Of Tomatoes and Knives
This was a dream I had months ago that I've just now gotten around to writing. Yeah, apparently my unconscious loves crack pairings. The dream was way too vague so this was really difficult on me. I basically made up most of it, but the whole thing with the brick wall and the curl, well that was all la-la land. UGH! Damn you dream and your randomness!
Warning: This is Romano we're talking about, so there is cussing. Of course, most of my stories have cussing, cause I'm a little pottymouth, but this one has a few F-bombs here and there.
I only dream of owning Hetalia.
~Tomato~
It shouldn't have been possible, our relationship. In fact, the fact that we met at all was a surprise. Well, sure I had seen her at the World Meetings and what not, but I mean, I'd never actually talked to her. Frankly, I was too afraid of what Russia would do to me, you know how possessive he is. That's when I saw how he would run away and thought he was fucking stupid. Couldn't he see how beautiful she was?
I couldn't really understand what I was feeling. I mean, everyone else seemed afraid of this woman. So why wasn't I? I was one of the cowardly brothers after all, so why wasn't I cowering with terror like my brother was? Why couldn't I take my eyes off of this beautiful woman. Why couldn't I speak whenever I was near her? Why couldn't I gather the courage to at least say hi? And why was she suddenly appearing in every single dream I dreamt?!
Anyway, imagine my surprise when luck finally went my way for once. It all started once upon a time on Germany's fucking birthday...
I stood in the park that Spanish asshole had taken me to many times as a child. In the park that I... I shook my head fiercely at that thought. Too many problems right now. I could only process one at a time, so I focused on the most recent.
I sighed. Did I really wanted to think about what happened this morning? Sure, it had seemingly started out per usual with Fratellino making pasta for breakfast and Ami -his cat- rubbing her fluffy body against my leg. It was a nice scene to wake up to. That is, until Fratellino told me that he was going be gone that entire week with that damn potato bastard. For his fucking birthday. It just wasn't fair! I couldn't remember the last time Italy and I had just spent a week together! Not even on our shared birthdays! And I needed my brother now more than ever! Yet for whatever reason, that potato fucker was taking my brother away from me while I was left to suffer.
After that little bit of information, I had ran out of the house in a fit of rage. Tearing down the street at an inhuman speed, I ran away from my stupid brother who didn't know shit. When I finally came to a halt, I was panting, not from extortion, but from barely contained anger. I wanted to punch something, or someone. To feel the force of my hand doing some -if any- damage to the object. I wanted it so badly, it scared me.
Focusing on keeping my clenched fists to the side, I didn't notice that she was there, watching my every move, until she made herself known. "Romano." Her voice was like a breeze ghosting against my neck, just enough to raise goosebumps and make a shiver run down my vertebrae. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling though.
Turning slightly, I gazed at the beautiful woman standing in front of me. Her nearly silver blonde hair was picked up in the wind and floated in front of my face. I was tempted -oh so tempted- to reach out and snatch one of the strands from the air. To feel it. To make sure she was really there and not just some mirage or something. But, with every ounce of control -the control I had previously been focusing on keeping from punching something- I kept my hand at my side. Even as I did so, my chest ached with longing to give into my temptation. My brain knew that I could not, and -for the time being at least- it was my brain in control.
Her midnight blue eyes caught on my own gaze for a moment. They were as unreadable as always but somehow, as I stared, the guarded look seemed to falter a little bit. As if... as if she almost relaxed around me. Just a simple thought like this made my heart start to do all kinds of flips.
Swallowing thickly, I decided that someone needed to end this silence, and that someone probably had to be me. After a few more seconds passing and finding courage I didn't know I had, I managed to speak to the girl of my dreams for the first time. "U-um, ciao bella." I murmured, cursing myself for the stutter. What was the point of being Italian if I couldn't be a smooth talker to the one girl that was important. "I-is there something you need?" Like me to show you around town. Or for me to date you. Or fuck you. I brushed that thought away, but it still brought a scarlet blush to my already pinkened cheeks.
