This story was done a while back. Recently while re-reading it, I felt it needed a bit of a re-write. The story remains the same, but with some decent sized editing.
TITLE: Back to Good
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid
RATING: PG
CHARACTERS: Jaythen Talari, T'narr Kresson, Eryck S'val, Kaai Dajani, Eeshyn Nyjaan
SUMMARY: Post-TPM time-frame. Jaythen realizes the Jedi slaughter and finds a lost friend in the process. (Ages: Jaythen is 27. T'narr is 70-ish. Kaai is 120-ish)
NOTE: This story will make more sense if you've read my other stories that star T'narr and Jaythen.
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
**This is story is part of a challenge I made to myself. My goal, to take the 12 songs titles from the Matchbox Twenty album "Yourself or Someone Like You" and write a story that goes with each song title (these are NOT song fics). In no particular order, the stories will be called: Real World; Long Day; 3AM; Push; Girl Like That; Back to Good; Damn; Argue; Kody; Busted; Shame and Hang. They will be a mix of Jaythen based stories, Yappy Obi (YO) stories and Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan based stories. I hope you enjoy!**
I woke suddenly. In a fog. A fog that lasted for only a moment just before I retched up the breakfast I'd eaten a few hours ago.
My head was held over a basin, I realized. Strong hands held me there until my body decided it had finished rejecting that most recent meal. Those same strong hands settled me back into my bed. A cool rag was on my forehead. It didn't do much for the new and unusual surges of blinding pain behind my eyes, but I was grateful for the familiar and comforting presence.
My former master, T'narr Kresson sat bedside, with concerned gray eyes watching. His tone was hushed as to not cause me more discomfort than I was already causing myself.
Something had happened. Something big. Something so extreme that anyone with an ounce of Force ability had to have felt it. It was the death of everything I knew. A nightmare of proportions that were just not feasible. But yet…
"T'narr." I finally managed, cringing at the debilitating ache in my head. "They're dead. The Jedi. All of them. Or most of them. Slaughtered. It's happened…it's happening…"
T'narr heard my words and knowing my abilities, did not doubt them. Despite that it took him a long minute to register the immensity of what I'd said. He rolled quickly through the emotions then. Shock, anger, sadness. A devastating sadness. Friends lost. Companions lost. Innocent younglings and padawans. Fellow Knights and Master Jedi. Healers. Teachers.
My head throbbed violently again but I was determined to answer the questions I could see in my mentor's expression. "Some are still dying, T'narr. Still being hunted. And…I can hear them when they die. I can feel them. Each time, it's like a bolt of lightning surging through me. Like a white-hot intensity. I can't explain…"
I tried to sit upright but my former master would have none of it. He was an expert in the art of worrying about me, having perfected it in all our years as a master-padawan team, and in the four years since. I was twenty-seven now. Four years removed from the rank of padawan. Two years removed from officially being part of the Jedi Order. We'd left the Order with surprisingly little resistance, T'narr and I, two years ago. A few months later, T'narr's former master, and resident old man, Kaai Dajani followed suit. At that time, he'd come to live with us on Kembar Lune, the place that had been our residence since I was ten and had gone to working part-time for the Jedi. Together, the three of us, along with T'narr's parents, a shaman friend of ours and his former apprentice, we'd become a family in all but blood. The long life spans of both Kaai and T'narr's races making sure that I would have a close knit group around me for a very long time.
Little did I know how much I would need that closeness.
T'narr replaced the cloth on my forehead with a fresh cool one. I welcomed the touch and kept with what details I'd managed from the attack on my mind. "Clone troopers are responsible. Didn't Obi-Wan mention something about clones a year or so ago? Could be the same maybe? I don't know. Those Jedi still running, there is a darkness chasing them. Yes…and worse…it's…there is some dark power consuming the entire galaxy. Like an enormous cloud…but dark and evil. Pure hatred and evil. The Jedi were the only obstacle. With the Jedi gone, there's nothing to stand in its way." I finished talking in a hurry. Everything seemed to be happening so quickly. I had to settle…slow down.
Another presence was in the room now; the tall, lanky and grayed form of Kaai Dajani, noble as ever in his one hundred and twenty years. Aged, but still so very capable. He'd been in the doorway as T'narr was tending to me. What'd I'd felt…what I knew…he now knew. But as always with the old man, no matter the surrounding circumstances, his concern was for family first.
"How is he?"
T'narr didn't answer as Kaai approached the other side of my bed. He sat for a moment with a hand on my arm.
"You're scaring the hell out of us, boy."
I grimaced in reply as the ache in my head increased again.
T'narr interrupted and said bluntly, "Kaai, the Jedi…"
"I know, my Padawan."
The title, although not directed at me, gave me comfort. Even at their advanced ages, the bond between this master and apprentice never wavered. If I could have smiled at that moment, I would have. Instead I sat silently and listened.
"Do you have any contacts you can trust that can get us more details?"
The old man closed his eyes and lost himself briefly into the Force. No doubt, he felt the loss of good friends and long time companions. When his dark blue eyes opened, they were rimmed with tears, but he stood tall with a deep breath and set out determined.
"I will see what I can find out."
When he'd gone, more attacks came as two more Jedi fell. Their emotions of betrayal and fear, shock and panic, crystal clear in my mind. They died in most terrifying ways.
Again T'narr was there with a comforting hand. I clung to what he offered, desperate for my own terror to pass.
