gaze, withdrew his fingers, and turned to face Snape.
"So I assume that things are going to plan?"
"Yes. The plot has escalated more quickly now. Voldemort has finally returned and all that is left will be 759 pages worth of wandering around the mundane British countryside, months of depressing camping, the consummation of vast amounts of polyjuice potion, and the resulting deaths of practically everyone we know."
Carlisle mused, "Well, that is most unfortunate."
Snape approached the body of Dumbledore and lovingly straightened the half moon spectacles that were placed haphazardly on his face.
"The war will start soon. Dumbledore wanted me to give you this." There was a twinge of jealousy in Snape's voice, and he recoiled slightly as he placed a shining gold galleon in Carlisle's outstretched hand.
"What is this?"
"A means of contact. It will reflect the time in which the war at Hogwarts commences. Dumbledore has asked that you be present for the….proceedings. He apparently believes that you could be of some service."
Carlisle flashed a final sad look at Dumbledore as he pocketed the coin.
"He was the best headmaster."
. . .
Carlisle had warned his family about the war in England that he feels partially responsible for, and as much as he had tried to tell them that he could handle himself alone, they refused to let him go alone. So day after day they checked the coin and waited for a change; waiting for news on the battle.
May 2; still waiting for word on the war. All of a sudden there was a change in the coin. It began blinking the word "now." The entire Cullen family grabbed what they needed and raced to the airport. Waiting, waiting, waiting. The plane ride seemed extra long; everybody was tense, Jasper had passed out after trying to ease the tensions everyone was feeling.
Finally the plane landed, and again by foot they raced across the countryside of England to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As they reached the border of the Forbidden Forest to the school grounds, the air was eerily quiet. The family stuck together closely, and walked through trees. Fires, desolation, bodies—just scattered across the school grounds. Carlisle sprinted inside the school toward the Great Hall. He threw open the doors preparing to fight;
"Avada Kadevera!"
"Expelliarmus!"
And the tall slender body fell to the ground. Voldemort had been defeated.
After the anti-climactic, long-awaited battle, the attention had shifted to the strangers standing in the doorway. Blood-stained faces, ripped clothing, teary eyes staring at sparkling, neatly dressed, strangers, and then;
"CEDRIC!" An unrecognizable girl jumped up and sprinted as fast as a witch could sprint to Edward embracing him and trying to kiss him. He pushed her away confused. Tears were streaming down her face. "You're alive!" She tried again to get him to cooperate, when Bella became frustrated.
"Who is this?" Edward's pupils dilated, as memories flooded back into his head.
"Cho?" She just started at him, Bella was becoming upset, as she usually did.
"Edward… who is this?" She slowly stepped in front of Edward as if to create a barrier between the two of them. As she did so, the sun hit her skin in such a way that she began to sparkle.
Cho's focus was gone. Her pupils grew larger, and her right eye began to twitch. She quickly lunged at Bella, and threw her to the ground and shouted, "Incendio!" setting her aflame, and destroying her as is the custom way to actually kill a vampire… apparently.
At this point the rest of the Cullens with the exception of Edward, Carlisle and Renesmee teseracted home, because their presence became insignificant to the forward motion of this plot line.
Bella had died. "How is it possible that she could die so easily right there, but within the 4 books of her life she survived her own stupidity?" Hermione remarked.
Ron just looked at her in shock and said, "Bloody hell Hermione… way to have the emotional range of a teaspoon."
"Cho I'm so sorry!" Edward said. "I didn't know. I didn't remember anything… I… died. Take me back." He stepped toward her into the light, and he began to sparkle. "Do I dazzle you?"
She looked at him, grimaced a screeched, "I DON'T WANNA DATE A DISCO BALL!" And stormed out of the hall never to be seen again.
Draco Malfoy stood up and walked over to the old Cedric, brushed his hand lightly across his pallid skin, trying to see if the sparkles would rub off. He looked up and whispered, "Are you so pale because there's no sun in the closet?"
. . .
Cedward found himself once again in an Anne Rice novel with the vampire mafia; trying to reveal himself to the humans so that he could finally rest in peace. Bella wouldn't be there to save this time.
Carlisle watched after Renesmee the next few days at Hogwarts as daily funeral processions continued. Renesmee felt alone, so Carlisle called Jacob to assuage the mental grief of watching both parents die, and so that he could take care of Hogwarts.
Epilogue:
Nineteen years later… At a group therapy session:
Please say your name, and why you are here.
"Albus Severus Potter"
Hello Albus.
"My parents hate me… look at my name"
"Remesmee Carlie Cullen-Diggory-Swan"
Hello… Renesmee..may...me…mei….
"umm…stuff… mainly my parents ineptitude to pick out proper child's names"
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