I can still remember the cracking sound as the beam shot right through his head, all that blood on the ground, my heart dropping. All of it felt so real, like I was there but I wasn't at the same time. I rubbed my arm as I sat on the window bench in one of the rooms in the Mercurius castle.
"Hey! Juvia! C'mon it's time to get you dressed." I turned around to see Cana standing in front of me with my dress for the night in her arms. I took the dress from her and changed behind the white screen. The dress was an around the shoulder long lace sleeve royal blue ball gown with a A-line neckline that reached the floor. It hugged my curves perfectly making it look like a blue wedding dress but not as puffy.
"You look beautiful!" I looked up as I walked out. Starring at me was Cana, Kinana, Laki, and, Ever with smiles. Ever grabbed my hand and pulled me toward one of the chairs in front of the vanities. "I think your hair is about ready. Let's get those rollers out."
Moving the dress to the side, I sat down and helped take out the rollers on the opposite side. My mind wondered again back to the vision making my heart sink every time I saw the beam go through his head.
"Juvia?" I popped out of my daydream to see the girls looking at me with blank expressions.
"Are you ok?" Laki asked placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Y-yeah. I'm fine." I looked away.
"Oh c'mon! Ever since the dragon battle you've had this depressed face on." Cana said taking a swing of her drink.
"Really it's fine. There's nothing wrong."
"Don't give me that crap. I know that look. Everybody has that look when someone has too much shit on their mind."
"Weren't you with Gray during the ordeal?" Laki said.
"If something happened between you two, I suggest you two talk about it." Kinana said making me look to the ground in deep thought.
Maybe I should just confront him. About the battle. The vision. Most importantly... about what the hell he wanted to tell me. That thought alone brought a smile to my face. I looked up to the girls. "Thanks, I'll talk to him sometime at the ball." The girls cheered and continued to get ready. Cana walked up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Everything will be fine and if Gray gives you a hard time then just tell it to him straight out. Don't let him avoid the question. If he gives you a no, I want you to demand why. Be assertive." She said with a calm face. "You might find out that assertive Juvia is just what the doctor ordered." We both let out a laughed as we placed the finishing touches.
Deep breaths Juvia. You can do this. I looked longingly at my love as I stood at the end of the food table trying to gather up my courage. It's just one line. One line that could turn this beautiful night into a completely shitty one. I threw a hand through my hair, flattened out my dress and walked toward him with confidence.
"Gray, my darling." He looked toward me with a chicken leg sticking out of his mouth. So cute! "I decided to with an "upgrade" call it Juvia 2.0."
"I bet it's even crazier." I heard him mumble but I paid it no mind as I got excited and threw myself at him.
"Please open your arms and embrace me." He moved to the side letting me fall to the floor.
"No thanks." He said. I looked up to him as he looked down to me. "Well here's the new me as well. The one that's not afraid to tell you how I feel."
If he gives you a no I want you to demand why. Be assertive.
You might find out that assertive Juvia is just what the doctor ordered.
I looked toward the ground as the words replayed in my head. Clenching my fist I stood to my feet and dusted off my dress, not noticing that Lyon had walked up to 'discipline' Gray. My excitement left my body and my smile faded to a straight line. "Then how do you really feel?" They stopped bickering to look at me.
"What?"
"You said this was a new you, one that's not afraid to tell you how you really feel." I looked up and stared at him. "So then tell me how you really feel because just telling me that there is a new you isn't really an answer I'm willing to accept."
He looked shocked for a minute then looked away. "Nows really not the time or place for this sort of talk."
My fist clenched tighter. Assertive. Be assertive.
"And why not! When is it ever a good time! There have always been opportunities!" My emotions were getting the better of me as tears were forming. "If you don't feel the same then why not just say it. It'll at least save me the humiliation."
With that said I turned tail and ran. I didn't care. I snapped. I was done. Done with the avoiding and getting no where. Tired of how things were staying the same and not growing. Passing by guild mates and other wizards, I made my way out of the room and the building heading toward the gardens. I kneeled next to the pond and placed my hands into the water. My nerves were causing me to shake with anxiety and water is the only way to calm me down.
