Title: Dan vs. Love Stories
Chapter 1: That person/That Girl
Summary: Dan breaks into a museum one night to get revenge on a woman who goes by the name of Josie. He is surprised (and angry) to find that he isn't the only person in the museum. Will Dan figure out that the ancient artifact that he stole is more powerful than he thought? Will Josie just get lost? Will Dan keep the last strand of sanity he has left by the end of this? Probably not...
Rating: T
Pairing: Dan/OC
Disclaimer: I do not own Dan vs., that privilege goes to Dan Mandel and Chris Pearson. One could only dream to own this sadly under-rated show.
Ch.1
Dan wasn't one for physical exertion.
But Chris was out with Elise doing something that he was sure to be stupid and he'd rather not tag along (Not that Elise would let him but that's besides the point). So here he was in the middle of the night with an all black attire completed with a black ski-mask overlaying his face like a second skin, except for a ripped up hole in the mask that revealed his jade green eyes.
He epitomized his plan once more in his mind; Retrieve necklace, get rid of Josie with it, live happily ever after...and maybe use the necklace on Elise...and a few other anonymous individuals just for the fun of it. He snickered evilly to himself for a moment or two before stepping silently and cautiously towards the brimming museum with ease. Seemingly out of nowhere he pulled a tactical switchblade out to use on the front two thick-glass doors. Dan slid his hands over the cool glass in thought.
"Hmm..." He hummed and proceeded to throw the sharp object through the glass, causing it to blatantly shatter. Dan slipped his arm through the large crack and felt for the lock that was subsequently turned open. "Oh."
He gingerly opened the right door, causing the shattered remains of glass to noisily scrape across the polished floor under it.
Spy-mode. Dan tip-toed as quietly as he could manage through the lobby that displayed various, (delicate) items lined up on the wall. He took it upon himself to survey the vases and statues and what-not for a while in curiosity before focusing himself once again at the task at hand, a bit indignant at himself for getting side-tracked.
This museum was one of the most popular and the one with most interesting artifacts and archeological findings. Finally making it across the spacious lobby, Dan chuckled light-heartedly to himself, when realizing the lack of people guarding a well-known depository, and slammed his fist into the elevator button.
"This is gonna be a slam-dunk."
The elevator came in just under five seconds, a modern ding accompanying its arrival (Which somehow made the hot-headed man moreover 'chipper' upon hearing the light ring) and he stepped inside with a slight skip to his step.
What Dan failed to realize was the unconscious security officer behind the front desk that laid sprawled across the floor in an unnatural angle, with a fake handle-bar mustache drawn above the pudgy man's upper-lip with black eye-liner.
...
It takes a lot of practice to be practically invisible to the naked eye. For every move you make not to be heard, even by the nearest elephant (then again, why would there be an elephant anywhere close to a jewelry store, or a bank? Elephants would surely ruin the merchandise and stomp on innocent bystanders)
This particular individual, was currently dressed in a skin-tight, black clad get-up complete with a snug mask that revealed big, bright mischievous brown eyes. The slim figure ran her fingers leisurely across a cool glass shielding precious jewelry displayed within the bullet-proof dome..
She smirked wickedly behind her mask.
An Illuminated spot-light beamed brightly upon the gold, allegedly making it all more alluring to the woman, as if the trinket was specifically made for her, and her only.
Of course the bracelets was hers the second she laid her eyes on it. That's how it works. A thief? No, it isn't stealing when particular jewelry is made for you, and in this case a gorgeous glistening bracelet is practically calling her name; taunting her behind that glass.
She rolled her shoulders and retrieved a ring full of keys seemingly out of no where and swiftly un-locked the glass case and opened the small door. She almost frantically reached her slender arm in for the rare egyptian bracelet and plucked it off the white display table.
The woman purred as she massaged the item in the palm of her hand savoring the metal feel of it, then carelessly dropped the piece of jewelry in an already filled up pillow-case full of other types of rare jewelry. Gold, white-gold and silver alike piled up to the top of the pillow case. The case it's self could surely serve as a weapon.
"Skinnamarink e-dink e-dink.." The woman sang, in a low and slightly nasal undertone. "Skinnamarink e-doo," Even, she wasn't quite certain on why she started to sing, either way, she didn't have the urge to stop and her own voice snapped her back to the reality when in this stealth-like situation.
