Pairing: None.
Summary: CrackFic. House's SUPERAwesome!Long Lost daughter pops up. glares at reader PUT DOWN THAT GUN!
Parts: 1/1
Status: Complete
Spoilers: Nope
Series/Sequel: Nope.
Disclaimer: I don't own House or anyone on House. Sadly I do own the Mareie.
Authors notes & Warnings: I've been reading too much Bad!fic. It's warped my brain. So now I'm writing this cracktastic thing... comes back five minutes later Ow...writing crack is hard and painful... rubs head
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Chase snickered to him self as he read the comics in the newspaper, Cameron poured her self a mug of coffee, Foreman read fan fiction on and House was busy trying out some new tricks with his favorite tennis ball.
All eyes turned towards the young woman as she walked into the Diagnostics office.
"Did Wilson send me a teenage stripper again? How many times much I tell him 'Not at Work!'?" House snarked looking up from trying to balance his large tennis ball on the end of his nose.
"Hi! Are you Dr. Greggory House? Oh wow! This is sooo awesome! I'm Mareie Sooe House. I'm your daughter!" The tall, thin, dark haired, teenage girl gushed, her sparkling, cerulean blue eyes glistening with tears of happiness.
"..." House's team stared between her and House blinking.
"... the hell?" Was House's only reply.
"Oh daddy! I know this must be a shock! You remember a young woman named Klara from 18 years ago? You had a torrid romance before she went into the witness protection program. What you didn't know was, she was pregnant! With me!"
All eyes turned to House giving him a 'What the hell is this kid on?' look.
Mareie didn't seem to notice, and continued cheerfully. "After mom found out she was pregnant, she wanted to tell you but being in the program, she couldn't. So she raised me on her own, working and slaving to take care of me. I was quickly skipped though many grades, as I'm a genius, I graduated high school at 6, collage at 8, and I've just finished my medical education. I'm a brain surgeon, a internist, a psychologist, and a cardiologist. I'm also a rock star with the band I started 'The Howling Butt Monkeys.' In my spare time I'm an Olympic Gold Metal gymnast, and I love to dance and go out to clubs to meet hot guys. Men love me. I'm very sexy. And I'm a goddess on my knees!"
Chase slowly stood up and started inching towards the door. "Uh you know I just remembered I have clinic duty!"
"Me too!" Foreman and Cameron yelped jumping up after him.
"No you don't!" House snapped glaring at them in betrayal.
"Well then we'll do your hours." Chase stated hand on the door ready to leave.
"You take one more step and I will beat all of you to death with my cane. Or make Wilson lecture you. Something nasty like that." House threatened.
"Daddy? Is something wrong? Oh! I know! You must be worried you're employs won't be able to help but fall madly in love with me, and battle to the death for my affections. Don't worry that hasn't happened...more then twice." Mareie assured him flipping her long, silky, shimmering chocolate brown hair over her shoulder.
"Uh yeah. That's just what I was worried about." House pointed at the chairs. "Sit. All of you. Stay. Good minions."
Mareie happily sat, along with the sulking doctors. "Oh daddy everything will be wonderful now! I'll get a job right here in the hospital, then we can work together, and spend lots of time getting to know each other! And then that pretty blond boy you have there, will fall in love with me and we'll marry and he'll father my dozen children, which he'll stay at home and raise, since I'm much too busy with all my things. Oooh! Will even have a white picket fence and a dog and cat!" She either didn't see, or ignored Chase's look of alarm.
House kept a eye on her while he backed up and grabbed the phone on Cameron's desk. After making a quick hushed call he turned back to his 'daughter'. "So uh- you were saying?"
"Oh right! So I can't decide. Should I get a job here in the hospital, as a brain surgeon, a internist, a psychologist, or a cardiologist? I mean I'm a genius at all of them, but I can't decide with area needs my special gifts more."
Two large men in scrubs entered, followed by a annoyed looking doctor. "Mary! You know you're not allowed to leave the psych ward! How did you get out of your room?"
"Um... I picked the lock." Mare- err Mary mumbled. "But I just had to see my daddy! I was telling him all about how I'm going to be either a brain surgeon, a internist, a psychologist, or a cardiologist, marry his pretty blond employ, and have a dozen children!"
The doctor pinched the bridge of her nose. "Mary...Dr. House is not your father. And you're a 15 year old mental patient, not a super Doogie Howser. Come on. Lets get you back to your room. We'll talk about this later."
The orderlies took Mary by the elbows and started to escort her out of the room. Mary paused for a moment and pouted back at the room. "Goodbye daddy. Goodbye pretty future father of my babies...I'll be back."
House shuddered and started for the door. "That's it. I'm on strike till Cuddy gets better security in this place!"
"I'm with House." For once Foreman and Cameron said nothing about Chase's agreeing with House and followed them, to go yell at Cuddy to hire better security.
The End