Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or any of its characters or lyrics by Depeche Mode.
Cloud sighed as he walked out the door. Tifa had just heard the bell on the door and had called out to him to see where he was going. He looked back just in time to see her entering the bar from the stairs, with worry in her eyes.
"You aren't going out for days on end again are you?" her voice tainted with worry.
"Please understand me Tifa, I really need to go right now." His eyes pleaded with her for understanding.
I'm not going down on my knees,
Begging you to adore me
Can't you see it's misery
And torture for me
When I'm misunderstood
Try as hard as you can, I've tried as hard as I could
To make you see
How important it is for me.
Tifa's eyes softened as she said, "I know you do, just don't forget you're welcome here and this is your home."
He thanked her with a look of deepest gratitude and a plea for her to accept what he was doing.
Here is a plea
From my heart to you
Nobody knows me
As well as you do
You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue
In situations like these
He shut the door and prayed that she really understood his need to go.
Understand me.
Tifa waited for him to close the door before letting her crystal tears fall to the floor, like one of her many glasses shattered on the floor. Even though Cloud's disappearing act wasn't as frequent or as long as it used to be, it still hurt when he left. After Cloud had defeated Kadaj and his gang, he had gotten a lot better at staying around for longer and leaving for shorter periods of time. By now he had gotten it down to an absence of four days. He also tended to stay for about two months before "needing" to go again.
Meanwhile, Cloud had just swung his leg over Fenrir and revved the engine. He was experiencing very confused and mixed feelings. Part of him was still back with Tifa while the other half was telling him to run until he was so lost he couldn't get back.
Some People have to be
Permanently together
Lovers devoted to
Each other forever
Now I've got things to do
And I've said before that I know you have, too
When I'm not there
In spirit I'll be there.
He hoped that Tifa could feel the part of him that she had unknowingly stole, the piece of his heart that he would never be able to retrieve no mater how hard he tried. In secret he didn't want it back and hoped that he would soon be able to be the man she deserved.
Here is a plea
From my heart to you
Nobody knows me
As well as you do
You know how hard it is for me
To shake the disease
That takes hold of my tongue
In situations like these
Understand me.
The wind hit his face as he tore towards the outskirts. He was headed to the bluff where the monument of a sword stood to mark the place of his friend's death. He always headed there first to talk to Zack. Even though he knew it didn't really matter where he was when he talked to Zack, he just felt closer to him there.
Tifa slumped on the counter, bitter tears streaming from her face. She went through this every time he left. Couldn't he see it was killing her slowly little by little? She let out an angry yell and kicked the counter as hard as she could with the ball of her foot. Pain immediately assaulted her foot as she realized that she was still barefoot. She gingerly set her foot on the floor and felt more pain shoot through it as she tried to put weight on it. Was there no end to suffering for her? She knew she had possibly sprained her foot, she had felt the insides move around when she kicked the counter. At least her attention was on something else now.
She was inspecting the damage to the counter just as Marlene and Denzel made it down the stairs. They were both talking about a school assignment when they saw Tifa looking at the side of the counter and favoring her foot.
"Are you alright Tifa?" Marlene asked worriedly. She knew that Tifa didn't get hurt that easily, so she was concerned.
Tifa looked up and smiled at her with tears still brimming from her eyes. "I'll be okay, I think", she said as she tried to walk to a chair. It hurt incredibly and it took longer than usual to get to the chair. "I don't think I'll be able to open the bar today" she said as she put her foot up on another nearby chair. "Marlene, would you please get me an ice pack?"
"Sure," Marlene answered and went to the freezer to retrieve one.
"Denzel, would you be able to get to school on your own today?" she asked.
"Yeah, but why can't Cloud take us?" he asked. Denzel loved it when Cloud took them to school. Fenrir was so cool and all the other kids thought it was awesome that he and Marlene got such a sweet ride.
Tifa smiled weakly and said, "He has gone out again, early this morning."
Marlene had come back with the ice pack and had heard that Cloud wasn't there again. All the pieces suddenly fell into place as to what happened to Tifa's foot, but she didn't say a word.
Tifa had seen both of their faces fall when she said that Cloud had left. "Don't worry, I know he'll be back, besides he doesn't leave for as long as he used to", she said trying to put a positive spin on the situation.
Denzel and Marlene ate breakfast and then helped Tifa get back to her room. They also made sure she had a phone within reach and was comfortable. Then they left for school.
Cloud knelt at the buster sword and thought about why he was there. Whenever his self-confidence went down he always ran. It was getting easier not to run, but he still had these instances where he couldn't stand it anymore and the instinct to run became too great. When it got that bad he would cave in and leave.
He stared at the sword and thought of Zack. Aerith and Zack were finally back together now that they were both in the Lifestream. He knew they were happy even though things hadn't gone so well for them when they were here.
All that Cloud wanted was to be happy with Tifa. Instead he was out here wallowing in his own pain. It had been three years and he felt his progress was going so slowly. Why couldn't he just stay home all the time without leaving? He knew the pain it caused the kids and especially Tifa. Every time he came back he could see how much she had been hurting, and even though she always let him back into her life, he knew it was hard for her to do. Of course she always would. But she shouldn't have to, he thought bitterly.
His gaze had fallen from the sword and he looked back up at it. He wished that Zack were still there for him to talk to about all this. He wouldn't even be here if it hadn't been for him.
He straitened up and looked at the buster sword with determination. "I will live out both our lives", he said with conviction. That was when he realized that if he was going to do that, Zack wouldn't approve of his current state of mind.
Cloud started thinking about what he could do when he got home. He thought he could bring the kids a movie they wanted to see, and bring Tifa flowers, red roses, and maybe more. His mouth curved up on one side in a kind of half smile that looked more like a smirk. Now that he was thinking about it, he wanted to go pick things out now and then go home. Wouldn't they be surprised that he was coming home so much sooner than usual? He couldn't wait to see their faces. "Thanks Zack", he said. "You still help me out. Even now." With that he walked back to Fenrir and headed back towards Edge.
Thank you for reading. I started this since I'm stuck on my other fanfic. This is my first FFVII fanfic, so I hope I'm doing ok. Hopefully doing this will help me be able to go on with my other fanfic (it's an Escaflowne fanfic) and I can finish them both.