"I love you..."
Her voice was low; however it still managed to echo across the walls of the barren museum.
The woman surveyed the contents of her bag, and hummed before latching the pillow case onto her belt and flipped down the hall with glee. Her body being thrown around with ease, as she preformed swift aerials and reached a metal door at the end of the hall. Amazingly, the piles of jewelry never rattled, or made even the slightest of sounds.
No noise was heard as she sashayed closer to the door with a bunch of long rectangular stickers stuck to the surface of the metal that read: Unstable Exhibit, Under Construction, Do Not Enter.
"Skinnamarink e-dink e-dink
Skinnamarink e-doo.."
Seeming as these types of signs would make a person 'not' want to enter a premises with these types of warnings, it gave her no choice but to enter the usually guarded bounds ever so dexterously.
"I love you..."
...
Meanwhile, directly on the other side of the building was Dan humming a song to himself as he stomped down the hall with his bulky boots, with no sense of urgency whilst being in a museum late at night after closing hours. The only thing he felt was sleepy and a bit bored to say the least. Walking right into a museum in the middle of the night without some kind of alarm going off, no security, and no lasers whatsoever, for he had used pepper spray in the air a few times to check if there were actually lasers. (This only served to waste his time, and waste his homemade pepper spray).
It was almost like someone had disabled all threats to his particular mission before he even got the chance to put his plan into action. Not that he cared.
Less threat meant more progress and more of a chance for success. Dan decided not to dwell on it, all he needs is the necklace and he'll be on his way.
Then again, he was hoping he could break more glass other than the front door. He punched through a random glass case filled with ancient masks and snickered happily to himself.
He walked down another hall, remembering where he was meant to go, he walked on glad that he had done his homework. Listening to the lone footsteps of his boots on the extremely annoying, squeaky clean floor.
"Chris should be here." He suddenly griped under his breath, scowling as he did so. "Elise and her stupid plans, and her stupid unconditional love for 'my' friend."
Dan knew for a fact he was on the verge of getting very upset, and when he got upset, he got angry, and when he got angry, he got loud. Which was not good for his mission. But on some level, he wanted to be angry. It made him feel peaceful after he was finished 'being' angry. And revenge is usually what drives him to it, besides his habit of getting furious was his schtick and he liked it that way.
It wasn't his fault that society was growing stupider everyday, and it wasn't like he smoked or drank to relax himself. No. He wasn't to keen on developing cancer and hurting his vital organs and ruining his awesome body or acting like a moronic, drunk fool in front if everybody. But he was perfectly content with evoking chaos and making 'everyone else' look like a fool.
Chris would probably be complaining about his wife and/or about being hungry right about now. 'If he was here'
His eye twitched.
This museum was starting to give him the creeps. It probably wouldn't if Chris was here.
He subconsciously bit his lip.
Hell, he wouldn't even have to 'be' in here if Chris hadn't of ditched him.
At this moment he stopped fully in the middle of the hallway slipping his hands under the ski-mask and gripping his hair, ready to pull. He was starting to get angry and he didn't care if it would get him caught. Dan and his most used emotion were about to clash.
Why was he mad?:
He was mad at himself for missing that stupid goof so much, he was mad at Chris for ditching him, and he was mad at Elise for making Chris ditch him.
Jesus, he was just so god-damned mad!
Without considering the consequences, Dan let out a ferocious yell to the heavens and kicked a particularly big exhibit nearest to him with animatronic cave-men within it, causing the whole glass to noisily collapse and glass shards to rain in all different directions, especially for the glass to sprinkle a considerable amount upon him.
His eyes widened in surprise, all the anger melted away and he instinctively guarded his head with his arms.
And after the damage was done, silence enveloped the air once more.
Dan remained still for a while, cursing himself for causing pointless ruckus and almost getting himself caught. He groaned inwardly and listened if a security guard of some sort had heard that.
Finding it secure to move again he backed away slowly from the damaged display... pile and trudged on, with agitation, and embarrassment towards a medal door at the end of the hall. He also decided not to dwell on how stupid it was for him to kick a large case of glass when he was in spy-mode.