She stared at me for a moment longer before -honest to God- I saw the tiniest bit of a smile flicker across her lips. I'm sure that if I was to have an MRI at that moment, they would've found pieces of my brain splattered against my skull. Then, the moment was gone and she shifted her gaze to look around the park. "I was..." She seemed to hesitate, her gaze finding mine again. "Looking..." Then, her eyes regained that guarded look. "For my brother."
I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep back a groan. My heart plummeted all the way to my shoes. I was tempted to stomp on it for punishment for the false hope it had fed me. Hopefully, I kept my face blank as I said, "I haven't seen him. Scusa." The apology fell a little flat, but that was alright. It wasn't that unusual for a person to give a fake sorry.
She glanced around the park again, and I let my gaze follow hers. It was just a simple park with metal monkey bars, a slide, and two swings. There was also a tree above my head. The crisp green leaves fluttered in the warm summer breeze. It was a pretty sight, but dulled in comparison to the woman in front of me. Everything would be dulled in comparison to her.
Finally, our gazes returned. Once again, her face appeared softer than usual. "That's okay. He'd only have run from me any how." Her voice caught on her words and she sank down onto one of the nearby swings. She quickly covered her face with her hands, but had she not, I knew her eyes would hold the same sadness her voice did. There might've been tears to. "He doesn't love me the way I love him." She whispered hoarsely, as if forcing the words past a fictional lump. "He doesn't love me the way he loves him." I didn't know who 'him' was, but I understood her words perfectly.
Despair, sadness, and yes, a little bit of empathy coursed through me. Had I not been feeling the same things only days before as I was so bluntly rejected? Yet, this amazing woman, didn't even get the actual words? That was beyond cruel. Following those emotions, the already kindling anger ignited once again, making me speak words that I couldn't keep back. "He doesn't deserve you." I growled out, my words no louder than hers had been only moments before. A whisper to be caught on the wind and carried away. "He couldn't find true love if he had a GPS locator locked on to it. He's just a fucking stupid guy that doesn't know shit about you."
Speaking of which, what did I know about her? I hadn't even talked to her before that moment, so what right did I have to say these things to her? I shook my head quickly. "I-I mean..." I couldn't find the words, so I merely trailed off.
When she had first heard my words, she had raised her head to look at me once again. For the first time I'd ever seen, her lips pulled up into a tiny little smile. It made her already beautiful face light up. Those midnight orbs dropped their guard and for once, I could actually see what she was feeling.
She was sad, of course she was sad. But there was a sort of bitter sadness that made my anger rise higher. It made me want to go over to that asshole's house and -and what? What could I do? I'm just one of the useless Italys. The one no one cared about. With these thoughts, my anger dimmed and the memory of that day came flaring up.
It had been at this exact park that I had asked. It was supposed to be romantic and touching. Well, it would've been if he had actually returned my feelings. How could he have led me on all this time, only to crush my heart the moment I put it out there? Didn't he care about how I felt, or was I just there to be thrown away the moment he found his own love? Was I always just a place holder?
I felt something warm on my hand and was startled out of my memory. Glancing down, I saw a single pale hand covering mine. My breath caught in my throat as my gaze raised to the woman's in front of me. "Be-Belarus."
Her face had transformed to concern as she watched me, then anger flickered in its place. "My name is not Belarus." She growled, making my eyes widened. Had I insulted her? "My name is Natalia Arlovskaya." I blinked. Her real name. She had just told me her real name, one of the most sacred thing a country had to give one another. It was one of the most personal things a country cherished.
My heart went back to doing it's crazy flips. If this kept up, I could probably sign it up the circus. I swallowed a fresh lump of emotions and managed to force out my own name, the same name I had given to him. "L-Lovino. My name's Lovino Vargas."
Natalia's smile was wide this time, not just a hint of one, but an actual full blown smile that had me smile too. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually smiled. Was it with Spain...?
The thought of him filled my brain again. It'd been weeks since that day, so why did it still cut so much just to think of him. I sat down heavily on the other swing beside her. I barely felt her hand on mine anymore as I continued to torture myself with his face, his words. Him.