"Two more."
"Can you reach out for others, Jaythen? Perhaps find a way to warn them before the clones find them?"
"I don't know…I can't feel them until it's too late...and voluntarily reaching into that maelstrom right now? T'narr…I can't…"
I was visibly shaking now. Turning onto my side, I rested my eyes and thought of those lost. I thought of my friends. Obi-Wan. Ercyk. Marcus. I feared the worst for them all, daring to hope for a miracle.
A half hour later, Kaai interrupted my restless resting with news.
"Communications on Coruscant have broken down. I can't get a clear picture from any of the news outlets. They're all speaking jibberish and none of them has any idea of the entire story. Just random bits and pieces. So I called Dex.
Good old age-defying Dex. He was always a friend when we needed him most -a trusted friend.
"He's got his feelers out. But he confirms that the clone troopers who were helping the Jedi, all turned against them. No Jedi is safe on Coruscant or anywhere else. Anyone found housing or aiding a Jedi will be killed. He warned to stay away and be on alert. The clones are scouring other planets; hunting the Jedi one by one. I fear that none who remain are safe."
T'narr nodded and said, "I will see my father and have scouts sent out. They'll report of any clone activity. We'll be okay." Then he leaned towards where I lay on my side, struggling with the pain in my head. Cupping my neck, his hand began a slow and soothing massaging rhythm. My eyes closed and I allowed myself to relax into the feeling. T'narr was reassurance. He was constant. He was home. If he said we'd be okay, I would trust him without question.
His massage continued and my thoughts again turned to my friends. They focused mainly on Eryck. I'd grown up with him as much as being a Jedi allowed. We were age-mates and best friends and I decided I might never know his fate for certain, but I would mourn for him regardless.
A trail of tears dampened my face.
T'narr's hand rested on top of my head and I unashamedly lead into the touch. He would never know the full blown trauma of what I'd been feeling at the death of the Jedi, and for that I was glad. He'd be there nevertheless, just as he'd always been since the days when I was a nervous and emotionally torn eight year old. My former master had always made me feel comforted and safe, even when the galaxy pressed inwards around us.
The continued thoughts of Eryck and others and the echoing pain that continued in my head…it was all too much now and in the safety of my master's presence, it brought me crashing down. I cried hard for a time then. I cried for the loss of my friends and for their friends. I cried for the loss of the Jedi.
I slept for a long while after that; T'narr keeping watch over me. The pain in my head eventually subsided to a dull ache. When I finally did wake, it was to a welcoming sensation of a cool breeze floating in through my bedroom window. The sky was a crisp and cloudless blue, as if this was a normal day like any other. But I knew differently, even if I wasn't completely certain what day it actually was when I sat up and let my legs dangle off the side of the bed. T'narr stepped into the room and set a cup of juice in my hand, noticing my momentary bewilderment.
"You've been out for a solid two days, Jaythen. You seemed okay, so I let you sleep. How's your head?"
"I suppose I'll live. News?"
"Little. The only contact we can reach is Dex. He gets snippets here and them from some of the nervous patrons that come into his diner. Says the place clears out when the Imperial guards wander in. They're on a steady hunt for Jedi. We'll have to keep our guard up."
"Dex okay?"
"He says he's well, but he needs to keep communication with us limited. The guards have eyes and ears everywhere."
I nodded and shook the sleep away, got dressed with hopes in losing myself in daily chores. I visited the barn and pasture and my beloved horse, Saber. She was older now for her kind, but still as stubborn as ever. Spirit, her first foal was my regular riding horse these days, and his first foal, a black and white spotted filly named Sage, was quickly becoming a top notch trail horse herself. I'd named her for her cleverness and for her strange eyes that weren't the usual brown or black, but dark green. She was a handful, but spending time with her grand-dam Saber would certainly teach her a thing or two.
I could spend all day with the horses. They never asked much of me and they always made me feel at peace when things were difficult. This day I would spend tending to their care. Cleaning the barn and the tack, feeding and watering, grooming them until their coats shined bright. It was easier than dealing with reality and heartbreak of recent events.
I ended my day with Saber, lazing in the grassy pasture in a patch of late afternoon sun. Peace overtook the both of us for a time. Part of me was beginning to feel somewhat normal again.
Then I felt that excruciating thrum of pain return and my head exploded with screams of horror and death echoing through the Force.
I heard Saber whinny loudly when I grabbed my head in my hands and rolled onto my side. The world closed black around me.
My next memory was of me sitting against a fence post, on the opposite side of the pasture; Kaai kneeling before me. His long, thin frame, aged with the wisdom and trials of
So many years, was crouched steady in my sight. I found his dark blue eyes calming as always. In the almost twenty years I'd known him, Kaai had become a second parent to me, there when T'narr could not be. Such was the case again.
His age-spotted hand settled on my knee. "Jaythen, wake up boy. Come on now. Tell me what happened."
"Another Jedi, I think. Screaming. Dying? There was this terrified life force searing itself into my mind. I think…it had to have been another Jedi. I guess another was hunted down and killed, but I don't know. I can't see the details…It just…" I grabbed at my head again as they waves of pain continued, lessening as they went. Kaai sat down, crossing his legs and taking my hands in his. He pushed me into a simple meditation to quickly find my center. It didn't help the pain much, but there was comfort there.
