It had been two weeks since we had arrived back from Italy, Bella and I were watching a movie on the sofa when she had fallen asleep. I watched my angel as I always had, but it was different now. Agony tore through my lifeless body as I took in the abysmal state of her body, the horrendously prominent dark circles under her eyes, and the jagged way in which she breathed. How could I have done this? In that moment I felt more like a monster then ever, and rightly so. Just then I heard the cruiser pulling down the street, and contemplated on moving. I decided Charlie could handle this much. I was lost in the thought of how even though she was half dead, my mind had not done her beauty or scent justice, when Charlie opened the door. He shuffled in and clomped out of his heavy boots, he saw me and hesitated on taking off his gun belt.

"Maybe I should keep this with me, nah I don't want the hassle of a kids death on my hands" he thought. I half smiled to myself thinking of his face if he ever did shoot me and that he only stopped to save himself a "hassle". Charlie grumbled in and grunted with a nod in my direction.

His eyes widened then narrowed as he took us in "Should I break this up or what?".

"I am sorry sir, she's just very tired and I did not want to disturb her"

"Damn bastard and his innocent act, I'll rip those golden eyes right out of his head"

But "Sure, that's seems fine" was all he said aloud. I went back to looking interested in the movie and heard him take a seat in the kitchen. His thoughts feeding my hate for myself.

"I just don't want that scum to leave and hurt Bella again" then I was bombarded with the vivid image of Bella being carried through the door and laid on this very sofa muttering "He's gone". Hate and guilt seared through me, I gritted my teeth and tensed against it.

"I don't think I could bare to see Bella like she was again"

Another clear memory was slammed into me, Bella zombified, broken and dead.

Bella throwing out all of her cd's. Bella crying in her room, door locked. Bella screaming in the middle of the night. I cried out with the pain of regret and remorse, but managed to cover it up with a cough. If I were human I would have been on the floor and convulsing at the thought of If this is how I am feeling, imagine Bella.

Charlie had only accepted me back into Bella's life for her sake, he still hated me for what I had done, but there is no amount of hate that could equal what I felt towards myself. It was growing late, so I carried Bella upstairs to her room. I laid her down on her bed silently. Those brown eyes flickered open and I nearly died all over again, the pain and fear in them will haunt me forever. Of course she was afraid.

"I have to leave for ten minutes just to bring the car home….. I am so sorry Bella" I pulled her to me, and wrapped my arms around her. Bella kissed my cheek and looked at me with wide eyes. "Just ten minutes right?" she held on tighter.

"Of course angel, I'll never leave you again I promise" I would have kissed her but Charlie loomed in the doorway. I walked briskly out past him and got into the car with Alice who came to pick me up. I looked at her, but she was staring to Bella's window, and unknowingly let the thoughts of the empty hole ripped into my love, my beautiful Bella, the sight of her eyes and the way she held herself at the sound of my name.

"I'm so sorry Edward!" she said realizing what she did.

"It's not like I don't merit worse" I answered looking down.

Ten minutes later I was climbing though Bella's window. She leaned up in bed and looked at me. I went to her and kissed her full on the lips, her eyes filled with tears and she buried her head in my chest and we laid down. I held her the entire night, whispering soft promises I would keep if it killed me.