Just then, a pressure was applied to the hand she held. Not enough to hurt me, just enough for me to remember it was there. My eyes widened as I gazed at her once again angry face. "Don't think of him." She spat out, her eyes dancing with a fire that I knew all too well. That same fire had often flamed inside of my own eyes. "Don't you think of him for one second! He isn't worth the time!"
I scowled a bit, not even caring that I was doing this in front of a lady such as herself. "It's not as easy as you make it sound." I muttered, instantly hating the whiny edge my voice had gained. I sounded pathetic and childish. Though it wasn't too different from what I felt just then.
Without a word for answer at first, she got up off her chained seat. In two small strides she stood in front of me. The hand that had previously been on her hip, landed on my shoulder while the one that held my own hand squeezed a little bit. She stared into my eyes, an unreadable emotion swirling in her blue irises. Whatever it was made the lump of emotions in my throat come back at full force. "Wh-wh-what-" I never got to finish my question, for her soft pale lips crashed down on my own.
I truly don't have any word that I could use to describe the kiss. There aren't enough adjectives in the world to explain something like that.
When she pulled back, her eyes flashed again. "Think about me and only me. Think about how I smell, the color of my hair. How my lips feel on yours." My face was burning, it had to be on fire. "Don't you give him a second of time in your head. Just think of me."
And I was more than happy to comply.
~Knife~
Lovino stayed true to his promise. I never saw him sad about that dumbass since I told him to think of me. After that first kiss, he asked me to be his "fidanzata". His girlfriend. I said yes of course. There was no hesitance. I had already fallen in love with Lovino before I had even talked to him. One might call it stalking, but it's not like I took his picture or anything. I just wanted to learn more about the man I had first seen crying.
You see, it had been the day after I saw my brother -the one I used to love with all my heart- fucking that Chinese man. I was heart broken, like I should be. For centuries I had believed my brother was merely playing hard-to-get, and did actually love me back. I guess I was just a delusional naive girl. It shouldn't have taken seeing my brother like that for me to realize things weren't ever going to happen between us. I should have known that my brother didn't even like me. That he hated me.
I couldn't go back to my brother's house after that. Whenever I so much as thought of it, it felt as though I was being stabbed in the chest by my own knife. To see the room where they... it was just too much. I couldn't do it. So instead I wandered around Europe for a year, scaring the shit out of everyone. I couldn't really care less, until I ended up in Italy.
There was this little park somewhere in the southern parts of Italy where I decided to sit on the antique looking swings. As I rocked myself back and forth with my feet still planted on the grass covered ground, two men walked towards a tall tree. They didn't notice me at all as the shorter of the stopped next to the tree. His back was to me, but the taller man faced me so that I could recognize him. It was the Spanish man that was always smiling at the World Meetings. The one that sometimes, I just wanted to strangle. He was too damn cheerful. The other man had auburn hair and a odd curl sticking to the side. It was one of the Italians, that was all I could tell.
The Italian said something though I was too far away to hear. The taller man, the Spanish one, let out a small -almost nervous- laugh. Something was up. The Italian snapped something out, which brought a true laugh from the brunette. Then, there was an almost inaudible sentence from the shorter man that made Spain's -that was his name- eyes widen with shock. Once the shock wore off, his emerald eyes changed. Guilt clouded them. He said something more, before running past the Italian and past me. The Italian turned to watch him go and I could finally tell who he was. He was the Southern one, the one with copper eyes and a blazing anger.
His face contorted with pain as he watched the Spaniard run away. Then, as if he was a puppet that just had his strings cut, he collapsed to his knees. I couldn't hear it, but I watched as his whole body quaked with sobs. That was when I realized he was just like me. We both had someone we loved who didn't love us back.
I learned everything I could about him. His favorite color, song, all of those things. For some reason, the image of the sobbing Italian stayed in my mind for months afterwards. I couldn't get it out of my head. I was in love again.
Anyway, I said yes the moment he asked.
A few months later
I ran at him, smiling widely like I knew he loved. Before he even had time to say hi, I shoved him up against the brick wall and started to kiss him. He kissed me back halfheartedly and I pulled back right away. I looked deep into his eyes and then I knew. My smile dropped off immediately. "Your thinking of him again!" I accused, my eyes narrowing at the thought of that fucker. How day he waste my precious Lovino's thoughts!