Although, he also didn't expect to actually break the glass.
Must've not been thick glass. He thought. Cheap repository...
Upon making it to the metal door he didn't concern himself with the warning stickers littered all over the surface, for he had instantly just opened the heavy door and slipped in.
...
The first thing seen is a large, pyramid-like ruin in the center of the circular auditorium. Narrow stairs trailed either side of the angular pyramid. It was made of beautiful shimmering stone that seemed to glow in the dark of the museum. A spot-light glimmered atop the ruin, upon a piece of jewelry: the secret necklace of Ancient Mayan History.
A sense of victory filled Dan and he grinned evilly under his mask like an idiot but as soon as the feeling came, it was replaced by a pang of empty loneliness when realizing he had no one to celebrate his victory with.
He vigorously shook his head. "Whatever. I'll show him that I don't need his stupid presence, and I'll rub the actual necklace of secret history in his face to prove it." He declared firmly, psyching himself up, bouncing on the heels of his boots before tipping his head back and practically started scream/whispering to the heavens above him. "So hear this Chris!" Dan hissed his friend's name subliminally, with as much malice as he could muster, and his voice became more audible. "You will regret the very moment you ditched me for that harpy ya hear?!"
Thunder and lightening suddenly clashed outside the building.
He snapped out if his stupor with a frightened jolt. "Huh... I can never predict the weird weather in this city.."
...
"I love you in the morning and in the afternoon," At this point her voice was barely audible above a hoarse whisper, as she surveyed the auditorium with interest.
"Pretty" didn't even come close describe the beauty of this large dome... Absolutely dazzling would be a better adjective for it, what with all the dim light reflecting off all the vivid colors engrained into the hieroglyphics that stretched across the entire circular wall.
She exhaled a bit in awe, but suddenly cocked her head to the side in confusion.
This doesn't look so 'dangerous' to me... She analyzed, recalling the stickers on the door before she strutted in. The woman wondered what exactly was under construction.
She pouted under her mask, desiring at least a bit if danger. False advertising...
The woman exhaled deeply and walked soundlessly around the assembly hall, considerably in a more acrimonious mood as she scrutinized her surroundings, brow knit in concentration."I love you in the in the evening and underneath the moon."
As any individual would she instinctively glanced up at the sky-line, that displayed half a moon which illuminated its natural glow into the museum. Her eyes glazed over at the beauty of it. "If only I could steal the moon..." She whispered admiringly to herself.
After another silent moment of thought, she casually preformed four flips towards the massive replica of a Mayan ruin and landed light on her feet on the bottom step, looking towards the top of the stairs. The necklace atop of the ruin is what immediately caught her her eye.
She rolled her shoulders and genetically grinned behind her mask before climbing the golden stair case without a second thought.
A peculiar sound quickly caught her attention, then thunder and lightning rolled, and she flinched. Her body froze rigid in its place listening intently once more, figuring that the weird sound from before had also come from outside, she continued her climb.
...
His breathing became labored as he stomped up the sizable and extravagantly carved steps in petulance, occasionally wiping his perspiring forehead with the back of his hand. His black hair was matted against his head under his mask and his whole face was starting to itch.
Dan couldn't express his irritation. The ruin had looked much smaller from the bottom and to put it simply, it pissed him off as much as it would to anyone else.
He grumbled unintelligible things under his breath, and stopped a second to gulp because of his dry throat, and to catch his breath before walking up the stairs once again.
Josie's annoying image made its way into his mind as his anger increased ever so slightly with every step he took towards his salvation. Her pointless freckles, her dumb small piggy-tails that bounced up and down around her round baby face, her horrible sense of style, and most of all her stupid squinty, light grey eyes...it all made him sick!
And to be perfectly honest...
...
...
...
He preferred big doe-brown eyes...
...
...
Like the exact ones that were currently staring dubiously at him.
...
Those eyes slowly blinked in surprise, as they surveyed his sudden presence.
"Oh..." Dan absentmindedly muttered in a frozen stupor.
When registering that these eyes belonged to an actual person, he yelped and jumped back, causing himself to lose balance almost fall down the stairs. And he would've, if that person hadn't of grabbed his forearms before his skull hit the first step. Dan let out a relieved exhale and relaxed his exceedingly tensed up body and opened his eyes to see the ski-line and the moon.
