Author: LiveJournal ID Nettlestone Nell
Word Count: 800
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Much, Marian, DJaq, Much/Eve
Spoilers/Warnings: Season One and Season Two. This begins my 6/6.2-part fic series, "We Are 2011", but works fine as a standalone.
Summary: Much is in a snit, and decides to take action. 2011 LJ INTERCOMM *winner*, 3rd place in Ficlets.
Disclaimer: No one can truly own the legend of Robin Hood, but BBC/Tiger Aspect seem to hold rights to this particular iteration.
Genre; Category: Comedy;Ficlet
LiveJournal Community: Treat Much Right
An Open Letter to BBC/Tiger Aspect
Dear Sirs [or, I am told to include,] Madams:
I am writing to point out to what I am sure are your very esteemed selves more than several erroneous and severely flawed recountings as shown in your teleplay of 'Robin Hood'.
Firstly, and I must say, it pains me to have to point it out, but I am Much, the miller's son. I assure you, there has never been any debate about it. The miller was my father, and I, his son. I am not now, and never to this day have been, a servant subject to one Robin of Locksley, known also as Earl of Huntingdon, and also as Robin Hood, but a free man. As such, it was a rare moment, indeed, that I ever referred to him as 'Master', save only in the style of the day; 'Master Robin', as one might say, 'Mister', or the French, 'Monsieur', and then I am sure I did so only in the rarest moments of intense and overpowering emotional situations.
Furthermore, your consistent depiction of my character over several [what I am told are called] seasons is entirely off the mark, bordering at times on slander, if not patent libel. On more than one occasion you make it quite clear I am illiterate. [I cite the plays "Lardner's Ring" and "For England!"] This could simply not be further from the truth! You can see for yourself herein that I write a fair hand, and express myself quite well enough. And it is no mark upon a man's intellect, surely, if he asks a friend such as DJaq to read over what he has put to paper in a hope of eliminating any embarrassing mistakes or errors.
In the play "A Thing or Two About Loyalty" I must certainly take issue with the interpretation there of how I did, in point of fact, come to part with the beautiful and generous Eve of Bonchurch [now, you might be happy to know (at least for reasons of future accuracy), my legal bride]. When your playwrights had the gall to insist we parted with but a mere kiss, well! Let me tell you, Sirs [and, possibly, Madams], my lady and I did embark on nothing quite so chaste, but found time to step away for more than a few long moments and luxuriate in the sensual pleasures. Ahem.
You imply that the fault was mine when, in "A Good Day to Die", that 14th October, the people of Nettlestone village sold out Robin on his birthday. Historical records [such as they are] will certainly confirm that this is not one whit true. Surely, you must see that were it true, were the idea of a surprise party in the Nettlestone barn of my making, then all the death and horror that followed would lay first and foremost at my guilty feet.
Which brings us to the Lady Marian, whom you seem so determined to infer that I dislike, or at the least could 'take or leave'. Entirely, utterly, wholly, and without reservation false. I have ever been one of the lady's staunchest supporters, and will remain so until the day she dies. [Oh, but there you see is the subject of another letter entirely, the grievous inaccuracies spread by the play "We Are Robin Hood".]
As you have repeatedly, consistently, and with intent, chosen to represent me as sexually impotent [if not entirely gelded] or, at the very least, naive; as you have called into question everything from my ability to withstand vigorous questioning by the Sheriff and other enemies, the ability to get along with my fellows [in particular Allan-A-Dale], to cook a decent and delicious meal, and do anything in a crisis but fall apart; as you have stooped even so low as to place a black mark upon what is generally considered by all to be my fine singing voice, I find myself with no other alternative but that of taking legal action.
My representatives have strongly urged me to attempt to settle the matter with your companies through accepting a retraction, either in print or aired immediately before the particular 'plays' in question are shown. But for myself, I see this will not suffice.
Nothing short of mending the matters at their source, where they initially went so terribly awry will be adequate in righting this wrong. It is best, I believe, that you begin planning immediately for a DVD Box-Set highlighting the Much character and correcting the egregious flaws and inherent buffoonery in his depiction. Doubtless, if you begin now you may have it out to the shops by Christmas.
I do not take my leave of you, I do not offer you any cordiality in my closing, I simply sign as,
Much, the miller's son
A/N: Much's legal odyssey continues in "Deposed" #2 of 6.2 in the "We Are 2011" fic series.