He stared back a little guiltily and mainly horribly sad. The look made my heart lurch. I hated that look and wanted to make it go away. "He..." There as an audible gulp from him, his adam's apple bobbing a little bit, before he continued, "He called me today. Said..." I could see the physical pain this was causing him and my heart squeezed painfully. "He said that he wanted to see me again and that he... he... l-l-" I stopped him with a kiss.
This time when I pulled back, my face was gentle. "Don't talk about it." I whispered, leaning forward and rubbing my cheek against his. As I did so, my head bumped against his curl, making him moan quietly. "Please don't talk about him." I whispered against his ear.
He shivered slightly, and then cupped my chin in his warm hands, bringing my face back towards his. Our lips almost touching, I could taste his next words. "You are all I think about that way now. He is history." Then, he pressed his hot lips against mine.
I couldn't help but smile into the kiss. Lovino wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I ran a hand through his hair, avoiding his curl. Pulling back once again, I focused my attention on his odd outplaced curl. Smirking slightly, I stuck out my tongue and licked up the curl, enticing a delicious moan from the Italian.
Sadly, Lovino pulled away, gasping, "N-not here. M-my brother-"
"Ve~ Fratello~"
We jumped apart instantly. Our relationship wasn't a secret, but Lovino's little baby brother didn't need to know the dirty details. As Lovino fixed his messy hair, his cheerful little brother skipped up to us from the brick house he shared with my Lovino. "Guess who's here to see you~" My heart dropped to my stomach. Oh please no. "Big Brother Spain~" Next to me, Lovino made a sort of choking noise. My heart fell all the way to my feet.
I tried my hardest not to strangle the little Italian. Still, he took a small little step back once he saw my face. "What does he want?" I asked in a -hopefully- pleasant voice.
The cheerful man smiled again. "He said he wanted fratello's forgiveness." He tilted his head to the side, a confused look on his face. "Do you know what that means?"
I nodded, but Lovino just stayed frozen next to me. I took a step forward and forced a soothing smile. Italy looked a little shocked, but smiled back. "Would you mind telling him Lovino's a little busy right now?" There was no way in hell I was going to let that asswipe see my Lovino after how much he had hurt him. I would rather die than see the pain that Lovino would most likely feel.
Italy looked confused once again. "But... fratello doesn't look very busy..."
I couldn't help a small smirk. "Oh, don't worry about that~ I'll keep him very bus-"
"No." Lovino's suddenly strong voice startled me, and my gaze darted to his face. It was covered in pain, but determination mingled there too. This shocked me. What was he talking about? Why would he...? "I... I need to talk to him." I bit my lip and ducked my head as I tried to hide the pain and insecurity that rose inside me. Why did I suddenly feel like crying my eyes out? It was just a talk.
Right?
As if he sensed my sudden plummet into the emotional canyon, he reached a hand out, softly touching my right cheek. When my gaze raised back to his slightly tanned face, I saw a small smile that contained so much love it made my heart start to thud almost painfully against my rib cage. He never smiled this way for anyone else. This was a smile only we shared with each other. Our smile. I leaned into his hand, feeling rather stupid for my doubts. Of course it was just a talk, one that would be fucking painful for him. "I... I need to tell him something." He murmured, before planting a soft kiss on my lips. Right. In. Front. Of. Italy.
For some reason this little display of affection in front of his younger brother, made my chest fill with complete joy. It was a bubbly feeling that I really only got around Lovino. Maybe sometimes from my older sister, Katyusha, but that was a long time ago. It didn't matter, as long as I had my Lovino I would be happy.
When he pulled away, he still looked heartbroken, but this time, the determination was the dominate emotion on his face. But who knew what he was actually feeling? He smiled softly down at me. "I'll be back, promise."
And then he left me with his kid brother that still seemed slightly nervous around me. As if he thought I would start to wave a knife around or something bitchy like that. I sighed, and leaned against the brick wall as I watched him head to the front of the huge luxurious house he shared with his brother. "Don't hurt yourself." I whispered after him, fighting the urge to chase him down and make him stay. I didn't like this. Not one bit.