Dan tipped his head downwards towards his savior who seemed to be struggling to pull him back up by his arms, considering he wasn't helping that person pull his own body weight.
He felt a twinge of embarrassment, and for some odd reason: fascination? It was a female, that much he was sure of; what with her skin-tight suit... And Er, curvaceous features.
'Who the hell is this girl? Is she the police? Is she a spy? An alien?...Vampire? He hoped not, he would hate to meet a sparkly vampire like in those stupid movies Josie and Chris made him watch.
Dan grunted and wrapped his fingers around her small wrists and untwisted his legs to level him self atop the stone ruin.
"I could've handled that myself," He snidely remarked, with a sudden scowl on his face.
Those eyes glanced at him for a moment, a glint of amusement was seen before she let out a throaty laugh, "You're welcome buddy." Dans eyes widened slightly,
"I didn't say thank you-"
The woman cleared her throat succeeding in shutting him up and casually snatched the necklace off its podium. "We'll I'd love to stay and chat but... Mmmm, nah I wouldn't." She snickered heartily once more, adding to his aggravation.
Her voice caught him off guard, the essence of her tone sounded as if she had some sort of nasal infection, and to top it off, her voice was a oddly throaty as if she chugged a bottle of hot sauce before she walked in here. He can honestly say he's legitimately never heard anything like it. However, he's never seen anybody like her.
Who the hell is she?
Lost in his thoughts he had only just realized she was flipping off towards the door. "Oh no you don't!"
As fast as he could muster, he clumsily ran down the other side if the stairs on the ruin, and threw the nearest thing at her direction which just happened to be a broken piece of granite that he broke off one of the already cracked pillars in an angry rage.
That person remarkably ducked out of the way right in time even though she was facing the wall and had no way of knowing he threw something at her in the first place and the rock collided with the wall in a boisterous clash and exploded everywhere. She looked back at him with an undefinable expression(Given, he couldn't see her expression under that mask but that was irrelevant at the moment). "Dude, you could've killed me..." She trailed off.
Dan raised a brow and scoffed. "Please. I was just doing that to get your attention." He then ran over to her a bit out if breath, and feeling substantially victorious that she actually waited for him to walk over and bend down to look her in the eye. "And now that I have it... GIVE ME THAT NECKLACE!"
She didn't flinch. She didn't hand the necklace to him. No, she just... Tipped her head back and laughed.
A part of him wanted to laugh with her, mostly because of how much foolery she seemed to be filled with. And an other part of him wanted to to get very angry that she was teasing him.
The other part won.
'The nerve!' He heatedly thought to himself.
"Listen you-" Dan pointed directly to her face, ready to scream her ears off. "How about if I-"
"The pillar..." She dully interrupted.
"Wha?"
He followed the direction in which her finger was pointing and surveyed all the pillars around them for something out of the ordinary but a passing thought entered his mind and he suddenly realized that she potentially psyched him out. To make sure that his theory was correct, Dan quickly looked back to the front of him to the spot where she was supposed to be sitting and sure enough she was gone without a trace.
"You've gotta be kidding me!"
"Who's gotta be kidding you?" She replied, causing him to twist around in surprise to find her looking down on him.
Relieved that his flustered face was covered by the mask, he decided to go off on her. "How did you even-get to where... Don't sneak up on me ever again!"
She quickly put her hands up in defense."Okay, okay! Relax, I just got up to point out this." That person gestured towards a pillar he seemed to have overlooked, an it was shaking profusely in its spot.
He stared at it. "Yeah so?"
That person rolled her shoulders and snickered a big under her breath. "So if that pillar collapsed that would make this entire museum cave in on its self."
"All I need is that necklace you stole, and I'll be on my way." Dan emphasized, by pointing at the piece of jewelry in her hand.
She lifted the necklace to her line of vision and glanced at him again. "Mmm... Nah."
"What do ya mean "nah", there's tons of necklaces in this museum!"
"Oh, I know there's a lot of necklaces in this museum," She replied casually while patting a her sack of the museums contents on her hip with pride."I want this one though."
"Why?"
"It's pretty."