"This is unusual for one so young to be so connected," Kaai said, "Yoda had that ability, but he was ancient. A boy in his twenties? Nothing in the Jedi training can prepare a young one for such a skill."
Not once did Kaai let go of my hands as he spoke, for which I was grateful. This whole situation was terrifying. And I had no qualms about admitting it. "I'm scared, Kaai, really scared. What if I can't shut it out? What if it keeps happening over and over?"
"We'll figure something out, Jaythen. For now, perhaps there is a way to help those Jedi still alive. There could be a pattern of some sort in what you feel and when you feel it. Or a precursor to an attack, something you can use to help them."
"How?"
"I don't know, just thinking aloud as usual. Don't mind me, boy. Thank this blasted horse of yours for alerting me to something wrong though. You were hidden so far out in the pasture behind the shade shed, I couldn't see you. I heard her big mouth and knew there was a problem. T'narr is in the ship trying again to dig up more information. So, I was deaf to you until Saber made such a ruckus. Good thing she did."
Saber tossed her head slowly and nuzzled my face. "It's okay, girl. I'm okay, thanks to you." She always enjoyed a good scratch behind the ears, so I rewarded her with an ear rub in that favorite spot before Kaai helped me up and trailed me protectively as went back to the house.
T'narr came in several minutes later and immediately noticed the change. He put his brown hands on either side of my face and grabbed my eyes. "Are you all right, Padawan? What happened?"
"Another Jedi killed, I'm guessing. Hard to know exactly what happened. It was almost like a vision of some sort, except I'm not seeing it, I'm hearing and feeling it, but the details are just out of reach. My head, just feels like a time bomb. It's better now though. I'm okay."
His hands dropped away.
"It comes so suddenly, T'narr. There's no warning, it just happens. One minute I feel fine, the next minute I'm ready to climb out of my skull."
And it kept happening. It kept coming. Sometimes twice in a day for days in a row. I did my best to deal, but the more it continued, the more wary I became of venturing beyond the boundaries of our property for fear that another episode would collapse me where I couldn't get help. I kept Saber nearby whenever I was outside. She would trail next to me as my very own security blanket.
A few days after came the worst episode so far. The worst, but also the most different. This time the life force in my vision didn't die, but pleaded over and over for help as it tried to escape. And it was familiar…so familiar. I just couldn't figure out why. It screamed pain and panic; begging for mercy until hours later all went quiet. I was exhausted by then, unable to lift my head without agony, but I was absolutely certain that the custodian of that life force was still alive.
An eerily silent evening followed, leading into more torture for both me and the unknown life force connected to me. This round, there was more terror than panic. The Jedi in my vision was being tormented. He suffered greatly. His captures attempting to pry out information before ending him.
Ending him. It's all I could establish really, that as this Jedi's life was being extinguished within my head, I could only identify the familiarity as male.
He deserved better.
By the third day, the torture had stopped and they'd left him for dead. I was left with random murmurs of helplessness as he struggled for breath; a powerless battle to stay alive.
Days passed by as I lived with the constant of faint whispers in my head. He was dying and I could do nothing. It still felt familiar, but I had given up on the why. It didn't matter. I couldn't help, not knowing where to look for him. A tiny part of me kept thinking that his life force, although fading, was edging closer to me in some fashion. It didn't make any sense really, and I tried to explain it to T'narr, but I was so exhausted, my story came out in a ramble that made no sense even to me. Still, leave it to the man who knew me better than I knew myself to get the general idea of what I was trying to say. He made some sense made of it and made a point to ensure that extra eyes were continuously watching the skies.
That next evening, a small transport ship hovered softly over the far pasture. T'narr and Kaai were alert and ready as a broad, big-headed creature – the pilot - hobbled down the short ramp. I thought of Dex for the briefest of moments, the creature was so familiar. I stood at a short distance with Saber in the pasture. She'd taken a protective stance in front of me when the ship had hovered and descended.
The pilot gaped at me with his extra large eyes. He snorted at Saber, seemingly in disgust. Saber pawed the ground.
Then the scaly pilot spoke. "Ya Jayen Tali?"
"I'm Jaythen Talari, yes."
"Ya take this man and I go. Dex say ya know what ta do wit 'em."
"What man?"
"Falla me."
By now, T'narr and Kaai had closed in armed with blasters, light sabers kept hidden. We followed the reptilian-like pilot, watching him closely as he fumbled into the ship and reemerged half-dragging a battered and semi-conscious man.
"He yers now," he said as he laid him in the grass.
And with that, the awkward creature hurried back onto the transport and the ship scurried away. The man they'd left behind was covered in blood, bruises and lacerations. His clothes – what was left of them - were tattered and torn. His shoulder-length brown hair was matted and unruly. But underneath the damaged façade, was a face I knew. A face I knew so very well. This broken man before me was one of my dearest friends and I had feared him dead. Eryck S'val. His was the voice I'd heard yelling in pain, begging for help. His was the life force that had refused to die.
I knelt next to him and gently ran my fingers over his face.
"Eryck. T'narr, it's Eryck!"
Several moans escaped his swollen lips, but his eyes wouldn't open.
"Eryck, it's me, it's Jaythen. It's okay now, you're safe. T'narr and Kaai are here. We'll help you. We'll take care of you."
As I kept talking to him, tears streamed steadily down my face. T'narr's hand was a secure presence on my shoulder as he and Kaai worked together to levitate Eryck and float him into the house.
