Letting go
Hey guys! So I asked some of the reviewers if they wanted any one-shots, and I'm working on them right now! I decided to upload a story while we wait.
Warning- this story may be depressing and 'harsh' at times. If you like it, review it! This whole story is in Austin's P.O.V.
"Oh girl, this boat is sinking,
There's no sea left for me,
And how the sky gets heavy
when you are underneath it
Oh I want to sail away from here..."
My life is falling apart now. It's just breaking into pieces every single second. Everything was just so perfect, but now it's gone. It just disappeared, and was replaced by someone's whose life must have been as miserable as hell. The most important thing in my life left me, and no matter how hard I'll try, I'd never get them back. That's what gets me every single time. No matter how hard I'll try, I'll never get her back. She impacted my life in so many ways. Whether it was scolding me or quoting Harry Potter wherever we went.
"Hogwarts is hogwash." I remember saying that to her and she gave me the silent treatment for two days. I was so bored and lonely without her talking to me, not to mention devastated, that I never said anything rude or offensive about Harry Potter again. She was a sensitive girl, and I was always afraid of saying or doing something wrong otherwise it would break her heart. Little did I know that she was dying, slowly.
Flashback
I still remember the day that we had became friends, I still remember the smell of the room, and I still remember how brightly her eyes glowed as they wandered around the room.
"She must love music." I whispered to myself. I mentally slapped myself. Of course she did, she was working in a MUSIC store. Then she came over and yelled at me for a couple of minutes, while I was hypnotized by her eyes. Who knew that they could be so beautiful? And I still remember how easily we became friends, and music partners...
"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked her one day. She was sitting on the bench, clearly upset and sobbing heavily.
"What's wrong?" I asked her again. She looked at me and then continued to sob. I gave her a hug and we stayed like that for a long time. She kept crying and I patted her back. When she finally calmed down a little bit she laid her head on my lap and I started playing with her hair.
"So Austin, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow." she said.
"Of course. I wouldn't miss a chance to be with you." I said. She smiled.
"Thanks Austin." she said.
"No problem, anything for you." I said, I started braiding her hair when she suddenly spoke.
"I love you."
My heart seemed to skip a beat. I stayed silent for a while, but then finally spit it out.
"I do too. Always have and always will." I said, and I leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"If only it could last forever." I heard her say.
"It will, believe me. I'll love you forever, even when I'm dead." I said.
"Death is closer than we think Austin. We could die any second, and we wouldn't know." I sat there for a second.
"Wait, why were you crying before?" I said. I heard her take a deep breath and then she remained silent. After a while she finally spoke.
"I'm a girl... Girls cry a lot." she said.
"But why was this pretty lady crying?" I asked. She looked at me straight in the eyes.
"It's best if I don't tell you." she said. I shrugged. She was just probably moody for no reason, I thought.
Ha. Well I thought wrong.
And then came the day when I had found my addiction, smoking. I was depressed because my grandpa died and I went to my friend Dallas's place and asked him for a cigarette. He was shocked at first, but then gave me one and I lit it up and began to smoke it. It felt so relaxing and I couldn't stop. Well, when SHE found out about it, she wasn't happy at all. She'd make me empty out all of my pockets and then she'd throw them out once I handed them to her.
"Smoking can lead to cancer, and cancer can lead to death, and death is terrible." she said. I looked at her like she was crazy. She began lecturing me.
"Death is a surprise Austin, it's closer than you think, and smoking will make it come closer. Please don't die. I don't want you to." I saw the tears form in her eyes.
"Relax, I won't die. Neither will you. We'll be that old happy couple sitting on the park bench holding hands together." She shook her head.
"No we won't. One day one of us will be gone." she said.
"Why do you keep thinking about death? Just please, for once, don't talk about it." I said. She looked at me.
"It's too close..." she started, but I cut her off by placing my lips on hers.
"Will that get you to stop for a while?" I asked, smirking. She blushed and then nodded her head shyly.
"Good. So, what do you want to do together?" I asked.
"Maybe we could write a song together? Maybe a love song?" she asked. I made a face but then nodded.
"I guess. We haven't done those in a while..." I said. She smiled widely and then dragged me upstairs to the music room.
But then came the most terrible day of my life. I was sitting on the counter and poking at the cash register, trying to get it open, when she walked in and her eyes were red. When I noticed this I immediately jumped off and ran up to her.