~Tomato~
I hated this idea. Hated it with my whole being. I did not want to talk to him, not at all. He was history! History shouldn't come back to bite you in the ass! History should stay the fuck away with history's slutty girlfriend. History shouldn't hurt so fucking much! UGH! Why the hell did he have to turn up when everything was going so well?! With that thought, the velvet box in his back pocket seemed to gain a tiny bit of weight. Sighing, I realized that it would have to wait.
He was sitting on my couch. The same couch I had curled up onto and cried until I was all cried out. The same couch we used to watch horrible American movies on. That fucking couch I suddenly wanted to burn. Badly.
I couldn't enter the room at first, just hovered, hidden, behind the dully painted wall, hiding next to the full length mirror that displayed my ass. This hiding place wasn't all that good, but it still made me feel at least a little shielded from what was about to happen. Shit, I was scared. And in pain.
The pain was pretty intense, but then I remembered Natalia's words and her face instantly jumped into my mind. I was doing this for her, after all. If it was for her, I could do pretty much anything. Still, as the seconds passed by, I couldn't get my feet to move. I was frozen from the sight of the man I had loved. The man that had crushed my heart into a million pieces. The man that now sat on that fucking couch that should be dumped in a landfill. Instead of stepping forward and greeting him that way like I knew I should, I continued to hide behind my little wall and called out softly, "Spain."
He started, before his emerald gaze swept towards me. A smile lit up his whole face. The face I had compared to a god before. Spoiler alert, the god had lost. "Lovi!" My heart clutched as I heard him call me that. Once, Natalia had called me that and it had hurt so fucking much. Now was no exception. It felt as if an eagle had just sunk it's claws into my chest and torn it's sharpened beak into my my heart. Not very fucking pleasant if you asked me. "I am so happy to see you!" Without another word, he stood up and in three long strides wrapped his warm arms around me.
I pushed him away, gently and not in the angry way I used to. He must have sensed this for he blinked and stared at me with confusion. "Lovi, is something wrong?"
I bit my lip, before shaking my head. Might as well start with the name, 'cause that was too damn painful. "My name's Romano." I managed to say, looking straight into his eyes. I saw confusion, and then a little bit of pain cloud his eyes.
"B-but, Lo-"
"Romano!" I cried, desperation leaking into my voice. "Just fucking please, call me Romano." I didn't want to tell him why. He shouldn't know how much that little nickname hurt me. He was an oblivious idiot; he wouldn't understand things like that.
"Why, Romano?" He asked, his voice deepened a bit with hurt. "Why are you acting like this? It isn't like you..." He trailed off, uncertainty flickering across his face. I took this as a sign he realized one thing. He didn't know me anymore. More hurt as he said, "Why have you been avoiding me?"
Might as well be straight with him. "I don't feel that way for you anymore, Spain." I chocked on the name, but forced it out anyway. There had been a time where I'd have call him Toni, but that time had passed. "I don't love you anymore." It was the truth, so why did it hurt so fucking much to say it? I swallowed the lump of emotions in my throat. It stuck. Looks like I would have to deal with it. "Look, I've found someone else. I've moved on."
As my words sunk in tears gathered at the edge of Spain's eyes. "Y-you're leaving me?" He asked, the pain in his voice contagious.
That's when his words sunk in. Me... leaving him?! Anger flared inside me. "Leaving you?!" I yelled, taking a step away from the brunette in front of me. I couldn't help the disgust on my face. "You left me! Or were you too busy fucking that whore to remember?!" I didn't mean to get angry. Sad sure, but I hadn't been prepared for anger.
Those emerald eyes doubled in size. "Wh-what are you talking about, Lo-"
"It's Romano!" I practically screamed. Just as these words left my mouth, I heard a patter of feet slapping against the hardwood floor that was present all the way down the hall. A second later, a hand came down on my shoulder. I recognized who it was the moment her scent washed over me. Then came her beautiful voice, right by my ear. "You need to calm down." She whispered, he breath tickling my ear just a bit, but I wasn't in the mood for laughing. After taking a few deep breaths, I managed to smother my anger.