T'narr disappeared for several minutes leaving Kaai and I to begin working on Eryck. Inside our guest room, we peeled off his clothes. Pieces that were blood-stuck to his body were the most difficult. Underneath there were bruises on top of bruises, older wounds and some with enough depth that they still bled this many days later. Seeing the extent of the exterior injuries, and not knowing what was going on inside, I couldn't understand how he was still alive.
When T'narr returned, he spoke worriedly. "I've got one of my father's men riding to the village to bring Me'da or Eeshyn. Eryck needs more than us."
That wasn't difficult to see. Me'da was the village shaman. Eeshyn was his former apprentice and now full-fledged shaman himself. He needed a healer and there were few I trusted more than the medicine men of Kembar Lune.
Thankfully, Eryck wasn't completely conscious while we worked to help him, though underneath the closed eyes, I could sense him trying to reach to the Force for comfort. It was something we were always taught to do as young Jedi. When there was pain or hurt, the Force could bring comfort. So, on some plane at least, my friend was aware.
I stepped away when our healer friends arrived. Allowing them room to work, I took position with the others to observe from a short distance away. Hours passed. Midnight came and went. It was into the early morning hours before the healers stilled their hands. The blood removed, the lacerations stitched, the wounds treated - Eryck looked mostly human again, if thoroughly battered.
Me'da pulled us out of the room to allow Eeshyn to finish wrapping the deep cuts on Eryck's wrists.
"He's gifted with a powerful will to live, Jaythen. No man should have survived the pain he suffered. The physical wounds inside and out, will heal, though he won't spend much time out of bed anytime soon. Mostly he needs rest. Once his body starts the process, we'll see what state his mind is in. I assume he'll rest here in your house as he recovers?"
I nodded. "Yes, he's staying with us. It won't be safe for him, even after he's healed." I shared a quick thought with my former master standing next to me. We agreed silently that Eryck would have a permanent home here with us if it was what he wished. We could keep him safe. He would be a welcomed part of our family.
"I've got a satchel of medicines, ointments and other things you'll need. Eeshyn will stay for a few days to get the wounds through the most crucial stages."
"We've got room," I added. And we did. Two years ago, after we'd left the Jedi Order, we'd built onto the house, adding several rooms and expanding the living area and kitchen. We'd also added a huge sunroom on the side facing the south. The guest room Eryck was in now, would be his permanent home for as long as he wished it. Next door was another guest room where Eeshyn could camp during his stay.
And during that stay over the next few days Eeshyn and I spent the majority of our time with our broken friend. I learned how to treat his wounds and keep his bandages fresh. Together we managed to get him into the tub and give him a proper clean up. He had brief moments of consciousness, but never enough for recognition. Not yet. I got the feeling though that he knew he was safe. I could at least sense his moods through the Force, but the rest of his emotional being was closed to me. Pain and confusion seemed to top the list and made him restless at times, but usually a simple touch by either myself or Eeshyn could still his anxiousness.
Despite his condition, it felt so good to have my two best friends together. They'd always gotten along when Eryck had visited, but had never had enough time to really become close. And here…though I hated what had brought us together, I would embrace it all the same. We'd take care of our friend for a long as he needed someone.
Four days passed before Eryck actually opened his eyes. They were still that average, non-impressive brown they'd always been. For as long as I'd known him, those eyes were simple, friendly and honest. And they'd get there again. For now, they were piled with fatigue and pain.
I was at his bedside as his eyes roamed the room, settling on Eeshyn and then me…and the almost immediate recognition that I'd been hoping for. I smiled and set a hand on his head.
"Yeah, Eryck. It's me. And Eeshyn's here too. It's okay now. You're home. We'll take care of you and keep you safe. I promise."
A single tear rolled past the swelling under his left eye. He understood. I could only begin to guess the entirety of what he'd suffered through during and since the slaughter of the Jedi. Perhaps at some point, he would share that ache. But right now? Right now, we just needed him to know that he was safe.
Time passed. Slow days of agony to begin, as bruises deepened into muscles that lay stagnant. Eryck was sitting up though and taking in fluids. His throat and vocal chords were still healing. Eeshyn guessed he might ultimately end up with a little rasp in his voice once fully recovered as there seemed to be some minor but permanent damage there. There was nothing however would hamper a full and healthy life.
Over several days, as Eryck found his voice, we learned the details. Anakin Skywalker had gone dark side, murdering friends and allies, and then he'd vanished. Obi-Wan had gone to try and stop him from himself, but Eryck had heard nothing of his return. He hadn't heard of his death either, so we held out hope that Obi-Wan was still among the living. The Empire, as it spread it's evil, was systematically hunting down every Jedi in the Order. It had been a massacre of historic proportions and little could be done to stop it. Sadly, Eryck gave us the heartbreaking news that his former master, Marcus Kaavi, the large, lovable blue-skinned teacher that he'd so loved and respected during his apprentice years, had been one of those killed. though not before a last heroic action to warn Eryck of the imminent danger.
So many raw images in his mind, but the personal thoughts of Marcus is what finally broke our friend. Those average brown eyes edged red as he cried. Eeshyn and I sat quietly at his side. There if needed.
As Eryck's voice therapy progressed and he was able to speak for longer, he told us about his capture and subsequent torture, skipping the worst of the discomforting details. He knew he'd been left for dead and had eventually accepted his fate to find comfort in the Force.