"Oh my god, were you crying all night again?" I asked. She nodded, her hair bouncing on her shoulders.
"Why?" I asked her. I reached over to give her a hug but she stopped me.
"No hugs please. I need to let it out. I think that it's best if... If we break up." It was then when my heart broke into pieces.
"But why?" I asked, my voice very quiet. She looked at me with red eyes.
"I-I want to tell you, but I can't. I don't want to hurt you." she reached her hands towards my face but I pulled them away.
"You already hurt me." I said. She nodded as if she knew.
"One day it'll make sense Austin." she said. She then cupped her hands on my face and reached over and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer.
"Please don't leave me." I murmured into her lips. She shook her head.
"I won't." she whispered. She snaked her arms across my neck and when we pulled away she buried her head into the crook of my neck. I felt tears stream down my cheeks and could feel her crying too.
"Sing to me." she said. I cleared my throat and began to sing.
"Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shinin'
Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her tryin'
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday
Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look okay?
I say
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
'Cause girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are
Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday
Oh, you know, you know, you know I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for, then just stay the same
So don't even bother asking if you look okay
You know I'll say
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
'Cause girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are
The way you are
The way you are
Girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
'Cause girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are, yeah"
She smiled into my neck. "I love you Austin." I nodded as if I knew.
"I love you too Ally."
And then, just like that, she was out of my sight forever. I missed her so much the minute she was gone. When I figured out the reason why it made me more devastated. I was depressed. I needed to forget about her now, no matter how hard it would take. People thought I was being stubborn and rude when I said that, but really it was only because it brought back so many painful memories.
Reality
I got up for another long day of school. I got ready and slipped on my black leather jacket and jammed on my sneakers. I barged out of the room and accidentally banged the door on the wall, leaving a dent in it. "
Shit." I murmured. I ran out of the room into the kitchen, opening the cabinet looking for some cereal.
"Hi Austin." Dad called out. "Hey dad." I called back. He sat at the table reading a newspaper. I took a moment to study him. I put down my cereal and walked over and sat down next to him.
"Hey dad?" I asked. He put down his newspaper and looked at me. "Yeah Austin?" he asked, looking at me with concern in his eyes. He took a glance at me and studied my features. I had gotten skinnier, paler, and I also had a lot of dark circles underneath my eyes. It was all because of the painful memories that were brought back to me every time I thought about Ally.
"Never-mind," I said. "It isn't important." I walked out of the house and started to make my way towards the bus stop. My mother was watering the flowers outside, and the minute she saw me, her smile had disappeared and a frown replaced it. She held out her delicate little hands and motioned for me to give it to her. I sighed heavily and reached into my pocket and pulled out a box of cigarettes and matches.
"Austin, I don't understand why you've changed, when you were around Ally-" she said, but I cut her off by shouting.
"FORGET ABOUT ALLY MOM SHE'S GONE." She looked at me with hurt in her eyes. "I'm sorry for snapping mom, just... just let me handle it. Okay?" I asked. She nodded her head and then continued with her gardening. I walked on the sidewalk kicking pebbles as I passed by them. I silently smiled to myself. She didn't know that I had an extra pack.
As soon as I turned on the curb towards school, I lighted one of the cigarettes and began smoking. I walked straight past the building and into the woods behind it. I walked until I had found my 'special' tree. The same tree that me and Ally went for a picnic under. I remembered the time she accidentally got peanut butter on her nose and tried to lick it off with her tongue. The old Ally would have said it was absolutely disgusting but the new Ally didn't care at all. I climbed up the tree and I sat high above a branch and gazed at the world. One day I'll get off of it. I closed my eyes and began to sing.
"There's no hope,
and it's time to come of age.
I think it's a problem,
Does it ever go away?
I know I am so self-obsessed, I guess,
But there's, no hope, and I hope it's just a phase.
Oh, I'll grow."
I started to fall asleep and leave this planet, for good. I don't care how I would get off this Earth, if there was an easier way I'd definitely take it because... when love is broken... it's like, you can't breathe anymore. And I had to learn that the hard way. I always thought that my parents' advice was just crap but now I realized that what they told me was true. All of the advice that they had gave me all came together, like a slap in the face. Okay, I never was really good with metaphors. But Ally was. And she told me she found it adorable that I couldn't think of any good metaphors. She'd laugh at any of my failed attempts.