Why? Why can't he just tell my how he really feels, like I always do? I looked into the water to see koi fish placing kisses on my hands, as if they were saying "cheer up". The fish kisses began to tickle making me laugh. My mind wonder. what would I even if Gray doesn't even love me? All of this would have been for nothing. Hell, do I even really love him? Or is it just something less.
I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush
I pulled my hands out and stood to my feet, walking away deeper in to the garden.
'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much
Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know
I made my way on to a bridge then crossed over a stream. Apparently the koi fish followed me.
Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way you do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Some of the koi were sticking there head out of the water while the others were flipping making me laugh out loud. It was as if they were applauding me on my voice. I looked up at the night sky and took a deep breath. Maybe I should just go back to the hotel room. It's not like there's anything exciting happening tonight. I turned around to walk off the bridge when I was stopped dead in my tracks.
"J-Juvia." It was Gray. He was bent over panting as though he hand ran all around the perimeter of Fiore. "It took me forever to find you."
"Why?" I asked as I looked away on the boarder line of snapping. I was getting more irritated. "Why even bother? Or can you not answer that question either."
"Look, I'm sorry! Okay!" He said. "I'm sorry I can't answer you-"
"Why can't you ever give a straight response when I confess. All you do is avoid the question or me." I said looking at him.
"I have my reasons." He simply said.
"Then what is the reason!" I snapped/yelled.
"Because anyone that I get close too always ends up dying sooner or later!" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"If that's the reason then everyone in the guild should be dead. Natsu should be dead. Lucy should be dead. Erza should be dead. Everyone is still alive. I've heard about what happened to your old master Ur and about what happened with Ultear during the dragon incident. They both died protecting the ones they love and that was THEIR decision. It wasn't your fault." I saw his hands turn into a fist.
"Don't talk like you know everything because you don't know anything!" He snapped.
"I would if you would just tell me. Let me know what you're thinking, what your feeli-" he cut me off.
"Why should I? Why do you want to be in my life so bad? Hell… Why do you even love me?" He questioned. I made eye contact with his as the anger left my body. Taking calm deep breaths I walked up to him. Be straight forward.
"You want to know why? Because all my life I've lived in the rain…but as soon as I met you. The rain just disappeared. I'm no longer the gloomy Juvia that I was in the phantom lord guild." I chuckled at the realization. "At first it was just an admiration that I felt when I first joined but then during the incident with Daphne and us doing a unison raid. My feelings changed. I wanted to learn all I can about you and most of all I want to help you. To help you move on from your past. I want to see you happy. Be it that I make you happy or someone else. I know I care so much and that I should never have cared. But I did care. I cared a lot and I will continue to care like I always have." Well there it is. I said it.
"I… I… didn't know that's how you felt. I always thought you just had this fan girl crush on me." He said as he scratch the back of his head red in the face. I smiled softly.
"What's funny is that just a little while ago I was thinking the same thing. Now that I've said it out loud it's more that just a crush." I walked past him to walk off the bridge and stand next to the stream, the fish followed. For a good fifteen minutes it was complete silence aside from the sounds of nature. My mind began to wonder if he was ever going to answer and if he did would it be the answer I'm looking for.
I was so caught up in my mind that I didn't notice that he was behind me until he cleared his throat. Turning around, I could see that his face was red and he had a slight sweat on his brow.
"Listen, it's really hard for me to put stuff into word especially this kinda thing. I won't deny that there is a connection between us, maybe because your water and I'm ice." I giggled and he chuckled. "But you are right we have been through so much shit that you do deserve a real answer... I'm not going to say I love you back but I will say that there is something there. The way you protect those closest to you and stand up for those is admirable. I really do like that you care so much and I hate that I take it for granted. I deeply apologize for that. I should have been way more considerate but I'm just not one to so much gratitude." He grabbed both of my hands. "There will be time where I will brush you off and there will be time where I will be the biggest asshole in the world. I just think that you deserve someone who will give you the 'knight in shining armor' persona your looking for."
"What are you trying to say?" I was getting a little worried and he sighed deeply.