The memories from then on were fuzzy, though Dex was part of them. There was another man, one that looked so much like Dex, and the two of them, standing over his body, had seemed to be plotting something that he couldn't comprehend at the time. He remembered being lifted and shoved into a doorway or a vehicle…and that was it until he opened his eyes here on Kembar Lune and saw me.
In the end, we concluded that Dex, a man connected everywhere and anywhere, arranged for Eryck's transport here.
"Good ole, Dex, huh?" I smirked out.
Eryck's exhausted response was raspy but determined. "I owe him my life, Jay."
I grinned at the long-used nickname that Eryck had saddled me with when we were kids. Silly as it was, it always meant a lot to me. Everyone else in my life had called me Jaythen. Eryck shortened it one day just for fun and it had stuck. It was a simple memory. A good memory.
And my friend was alive.
"I owe him too, for your life. You'll see, one day, we'll be able to repay him."
"How many days here?"
"Nine. Your recovery is going well. Eeshyn says that within a month, the only major complication you should have is some weakness in your left leg. He's not sure if those muscles will completely heal. You might have to deal with a limp."
"It's okay. Good healer. Where is he now?"
"Resting. Holed up in the next room. He was going to leave a couple days ago, but he wanted to be certain of your condition before he left for the village. He told me to stop worrying so much, that things were moving along better than expected."
"Owe him too. And you for taking me in while I recover."
"Not just while you recover. This is home, Eryck. Forever, if you want it. We'd like you to stay with us. There's plenty of room and we can always use a hand. Our crop land has doubled in the last two years. I've already talked to T'narr about it. Kaai is here too. Eeshyn visits when he's not busy. T'narr's parents are older, but in good health. It's safe here. This is family. We want you to be part of it."
The rasp in his voice became more pronounced as it broke several times. And there was no stopping the trail of tears that followed. Nodding slowly, his brown hair fell down and across his face, shadowing his eyes.
"Marcus is dead. The Jedi are destroyed. Coruscant, it's all I've ever known – it's gone for us; unsafe for our kind. I've got nowhere…except here. I do want to stay."
"Then it's your home. It's that simple. This will be your room. And we'll fix you up with a horse of your own and I'll show you the new crops and fields we have growing. T'narr and I keep pace as best we can. Kaai helps as age permits. You'll fit right in. Our free time we all like to do our own things, but always enjoy each other's company. So, you're not bound to any rules or line of command. Although it's natural to fall into line and let T'narr lead the way most of the time. You'll love it here. I swear it."
"Trying to sell me on it? You don't need to, Jay. Always loved visiting here."
"I wish this time was under different circumstances, but I'm glad you're here."
Squeezing his hand, I ordered him to sleep. It didn't take much coaxing and within seconds, he was breathing easy and quiet, welcoming the unconscious world.
T'narr found me slumped in a chair scanning the news on my data-pad. All the news was bad, yet there was not much coverage regarding the slaughter of the Jedi. It was almost as it we never existed. There were so few of us left, perhaps we didn't exist. It was troubling and heartbreaking. I'd left the Jedi two years ago, but I always respected what the Order did as a whole. Helping people and aiding those who couldn't fight for themselves. So many had put their lives on the line – many had given their lives – to protect those they didn't know. And even though I'd left the Order, I wished for his all to be just one really horrible dream and I'd wake up and things would be back to they'd always been…back to good.
It wasn't to be of course, so we had to make good for ourselves.
We could. We had to.
Of course, the complication was that now there was that added problem of being discovered. We'd have to give extra vigilance to strange happenings and sporadic reports of imperial troopers or even that law-abiding citizen who maybe, just maybe, wouldn't be able to pass up an opportunity for a small fortune by turning us in. Careful was a word we'd all be taking to heart.
My mind spun with so many thoughts. T'narr sat at my side watching me massage my forehead with my fingers. My head was hurting again.
"Padawan. Are you all right?"
T'narr still called me Padawan at times, even though I was twenty-seven and hadn't been an apprentice in some time. Like Eryck's nickname for me, it was a term that I found comforting.
"Just thinking…wishing things were good again."
"More pain?"
"It's throbbing…right…here." I tapped the center of my forehead with the words. "Like it did when the slaughter began and when I sensed Eryck."
"Eryck is fine. I just checked on him. Jaythen…"
He didn't finish his sentence when I grabbed my head and rocked my upper body back and forth trying to avoid the blinding pain that had escalated like a blaster bolt as I'd sat with my master. I fell forward, bumping my elbow on the table as I did. I remember white lights in my field of vision. Screams of terror. Agonizing pain. So similar to before, but also different. There was a burning sensation. I was on the verge of blacking out.
And then as quickly as it began, it ended. Unfortunately the pain didn't end with it. I lay panting on the floor, T'narr with me trying to move my hands from banging at the sides of my head. I remember hearing him call for Eeshyn. They forced my lips apart. A powdery paste was slathered onto my tongue; my mouth held closed and someone ordering me to swallow. Bitterness slogged down my throat despite my unsuccessful attempts to spit it out.
Eyes open now and the white hot pain had lessened a bit. I could see again. I was still on the floor, but tucked against T'narr's chest. Eeshyn was monitoring my vitals while I was held almost immobile.