I then began to dream. In my dream I was with Ally, and we were walking on the sidewalk taking a stroll through the neighborhood. All of a sudden, she was gone, and I couldn't find her. I started searching for her and my world, which was filled with so much color before, started to become a dull boring black and pretty soon I was the only one there in this empty darkness. Voices screamed at me to get up and I kept searching. I finally came across a light that resembled Ally's figure.
"Wake up Austin..." the heavenly voice whispered. "But Ally..." I started. The figure put a finger against my lips. "Wake up." it kept repeating over and over.
I finally awoke from my dream and found myself sprawled on the floor. I rubbed the back of my head, it hurt, bad. "Dammit." I whispered quietly. I got up carefully, every bone in my body aching like hell. I saw the branch that I was sitting on lying on the floor.
"Maybe next time don't sit on a higher branch, and you won't fall as hard as you did." Someone said. I turned around and saw Dez standing there with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.
"Hey Dez." I said. "Don't 'hey' me Austin. Listen, ever since then you haven't been yourself. You became a totally different person, and I have to let you know. You've got to let go of Ally-"
"FORGET ABOUT HER." I shouted. Dez took a step back.
"Austin, you can't just think everything is fine if you just 'forget about it'. You know you miss her and you need to accept it." he said. I rolled my eyes. I knew I missed her. "I don't need a life lesson right now Dez."
Dez crossed his arms. "You know you're pretty lucky you still have me, since apparently everyone else left you, now I can see why." I crossed my arms imitating Dez. "Then why don't you. I know you're not that stupid." I said. "Because I still have hope for you." I scoffed. "All that hope is gone, forget about it." Dez shook his head.
"Why? Did Ally take all of it from you?" he asked. He immediately regretted it as he saw my eyes and my fists clenching. "Fine Austin, whatever. Go die in hell for all I care then." he said. Dez turned around and walked away.
"Fine! I DON'T NEED YOU! I DON'T NEED ANYONE!" I shouted at him. I sat down on the floor and put my head in my hands. I started to feel tears form. I didn't need anything except for Ally, but I didn't want to admit it. "Oh Ally, why'd you leave me?" I asked, looking up at the sky to see a cloud shaped like a heart.
It took me a long time to finally get off my ass and go to school. I walked carefully into the building making sure nobody saw me and I'd end up seeing the principal again. I snuck into the halls and then went on my way to the music room. I opened the door and walked inside and sat at the huge piano that sat in the middle of the room. It brought back a memory of me and Ally. The last memory we shared.
Flashback
There we were, sitting right next to each other on the piano bench, shaking. We were nervous yet excited at the same time. I finally had achieved my goal of helping Ally overcome her stage-fright and now we were going to play in front of a huge group of people. I could feel how tense she was. I put my had right on top of hers and looked at her in the eyes.
"It's okay Ally, you can do it." I assured her. She smiled and then looked away. She started playing the beginning and I joined her in the middle. We played harmoniously. When we finished playing everyone began clapping very loudly and cheering. We smiled and as we walked out, she leaped into my arms and was smiling widely.
"I did it!" she said. I smiled and twirled her around. "I knew you could." I said. She kept on grinning and then her smile slowly faded eyes started to droop closed.
"ALLY!" I kept shouting. She fell to the ground and I screamed for someone to come help. People rushed outside and someone called the police. I saw Lester and Penny standing there bawling their eyes out. I saw my parents approach behind me.
"NO! I CAN'T LEAVE ALLY!" I shouted. I struggled against them and tried to break free, but they dragged me away, and I wagged everyone as I passed by. Their eyes were filled with sorrow and sadness.
Reality
I sat at the chair thinking about the memory. Once I found out what we had been playing for only made it worse. It was for helping find a cure for cancer. That six letter word that took so many precious lives, like a soul-stealer. But that evil thing took away the one thing that meant the world to me. It took Ally away from me. And now she's up there, watching me, like she always said she would be.
Now all of those lectures that she gave me about death fell into place. Ally knew she was dying, but she didn't know how close she was to it. She wanted to live life as much as she could, but it wasn't enough. But she knows one thing;
I always loved Ally and I always will. Nobody can ever change that.
The End! Sorry about this whole sad theme, but I just felt like it was a good story idea. I'm sorry for any of you who have lost someone very important in your life because of cancer. This story wasn't meant to offend any of you, so please don't get mad at me.