"I really think you belong more with Lyon then me." My heart dropped and cracked as tears formed in my eyes. He let go of one hand and gently grabbed my chin making my look at him directly in the eye. "But I-I'm willing to try if you'll be patient with me."
My tears fell over. It wasn't the answer I was looking for but dammit I'll take it. I threw my arms around his neck almost throwing him off balance. "Woah! Easy there."
"Thank you." I mumbled. "Thank you so much. All I ask for is just a chance." I felt his arms wrapped around my waist.
"I just don't want you to be disappointed with whatever the outcome maybe." I giggled as I pulled away but kept my arms where they were.
"I don't think I will." He smirked.
"Of course you won't." He chuckled. I got out of his arms and looked at him dead in the face.
"Make me a promise." He raised an eyebrow looking so confused. "Promise we'll try our best."
"What do you mean?" I turned around toward the stream.
"I know I can get a little crazy when it come to how I feel about you."
"A little?" I place my hand of my hips as I gave him a look making him throw his hands up.
"Anyway I want to make a promise that I'll try to wind it down and control my jealousy." He smiled and then walked forward. I could feel his warmth on my back.
"And where do I come in?" I turn toward him and place a finger on his chest.
"I want you to promise me that you won't avoid anything. Talk to me about how you feel, the more you keep it bottled up the more you'll likely explode. Come and talk to me or someone or hell even Natsu! Always tell someone how you feel because opportunities are lost in a blink of an eye and regrets can last a lifetime. And I know tell someone how you feel is the hardest think people have to do because to some it makes them look weak. " I placed my whole hand to his chest as I sighed. "I just don't want you to suffer alone and fight your battles single handedly. It's like you said during the fight with Lyon and Chelia, we're at our best when it comes to team work." He looked at me with wide eyes shocked as I looked up to him with a sweet smile. His surprised face turn normal and he held up a pinky finger.
"Then it's a promise." He said as he wiggled the finger. I slowly connected my finger.
"It's a pinky promise." We smiled then let out a cheerful laugh. A cool breeze flew through the air making me shiver just a little. Gray took off his suit jacket and placed it on me.
"Come lets get back inside. It is a party after all." He said signaling me to the path straight to the castle as he was holding out his arm. I nodded and took his arm, following his lead.
My smile grew bigger and my heart was swelling up it felt like it could burst. I was finally getting the chance I've always wanted. A chance a love. A chance to be truly happy. Though my mind decided that it wanted even more answers as the vision of the dragon incident played through my head. I tighten my hand on Gray's arm.
"What's wrong?" He asked concerned. "Your not having doubts already are you?" I shook my head.
"No, it's not that, I was just thinking back to the dragon fight." I said. "It's weird but I had a feeling that you were going to tell me something important. I just don't know what it could be." Gray looked ahead in deep thought. It only took a few seconds for him to understand what I was talking about.
"Oh that! Um...yeah it wasn't even that important." He said as if he was trying to cover something up. I raised an eyebrow.
"Gray... what did we just promise?" I reminded him.
"Ahhh... why don't we just get to the party and then talk about it tomorrow, huh? It is our first date after all." I looked up at him to see him smirking.
"It is? What are you talking about?"
"Remember after the final battle with Sting and we won the games. You demanded a victory date. But I never gave you a yes or a no." I looked ahead and replayed the memory of it. I let out a loud laugh as I remembered his response.
"Yeah. You said 'Right now?!'"
"Well the time has changed. Just be ready by noon." He said as he looked away with an embarrassed look.
"Oh? And where are we going?" I asked.
"Well before we leave Crocus, I believe a visit to that restaurant you like so much is in order."
"You mean that restaurant where you me and Lyon had the worst dinner ever."
"To be fair it was only just suppose to be the two of us." He said with a slight irritation making me giggle. I place my head on his shoulder.
"I think I'd liked that do over." I said softy.
The castle grew closer, the music grew louder, but I didn't pay much mind to it. I was on cloud nine just being this close to the man I love. I don't want this moment to end but now I have something to look forward to tomorrow and in the future.