My healer friend smiled at me. "The paste you swallowed has a powerful pain herb in it. I'm not certain it'll help, since this isn't a physically caused pain as much as a Force-caused pain. But it can't hurt. Just keep still for now. It takes a few minutes. You might feel a heavy or slurry feeling. That's normal."
I blinked slowly, my eyelids evidently feeling the effects first. I wanted to panic, but Eeshyn's easy voice and the careful vice-grip that T'narr had on me wouldn't allow it.
"It's all right, Padawan. Keep still now. Slow and easy breaths. Good, Jaythen, Good. Can you tell us what you felt this time?"
My mouth felt sticky and I licked my lips several times before I could talk. "Another Jedi. Burned to death. I felt the flames…the fire, like it was searing into my brain." I paused for a moment to shutter a deep breath. When I spoke again, my voice was small hurting and I felt like a broken ten year old boy. "Master," I said, reverting back to the term that was always comfortable, "Why is this happening?"
My former master said nothing for long seconds, then, "You've always been connected differently than others, Jaythen. Able to read the thoughts of almost anyone Able to direct your thoughts into another's mind. To feel things that most Force users couldn't fathom on a daily basis. You dealt with it, you controlled it. But I think now, if I were to guess, I'd say that the Force is directing everything at you and only you. There is no way you can control that type of power. I don't know why the Force is using you this way. There is a reason for it, I'm certain, but I wish I knew how to stop it. I suppose, if there is any good to come from this, it would seem that we can see a pattern now. This started when the Jedi were being killed. Then it stopped. Again when Eryck was the target. We found him alive, thankfully. Then it stopped again. And now, another Jedi hunted to his death and you felt it again."
I clenched my brow as I slowly took in the information. My thoughts were moving slowly. My body felt water logged. Eeshyn was right about the sensation of the herbal paste although I did manage to speak eventually.
"So, every time a Jedi is killed, this happens to me?"
"It appears to be the case."
"So every time this happens...T'narr, I can't do this over and over. It'll kill me."
"No, this won't kill you. The Force won't allow that. Don't ask me how I know, I just do and you're alive, Jaythen. You're alive and safe and home."
I was. I couldn't forget that. Others like me were being murdered where they stood, I was here with my family. Safe and home. I took unusually deep breath and admitted, "I shouldn't complain, should I?"
"I didn't say that, but you're here and well. I'd rather have you as you are, than suffering what Eryck went through, or worse."
It wasn't difficult to feel the warm caring from T'narr. He'd been so much to me over the years. The first person to ever really care about what happened to me. My parent. My protector. My teacher. No matter what emotional troubles I had – and I was a storm of them when I was younger – he was always there. Always constant. Just like now. With T'narr, I didn't need to get back to good. Good was here. Good would always be here.
I slept hard. Snoring hard too from what my friends said as they smirked past me on the couch. The heavy feeling was gone. The herb had worn off. Lingering shadows of pain echoed around my head still, but it was bearable. It was made more bearable by the fact that when I opened my eyes, I saw that Eryck out of bed and sitting in the chair across from me. He looked tired and bruised, but vertical. I was happy. Things were working their way back to good as I knew they would.
I sat up. "Eryck, when did they let you out?"
He laughed hoarsely, cringing at the soreness as he did. "A few hours ago. My butt was numb from all that lying around. I'm not used to being sedentary. And I heard about your latest episode. Thought I'd return the favor and sit with you for a change. Feeling better?"
"I am. I wish I knew the why behind all of this though. If I understood it better, maybe I could do something to help those Jedi that might still be out there."
"You helped me."
"All I did was experience your terror. I couldn't do anything about it."
"I felt you on the other end. I knew it was you and it gave me something to focus on, thinking maybe you'd find me somehow."
I hadn't expected that. "You knew it was me?"
"I did. Maybe because you and I were already connected, but I knew it and clung to it."
"But these other Jedi don't know me. They can't hang on to me."
"If they're strong enough and quick enough, they'll know you're safe."
"But how does that help them?"
"Sometimes all people need is to feel that someone cares. You'd be amazed at how they'll find resolve to live if they can feed off that. I saw that same thing so many times during my years as a Jedi; so many missions to planets where people had nothing. But they people who cared about them, people they could hang onto. Sometimes, that was enough."
I stared at my friend, contemplating the wise words. They gave me a shred of hope that maybe I could make something positive out something evil.
Eeshyn wandered in with his hands full and stood in front of Eryck. "Stretch your left leg out as far as you can."
Eryck did as instructed as our healer put his supplies on the table. He knelt next to the leg in question, placing a firm hand on either side and massaged the muscles. Then, rolling the thin pants leg up, he took several tiny needles, coated the tips with a brown cream and inserted them in exactly one inch apart into the thigh and calf muscles. It looked painful, but there was no visible reaction, so I chalked it up to another of those shaman magical healing powers. I wasn't much for needles myself, so I didn't spend too much time mesmerized by the ones sticking out at odd angles from Eryck's leg.
Eeshyn seemed pleased with the end result. After a ten minute window the needles were removed and he massaged the area again, seemingly pleased with the outcome. "Look at that, working already. Keep in mind though that it may take time to regenerate the muscles completely. It's a slow process. Patience is the best medicine from here out. Patience and more of my fancy needle tricks. Plan on seeing me several times a week for a while. Needles are my specialty after all. And best of all, I get extra points if Jaythen faints at the sight."