When I spoke next, my voice was calm. "I am sorry. That was uncalled for." Behind me, I heard Natalia snort softly and mutter something about how there was nothing uncalled for in my reaction. For once, I chose to ignore her. "I hadn't meant to get angry. I hope you can forgive me." The hand on my shoulder tightened, squeezing almost painfully now. Obviously, I had upset her.
Spain looked at me with broken eyes. "B-but, Romano-" He also seemed to choke on the formal name. "W-why?" He didn't need to finish that sentence for me to know what he was asking. Why didn't I love him anymore?
My eyes fluttered close for a second. The answer wasn't as simple as it should've been. I forced my eyes opened again. "I... still care about you, Spain." I could hear Natalia's previously even breathing falter slightly, so I rushed through the rest of my words. "But I don't love you the same way. I am in love with Natalia-" I heard a tiny gasp from the other man and a small relieved sigh from my girlfriend. "I-I just wanted to tell you that it will never -ever- happen between us. You had your chance, but you didn't take it. So now you must pay the price." The pain in his eyes was it's own little price for me. It added to my own pain, cutting deeper. Adding the salt to the wound. "Now, if you don't mind, I will ask you to leave my house."
He did. With hunched shoulders and a heartbroken demeanor, he left my house. As I watched him, I wondered only briefly what happened to his girlfriend, but that was too painful so I just shoved it away. Now, to focus on my own girlfriend.
She had gone into the living room and sat on that damn couch. I walked over to her and pulled her off the couch. She stumbled a bit, and fell into my arms. Not that I was complaining. She let out a slightly annoyed noise as she pulled back to look at my face through narrowed eyes. "What was that for?!" She demanded, though I could see amusement playing in those beautiful dark blue eyes of hers.
I chuckled softly and kissed her forehead. "I absolutely hate that couch. It was spoiling your beauty."
She huffed slightly and rolled her eyes a bit, though a smile tugged at her lips. Then, she got down to business. Well, more like pleasure~ She pulled my face towards her and smashed her lips onto mine. Kissing her back with a desperation I hadn't felt since the first kiss, I pulled her closer to me. Before the kiss could get too deep, the velvet box in my pocket seemed to double in weight. I pulled back, only to get a small whine from the girl in front of me. I placed a finger to her pale lips with one hand, as the other was preoccupied with taking out the precious package I had carried with me for the last month.
Getting down on one knee, I pulled my finger away from her lips to pry open the box. Even though from the position I was in I couldn't see the ring itself, I saw the rainbow it created from the light shining through the single window dance across her shocked face. I continued with the proposal. "Natalia Arlovskaya, will you do me the extreme honor of being your husband.
~Knife~
I swear to God, in that moment, my mind went completely blank. I couldn't remember how to speak, how to think. Hell, I couldn't even breathe. All I could do was stare at that beautiful ring. For it was beautiful. There was a small diamond that was hugged by twin sapphires. The whole thing lay on a beautiful golden band. The way it shined in the sunlight, almost brought tears to my eyes. And I wasn't the type to cry over beauty.
As the seconds ticked by, I watched Lovino's face grow a little anxious, until finally I could basically see his heart drop to his shoes. Slowly, with a voice full of rejection, he started, "I gue-"
Before he could even finish, I was shouting. "Yes! Yes yes! A thousand times yes!" This time, tears did bubble at the edge of my vision. "That would make me extremely happy, Lovino Vargas!" The relief on his face was a beautiful thing and I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I kissed him, my happiness flowing through the kiss. When he started to kiss back, I melted into him.
"Ti amo, mia cara Natalia." He whispered when he pulled away, only to press our foreheads together. His auburn hair tickled a bit, but I barely noticed.
"Ja ciabe kakhaju, Lovino." I whispered back, smiling softly.
"I love it when you smile."
"I know."
Fine
So yeah. That was really long. Took me two days -well, three technically- to finish but I'm kinda glad I did. What a messed up dream, am I right? Though it was only a really, really small part of it. Very small. I basically made up most of it, but whatever. It was a good story.
I hope.
Kiwi \(*0*)/