And that's how life works. One moment you're sitting across from your boyfriend, enjoying a lovely dinner as he talks about his day with his war buddies. And the next moment you're in the work toilets staring at yourself in the mirror after throwing up all your insides in the closest toilet you could make it to.
You hate yourself. You really do. Because this isn't what you wanted to be in your life, you didn't want to be one of those people who hurt the ones they are supposed to love. But you couldn't stop it, you couldn't control your thoughts or your feelings.
You had him but you wanted her. And your want for her was needier than your want for him. You craved her. Every day and every night, you wanted to touch her, kiss her, feel her, smell her, taste her, everything. You wanted every single thing that she offered - and she was offering it all.
She's your best friend and he's the guy you loved in high school and it sickens you to think that because you use the word 'loved' and not 'love', even though you love him - you're just not 'in' love with him. And that's shit because he loves you with everything he has. But she loves you with everything she has and you love her with every inch of your body and soul. You hear her voice echo that stupid quote in your head and it's all you can hear and it sounds bittersweet because it's her voice and the quote is true but it makes you feel like fucking shit.
"There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing; a throbbing moment."
And it's so fucking true - painfully true - because it happened by accident, you fell in love with Maura and Maura fell in love with you.
I like writing one shots...sorry.
- MT