Eryck laughed. I snorted. It was a good moment; a lighter moment. One we desperately needed. The three of us…we fit together. No matter the chaotic hell going on around us, this – our friendship - was good. I had all I needed in my small piece of Kembar Lune, though I admit, if I could selfishly wish for more, I would.
I'd wish for despair etched on Eryck's face to end. Despite his smile a moment ago, and progress in his physical recovery; emotionally, I knew he hurt.
There was heartache I could imagine, but couldn't completely grasp. The loss of his former master. I knew loss, I knew it painfully well, but the death of one who means everything to you…it was a pain that would linger and haunt and never completely vanish.
The best I could do was to help Eryck keep the good memories alive. And he'd had a lot of good with Marcus. More than most. They had been one of the strongest master/apprentice parings I'd ever seen. There was no getting over that…not completely anyway.
Quiet became our comfortable companion as more days came and went. Eeshyn moved out of the guest room and back to the village to resume his regular duties. He'd return every three days for a time, to continue therapy and to terrorize me with needles of course. In the meantime, Eryck limped badly on the left leg for now, but was able to support himself with the use of walking sticks in either hand. And I was there at his side if needed.
He quickly found what helped and what didn't help in the recovery process. The warmth of the sun was one of those things. It soothed his aches better than anything else. I'd find him sitting outside for hours, relishing in the sun's gentle kindness.
We sat now on the bench near the pasture. The horses were nibbling grass. Saber whinnied a greeting, but didn't wander my way. She sensed that I didn't need her.
Next to me, as we watched the horses graze in the grass and the birds play in the trees, there came an unexpected and broken sob. I put a hand on Eryck's knee.
"You okay?"
He shrugged. "Yeah, I am. Just…thinking. Remembering. About Marcus. He always loved the simplicity and the beauty of visiting here. It's why I got to come see you from time to time; even if it was only for a day. He made a point to stop on his way back from a mission even if we had to come out of our way to get here. The sun. The peacefulness. The animals. The water. You'd have never guessed he was the type to enjoy this type of thing. I mean Marcus was boisterous and a little out there, but he knew what he loved. And he knew how important it was for me to keep my friendship with you. Often enough he would tell me how hard it was for Jedi to maintain close ties with one another. The traveling and long missions...and he just loved the company he kept while he was here. He never tired of T'narr. T'narr understood him and laughed with him when others were too uptight to crack a smile. I think…" His voice broke. "I know he'd be happy I found my way here." Tears came then. "Force…I miss him, Jay. I miss him more than I can even begin to explain. He was there. Always. When I was hurt or sad or lonely, he'd spend every waking second at my bedside or just sitting with me. I would open my eyes, and he'd be there. Always. He deserved to die honorably. Not…like this. Not hunted down and slaughtered like an animal."
I didn't say anything. Honestly I didn't know what to say, and it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway. My words couldn't bring Marcus back. So I sat quietly, put an arm around my friend and sat with him, just as his master would have…and let him cry.
Moments passed before he gathered himself. Once he did, he asked me, "Could we put a marker up for him? Perhaps a memory stone somewhere in the sun? That was one of his most favorite things when he went anywhere. He so loved sitting in the sun and being at peace with the Force around him."
"Yeah, we can do that. It's a good way to honor him and remember when you need to."
"I have a couple things of his that I've always carried with me. I was thinking I would give one of them a place to rest."
"There's a small hill on the other side of our ship. It gets sun most of the day and you can see the river from there too. And it's visible from your bedroom."
"Then that's the place."
We found a simple, yet unique rounded stone. It was gray with shimmers of blue running through it. Eryck used my light saber to engrave a symbol into the stone; two half moons touching back to back. Under the half moons were two parallel wavy lines that barely stroked the bottom of the moons. On the planet were Marcus Kaavi was born, it meant, in loving and laughing memory. For the big blue man who always had a smile, there was nothing more fitting.
I helped Eryck up the hill and down onto the grass where he dug a small hole. Two oblong trinkets were pulled from his pocket; one shimmered sun-lit orange and the other, emerald green. I could feel the Force simmering around them as they attracted to each other like magnets.
"These are crystal stones from his home world. He gave me the green one on the day I became his padawan. The orange one, when I became a knight. He said these colors symbolized the beginning and then the end of a journey." Eryck fought his emotions trying to finish his words. "So here….now…Marcus begins his journey within the Force and so he should carry the green one with him. It's okay that I let it go. I've carried it forever, but this is right and…"
I smiled through my own tears and patted Eryck's knee when he couldn't finish his thought. "It is right and knowing your master, he'd approve of your way of setting him off on his journey."
Eryck nodded, sniffling and catching his hitched breath. With the most gentle of touches, he traced the outer edges of the green crystal with his finger before placing it into the soil. Several droplets rolled down his face onto the dirt as the stone disappeared into the earth. I handed him the memory stone and he fitted it on top of the freshly shuffled soil. He then reached for me within the Force and I felt him asking me silently for time alone. Long ago, I'd told Eryck about my abilities sending and receiving thoughts through the Force. Reading minds, if you will. It was something I was careful with and I'd never purposely dug into my best friend's mind without consent. But during our padawan days, we'd played games with my ability during down time. He'd would tried to hide what he was thinking and I would guess at the thoughts. Most of the time, his thoughts were so far off the wall that it left us laughing in stitches, wiping at our eyes and occasionally unable to function (without giggling) for a time afterward. A silly game, but when you're young, the simple ability to allow yourself to be silly once in a while…it was everything. Things were good back then.