Dan contemplated her answer for a moment. She doesn't know the power in which that necklace contains... Unless she's trying to act ignorant in front if me... I'll work with her ignorance if it 'is' real..
"I don't think it's your color..." He started, while getting up from his spot on the floor. "I mean you should find an accessory more suitable like, one that matches your cinnamon colored eyes." He flinched, abashed that he's still a bit mesmerized by her big eyes and also frightened to think she's noticed that he actually took if upon himself to note the color of her eyes.
That person was silent as he stood up straight and stayed silent when Dan realized she was about three to four inches taller than him. It wasn't that much of a difference, Chris was like two heads taller than him and Elise was like eight inches taller, at least his neck didn't strain when attempting to face her.
"Why is this necklace so important to 'you'?" She asked suddenly.
"Well uhh..." Dan groaned and attempted to snatch the necklace out of her hand. "JUST GIVE ME IT!"
She easily lifted her hand and necklace out of reach as he basically straddled her hips trying to grab it, and she laughed when realizing the position they were in.
"I SAID, GIVE IT TO ME NOW!"
He backed off a bit as the exposer on his face turned beet red.
"That's what she said!" She whooped as she dropped to the floor doubled over in laughter and clutching her stomach.
His face got even more redder under his mask, if that was possible. "Shut-up!"
Dan's teeth were grinding as she flipped back up and cleared her throat, even though it seemed as if her throat would sound like she had a chest cold either way so clearing her throat was potentially useless. "Okay, okay, look, if you can take the necklace from me you can keep it, but if you can't..."
The trembling pillar coincidentally started to crumble and shake the entire auditorium.
"I'm leaving you here." She finished.
Dan frantically looked around at the crumbling room around them.
"On your mark. Get set. Go." With that, the person sprinted off to the other side of the room. Debris rained upon everything in the auditorium especially onto him, and he grunted as the anger grew inside him.
"GET BACK HERE!"
"You yell an awful lot don't you?" She yelled back, her voice breaking as she said this.
"Where are you?" He asked desperately. He looked around in a state of panic, then ran around as if it would accomplish something.
Dan saw movement in the corner of his eye, and he immediately turned to see her climbing on top of a ledge on the wall with ease, to which he ran over to her general direction, ready to push her off that ledge.
That person looked back to see him running towards her with a murderous look in his eye. She yelped in excitement and ran along the ledge as the whole room shook and legitimately began to cave in. Sure enough, Dan fixated himself atop the edge, with strain, for he was having trouble regaining balance what with all the quavering and the ledge was thin.
No matter, there was no doubt in his mind that he would catch this... Person. He felt an odd feeling in his chest when he realized he didn't know her name and she didn't know his. Puzzlement consumed him, when he felt kind of sad that he didn't have that kind knowledge of her quite yet, he also hasn't seen her face. That made him even sadder.
Dan grunted as he was catching up to her. As adrenaline took over, he didn't notice how hard he was breathing, he might pass out.
The dust and debris floating around in the air, he could see that she abruptly came to a stop and he collided with her back. "Hey! What's the big idea?!"
That person pointed to the the remains of the ledge in front of her that she most definitely couldn't run on.
At that moment, the spot on the ledge collapsed and he fell with it towards the floor. Although he would've, if she hadn't of caught him..again.
She quickly caught hold of the front of his suit and held onto him as the floor below them and the ledge she was on began to fall apart before their very eyes.
"Holy shit dude..." she breathed in absolute amazement.
That person pulled him onto the ledge with her and attempted to continue their little chase, by grabbing onto the shimmering hang lights that castes upon the once beautiful room.
The first thing that came to Dan's mind was the fact that he hated lampslike that, especially the one at home that smacked him in the head every morning when woke up. That person swung genetically on the lamp and managed to make it all the way to the other side of the room on an opposite ledge and ran along it once more.
He followed her lead, and grabbed the lamp that haphazardly swung back to him, and placed his feet on the top of the metal shade on either side of the cord that connected with the ceiling. He glared at the lamp before pouncing off the wall with a push of his arm.
He swung clumsily towards the other side of the auditorium, and reached out a leg to latch onto the ledge. He was unable to, and instead his boot slipped directly off the ledge sending him in a backwards heap towards the other ledge.
"Hey, girl!" Dan screeched.