Now though, there was no need to guess the thoughts. I heard them and felt them without the slightest effort. Eryck needed to say goodbye to his mentor.
I stood and moved away so that I couldn't hear his broken and sobbing voice. I shut my mind completely. There would be no intrusion, not even by accident.
And as I turned from the scene to allow him privacy, a large hand tugged at the pony tail band holding my black hair.
T'narr.
"He's okay?"
"He will be. Things changed for him so dramatically and so quickly. One minute things were normal. The next minute the galaxy was falling to dark and taking the most important person in his life with it. I guess I can imagine the feeling, although I don't want to think about it." I shrugged, not even trying to picture T'narr…no. I couldn't think of that ever happening. I'd be broken forever. I turned us back to Eryck and said, "Closure is important. I'm just glad he's here."
"As am I, Padawan."
We stood together until Eryck wandered to us. Eyes were rimmed with red, but there was a peace about him now. The sadness was there, but that would take time to dissolve. Until then, he needed us. T'narr stepped forward and pulled Eryck to him in a warm embrace, holding him safe for a moment.
"Eryck, I told Marcus years ago that I'd look after you if anything ever happened to him. You may be old enough not to need a babysitter, but you're never too old to need family. Relation doesn't matter. You're a part of us now and always will be."
I heard several muffled sniffles before Eryck pulled away. "He was a good man, T'narr. A good master. A good parent. And because of him, I'm alive. If he could want anything for me, it would be for this; here with you and Jaythen. I won't disappoint his memory, I swear it."
"You could never do such a thing. Marcus was never so proud of any other apprentice as he was of you. Always boasting about you, four blue arms raised in the air in dramatic fashion as he told us about his padawan's newest discovery or accomplishment. I'll admit to rolling my eyes at bit at his tales, but I always did enjoy his daily stories about you."
"Daily?"
"Well, almost. I imagine it would have been daily if we'd been on Coruscant more often. You know how he loved to talk." T'narr winked a smile, bringing a much needed lightness to the day. "We spoke often, even when Jaythen and I were here on Kembar Lune. You were fortunate to learn by his hand and train under his care. And he was damn proud of every single thing you ever did."
A soft breeze blew by, rustling the nearby trees and twisting up several dust clouds. My former master took it as a sign to get back his daily chores.
"Well, the farm won't work itself, will it, boys? I'll be in the back fields if you need anything."
Eryck and I walked back to the pasture fence. Saber meandered over to us, nickering for a treat. My pockets always held something for her, and I set a sugarleaf on my hand. She mouthed at it, chomped it down and then pushed around for more.
"No more, girl, not right now. But I've got a job for you. Eryck is going need a riding horse. Why don't you find something worthwhile in the next batch that comes in, okay?"
Sometimes I felt like the tiny brown mare could read my mind. Other times I was sure that she was one step ahead of me. Whichever; she tossed her head a couple times, nibbled at Eryck's shoulder and then trotted deeper into the pasture with her pals.
I laughed as Eryck looked puzzled.
"Don't worry. She'll take care of things."
"Uh, Jay, she's a horse."
"No, she's Saber!"
My friend smiled down at me. I was always a couple inches shorter than Mr. Average. But I managed, thanks to a growth spurt around age sixteen. I never filled out much though. Still slim enough so that T'narr's mother has always felt the need to supervise my eating habits until I had cleaned my plate. She would enjoy Eryck; someone for her to dawdle over in her advancing years. It wouldn't be long before Eryck would know that this really was his home. That things would eventually get back to that good we once enjoyed, and that baring any imperial interference, he'd live out his life here, happy and content.
The morning had been emotionally long and had taken its toll. He faltered in his step and the walking sticks slipped from his hands. I caught him and smirked gently, "Rest. It's the only medicine."
I helped him back to the house and into his room. The sun shone in through his window, creating a warm and inviting bed.
"I'll be outside helping T'narr. If you need anything…" I tapped my head with my finger.
"I will." I turned away but paused when he said my name. "Jay?"
"Yeah?"
"All of this, this is right. I sort of feel almost as if Marcus wanted this for me all along. He sacrificed himself so that I could have safety…and family. He's part of all this. Maybe that good feeling isn't too far off."
"It's not and it won't be long either. We'll be driving T'narr crazy before you know it. It's better now. It was hard to drive him completely crazy on my own, you know." We both smiled this time. "Now I have a brother to help me in that task."
He didn't speak, but his smile said it all.
"Get some rest, Eryck. As much as you need. There's no rush now. No save-the-planet deadlines. It's work. It's a lot of work. But it's good. You'll see."
I joined T'narr in the field where I was soon assaulted with another Force-driven vision of a Jedi being hunted to her death. I felt I knew her. Not a friend so much as a presence. She died like the others. I suspected more would follow and that I would be feel each and every one. And maybe that was all right. Maybe, in a way, I was there with them for that last breath – that none of them would ever die alone.
I rested on my back in the grass, hands on my head in a feeble attempt to combat the throbbing waves that rattled through. T'narr was with me.
He assured me that the worst would pass.
He assured me that everything would be okay.
I knew he was right.
I had my family close and my friends near. Life would eventually get back to good if we could keep our tiny existence out of the roaming eye of the dark new Empire.
END